brokenmentality
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2005 25 July :: 10.13pm
im on keegans laptop... hes in the shower... oh the damage i could do right now... mwah ha ha.
today we had our red flannel pictures done at aspen... its so sad because it makes the end seem so final. the truth is, it'll never end. the memories, and friendship, and sisterhood will never fully go away. and i'll always look back at this past year and be in awe of the amazing experience the 5 of us had.
i've been gathering all my senior picture clothes. greg.... one of the photographers told me to bring my whole closet... i told him he shouldnt have said that! i hope they turn out good... if any of you still need to get your pictures done, or know anybody who's looking to get professional pics done like wedding, family, whatever... let me know so i can get them some discouts at studio 630.
"yesterday wasnt good"
hmph speak for yourself.
anyways.... off i go... keegans back.
stacy i love you. i stopped in to see you.. and ended up talking to your parents for like 10 minutes... i've missed them. and your house. and your wonderful drawer. and the spray butter on the pop corn. and those goofy little hampster things. and the dead bunny. and sleeping out on your tent until it started raining. and porch communicating. and craving arbys late at night at wonderfully having a way to get it. and sitting around your house all day waiting for SOMEONE to bring us to the mall. but most of all... i just miss you. and the long talks we always seem to have. DB4L... i am ALWAYS here whenever you need me ok? you have my number and i have a wonderful ringtone for you on my cell phone. i wanna HEAR it damn it! lets get together soon. with or without the boys.... lets just get together!
ok... hamburgers are calling my name... keegan made them for me with one arm.. poor doll.
night.
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holiday
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2005 25 July :: 9.16pm
MMMM
I do not know why...
But I am in love with Cheetos right now.
yum. hahaha
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holiday
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2005 25 July :: 9.11pm
:: Music: Hell's Kitchen
I am getting worn out and tired. I'll be getting up at 4:30 again tomorrow. I was supposed to get a day off yesterday but no. Didn't happen. Now my day off is FINALLY on Wednesday but that is the day I go to the doctor. So we'll see. It'll be nice to sleep.
I just want a job where I have the freedom to make things I want. I miss school because of that. I had the time and freedom to cook whatever. Extravagant or not. And on those days at 6 when I was too tired to cook anything and being lazy...I should have taken advantage when I had the chance. I will be working almost every day...For the rest of my life. This is not life. I can't wait to work my way up to the top so I will be able to do what I want. I am stubborn like that. Anyway, I have to get to bed soon.
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danibean
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2005 24 July :: 11.51pm
tom and me are starting a band! wooot!!
grandpa and grandma are here....again...
no days off for 2 weeks....i have no life :(
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 24 July :: 9.13am
i hate this place so so sos sos so so so sso so so much.
i can't decide if i want to just go back to sleep or attempt to do something today.
i have to stop spending money. UGH.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 23 July :: 11.05pm
today was just all-around too much. ugh.
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brokenmentality
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2005 22 July :: 2.24am
idiot
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 21 July :: 9.50pm
sometimes it's better to just be completely carefree. hahahaaaaaaaaa
go dance in the rain, i did.
i love roman and i love the rain when it pours.
love it.
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holiday
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2005 21 July :: 6.55pm
:: Music: Belle & Sebastian- Step Into My Office, Baby
Say my place at 9
Well. I am really glad to put in the day. It's done. Whoo. 9 hours. It was just crazy at the moment. I'm a lot more relaxed now. Anyway. My phone is coming in an hour so YAY. It feels really good to actually spend money and get some nice things. I've just been putting it in the bank or paying off my car. It feels like things are going quite smoothly. I really want a house. HAHAHA how crazy is that??? I just really want a house now. My grandpa is finishing building a really nice one and I want it. But blah...I'm not old at all. Why do I want all this crazy stuff? haha. But it'd be nice. Puppies are barking now. Aw. How cute. Hahaha. They really are though. Tomorrow is the bid wheelchair tournament so we're going to be crazy busy. Blah. Then it goes on Saturday too. Sunday is my only day off. But it's okay. I'm growing up. It's okay.
That is all.
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 22 July :: 5.54pm
oh harry potter. . .i love thee.
anyone want to start a support group? i'm willing to talk about it.
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holiday
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2005 20 July :: 10.06pm
:: Music: Elliott Smith-Let's Get Lost
My new camera rocks! I took this awesome picture today, too. And I worked which sucked. But I got to see Charlie :-) That was good. I need to go to bed soon, I kind of open tomorrow but I still have to get up at 5:30. Then I can pick up my new phone after work! Yay!
This may be a stupid question, but how can I upload a picture into my journal entry?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 20 July :: 4.21pm
:: Music: coldplay
ugh i feel so shitty. i dont know what it is but i've got a cold or maybe just bad allergies or something but i just feel so tired and shitty all over and the farm was NOT fun today. i mean actually for a little tiny while it was but other than that, it sucked. i kept almost falling asleep i kind of was hoping i would and then i would fall off the tractor and and have to go home. i was so tired i just couldn't keep my eyes open. i dont relaly know whats wrong with me.
but i feel like shit and these freaks keep adding me to their lists and talking to me on msn. leave me the fuck alone!
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 19 July :: 10.49pm
complaints
wow i am so tired.
today I got up at 6:45 and got ready and went to the farm. Stayed there until 2:15 and then drove to arby's, got dressed. and then worked at arbys until 9:45.
i'm not looking for pity but i'm just complaining. I'm looking forward to the money but my feet hurt soooo bad.
and i got really really sunburnt. I hate that.
tomorrow i go to the farm again unforunately and yeah.
ugh. whatever. and i'm getting really fat. oh well.
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danibean
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2005 17 July :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: sad
sad
sad
sad
i hate this feeling...i wish it didn't exist
i miss my friends
i miss chad, dan, tyler m, ryan j, and all the pizza boys, and kyle and erica and keegan and becky and andrea all my cast family. i miss being on the stage. and h...and drama class and being a clown and loving every moment lived.
aodljlgjaldjg..........i hate that i'll never get to feel the feelings i had again....ever....a new chapter, but never going back one to read it again and feel it again. ugh........
don't boys know how to freakin call or type!? i guess not....geez
shopping tomorrow with mama....i miss her so much, and i see her every day. how am i going to move away from her????? tomorrow will be grand...and beans and jessie at night and reminising and giggles and fun....
farm....yay.......maybe i'll see everyone at the farm and be able to linger a little longer
CAMP:
mmhmm i want to linger mmhmm a little longer a little longer here with you
mhmm it's such a perfect night, mhmm it doesn't seem quite right that it's my last night here with you
aww shit...i can't remember the rest...where is katherine johns when you need her??? beans..help me out here....
*
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holiday
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2005 17 July :: 8.57pm
:: Music: Elliott Smith- Twilight
Don't want to see the day when it's dyin'...
I'm already somebody's baby.
It's been a good weekend. I don't have to work until Tuesday. I'm not counting down time like I always do. I'm growing. I'm getting better.
Oh, and I'm getting a new phone tonight. I'm excited.
I could make you smile...if you stayed a while...:-)
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 15 July :: 11.30pm
ugh. i am bored................
bleh.
The Truth Can Be Fun | Created by coldspell and taken 3200 times on bzoink! | | Quick Basics | | Name: | jess | | Age: | 17 | | Location: | home | | Down to the good stuff! | | What are some of your goals in life? | have a family who loves each other and gets along, be a neonatel nurse. marry the love of my life | | Do you actually have a list written out like in A Walk To Remember? | no..........no | | How many have you actually accomplished so far? | um none of those listed above | | Which is really more important to you- love or money? | LOVE | | If you have something important to share with a friend, then say it here. | um i love you | | What is your biggest fear? | losing someone i love a lot | | What is your earliest childhood memory? | the campfire set i got on my birthday and playing with aunt amy with it | | Whom do you hate more than anyone? | no one at all | | Would you kill him/her? | no | | Whom do you love more than anyone? | roman | | Would you die for him/her? | yeah | | Share a secret that very few people know. Come on, it's a truth survey! | i'm cool | | How many times have you had sex? | - | | With how many people? | - | | Would you have sex with a person you didn't love? | no | | Have you ever seriously considered getting a sex change? | lol no | | How many people have you honestly loved? | one | | If you had to choose, then would you rather... | | not be with your true love, or just live with them and never get married? | the second one | | be hated and remembered forever, or loved and forgotten? | loved and forgotten | | live forever and be blind, or live until 65 with all of your senses intact? | second one | | erase your bad memories, or keep them as lessons? | erase | | never have sex again, or lose a limb? | probably a limb | | watch 96 hours straight of "The Wiggles," or eat a jar of mayonnaise? | lol wiggles even though i HATE that show so much omg. who invented that? | | rob a bank with a hilighter, or go diving in a shark-cage made of sausage? | um neither | | Dishing more dirt... | | How many illegal drugs have you done (including alcoholic beverages)? | none | | Have you ever purposefully overdosed on prescription meds? | shut up | | Have you ever taken prescription meds that weren't yours? | no | | Does your family have a history of alcoholism/drug use? | no | | Are you planning to experiment in college, or did you? | a little | | Have you ever had an eating disorder? | no | | Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? | no | | How did you get out of it, if you did? | . | | Do you see love like a drug? | um | | What song describes you in this moment? | . | | Who inspires you to better yourself? | roman, tammy, God, justin, justine | | Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist, deep down? | realist | | Do you believe in fate? | i think | | If so, then where do you think it's going to take you? | australia. | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! |
things about me A-Z | Created by bluueyebabe15 and taken 518 times on bzoink! | | A- Age of 1st kiss: | 1st grade | | B- Band you are listening to right now: | rascal flatts | | C- Crush: | roman! | | D- Dad's name: | michael | | E- Easiest person to talk to: | roman | | F- Favorite ice cream: | cookie dough | | G- Gummy worms or gummy bears? | worms | | H-Home town: | cedar | | I- Instruments: | piano clarinet mallet percussion | | J- Junior high: | cedar.. | | K- Kids | none | | L- Longest car ride ever: | to florida | | M- Mom's name: | stacey | | N- Nickname(s): | jess.. baby, pappy, um.. i think that's it | | O- One wish: | not telling you | | P- Phobia[s]: | bleh | | Q- Quote: | ........ | | R- Reason to smile: | love | | S- Song you sang last: | toxic | | T- Time you woke up today | 8:40 | | U- Unknown fact about me: | i am... nice | | V- Vegetable(s) you dislike: | um peas? | | W- Worst habit: | swearing i guess or whatever | | X- X-rays you\\\'ve had: | arm, back, whatever | | Y- Your least favorite person: | .bleh. | | Z-Zodiac sign: | picses | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! |
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brokenmentality
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2005 15 July :: 7.27pm
trouble in paradise? not even close.
its so nice being able to handle our arguments as adults... there is NOTHING we cant work through, because thats just how we are. i fight with him like he's my brother... most of the time its only because i care so much about the decisions he makes, and he guards and protects me like a little sister... and from time to time gives me a little tough love so i can figure out on my own what exactly it is that i want... but more than that we're best friends.. which keeps everything running soooo smoothly. only THEN can i say we're dating... because everything else comes first. hes my best friend before anything... and thats such an amazing thing.
central air is a beautiful thing.
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 15 July :: 5.51pm
i think i'm growing.
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lilschaub
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2005 15 July :: 5.48pm
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brokenmentality
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2005 13 July :: 11.56am
i'm meeting some more of my family on saturday... what an odd thing to say..... seems to me its been an overdue meeting.. but whatever, ya gotta start somewhere.
alyssas comming over after work tonight... we're gonna be all girly and figure out what i should where for my senior pictures... she was a model last for the photography place that i'm gonna be modeling for.. i go in saturday morning to get all the information... alyssa said she saved hundreds on her senior pictures, so im really excited.
i cant go to blues cuz i have to work, and theres no way im gonna drive down there and get lost downtown and then walk by myself to where they break dance..... but next wednesday....
i really need to concentrate on losing some of the roundness of my face, and belly, and legs.... .blahhhh... now isnt the time for a self-meltdown. ahh well... people always tell me how cute my cheeks are.. maybe i should start believing them... riiight.
it kindof sucks to know that she left me in the dark about this... i dont understand her. things used to be..... well hmmm, i shouldnt get into it.. because obviously things will never be the same, we will never be us again, and sometime in our far future, occasional cards at christmas will recap some of the memories that we'll neglect to recall otherwise.
i got my hair highlighted... nobody ever takes my advice.. but seriously go to Colleen at Xscape salon in rockford, she's the only person i'll go to for my hair and its SUPER affordable. i get two colors done in my hair all throughout.. not just on top and it only costs me about 45-50 dollars... and my hair is almost as long as my back... GO THERE!
yay for keegan getting a job at logans! im so excited for him.. now he works at our restaurant! woohu!
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 12 July :: 10.17pm
HEY BEANSY
if you have the new georgia books, can you let me know. ALSO i would love to hang out with you soon. So give me a ring-a-ding 696-2269 if you have forgotten.
I love Roman. Definetely. Today ........well. today was fucked up and then we went to youth group and went tubing it was a blast.
i want this next year to fly by.
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brokenmentality
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2005 12 July :: 2.32am
me and keegan had a bonfire tonight... just the two of us.
we ran into town and got stuff to make smores, and it was dark so we had the whole "camping" experience goin on.... it was wonderfull.
i do believe that im becomming obsessed with pigs in a blanket.. keegans mom makes them all the time *for me...te he he* and im gonna become the name of the little piggys... or perhaps just that.. a little piggy. *giggles and wrinkles nose up all cute-like
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 11 July :: 11.57pm
so hello everyone this is what i did today:
I got up at 11. yeah i know, sad huh? But i was up crying all night and blah blah blah. Then I called roman and woke him up haha and then i went tanning and then to the library. I ended up spending like 45 minutes at the library and then heading home and calling roman and guess what! We decided to go to Mich. Adventure . Yay so he came and picked me up and we went there and it was really fun. I realized I haven't been there since 7th grade and it seemed a lot smaller this time!! I went on shivering timbers for the first time though and that thing rocks your shit up.!!! UGH! i felt like i was gonna break into pieces ugh i didn't like it. Well i think it would have been really fun if it wasn't wooden and so rocky but other than that it was good i guess. and then we pretty much rode all the rides so at 7 we left and went to russ's to eat and i got this wrap thing and it was so good and then my baby took me to the beach and it was the most fun all day.
i love the beach so fucking much. it's so beautiful. we climbed on the little dunes and took tons of pictures of us and the sunset and all the pretty stuff. It was so fun. We didn't get home until 11:20. We were supposed to be home at 11 but we walked so far down the beach that by the time we got back to the car, it was passed 10 and dark! but it was so beautiful out and so much fun. The tide started coming in and it scared the shit out of us beccause all of a sudden this huge wave came crashing in at us. haha it was funny.
i love my baby and i wish i could just fucking move in with him. i dont care. i'll say it right there plain and simple that's what i wish.
i hope this next year flies by because i am ready for eternal happiness every single effing day of my life.
goodnight. oh also today is roman and i's year and four months hooray hooray.
love,
jess
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holiday
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2005 11 July :: 11.30pm
From the boards:
Holiday – It certainly sounds like you may have m/c’d.
Holiday05
That is what happened to me when I m/c. I am sorry to be telling you that. Call your Dr and you should probably go see him.
Hilary.
I dont have much insight for you, but i have heard of ppl being late on af...(more info)... supposidely its an early misscarriage. This may be what happened to you.
good luck!
~
So yeah. That is kind of what's going on now. I work tomorrow 11:30-6. (I close) Blah. I'm tired. G'night.
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holiday
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2005 11 July :: 11.02pm
Hm...
Update:
Last Monday was Charlie and my 2 yr Anniversary! :-)
Worked today until 10:30 today
Then worked out for an hour.
Went to the bank.
Went to Charlie's.
Then I went shopping at Schuellers
Went shopping at Meijers. I got us groceries :-)
Went to Kohls and bought some jeans and held a skirt and shirt (mom's picking it up tomorrow YAY!)
Went back to Char's. He was awake then so we went to pick up the Explorer. He went to get a part, I went back and did some dishes and made dinner.
He got back and fixed the car.
What am I? A 1950s housewife? hahaha. No, it was fine. I actually didn't mind it a bit. I like it.
We talked more about the situation at hand. But now with getting his car fixed we probably don't have money to go to the doctor. Well, not really a good sign.
Good news: we're getting new phones. family-plan probably nextel or something.
It was cute, I got home and told my parents about what I did today and my dad goes "See Kim? I TOLD you. I know what's going on!" and I asked my mom what he was talking about and she said, "Oh he just said you were over there playing house."
Hahaha. That's funny. He doesn't shudder anymore at the talk of weddings and wife and all that good stuff. Hahaha. He is happy.
I am happy. Still confused. But you know, happy with other stuff.
Wow this is long. Well. I figure I write pretty cryptically sometimes so I wrote about my day. Hehe. Well, g'night!
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holiday
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2005 10 July :: 8.06pm
Okay. I really am upset. I feel like I caused something to happen somehow. I really don't know.
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holiday
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2005 10 July :: 8.01pm
:: Music: Finch- Ravenous
So...
I really don't know how to feel. I know I am sad. But I need closure. I need to talk to a doctor. I need to know what actually happened. I keep thinking I did something wrong. I know that's not really the case. But I can't help feeling like my body let me down. If I would've gone sooner, maybe we would have known. I just keep saying maybe. But I NEED CLOSURE. In the meantime. I'll find out how to deal.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 9 July :: 11.11pm
:: Mood: igjasklgjugh
bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Read more..
i dont care if you think it's too big. you're too big, bitch.
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brokenmentality
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2005 9 July :: 11.22am
im getting my hair highlighted today... i went tanning last night..... im like geeeeze whats getting in to me!?
must be the senior pictures.
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brokenmentality
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2005 8 July :: 2.22pm
we got alot accomplished today.
im watching shelby... on top of everything else....
buuutttt..... keegan came over this morning and the three of us watched scooby doo... and then he mowed our front yard.. which is a PRETTY big front yard, i cleaned my room and bathroom, organized my red flannel box, made lunch on the grill, and keegan just brought our screen door in to be fixed... now i have to drop shelby off at her babysitters, go to work, and then tan so i can be nice and dark for my senior pictures..
ahh... we're almost seniors....
i think i have this disease where i cant stop spending money at abercrombie and hollister... its terrible... 100 dollars on 3 shirts... im sure thats not healthy!
mmm... but they DO look good.
well... i should probably clean up. im lookin pretty scary right about now.......
ohhhhh... me and keegan went to the lakes mall yesterday and then to grand haven.. it was nice. the sun felt so good... so what if the water was to cold and even kind of hurt.... it was a good day.
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