<font="Impact">WAR IS OVER <br> <fontsize=

:: 2005 25 May :: 7.13am

I'll give you all I can
A flower and a hand
I hope this helps you see
Signed Sincerely me

:: 2005 24 May :: 3.20pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: appleseed cast - how life can turn

you ever get to the point where you are like, what the fuck is wrong with me? why do i fuck so many things up? why am i always alone? why does the world seem to be against me? i hate having a broken leg. i'm sick of being in pain. i'm tired of being alone. i hate not being able to sleep without waking up. i'm sick of going to therapy for my leg. i'm tired of being told i'm going to be some track star when i already know i'm not. i'm slightly above the average. i don't deserve the scholarship offers and letters i've been getting.

:: 2005 23 May :: 7.02pm

i have become what i have always hated.

:: 2005 23 May :: 5.18pm

Escape
Here's how it goes
you and me
up and down
but maybe this time we'll get it right
worth the fight
for love is something you can't fake
when it breaks
all it takes
is some trying

If you feel like leaving
no, I'm not going to make you stay
Soon you will find that
You can run
You can hide
But you can't escape my love

You should know
Its so hard just to forget the past
So fast and the end
Its good to feel but
Its all it takes
In the end that's all that matters

If you feel like leaving
no, I'm not going to make you stay
Soon you will find that
You can run
You can hide
But you can't escape my love

:: 2005 23 May :: 3.17pm

If You Wanna I Might
You take a seat right next to me
And I take my lit notes nervously
I've gotta stay calm I just want you to stay
I am always daydreaming
Hoping youve dreamt of the same thing
I've gotta stay calm I don't want this to change

I've been assuming everything
Hoping you'll soon mean everything
I've gotta stay calm I want this to be real
I don't think you're into me
But truely thats okay with me
I've gotta stay calm and find out how you feel

So if you wanna say 'I-I-I like you'
I might feel just like you
If you choose-choose not to
I knew you-you would

Sometimes I think I am out of my league
And then sometimes I think I can dream
Sometimes I wish I could be the one fish
That you choose out of all in the sea

We are non existant
But I'll try to be persistant
I've gotta keep on if want to be close to you
I know you're uninterested
Im probably just some stupid kid
I could give up if you would want me to

:: 2005 22 May :: 2.37pm
:: Mood: in pain still
:: Music: the midway state - stupid love songs

I had a rather interesting weekend, but I am currently tired and do not feel like elaborating on it at this current time.
I was talking with a friend yesterday while driving to Grosse Pointe which also included an unexpected trip through Detroit. Phone signal sucks down there too.. He was speaking of his friend, and how he, at the age of 24, had had sex with 25 different women. I proceed to ask him what his total is, and he informs me that number stands at 9. Somehow, it doesnt bother me that my number rests at 0, while it bothers other people that they are where they are. I am liking the way the rain looks on the patio outside my window that I am currently looking out of. It has this reflective nature to it. It also reminds me of a song. Save The Day - Banned From Back Porch

My leg continues to bother me, each step is a pain-filled nightmare. I'm getting used to trying not to limp and walk normal. It hurts more but people don't notice. I don't like it when people notice, mostly they say something about me being weak or along those lines or making fun of me. It really is amazing how little people really do care about you. You see when other people are injured, everyone feels sorry for them or tries to make things easier. It doesn't bother me, it just strengthens my resolve to heal quickly and get back to normal, whatever normalacy that is.

:: 2005 22 May :: 12.44am

tantum dignitas condita vos gauisus
leaves, trees, colors
park benches, sweaters, hugs
crisp days, college football, apples, pumpkins
orange, red, yellow, black, grey
rain, cold, blankets, fireplaces
long drives, notebooks, cameras, orchards
homecoming dances and new romances
first kisses and best wishes
long drives home and hours on the phone
ups and downs and time spent alone
random pictures and quiet whispers

:: 2005 21 May :: 12.14pm

http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html

just read that. it is rather depressing, but true. i stole it from mike.

:: 2005 17 May :: 8.04am
:: Mood: sad

the verdict is in. my computer has like two viruses and on won't let me open up internet explorer. So, since school is ending pretty soon, it may be awhile until i'm heard from. we have to send the damned thing in to get fixed and spend a fortune on it...which might i ad, mom is none to happy about. and of course its "rachels fault". fuckers.

anyway, until next time...
Rachel

4 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2005 15 May :: 5.57pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: feeling left out - the last 3 years

so yesterday ranks up on there on the best days ever. so i went to the track meet yesterday, even though i couldn't run. so i'm sitting there talking to jeff and my phone rings, so i hobble away and answer it. it was heather asking me what i would say if she met me at the front gate. man, i was so nervous/ scared and excited all at the same time. god is she so beautiful. no one has ever came to see me anywhere, my parents don't even come most of the time. so i was excited. i'm just happy being around her or with her.

:: 2005 13 May :: 9.09pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: straylight run - mistakes we knew we were making

so, no more running for me, for a while at least. i find out monday if its a stress fracture, or mostly muscular. left shin/tibia hurts like hell though. i'm sick of icing it to keep the swelling down, its too cold. i'm sick of putting of with people at school, its stupid and childish. past two weeks sucked. dead uncle and busted leg, i hope things get better. so since i can't run, i've been thinking a lot, about things i like and the good things happening in my life. i really like talking to heather, i feel like i talk to much though. i feel really comfortable talking to her though. i like her an awful lot. i should get off and ice my leg again.

http://www.purevolume.com/becausegoodbyesareblack

listen.

It was almost night time so we stayed inside, and closed our eyes. I whispered a thought that I had. We slept while holding hands couldn't sleep the cold. You said, "Just being near you for awhile is enough." I thought you have the most wonderful sense of feeling right, and the most wonderful sense of being here tonight.

butterfly

:: 2005 13 May :: 1.08pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: Save Me - Unwritten Law

Due to Kelly's request, an update...

This week has been full of junk to do. Monday I had to go to my grammas and babysit, Tuesday was FCCLA Banquet, Wednesday was baccaloriate (sp) Thursday was Graduation and today I'm watching a baseball game and then going out to a movies and to dinner. I don't know what we're watching yet, though I think it's Monster In Law. Anyway, I cried so much at graduation. Ashley got Salutatorian and her speech was Sooooo good.

Hmm....I found out that 2 people like me. lol I don't know what to think about that but it's all good. One of them is Jacob. It kind of makes me mad that he likes me because he liked me before and I told him that we wouldn't work out because...he's Jacob. It just Seems wrong to go out with someone that has been your best friend since Kindergarten.
*shudders*
lol the other one's a hottie, but that's as far into it as I'll go.

I really don't have much else to say. School sucks, but only one more week left of it
*happy dance*

Eww we got to watch Mr. Terry's open heart surgery today. It made me really grossed out but then again it was pretty cool.

ooh it was so sad last night after graduation Ashley said that she wanted to go watch a movie with me in my room and then she was like "crap we can't it's already 9:30 and we have school tomorrow" and then she like paused and was like "well, you have school tomorrow" and started crying Yet again. lol I'm going to die at my graduation. I cry entirely to much.

Anyway, this was all for you Kell *wink*
lol love you babe.

Rachel

:: 2005 11 May :: 8.36pm

Sometimes, New Jersey
I called you up to see if maybe we could hang out
and I told you I was nervous and feeling lonely
but I bit my lip and you said yes
and I thought of how beautiful the night would be
and I thought maybe we could drive around talking about your town
or we could just stay at home and I could win over acting cool
just like real romance.

:: 2005 9 May :: 9.27pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: something corporate - inside the pocket

track meet today. 23.27 in the 200 meter. awesome. had to drive myself to the track meet an anchor bay, so i decieded i'd call heather on the way because i wasn't able to call her yesterday. definitly started talking to her voicemail because i got confused, so i felt like an ass and didn't leave a message. i'm a loser. writing new music and demoing stuff, playing a lot of stuff by something corporate for ideas.

I met you last month at a party
You brought me up you brought me down
You came to me last night as an apparition
And I came around.
What's with you
And all your talk of independence?
What's with me
And my lack of innocence?

Keep it,
Locked up,
Inside the pocket
And maybe I will sleep
I'll be
Right there
Inside the pocket
And you'll be knee deep

My palms were sweating
And my heart grew big
My leg was shaking.
How badly I wanted you with me.
You came to me
And said this could be something
I'll take something over nothing
Any day.
What's with me
And the way that I've been lately?
What's with you
And the way you make me feel?

Keep it,
Locked up,
Inside the pocket
And maybe I will sleep
I'll be
Right there
Inside the pocket
And you'll be knee deep

And I'm scared 'cause these things fall apart
Electric baby
And I've known it from the start.
So please forgive me
For being like I am
But I'll take you if I can

Keep it,
Locked up,
Inside the pocket
maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe I will sleep
I'll be
Right there
Inside the pocket
And you'll be knee deep

wonderelf

:: 2005 9 May :: 6.31pm
:: Music: the used-take it away

WOW...i haven't posted anything in here in...forever, basically. well, i had better get back in the swing of things. ;) fwaaaaaa. <333

:: 2005 7 May :: 10.03pm

Here's Everything I've Always Meant To Say
Just be in love and I'll kiss you like you've always wanted
Just close your eyes, I'll still live as if I'm dying

If I don't make your heart skip a beat then hate me
If I don't make you feel anything than it's me

I just want you to feel beautiful
~~For once in your life~~
I just want you to feel beautiful
For once in your life

Just close your eyes and I'll kiss you like there's no tomorrow

If I don't make your heart skip a beat then hate me
If I don't make you feel anything then it's me

I just want you to feel beautiful
For once in your life
I just want you to feel beautiful
For once in your life

So sleep now, so deep in static
Drifting in the shadows
Hold me close to the fourwall headlights
And TV screens

I just want you to feel beautiful
For once in your life

:: 2005 6 May :: 7.09am

She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out
A joke of a romantic stuck to my tongue
And weighed down with words too overdramatic
Tonight it's "it cant get much worse"
Vs. "no one should ever feel like..."

:: 2005 3 May :: 9.43pm
:: Music: Memories of Us - Keith Urban

Ooook here's what i got
from mom and dad : A few shirts, 2 flip flops from old navy, Napoleon Dynamite, a make up bag that's Adorable
Gramma and Grandpa Prewitt - Nothing. bitches
Gramma and Grandpa Harrison - 25 dollars and some more flip flops from old navy (i live in flip flops btw)
Kayla - Sleep pants that say "CSI - cute, smart, irresistable" and some Hawiian Ginger lotion (The best smelling stuff in the world)
Johanna - Eurotrip (haha so wonderful...ok ok, true, i love the old man nude scene....lol Ewwwww no not really)
Tessi - Nothing yet, but she got paid yesterday and said it was coming so that's all good

And that's all. oh, lol i got a pen from the church too! it's a shitty one though. ehh

Ashley leaves tomorrow for Senior Trip. they're going to mertyl beach and it's supposed to rain the entire time, isn't that sad?! Today was the seniors last day and Everyone was crying so much. i didn't even bother wearing make up today which is Weird. i always wear make u. anyway, sad depressing day. the seniors all get back on monday, so until then i have to ride the flippin bus. it stinks
maybe i'll tie some fishing line around an action figure and throw it out the bus to drag on the ground and liven up the ride. haha
god i love that movie

Anyway, i gotta get off of here so that i don't get in trouble. ehh
Rachel

7 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2005 3 May :: 9.29pm
:: Music: explosions in the sky - once more to the after life

so the past few days have been a blur, its really sucked. monday in the meet i had to run a ton of events that i don't usually do, so i was dead tired. upon arriving home i find out my uncle took a turn for the worst and is back in ccu (critical care unit). he's my mom's uncle, my grandfather's only brother and my great uncle, so i've always called him uncle mate, like everyone else. i find out that they took him off life-support and they don't know how much longer he is going to last. so i eat something real quick and drive like a bat out of hell down to bi-county hospital. so i'm scared as hell, i don't want to go into the hospital, i don't want to see uncle mate like that. so i go in, most of my uncle's daughters are there and so is my uncle bobby. they are all crying, so i start crying. i stayed there for about two hours. so my brother and dad leave, so i think i should get going. so i go to say goodbye to my uncle for the last time (he's been unconcious since monday morning) i just start sobbing, i can't stop. so i say goodbye and get out of the hospital fast. i get into my car and try to drive home. so i make it about 10 minutes before i have to pull over. some kids start pointing and laughing because i'm sitting in my car alone crying, so i start driving agian. it was the worst and longest drive home ever, i feel the worst for my grandfather, because he was in florida when he found out and is driving home now. so i come home and try to sleep. on the way to school, i find out my uncle died today at 4:15 a.m. school was a blur, i tried not to think of it at all. not many people really care, just my close friends, like how everything usually is for me.

R.I.P. Clement "Mate" Angelo Michielutti
May 3rd 2005

:: 2005 2 May :: 7.26am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: say anything - belt

so i can't find my belt, so i stole one from my brother because i need it for school otherwise i get an effin' detention. track meet in orchard lake today, i don't expect to be home til around 8:30-9 p.m. so that sucks.

:: 2005 30 April :: 5.09pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Last Kiss - Puddle of Mud (??)

Yesterday i turned 16. I had nothing planned to do, I was just going to stay home and work on my autobiogrophy for English. Seventh hour Tessi told me that me, Jacob, Jakob, Joey and her were going to go watch "The Amittyville Horror" after the FFA Banquet[spelling] and so I had to get dressed up and go to the FFA deal, then Jakob and Joey came by and picked us up, then we had to go get Jacob and when we got the the theater we were like 15-20 minutes late and so the guy let us in free. It was so cool. Anyway, we all got stuff from the food deal place and gave him whatever we had left out of the bill. All in all he got like...20-25 dollars I bet. lol he was happy too. I didn't even really watch the movie. I'm not good with scary movies so I kept my head down when it was dark because that's when everything happens, and Tessi told me when I could look. lol it was horrible. In the end like ... oh no I can't say nothing because I would ruin it. That stinks. oh well. I have a problem with yelling at the people in the movies, and I did that a LOT.
After the movie we went to Taco Bell and ate. I pointed out a cactus that looked like a limp penis. It was hilarious. We were like the only people in there. omg there was this girl that was working and she looked EXACTLY like Jack Osborne. It was kind of gross. It was like 11:30 when we got out of there. We then drove around for awhile. We were going to go to this old cemetery that's Really creepy, but we decided we were to scared so we all went to Jakobs house and messed around for awhile. I tripped over the concrete and killed my knee, but it was all good.
At like 12:25 they took Tessi and I to her house and then I called dad to have him come get me at like 1:00. I came home, took a shower, read, and got to bed at around 3:00. I woke up at 9:45 and cleaned all day for my "surprise" party tomorrow at three. Hopefully I'll get lots of money
*crosses fingers*
Anyway, that's all that has happend lately. Oh, I got a card from Karl, so that made me happy.
He called me Thursday to wish me a happy birthday because he wasn't going to be able to call me Friday, so that made me happy too.
I talked to Doug for awhile yesterday, but he forgot it was my birthday I guess, so I didn't get any "happy birthdays" from that side of the world [Cali] but that's alright.
Ok, I'll post tomorrow or sometime next week and put all that I get on here. I'm excited.
Rach--

2 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2005 24 April :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: saves the day - as your ghost takes flight

so its still snowing. which means that my usual 20-30 minute drive to school will turn into a 40 minute to an hour drive to school. that's not cool. so i'm freezing. i did homework all weekend. i got a 24 on my ACT, i suck. mike is going to teach me math and i'm retaking it. too tired to write more. pray for a snow day.

The window fogs from my breath
My face pressed up close, up close against
Catching the snowfall under a beam of streetlight
And praying for accumulation all through the night

These confrontations puncture the skin
Reveal evidence that you are easily broken
You're so easily broken
Exposed and relentlessly bleeding from the cracks
At that age when everything is seemingly life or death

Please let the snow swallow the streets whole
Keep the bus from coming
Let us stay at home
So we can avoid the daily drudgery
The cruelty fueled from laughter that will echo in our sleep

Seasons, weakening the hold
The blades dulled from the front that hints the snow
Warming engine slowly turns
Stuttering awoken from the sounds of shovels scraping concrete
At that age when everything is seemingly life or death

Adrenaline fuels my
Fist grinds my teeth through sleep

:: 2005 23 April :: 12.23am
:: Mood: torn/shocked
:: Music: Stay with me - Josh Gracin

A bunch of my friends and I are really close to Stacia's grandpa (another friend). He's the type that everyone could consider as their own grandfather, and you could always tell that he cared about what you were saying.
Thursday night he was driving and he got into an accident and he was throw out of the vehicle and got a lot of really bad head injuries. He was in a coma and today he died.
I just feel so horrible right now. I don't know what to do or think or anything. I found out at 11:30 and i just sat there. i didn't say anything, i couldn't, and if i could have i wouldn't have known what to say.
I know Stacia is going through more pain than i am, but i loved him so much. he was the nicest guy i'd ever met, and i just keep seeing his face and ... oh i don't know how im going to be able to get through this, but...i don't know.
I really want to talk to karl right now. hell i want to talk to anyone right now.

:: 2005 22 April :: 10.18pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: broken box - queens of the stone age

hmmm

spring break. all we ever get is 2 four day weekends off. why can't we just not go to school for an entire week? i don't know. pathetic school board.

the school probably won't even be open in two years anyway.

i hate painting my nails because i have to work and then it chips off. its way to much hassle, but it looks good so i'll just keep at it. hmm

*me*

:: 2005 21 April :: 4.12pm
:: Music: the academy is... - down and out

so i'm still sick, but i'm feeling better. i have to go to school tomorrow or i'll really be fucked work-wise. i already have a good amount, i'll finish it friday night because i don't do anything on friday nights anyways, so it works for me. found a lot of cds where i had saved my music from my computer before i reformatted the hard drive in 2003. its amusing.