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where have all the liars gone?

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brandnew26

:: 2005 21 May :: 12.14pm

http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html


just read that. it is rather depressing, but true. i stole it from mike.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 15 May :: 5.57pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: feeling left out - the last 3 years

so yesterday ranks up on there on the best days ever. so i went to the track meet yesterday, even though i couldn't run. so i'm sitting there talking to jeff and my phone rings, so i hobble away and answer it. it was heather asking me what i would say if she met me at the front gate. man, i was so nervous/ scared and excited all at the same time. god is she so beautiful. no one has ever came to see me anywhere, my parents don't even come most of the time. so i was excited. i'm just happy being around her or with her.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 13 May :: 9.09pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: straylight run - mistakes we knew we were making

so, no more running for me, for a while at least. i find out monday if its a stress fracture, or mostly muscular. left shin/tibia hurts like hell though. i'm sick of icing it to keep the swelling down, its too cold. i'm sick of putting of with people at school, its stupid and childish. past two weeks sucked. dead uncle and busted leg, i hope things get better. so since i can't run, i've been thinking a lot, about things i like and the good things happening in my life. i really like talking to heather, i feel like i talk to much though. i feel really comfortable talking to her though. i like her an awful lot. i should get off and ice my leg again.


http://www.purevolume.com/becausegoodbyesareblack

listen.





It was almost night time so we stayed inside, and closed our eyes. I whispered a thought that I had. We slept while holding hands couldn't sleep the cold. You said, "Just being near you for awhile is enough." I thought you have the most wonderful sense of feeling right, and the most wonderful sense of being here tonight.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 11 May :: 8.36pm

Sometimes, New Jersey
I called you up to see if maybe we could hang out
and I told you I was nervous and feeling lonely
but I bit my lip and you said yes
and I thought of how beautiful the night would be
and I thought maybe we could drive around talking about your town
or we could just stay at home and I could win over acting cool
just like real romance.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 9 May :: 9.27pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: something corporate - inside the pocket

track meet today. 23.27 in the 200 meter. awesome. had to drive myself to the track meet an anchor bay, so i decieded i'd call heather on the way because i wasn't able to call her yesterday. definitly started talking to her voicemail because i got confused, so i felt like an ass and didn't leave a message. i'm a loser. writing new music and demoing stuff, playing a lot of stuff by something corporate for ideas.






I met you last month at a party
You brought me up you brought me down
You came to me last night as an apparition
And I came around.
What's with you
And all your talk of independence?
What's with me
And my lack of innocence?

Keep it,
Locked up,
Inside the pocket
And maybe I will sleep
I'll be
Right there
Inside the pocket
And you'll be knee deep

My palms were sweating
And my heart grew big
My leg was shaking.
How badly I wanted you with me.
You came to me
And said this could be something
I'll take something over nothing
Any day.
What's with me
And the way that I've been lately?
What's with you
And the way you make me feel?

Keep it,
Locked up,
Inside the pocket
And maybe I will sleep
I'll be
Right there
Inside the pocket
And you'll be knee deep

And I'm scared 'cause these things fall apart
Electric baby
And I've known it from the start.
So please forgive me
For being like I am
But I'll take you if I can

Keep it,
Locked up,
Inside the pocket
maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe I will sleep
I'll be
Right there
Inside the pocket
And you'll be knee deep

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 7 May :: 10.03pm

Here's Everything I've Always Meant To Say
Just be in love and I'll kiss you like you've always wanted
Just close your eyes, I'll still live as if I'm dying

If I don't make your heart skip a beat then hate me
If I don't make you feel anything than it's me


I just want you to feel beautiful
For once in your life
I just want you to feel beautiful
For once in your life

Just close your eyes and I'll kiss you like there's no tomorrow

If I don't make your heart skip a beat then hate me
If I don't make you feel anything then it's me


I just want you to feel beautiful
For once in your life
I just want you to feel beautiful
For once in your life

So sleep now, so deep in static
Drifting in the shadows
Hold me close to the fourwall headlights
And TV screens

I just want you to feel beautiful
For once in your life

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 6 May :: 7.09am

She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out
A joke of a romantic stuck to my tongue
And weighed down with words too overdramatic
Tonight it's "it cant get much worse"
Vs. "no one should ever feel like..."

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 3 May :: 9.29pm
:: Music: explosions in the sky - once more to the after life

so the past few days have been a blur, its really sucked. monday in the meet i had to run a ton of events that i don't usually do, so i was dead tired. upon arriving home i find out my uncle took a turn for the worst and is back in ccu (critical care unit). he's my mom's uncle, my grandfather's only brother and my great uncle, so i've always called him uncle mate, like everyone else. i find out that they took him off life-support and they don't know how much longer he is going to last. so i eat something real quick and drive like a bat out of hell down to bi-county hospital. so i'm scared as hell, i don't want to go into the hospital, i don't want to see uncle mate like that. so i go in, most of my uncle's daughters are there and so is my uncle bobby. they are all crying, so i start crying. i stayed there for about two hours. so my brother and dad leave, so i think i should get going. so i go to say goodbye to my uncle for the last time (he's been unconcious since monday morning) i just start sobbing, i can't stop. so i say goodbye and get out of the hospital fast. i get into my car and try to drive home. so i make it about 10 minutes before i have to pull over. some kids start pointing and laughing because i'm sitting in my car alone crying, so i start driving agian. it was the worst and longest drive home ever, i feel the worst for my grandfather, because he was in florida when he found out and is driving home now. so i come home and try to sleep. on the way to school, i find out my uncle died today at 4:15 a.m. school was a blur, i tried not to think of it at all. not many people really care, just my close friends, like how everything usually is for me.




R.I.P. Clement "Mate" Angelo Michielutti
May 3rd 2005

1 | failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 2 May :: 7.26am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: say anything - belt

so i can't find my belt, so i stole one from my brother because i need it for school otherwise i get an effin' detention. track meet in orchard lake today, i don't expect to be home til around 8:30-9 p.m. so that sucks.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 24 April :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: saves the day - as your ghost takes flight

so its still snowing. which means that my usual 20-30 minute drive to school will turn into a 40 minute to an hour drive to school. that's not cool. so i'm freezing. i did homework all weekend. i got a 24 on my ACT, i suck. mike is going to teach me math and i'm retaking it. too tired to write more. pray for a snow day.




The window fogs from my breath
My face pressed up close, up close against
Catching the snowfall under a beam of streetlight
And praying for accumulation all through the night

These confrontations puncture the skin
Reveal evidence that you are easily broken
You're so easily broken
Exposed and relentlessly bleeding from the cracks
At that age when everything is seemingly life or death

Please let the snow swallow the streets whole
Keep the bus from coming
Let us stay at home
So we can avoid the daily drudgery
The cruelty fueled from laughter that will echo in our sleep

Seasons, weakening the hold
The blades dulled from the front that hints the snow
Warming engine slowly turns
Stuttering awoken from the sounds of shovels scraping concrete
At that age when everything is seemingly life or death

Adrenaline fuels my
Fist grinds my teeth through sleep

3 | failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 21 April :: 4.12pm
:: Music: the academy is... - down and out

so i'm still sick, but i'm feeling better. i have to go to school tomorrow or i'll really be fucked work-wise. i already have a good amount, i'll finish it friday night because i don't do anything on friday nights anyways, so it works for me. found a lot of cds where i had saved my music from my computer before i reformatted the hard drive in 2003. its amusing.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 20 April :: 7.47am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: explosions in the sky - time stops

so i'm still sick. i tried to get up for school, coughed all to hell so my mom made me stay home again. so i woke up to a thunderstorm this morning, it was a welcome break from waking up to an alarm clock. so yesterday looked like it was really nice out, i had the window open and it was warm. i listened to explosions in the sky, it fit perfectly. i know that my entries are getting random and incoherent. i need to lie down.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 19 April :: 8.19pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: explosions in the sky - look into the air

so i figured i should write in here not that i'm somewhat well enough to sit at the computer. saturday the doctor thought i could have a blood clot in my knee, i was in a lot of pain, sat on the couch all day. so no blood clot, infection in my knee. sunday i was up feeling like shit. monday felt worse. better today. saw all the stuff on the conclave and the election of Pope Benedict XVI (16). watched too many movies. i'll write more later.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 16 April :: 12.10pm

Sappy
She's not home, and yet I still believe
The clothes she gave to me, so very hopefully
And first my heart she took
But now it's overlooked
A chapter in a book
Not even on the best seller list
And tie me up in rope
I feel like such a dope
And looking back I wish I've never even fallen for her
She could be just a friend in my eyes
But she looks so good today and she is so alive
And I'm alone, I'm alone, and I'm hoping she's sappy just like me
I'm alone and I hope she's unhappy just like me
Just like me
When did this hit me, I still don't get why I have no regrets
About these funny feelings deep inside
I want to tell, I hope, I wish to tell
Cause I'm in club hell where I'm the only freaking member
So rip out all insides there is no place to hide
For what I need is love its such a trippy ride
If I could take it back then
I can't wait to attack
Before I let what we had fall into the zone
Where I'm alone, I'm alone and I'm hoping she's sappy just like me
I'm alone, and I hope she's unhappy just like me
Hoping she's sappy just like me
Hope she's unhappy just like me
Harry Sally, Joey Dawson's all do corny
Why is life a story when it just dawn in and happy
John Hughe's 80s movies coming back to haunt me
And I cannot pretend this anymore
Cause I'm alone, I'm alone, and I'm hoping she's sappy just like me
I'm alone, and I hope she's unhappy just like me
I'm alone and I pray, she feels crappy just like me
I'm alone and I hope we'll be happy in the end

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 16 April :: 3.06am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: pick an exit - three weeks

so i got new contacts and glasses yesterday. drank too much coffee. today is jack's 17th birthday. happy birthday jack. i'm freezing. i don't know how i'm typing this because my fingers are frozen. okay, song for you all to read about how i would feel about something if it happened to me. but it most likely will never happen, so enjoy anyway.




It's three AM, I'm staring at the screen,
Trying to find a way to put in ink, a line
or two to let you know that when,
when your lips get caught on mine sometimes,
I forget to breathe.

It's four AM, I'm staring at the screen,
Trying to find a way to put in ink, a line
or two to let you know that your,
skin's an artist's pastel dream and your eyes bleed
poetry sometimes.

The scar on your chin,
My breath on your skin,
Your smooth loving hands,
That warm, subtle glance,
I'm so glad I kissed you.

Three weeks passed since we sat inside my car.
And watch words hang between us.
Like the pasta from "Lady and the Tramp"
This is classic.

It's Friday night, I'm sewing you a poem,
Weaving my pen through fields of words and
digging past crude compliments and stitch by
stitch language is strewn along the patterns of
perfected as I quilt you in.

Your teeth are the keys,
Of the piano it seems,
Professionally played,
Enchanting.
Everything around you.

And now I'm curling at the edges like a photograph
in flames. Eclipsing bad memories, and lining my
skies with you.
This is classic.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 14 April :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: say anything - baseball but better

so school sucked like it always does. i don't really feel like writing, i'm too tired to. sometimes stupid songs that you used to listen to make you feel like shit and remind you of why you are still single. good thing say anything never has that effect on me. so this is what it would be nice to have/be like if i wasn't such a
1. loser
2. somewhat "hopeless romantic"
3. lazy




And if i died it woud be fine if i died by your side.
If you could spare one of your nine lives we could ditch this coast, get in my car and drive.
All this time and I can't get enough of you and every promise is true.
It's my favorite pastime chasing after you.
And if i froze here in the sand, my hand cold in your hand, i'd melt in your honor.
I'd be happily slaughtered.
I'm crazy for you.
Mind your watch, my baby.
Morning's come to claim me.
Mind this heart now, angel.
Night's not over yet.
The most magnificent pastime is chasing after you.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 14 April :: 6.58am

The Presidential Suite
You've been led on
Yes, you were wrong
The whole time

You've been led on
Completely wrong
The whole time

They pave the way for every second of the day
It is no myth; no it's the Bible of the God
That they erected on the ashes of your neighborhood
He's looming like, like the god of blunder
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie
You sing to sing his praise because you're lazy
And you've been taught too much to learn.
Another pawn, a pink flamingo on the lawn
On the capitol of shame
With you buried head and only you to blame


You've been led on
Yes, you were wrong
The whole time

You've been led on
Completely wrong
The whole time


The rodeo begins. They take us for a ride, and we are flailing
But as hard as we may buck, the king of fools is still in place and fit to rule.
You fucking praise him. Yes, you fellate him with your trust
Your parents' parents made this happen, yeah eat your words and fold your napkins
Another pawn, a pink flamingo on the lawn, and that's all you'll ever be.
And if you thought that you were free, well...


You've been led on
Yes, you were wrong
The whole time

You've been led on
Completely wrong
The whole time

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 11 April :: 9.51pm
:: Music: say anything - showdown at p-town

so today i went to the doctor's because my knee is killing me and is bigger than it should be. take your average grapefruit, and add some. that's how big my knee is. icing it helps some. so the doctor stretched out my leg, told me to ice it and keep the mileage on it low for a week or two (so no more 10 mile days, thank god). he asked my the last time i wasn't in any type of physical pain, i'll write out the conversation.

"when was the last time you were free of any physical pain eric?"
"november-ish of sophomore year."
"really? why so?"
"i got kidney stones around that time, broke my foot, broke my hand and screwed up my knee in a few month span."
"wow"
"yeah, then i did the whole hip-flexor catch-all of the inner thigh thing which you treated me for, now i'm here with the knee."
"how much pain reliever do you take?"
"8 advil a week, sometimes 4 a day, never more than 12 a week, it all depends on how the pain is, i mostly take them to sleep. the pain doesn't help much with the insomnia."
"you're one tough little man"
"ha, not really."


sad. i need a new body. school sucks. ray got hit in the head with a shot put, so he's not in school. i almost had to beat a kid with a crowbar because people said he hit my car. ask me about that story.

I Got A Crowbar And Ten Friends That Say You Ain't Gonna Do Jack.

3 | failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 10 April :: 12.00am

Frail
Kiss the sun
In your eyes
Love unveiled
I can't deny
Be not warned
Watch it fall
Mesmerize...

Close your eyes and begin to breath
Something is coming over me
Lost to find, and a soul to keep
cause you love me...

Give this one
On bended knee
Price to pay
Please wait for me
A trial by fire
A setting Sun
A love I've won...

Close your eyes and begin to breath
Something is coming over me
Lost to find, and a soul to keep
Cause you love me...

Inside, I wait
Inside, I wait

Kiss the sun
In your eyes
Love unveiled
I can't deny
be not warned
Watch it fall
Mesmerize...

Close your eyes and begin to breath
Something is coming over me
Lost to find, and a soul to keep
Cause you love me...

Inside, I wait
Inside, I wait

Close your eyes and begin to breath
Something is coming over me
Lost to find, and a soul to keep
Cause you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me...






i need something like that in my life.

2 | failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 5 April :: 7.41am
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: usryp synapse - going down with both guns blazin'

getting ready to leave for school. didn't do any homework last night, got home from practice, ate dinner and went to baker's house. looked up shit about cedar point and camping. walked home. watched tv and went to sleep. i've got to go so i can maybe get a decent parking spot.

1 | failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 3 April :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: saves the day - when it isn't like it should be...

so i'm back from florida. burned or tanned, which ever you prefer. sore as fuck from running, don't feel like ever running again. it was hot, i felt like dying. legs could fall off. i have holes in the top of my feet, i look like i got crucified. blisters all over my toes. parks kinda sucked, but doing shit with mike, tom, don, john, paul, and matt was fun as fuck. staying up late most nights, getting yelled at by crazy people from pennsylvania. trying to get girls into tom's room every night, but still not getting any (well they did, i was asleep in my room with mike) i wanted to kill smith, i think i pissed him off when the girls called and i told him "don't worry about it" when he asked who was calling. rides were fun with them. got tied up with tape and stripped down to my boxers and left outside, getting upstairs is hard. thought my dick was going to pop out of my boxers, and girls were laughing at me trying to hop around. ran into shit. we broke a door handle trying to lock don in the bathroom. met girls from kentucky, "i run the hurdles" was the fucking hottest thing i ever heard. saw baker's penis, cried with mike when that happened. thought i was going to be raped when i was tied up. i'll write more later.

1 | failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 28 March :: 8.51pm

three miles down
Oh great
here I go again I'm stuck in this rut
and I'm not sure how to begin- should I tell you everything?
I'm feeling out of luck so I won't see you soon
'cause I know it's too soon for you to see me-
if this is the last thing you do just tell me that it's o.k.
for me to have these feelings for you
and that it's normal to want to call you.
Oh I'm dialing the phone and I'm letting it ring for hours
and I'm pretending to hear your voice-
Why does my heart always beat before yours does?
After a while you can make yourself believe in almost anything,
so I'm making myself believe in you.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 27 March :: 9.10pm

As Your Ghost Takes Flight
The last time that I saw you, August of '99,
I should've had my hammer and a few rusty spikes
to nail you on a wall and use bottles to catch your blood
and display you for the neighbors so they know your time had come.
And I'd drink your blood and feel it dripping down my throat
as it heads for my heart.
And as your body sags and the stench rises in vain,
the people on the street are collecting in dismay.
Before your eyes your head lifts towards the sky
and that's the last thing they'll remember of you.
And I'd drink your blood and feel it dripping down my throat
as it heads for my heart.
You've become a ghost.
You're floating somewhere in between
the waking world and a landscape of dreams.
Well it's nothing but dying.
You've got a grenade stuck in your teeth and you're pulling at the pin.
You're an illusion, just a shadow flickering underneath the sun.
And I'd drink your blood and feel it dripping down my throat
as it heads for my heart.

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 27 March :: 8.45pm

taken from mike because i'm effing bored
Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates anine =)
your best quality isyou give friends great advice
your worst quality isyou think people judge you
this is becauseyou were born this way
Quiz created with MemeGen!






How to make a iamjackssn26
Ingredients:

3 parts pride

1 part humour

3 parts instinct
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add sadness to taste! Do not overindulge!



Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com



Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||| 36%
Stability |||||||||||| 50%
Orderliness |||||||||| 33%
Empathy |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Interdependence |||||||||||| 50%
Intellectual |||||||||| 36%
Mystical |||||||||||||||| 63%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Religious |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Hedonism || 10%
Materialism |||||||||||||| 56%
Narcissism |||||| 30%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Work ethic |||||| 23%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56%
Conflict seeking |||||||||| 36%
Need to dominate |||| 16%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant |||||| 23%
Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50%
Wealth |||||||||| 36%
Dependency |||||| 30%
Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 63%
Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70%
Sexuality |||||||||||| 43%
Peter pan complex |||||| 23%
Physical security |||||||||||||||| 70%
Food indulgent |||||| 23%
Histrionic |||| 16%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70%
Vanity |||||| 23%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Female cliche |||| 16%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

failed the crash test


brandnew26

:: 2005 26 March :: 8.39am

Know that I need you
I want you
I知 dying for you
Here in my heart where my veins are
Combusting for you
All that I've learned I unlearned
And I知 falling for you now.
For you now

And I知 sinking slowly into nothing
Nothing matters
Give me something I can hold onto
Only you
Can save me
Save me
Can save me

Know that I need you
I want you
I知 dying for you
Here in my heart where my veins are
Combusting for you
All that I've learned I unlearned
And I知 falling for you now.





that song effing rocks.

failed the crash test

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