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2006 21 September :: 3.24 pm
work is probably one of the gayest things i have to do...
and i have to do that in a few minutes...errg..!
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 12 September :: 3.09 pm
my mouth hurts...=(
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 6 September :: 3.43 pm
We got a new puppy today!! My mom found it at my sister's house. It's addorable! He's so cute. I dont know what to name him. He looks like either a Hendrix or a Pink Floyd. But then again I see a little Zepplin and Marely in him too so I'm still not sure. But he's really tiny and cute, maybe we'll name him Adulf or Satin.
ohmy gosh my mom and I just came up with it!!! LUSIFER!! that' his name! it's a keeper!
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 5 September :: 8.38 pm
:: Mood: annoyed
I am the bigger person...
On my birthday, my 2nd oldest sister, Sarah did not call me or anything to let me know that she either remembered nor cared that it was my special day. But today is her birthday and I called her to say hi and wish her a good day and ask her how she was doing. I let her know how I was doing and whatnot. I wish I wasn't so nice because she really doesn't deserve to be wished a happy birthday. We haven't seen her sense christmas, with the exception of the 2 times she came threw drive thru. She didn't call on mothers day (though my mom is her step mom but she has been a better mother than her real one), didn't call on both my sisters' and my brother's birthdays, or on father's day. My dad is still really upset about that one. But after all of that, I still gave her a call on her birthday. Not to be big headed or anything, but I am a much better person than her. Even when I think I dont care, I really do and I show it. Last year she didn't come to my birthday party but I went to her graduation party that her boyfriends family held for her where I was introduced to everyone as the half sister which really pushed my buttons. and they only held that for her because she didn't want to go to the one that we threw for her...yeah...she didn't even come to her own party. We still had a party though and just turned it into a going away party when we were moving out of our house. But I dont understand how someone who is 33 years old can be so distant for their family when they only live few minutes away. My dad feels like it's all his fault but she's just selfish and stubburn, just like dad. They both need to suck it up and talk about their problems because this is rediculous. I wish I knew my sister but I dont get the impression that she wants to get to know me. She's a different person than I am and very screwed up. She needs to figure out who she is before I can and she needs to choose what's more important, getting stonned or being with us...
1 *pooped* |
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 3 September :: 9.11 pm
I kinda just dont know what to think anymore...
But, I suppose I wasn't thinking from the begginning.
*shrugs*
And who really knows when the begginning started...?
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 1 September :: 9.50 am
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Promiscuous (how apropriete)
Gah, I have gas like something awful
I always put myself in these positions where i'm thinking "Man, what am I doing? I dont want this. This isn't right..." and all this regret mumbo-jumbo. But I never stand up for myself and get out of it. It's like secretly, I like that feeling. which is odd...who likes the feeling of regret honestly? It's just simply annoying. I keep saying this over and over, I need to grow up. And I hate repeating myself so I wish I would just do it already. I wish when I knew I didn't want something, I'd stop it from continuing, not going back for more.
This is wrong...and I know it. I'm going to lose a few of my great friends if I keep this up, and if I dont lose their friendship, I'll lose their respect. I really dont know which one is worse...
plus - fucking I hate work...!
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 31 August :: 10.55 pm
The never ending party = My Utopia
I was told today that I should find where I stand with God. That I should get to know Him and let him know who I am. But I dont even know who I am myself. Shouldn't I find that out before I show him who I am? And what if there isn't a God, then I just wasted all that time trying to find him. It's like the never ending game of hide and go seek. And what about hell? Why does everyone have to go there? I mean, is it only Jesus and God in heaven? Because everyone is a sinner. No one is perfect. And everyone that tells me to find God and get saved are a bunch of hipicritical in my eyes. I bet 20 dollors that they dont follow all the ten commandments (which I also think is a buncha mumbo-jumbo). I mean noone does follow them. And if they do there is no way that they follow all of them. I dont know. I just find it rediculous. I mean, if we're all going to hell (if there is one) then it must not be that bad because come on, if everyone else is going there I want to go too because heaven would be boring and lonely. And who's to say there is a heaven or a hell? What if this is hell that we're in right now? I dont quite believe in heaven, I mean I dont really believe in anything at the moment but I think instead of going to heaven, everyone has their own little Utopia that they go to. I dont think someone deserves to go to hell let alone appologize for saying "God Damn" or "Jesus Fucking Christ". You only deserve it if you are like a murderer or a rapiest or something. And praying I think is rediculous unless it's needed. I dont pray, I feel rediculous when I do. It's like talking to air. And asking God for forgiveness? I dont get it...Why ask him to forgive me for that beer I drank last night when he hasnt asked for forgiveness when he let my grandma die of cancer, when he watched me get my heartbroken by that asshole, or yesterday when he turned his back as my car broke down in the ghetto? If I have to ask him to forgive me he should ask for forgiveness in return. Because yes I have to power to control my actions and what I do, but I dont have the power to cure illnesses or change the weather or anything. Thats another reason that makes me feel like there is no God. If there was, wouldn't he want his childern to be happy? I'd like to think so. I know my parents would do anything to make me and my sibblings happy, why doesn't he?
I pulled a Jesus fish off the bumper of my car yesterday in the burger king parking lot and I noticed a few funny glares from people, esspecially my friend Ashley (aka - Smashley). Why should I get dirty looks for not letting it look like I worship something that I dont? I dont want to give people the wrong idea. Thats like drawing anachry simbols when you're a republican, or having a "Freedom isnt free" bumper sticker when you live in China.
What brings this up is I had a kid that drinks almost everyday, does drugs, and has horrible permiscuous sex told me that I need to find my place with God. wtf? This kid thinks I'm just the anti-christ I think. I mean we're friends and all but he just assumes that I'm athiest and that I'm racest and all this. I think I just look like a kkk-nazi-athiest bitch to him or something. And that's not how I am. I'm not athiest or racest, I'm just opinionated...
I think if there is a God, I'd like to think that we're on good terms right about now. I stay out of His business, He stays out of mine. I dont ask Him for anything, He doesnt ask for much out of me either. It's an easy relationship to obtain.
1 *pooped* |
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 31 August :: 10.11 am
Fucking the Lebaron took a shit in my cheerios. God fucking damnit. now i'm late for work and i'm just wasting time so i'm even more late. oh fucking well i guess.
Good thing I have an awesome friend like Box to take care of me when i'm in danger though. lol.
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 29 August :: 9.23 pm
:: Music: Tom Petty - You Got Lucky
So I got the internet back! yay!
Gravid and I might hang out tonight
Mindy and I will hang out tomorrow!
Yay! I'm just a happy girl...!=)
1 *pooped* |
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 28 August :: 3.15 am
So, the Lebaron is in the drive way. runs beautifully. we're best friends. yay! Mindy has yet to meet her yet though. lol. sucks to be her because the lebaron is awesome. yup....and thats just how cool i am for now.
2 *pooped* |
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 11 August :: 9.53 pm
So, the car is dead. For sure this time. Going shopping for a new one Monday. Yay! I hate that car with every ounce of my soul. But yay! to getting a new one, poo for not getting it until monday because right about now I have no way to get anywhere and by the sounds of it, people I want to hang out with probably arent up to coming to get me. So yes, that fucking sucks but...*shrugs* what can you do? hopefully I'll find something fun to do tomorrow, I cant imagine staying home all weekend...that would be a nightmare. I dont even like thinking about it. Just the thought pisses me off.
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 14 July :: 11.48 pm
I blame myself for alot of things, because most of the time, they are my fault. I feel really bad about myself. I used to be all like "I'm sucha bad person" But I think I'm starting to except it all now. " *deep sigh* oh well. I'll grow up eventually and figure out what I want. Till then...who knows...?
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 29 June :: 4.27 pm
I've been thinking...
I've been losing friends left and right. Every move I make could cost me a friendship. I had started watching what I was doing/saying so I wouldn't hurt anybody or offend anyone. I didn't want anyone mad at me and I didn't want any conflict or drama to go on...
Half of the people I used to talk to everyday dont even want anything to do with me anymore. For example:: a bunch of my friends are all going to Lake Michigan on Saturday. I didn't find out until Ashley asked if I was going. No one invited me, no one was going to invite me...
Yet no matter how hard I tried to keep everyone happy, things just manage to blow up in my face. I get fucked over everytime I try to keep something going.
It's stupid...
I'm done with being polite and trying to make people like me.
This is who I am::
I drink, I dont have a problem or anything, I just drink. And I dont party with complete strangers, I have fun with friends that I know will take care of me and make sure nothing bad happens to me.
I'm selfish. I like money. After being so unhappy with my parents being in dept most of my life and always wishing to be someone else because of what they have, I do believe that money buys happiness no matter what anyone says.
I hold grudges easily and for a long time. It takes so long for me to get over something even if it's just a little thing and I know that it will all be cleared up in no time, there's still something inside of me that is pissed and wont let it go.
I have a problem with opening up to people.
I dont cry in front of people. I dont like letting everyone know I have a weakness. I dont like people pittying me. It makes me feel stupid and I dont like that feeling too much.
I'm judgemental but I hate being judged.
I have terrible grammar when it comes to typing things online.
I really dont care.
I'm a procrastinator.
I like things to go my way and no other way.
I get pissed when my plans get ruined.
I'm messy. I hate cleaning.
I dont care what people think of me. I used to but things are starting to change.
You either love me or you hate me, there is really no inbetween.
Mindy and Ashley are my 2 best friends in the whole wide world.
And I have a piece of shit car, but atleast it has a speeddometor now.
So this is who I am. If you dont like it, then oh well.
I can make new friends just as fast as I can get read of them.
I hate saying goodbye. But if people dont like who I am, than I suppose it is time. I'm not going to say I dont need anybody, I'm just need someone who's going to be there and like me for me, no matter what my flaws are.
4 *pooped* |
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 24 June :: 3.20 pm
:: Mood: hung over
:: Music: bar noices
last night
Well things were fun at Chris's. Everyone had a good time. Granted some people are retarded but oh well. Fuck it. I give up. I'm just not fat enough right Mindy! lol. I really dont fucking care anymore what anyone thinks. Esspecially last night man. I was a bitch. But in my mind, I think I had every right to be. Oh well. What's done is done and it will never happen again. I was stupid and I should have known better. But a little fucking agknowledgment would have made me a little bit happier. Not much, but some. Oh well. I'm going to marry Aj anyways. lol. The love of my life that will never make me work or pay for boose because I'm pretty. lol. I love that kid, I'm going to miss him while he's gone.
Smashly came for a little while yestereday but then she pussied out. oh well...*shrugs* It would have been ten times more awesome with her there though.
I decided that my brother is the only one allowed to know bits and peices about my "party hardy" lifestyle I've got going on. Because my loud mouth sister made the mistake of letting my mother find out about my after prom party experiance. I made it rated pg though for my mothers sensitive ears though. I swear sometimes, I think I just might be able to get away with murder with these people. Unless I killed Neta. Because they like her more than anyone else. whatever...
Welp, that's my life in a nut shell. party last night was fun, party last weekend was fun. except for when I found a few details out about it last night that I didn't know about. That kinda pissed me off. oh well. I'm sure next weekend will be just as fun though, whatever I may decide to do.
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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2006 23 June :: 7.43 pm
well im at chris' house, sitting on sexy aj's lap. and yeah...that's about it
Common...Leave Some Crap... |
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