we're sewn together
he's born to mesmer
With Malcolm's quote of "dating you meant nothing to me", as well as shit he's said to other people and myself, I have concluded that he never cared about me and was only "with" me to try and manipulate me into letting him fuck me.

Sweet.

Not only does this make me feel like shit to mean so little to my first "boyfriend", but I'm angry at myself for not kicking him to the curb.

This does not restore my lost faith in humanity.

I'm done my classes for winter semester, except for a final on Thursday that I have not begun to study for. English Lit, ugh. I should probably go to sleep or something but I think I'll sit in bed and watch The Omen.

Today I slept until noon... Probably because I was so tired from pulling the all-nighter to write that 1800 word essay on satire of Shakespearean characters in Goodnight Desdemona (Good Morning Juliet).

I'm going to watch the Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo anime soon. That has me a little excited. And I return home on Monday. Hopefully there is love there waiting for me.

I hate you, English essay.
What the fuck.

Read more..

Aww.
Malachi says:
I need a picture of me making you smile.. like. genuinly..

i need a home for my hands and head
I just walked Nikolai part-way home... I hope he doesn't fall asleep on the way... The poor little guy was so tired.

Other than that, I am so sick of people.
And half the time the state of the world makes me want to cry.

I'm sick of being a figurehead for some guy and I'm sick of not being cared about. I've been treated like a joke, I have. Someone is going to get a hell of a lot of backlash for it.

All it does is make me more bitter and jaded and it becomes harder for me to put my trust in people... And really, do I need to get any worse with those things?

Nay.

I was never really taught right from wrong and when I was in high school I always had somene to look out for me. Here it's different. I've gotten myself into a "how many stupid things can I do, how far can I go before someone stops me?" mindset.

Trust me,

there is no one here to stop me.

Finland, Finland, Finland... It's the country for me.
I have had a fever the last... four days or so.

I should be writing my sequence analysis... But... I am sick and procrastinating.

I was tagged to write six strange things about myself in Xhanny's journal... So... Here I go!

1. I can't sleep without socks on. If I have cold feet I have an unsatisfying sleep and wake up tired and cranky.

2. My body is naturally two degrees cooler than the normal human body temperature.

3. I get anxiety attacks.
Emphasis on when someone kisses me for the first time.
I get so scared of physical contact that I start shivering and have a good 'ol anxiety attack.

4. I hate dancing, so instead of "getting down" when I listen to music, I pace. It helps me think.

5. I can see in the dark almost perfectly.

6. I hate cauliflower, not only because it is a wholly disgusting vegetable, but because it reminds me of an STD.

On the whole, this little exchange has made me feel much better.

Thanks, woohu!