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2007 29 March :: 11.02pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: Shiver - Maroon 5
Well... I signed on around seven or so, but had to go help Taylor do something so I told Kelly I'd be right back... I get back and he has said "sorry" and is no longer online. He's not gotten back on at all tonight and I am therefore sad.
Anyway, I need to go to bed, but I need to study Poultry some more.
We were given another set of reasons to memorize.
We already have RTC reasons and Keep and Cull reasons. Now, apparently, we might have to give Hen reasons at District and State.
What a load of horse shit. If that was a possibility, he should have given us the reason structure when he gave us the other reason structures. Dumbass.
And yes, I'm aware no one will understand wtf I'm talking about, but it's upsetting and I wanted to rant. I can't fucking wait until I'm out of FFA. Sure, it's great, it's fun. Until it's contest season and your teacher turns into an asshat. I understand that he wants us all to do good, to make it to state, to win state, but good freaking lord, give us a break once in awhile. I study all the time at home so he doesn't kill me, I don't want to study all the time at school as well. I'm so annoyed and ready for this to be over with. I don't even want to go to state anymore for poultry. Maybe as a deligate so that I won't have as many days of school left and so I can hang out with my friends, but definitly not to compete.
I'm sure Kelly can't wait for it to be over with as well, I complain about it all the time. Poor him :(
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2007 28 March :: 8.49am
:: Music: 45 - Shinedown
Well... I'm having a good day so far. I like it. I got the Powerade I wanted, the poptarts I wanted, and we had a really easy assignment in Accounting that I actually understood.
The only downer of today is that it's raining and we've got a tornado warning. That's nothing new though, but it does make me want to sleep.
Last night messenger was messing up and not sending anything I said to Kelly so he said I should just go and we'd attempt it tonight. I wasn't very happy. It better work tonight. I need my Kelly time!
I'm excited for June 27 to get here. I'll be leaving and heading to Michigan for my Orientation on the 28th (Friday), and then I'll be staying until Sunday. I'm so excited to see that gorgeous red-head of mine. Flowers would be nice...*cough*
lol just kidding sweety... kind of >.>
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2007 26 March :: 10.28pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: My fishtank running
Ugh, long time no update. Surprisingly -or not- nothing's happened at all.
I need money. Here's what's required of me, money wise, in the next few months - 150 for my enrollment fee, 200 for the downpayment on my dorm room, 200 for senior pictures which i need to take Right Now. Then of course State, if I make it, will require about 300, then senior trip ... geeze, I don't even know how much that'll take. I think Ashley took 500... *dies*. I'll need money for my trip to Michigan in June, then, of course, a million dollars for school in the fall.
So. That's 1,013 million dollars. No problem right?
Things are piling up. I need to win the lottery, but.. oh damn. I'm only 17. I can't even freaking play yet. (you do play the lottery, right?)
If I make it to State for FFA I've only got 20 days of school left. If not (Lord forbid) I'll have 23. That's fucking scary. I know it's scary and it's not even hit me that I'm going to be out of school yet. I realized that the other day. I was like "huh... I'm still ok with graduating. I'm still 'excited' to get out of here... wonder when that'll wear off." One thing's for sure, once it does hit me, I'll be a huge mess of mascara and eyeliner.
Mom's been on my case about leaving, yet again, and I don't need that. I'm stressing out enough. I'm so glad our school doesn't do finals. I'm sure a few hateful teachers will throw something our way though.
I've already got a ten page essay due. I don't even know what I'm going to do it over. I told Kelly penis enhancement, but ... lol I don't think my teacher would be as ok with that. Her reaction would actually be about like his was.
That's the only thing going good in my life. Kelly keeps me stable, keeps me sane (though I don't think he thinks I'm as sane as I pretend to be. He sees right through me most of the time). I know I always get all mushy, but I can't help it. I love the man.
The best part is that he loves me too.
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2007 17 March :: 10.20pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Schizophrenia - Blue October
Random shit
-My feet hurt
-I'm tired
-I miss Kelly
I've not talked to him since Thursday night, and that was only for just a little bit because I got on late and we both needed sleep. Now I'm grumpy and determined to stay up and talk to him. I doubt he'll get on though, it's like 11:30 or something there. I'll probably go to bed without a much needed "I love you" tonight. /le sigh.
Tomorrow is Trevor's birthday so mom decided we needed to sand and repolish and varnish the hard wood floors, bleach the grout on the tile floors, AND shampoo the carpets. So this entire past week I've been busy with that on top of memorizing poultry things, and doing regular homework. I had to work Thursday and Friday for Bao because her fiance came down from one state or another and she wanted to go sex him up in a hotel so I covered for her, and my hands are all dumb and dry now because of all the bleach we have to use. Then today I had to go to a stupid poultry contest, came home and fucking bleached tile and did laundry, then went to school for our class fundraiser, which consisted of cooking a ton of Italian food and selling it. We made about $750, which is bad compared to the last two years we've done it, but whatever. No one even cares anymore.
People have definitly lost their spirit because like no one wore green today. I was decked out and happy. Then I get around dumb people who are NOT wearing it and they accomplish making me feel like a dumbass for wearing it. Screw them, I decided, and I was happy and just pinched them all day. Dumb bitches.
THEN I missed the hugest party of the entire year (save Prom and Graduation) to come home and bleach some more after the dinner. I'm so upset. I kind of want to say I'm done drinking though. A dumb slut's been going around calling me an alcoholic -definitly not btw, I actually rarely drink when and if I do make it to a party- so I want to be like "ha, I don't even need it, so *palm thrust to the neck* and side step her body and go on about my business.
Anyway this just happened
(Natalie = Big PETA/Vegitarian/Emo person. Very fun to torment her)
Me:
dude
Me:
I really really
Me:
want icing covered animal crackers
Natalie says:
oh those r really good...i dont really enjoy eating crackers shaped like animals though
Me:
i'll cut off all the little legs so you won't have to think about it
Natalie says:
aaaaahhhh omg y would you say that? thats fucking horrible rachel
I enjoyed that moment.
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2007 14 March :: 9.17am
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
<3
So, Kelly and I have been going out for six months. I'm excited. He's so cute.
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2007 12 March :: 9.06am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Megalomaniac - Incubus
I stayed up way too late and managed to sleep wrong once I did get to bed and now my back hurts.
Also, Saturday night I went to a party and Tessi and I had to go find fire wood and we found these huge pieces on the side of the road that required both of us to pick them up and throw them in the back of the truck. I think doing that screwed up my right knee because it hurts so bad. I'm limpin around looking like a sad little moron.
I didn't get time to finish blow drying my hair because we were going to be late for school so my hair's huge and yeah. Just not a good day so far. It's still got some potential I suppose, but I'm not holding my breath.
Apparently Tim Burton is making a movie out of the old musical Sweeny Todd, staring Johnny Depp. It just went into production so it'll be a long time before it comes out, but I want to see it so bad. I <3 Johnny Depp.
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2007 9 March :: 10.14am
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: This ain't a scene, it's an arms race - Fall Out Boy
zomg
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2007 8 March :: 9.48am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Lightning Crashes - Live
Computer Stealer
In the library I have a certain computer. I always get on the dumb thing when I'm done putting the books away, and EVERYONE knows what computer I get on, if not simply because I pile all my shit in the seat and log on before I do anything else.
A stupid girl came in here and moved all my stuff and logged me out, even though she knows damn well that I'll be done in like 10 minutes, and gets on it.
Sure, not that big of a deal, there are, after all, about 5 other computers that I can get on. But wtf. why did she have to log me out and move all my stuff when SHE could have gotten on any of the other 5?
gah.
Other than that, today's been pretty good.
lawl. There's a little note stuck to the top of every workstation that says "No Chat Rooms!!! Any violaters of this rule will be severely punished"
Makes me giggle.
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2007 6 March :: 8.43pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Gross Red Hair
Today was shitty, then I got home and it was even shittier.
I then got online and was cheered up by Renkoski and Kelly.
Kelly just let me rant forever, and Renkoski was like "oh yeah they're assholes" (the assholes in mention are 2 guys that pissed me off all day. Long story.) and we swapped stories of their douchebaggariness.
Then Kelly ran away to the UT Match and I ran away and showered.
I dyed my hair this really pretty auburn color and I was really happy with it. Then I fucking washed it and all the brown in it has just gone away and I'm left with neon red hair. WTF. Not ok. So here I am washing my hair three times a day and just using about half the bottle of conditioner to make my hair not completely dead and let it break in half at the sight of a brush. Very depressing. I'm so going back to never dying my hair again. Just plain brown from here on out... after I dye it again to make it un-red. zomg. Never ending.
Holy leaves, that reminds me of the Never Ending Story. That was such a BA movie when I was little. I watched it like all the time.
And then I studied Poultry so I didn't get shot in the knee cap...
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2007 4 March :: 8.47pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Linger - Cranberries
*Caution* - Mushy
MSN keeps killing Kelly and I's conversations. Just today he didn't say anything after 12:32. I thought I had made him mad so I would say something every now and then but he never responded so at 3:32 (yeah I gave it exactly 3 hours) I left and was completely upset. I left and watched Hogan Knows Best and then left to go hang out with my grandparents for a little bit and steal some bread that grandma made (because it's oh so good). I get back and sign back on but set myself to Away and go watch like 30 minutes of Mr. Deeds then get back on the computer and Kelly's talked to me. We talked and whatever and I was kind of snotty (heh) and he hadn't said anything because his computer showed me as offline and blah blah blah we figured out what happend and all was well.
But seriously, that's been happening a lot lately and it's stressful. That's the only way we get to talk, so when it messes up I don't appreciate it too much. I love him though.
He's just perfect, even though he says he's not.
*sigh*
I'm just lucky and I thank God for letting me be with Kelly because I really need him.
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2007 1 March :: 2.09pm
My teacher was like "Hate is a strong word..." so I jumped up and went "but I really really really don't like you!!" and everyone was like
<.<
>.>
<.<;;;;;
and I giggled and sat back down.
How many times in my life will I get that opportunity again?!
I enjoyed it
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2007 1 March :: 11.04am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Make Yourself - Incubus
Got my FAFSA done last night. It was freaking hard. I had to ask Kelly a million questions, and finally I made dad sit down and help me with it.
I'm excited though, one less thing to be worried about.
Ugh and then the bell rang.
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2007 27 February :: 7.49pm
:: Mood: blah
So Mrs. Arnold sent me to the nurse first hour and I got sent home. I called mom and then the hospital and they got me an appointment and I have a really bad case of the flu, I've got really high blood pressure due to stress, which is the cause of my headaches as well, and I've been instructed to take it easy and stop worrying - so easier said then done. I'll try though.
I have a huge list of things to eat and not to eat for random problems and blah. It's awful but at least I'll be getting better. I've got like 3 prescriptions.
*sigh*
I miss Kelly, but I'm gonna go to sleep anyway. Hopefully I'll talk to him tomorrow.
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2007 27 February :: 8.45am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Clean - Incubus
I think I need to go get a few tests run on me, I have been so sick lately and for no reason apparent to me. I've had a headache for the past week, and I've been going to bed and getting the 8 hours of sleep that I'm supposed to be getting, I've been trying to keep my stress level down and eat healthy and blah blah blah, and nothings helping. My parents don't like for us to take medicine and so I just never took any for my headache, but I finally had to last night because my head hurt so bad I could barely keep my eyes open and I didn't want it to get so bad that it finally blew into a migrane. I've also been feeling really sick to my stomach, shakey, faint, and sore.
I don't know if I'm just making myself this sick fretting about affording school and trying to keep my grades up so that I'm not pushed out of the top 10% in my class and trying to get FAFSA done and getting scholarships done and turned in or what but I still think I need to go to the doctor. I'm definitly going to inform my parents of my problems tonight.
I really want to just go home right now, but I have so much going on some of my classes that I can't afford to miss so I'll probably just end up staying and just being miserable.
On another note, I got to go shopping last night and I got these kick ass black peeptoe 3 1/2 inch heels (which I, as of right now, cannot walk in. haha) and a knee-length black and white dress with red earrings and thick headband for the wedding. I'm excited. I also got the Make Yourself - Incubus cd that I've been looking for, so I'm excited about that as well. I need to make a hair appointment because my bangs are way too long, and I need to go get my nails done. Ugh, I'm also out of red nail polish so I need to get some of that as well. It's not even my wedding and I'm handing out a shit load of money for this thing. I spent about $110 for the dress, shoes and accessories. So not ok, but luckily they can double for my National Honor Society outfit this April. Now all I need is a dress for prom, baccaloreate and graduation. I have enough heels, so I'll just buy dresses to match the shoes. Look at me be smart!
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2007 26 February :: 11.01am
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: Basketcase - Greenday
Today was an ok day, but it just became bad and I'm not aware of the reason. I just got all blah and want to go home and skip the next 4 hours. Probably because I forgot to finish my Sociology study guide and that's the next class I have, I have an officer meeting during lunch, and then I have to give my reasons during Ag. This is definitly a reason for bad days.
Anyway, I'm going shopping after school for 2 dresses. I'm pretty excited. Prom sucks, but you get to look pretty, and the other dress is for a wedding I'm in. I hope I can find a silver or blue one. If not ... I'm screwed.
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2007 25 February :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Can't let it go - Goo Goo Dolls
Disappearing Act
Kelly and I were talking, and then he just left! He didn't even say goodbye, and I don't know where he went. I'm sad now. I hope the psycho gets back on before I leave -_-
Edit: He came back!! It was the weather, it ate his internet
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2007 25 February :: 5.52pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Suicide is Painless - Mash theme
*delete*
UGH! I accidentally deleted my last update. I'm so sad. I didn't mean to:(
kind of makes me laugh though.. but then not at all.
I have to give reasons on the turkey carcasses from the contest tomorrow. Not looking forward to that at all, it's hard as hell memorizing all that shit. I better get good at it though, during real contests we only have like 6 minutes to place and memorize it. Ack.
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2007 24 February :: 5.30pm
:: Mood: cold/tired/stressed/sad/lonely
:: Music: My little cousins screaming/beating each other up
Mom and I ordered two chicken salads for supper last night, and we hit a squirrel on the way to get them. It was really sad. I wanted to like... fix it, but then it was dead so I couldn't. I had an emo moment after that.
And THEN I went to bed at like 2:30 even though I knew I had to wake up at 4:45 to get ready and go to Feyetteville, Arkansas for a Poultry Contest for FFA. Suckage. As soon as we got back and I got home, my cousin called and wanted to know if I could watch his two little kids. I've watched them once before, but this time they're really going to die. They are killing me! The sucky part is that they're so damn cute I don't want to get on to them, but they're needing it. They're beating the shit out of eachother and mouthing me really bad. It makes me sad because I don't want to get onto them so they don't hate me, but I don't want to let them think they can walk all the fuck over me. *sigh*
I want to talk to Kelly. He would make me smile and not care about sucking at poultry and psychotic children.
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2007 23 February :: 9.10am
Fuckin free day in Accounting. How fuckin rare is this? So rare that I had to use "fuckin" twice.
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2007 21 February :: 4.00pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: 45 - Shinedown
I got the internets back after 7 days without. Woot.
... and then there was no more excitement in my life.
I do love Kelly though. That's some excitement in my life.
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2007 16 February :: 8.46am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Never Leave - Seether
So our second phone line that we use for the internet has passed away. I don't know what's wrong with it, and dad keeps "forgetting" to call the phone company. I'm becoming annoyed. I've not talked to Kelly since Tuesday night. That's just sad. I miss him!
Our play was yesterday. We sucked. The only person I communicate with during the play never got his lines memorized so he succeeded at making me look like a dumbass because he had specific things to say that made me say what I said and he didn't say them so I just looked like a dumbass who made up my part. I was very angry and upset because the judges killed me when they critiqued us. I cried a little but then I was like ok this is stupid, I'm going to go eat chinese food in a little bit, I don't need to cry so I sucked it up.... Sadly the food was lacking that day. It was definitly not very good.
Anyway, besides acquiring yet another strand of some awful cold/flu, that's all that's happened here lately.
What a boring life.
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2007 14 February :: 9.45am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Pain - 3 Days Grace
Happy Valentines Day Kelly!! I love you babe
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2007 12 February :: 10.41am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart - HIM
It's raining, I have a headache, my throat hurts... I need to be with Kelly so he can snuggle with me because it's just one of those days.
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2007 11 February :: 10.24pm
:: Mood: annoyed/pissed off
*rant*
Our fucking washer broke. Dad was working on it and then just quit and left all the shit scattered around the bathroom. Well I went in there to take my shower, only to find this out. I go ask him if he could clean it up or at least get it out of my way and he gets all pissed and yelled at me, asking me why I couldn't just take a shower in the other bathroom. Well, all my face cleaning stuff and fucking soap isn't in the other bathroom and I don't feel like taking it all in there and then taking it back, when all I want to do is take a fucking shower and go to fucking bed. He grumbles and pushes past me to go clean it up I assumed.
I waited, went to my room, fixed my bed, took off my glasses, brushed my hair, and then figured I'd given him enough time so I go back in there... To find everything in the exact same place and him fucking working on it again. I am so completely pissed off at him. I just want a fucking shower.
I'm getting a cold, Kelly told me to take medicine before bed so I did and now I'm like on the verge of passing out I'm so fucking tired and Dad's busy being a fucking douche.
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2007 11 February :: 7.05pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: Hemorrhage (In My Hands) - Fuel
Busy, busy weekend
Friday - Maroon and Gray day for Spirit week. I had worn all my school-ey clothes Thursday, so Jo and I went and raided her closet. We came up with this FCCLA shirt that's maroon and gray, that fits repulsively, and an old cheerleading skirt from 5th grade. Yeah. 5th grade. I barely got it over my hips, but it worked if I wore it on my waist and not my hips. So I wore that over my blue jeans, which I rolled to capri's and traded my shoes in for my ag advisor's purple boots. I was so damn hot.
We decorated for Homecoming and made it look effing amazing. I was being a dumbass and warming up with the cheerleaders before the pep rally and they were talking about "tricks" and I was like oooh I can do a cartwheel and land in the splits. The douche's didn't believe me so I did it. I'm not telling them this, but I pulled a muscle in my ass. Very uncomfortable, but they were impressed.
Went home, got ready, came back up to school with my family blah blah blah. In the middle of the third quarter Tessi show's up and we leave (we lost though, by 3 points after being ahead the entire game. It sucked so bad). We went to Wal-Mart and dicked around for about an hour, headed home, went BACK to Wal-mart because she forgot shit for her brother. Went home and went to bed.
Saturday - I wake up at 5, shower and get ready, then we leave at 6:15 for Webb City. We get there just in time, but all sad because Sonic wasn't open to fill our belly's and we instead had to go to McDonalds. That was alright because I love the mcgriddle.
Go, take the test, head on to Arkansas. Yeah, I know, "What?! Arkansas...wtf?" -- We missed our exit some how and were heading straight to Bentenville. This was not ok. I had work at 2:00 and she had to go see her brother. We cut across the one-way and onto the other one-way to head back. We were such badasses... and also completely scared we'd get caught but WE DIDN'T!! It was awesome. So we get back and I work from 2:00-8:30. Then I go out with Tessi and we drink with this guy Matt, and make up rules for Drunken Uno. It was awesome. I got shitfaced within an hour and a half, alternating between chugging Evan Williams and Bacardi. We had to get up and go to church the next morning, so opposed to passing out dead at Matt's house, we opted to just head back to Tessi's.
Sunday - Get up with an AWFUL ASS hangover, eat a bottle of ibprofren (not really), shower and go to Tessi's church where the sermon is about nonother than the sin's involved in drinking. I shit you not. I felt very uncomfortable sitting through that sermon, and we hightailed it out of there right after the closing prayer. Ha.
Get home, talk to Kelly, leave to sleep but I never got to because mom made me watch 2 episodes of MythBusters with her, then the washer broke so I had to help dad work on it. We're going to have to get a new one I think. Suckage.
Anyway, that was my weekend. It was crazy, and it was fun. Definitly a lot of good memories.
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