cherrytwiggy's Journal

:: 2007 1 June :: 6.46pm

My new favorite food.
Grilled cheese and spaghetti sauce.

:: 2007 1 June :: 1.19pm

A serious update on my behalf. If you don't like it, piss off.
In some ways I feel like I have messed up my life, yet I feel like I have everything I need and I'm happy.
I have lead it in a path that would take a very long time to reconstruct if such events happened that would cause me to fall flat on my ass.
I know that if Mike and I ever split up, I wouldn't be the same.
It would take me a very long time to get over it and even then, I don't think I could fully get over it.
I used to be a pretty independent person.
I could hold my own, and I didn't need a guy there all the time.
But I was very unhappy and I made a lot of decisions that I'm not proud of.
I let my mother get the best of me.
I am very happy with Mike, but sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out for this whole relationship thing.
Maybe its that I'm still in shock that we have been together for 19 months.
Whatever the reason is, it doesn't explain why I keep screwing up.
Why I can't put my sarcastic, bitter, 'could-give-a-fuck-less' attitude in the closet.
I feel like I have to do everything I can to see how long before he breaks.
I feel like I keep screwing up all the time, or saying the wrong things, to see what will happen.
To see if he's had the last straw.
Why does my brain have to be so cluster-fucked with thoughts and emotions all the time.
Guh!

:: 2007 31 May :: 2.55pm

The heat has me cranky and tired.
Im not very much fun to be around.
Today was a miserable day at work.
Oh and let me tell ya if I felt like typing out how my day went, trust me you'd get every last detail.
So I will just leave it at this.
Christine is a fat fucking lazy skank ass that smells like bad fish and dirty socks.

Anyway.
Baseball tonight in Palo.
Woohaa!
Im too tired to even sit here.

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:: 2007 28 May :: 10.49pm

Thoughts on my birthday
As my birthday nears, I'm not as excited as I was last week or the week before.
It's not going to be as grand as I had anticipated because more than likely I won't be able to afford to do anything.
I'll be taking the day off of work, but it won't be to do anything I'd like to or will be enjoying.
Something has me in a mood right now.
Well more like all day.
Mike told me that he'd try to make my birthday special for me without having to go out and spend money.
It was sweet.
This morning he woke me up at about 2, and told me that he thought we needed to spend some quality time together.
That he wanted me to be awake with him and watch a movie and cuddle.

Hopefully Jamie quit calling Carley.
And I also hope what Mike and I said to him, didn't make matters worse.
Mike started in when he called me a 'fucking dead beat'.

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:: 2007 26 May :: 6.19pm

So no fair with Carley today.
That bummed me out.
I was really looking forward to it.
Instead I went to the Car show, ate elephant ears and watched the smoke show with Mike and Darielle (his daughter).
Now I am waiting for Buc and Mike to get back with the car so I can go to dinner with my dad, sister and brother in law.
My arms are cold and tired.

:: 2007 25 May :: 8.34pm

So my tara and my katelyn have finally graduated.
And still 2 years later, I do NOT miss high school at all.
It was fun while it lasted, but it was time to move on.

Blazin' buffalo & Ranch Dorito's are my new favorite.
Except they need more of a ranch flavor to them.

Right now Wayne is here looking at Mike's truck.
He's interested in buying it.
My Carley is coming over tomorrow!
We're going to Sheridan Fair it up!
There's PONIES!
It's a little rinky dink springfest.

I also have to make time for my sister and brother-in-law.
Perhaps they will join us all at the fair tomorrow.
oOoh!

chelthesmell

:: 2007 24 May :: 1.02pm

Graduation tonight!
I'm so excited!
My open house isnt until July 21st though. I still have to call around to get some of your addresses so I can send you an invite. Should be a grand ol' time though.
YAY!!!=)

liz

:: 2007 23 May :: 8.12pm

"Into The Ocean"

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove that I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
into the ocean...end it all

[Zayra]
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(I thought of just your face)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

:: 2007 22 May :: 5.27am

Baseball 4 nights a week is going to be the death of me.
My birthday is nearing.
17 days actually.
Im way excited.
Red Lobster for Carley and I!
Not sure what else though.
Mike isn't getting very excited about my birthday.
Oh well.

Tara and Katie Graduate on Thursday!
Makes me feel old.

:: 2007 18 May :: 3.11pm

Things seem to be holding themselves together.
I went back to work on monday.
It was a little rough trying to get back in the swing of things, but I managed to get myself through the week.
I realized that I function better if I sleep less.
Actually, I have a hard time falling asleep or feeling tired before 11:00.
My last day through Peoplelink is the 28th, and then I transfer to Manpower.
Unless GRC decides that they want to hire me in full time.
I sent a rather lengthy email to the head HR personnel today.
I thoroughly explained my reasonings behind why I believe I should be hired in, with details of what my daily tasks entale.
I, being a temp shouldn't be doing the computer update, the paper work, making labels, or full-time employee annual testing. (There are other tasks but my mind fails to remember them).
I also became line leader when I returned back to work, because Micki went to Rockford to work on third shift..
Total crock if you ask me.
I care about my job because I fear losing it, but I don't care enough to blow or kiss ass to get a raise or promotion.
I signed a job posting to work in service, but I won't get it.
I spent 3 hours doing computer testing today and then I was frowned upon because my line was behind.
Not my fault by the way.

Mike got his lay off slip last night.

Sorry, I am just in the mood to piss and moan about whatever I possibly can.
It started at 6:00 this AM.

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:: 2007 14 May :: 5.15am

I go back to work today.
Im not that excited about it.
I enjoyed being laid off but the lack of money sucked.
Unemployment was paying shit.
Mike is losing his job in two weeks.
Its been awhile since I've seen 5 AM.
And I think I got up way too early.
I slept wrong on my neck.
If you haven't noticed I feel like complaining right now.
Meh, whats the use.

:: 2007 3 May :: 12.01am

I got called a hussy by a kid around the age of ten today.
Little bastard.

Baseball starts tomorrow!
Woo-ha..
Little kids attempting to play baseball.
I have a feeling its going to be about the same as them attempting to play soccer.
Watching 8 year olds play soccer/baseball, is worse than watching the special olympics.

Anyway, my bed is calling my name..

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:: 2007 30 April :: 11.29pm

From 11 last night until 5 this afternoon was the longest I have ever gone without speaking to or seeing Michael in the last 18 months.
It was really hard for me.
But when I saw him, I realized how lucky I am for what I have with him.
I also realized, that I don't ever want to lose him.
And that I am in this relationship until death.

:: 2007 30 April :: 12.05am
:: Music: Crazy - K-Ci and Jo-Jo

What zeh fuck..
Shitty end to a perfect weekend.
Went to the blessing of the bikes in Holland today.
That was a long ride.
But I made it safely.
A couple of the guys we went with, left shortly after we did, and they collided and crashed.
Leaving both bikes totalled, and one guy with a broken foot.
I'm so happy that it's finally riding season.
Maybe I will finally muster up the courage to learn to drive a motorcycle. Not that I'm scared, just a tad nervous.
I think before I even attempt to do that, I need to practice safe speeds in a car/truck first.
Apparently, I was doing about 90-95 up 131 today in his truck when we were coming home.
His spedometer is WAY off.
Oh well.

I also got pulled over tonight.
Wasn't for speeding. And there wasn't a ticket issued either.
I didn't cry to get out of it either.
Oh well, enough information disclosed about that.