Look at that monster go...

:: 2007 19 May :: 11.42pm

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Take me back to the start

:: 2007 16 May :: 6.20pm

The sun came up with no conclusion
Flowers sleeping in their beds
This city's cemetery's humming
I'm wide-awake, it's morning

I have my drugs, I have my woman
They keep away my loneliness
My parents have they have their religion
But sleep in separate houses

I read the body count out of the paper
And now it's written all over my face
No one ever plans to sleep out in the gutter
Sometimes that's just the most comfortable place

So I'm drinking, breathing, writing, singing
Everyday I'm on the clock
My mind races with all my longings
But cant keep up with what I got

I hope I don't sound too ungrateful
What history gave modern man
A telephone to talk to strangers
Machine guns and a camera lens

So when you're asked to fight a war that's over nothing
It's best to join the side that's gonna win
And no one's sure how all of this got started
But we're gonna make them goddam certain how its gonna end
Oh ya we will, oh ya we will!

Well I could have been a famous singer
If I had someone else's voice
But failure's always sounded better
Lets fuck it up boys, make some noise!

The sun came up with no conclusion
Flowers sleeping in their beds
This city's cemetery's humming
I'm wide-awake, it's morning

s-m-i-l-e

:: 2007 15 May :: 8.32pm

Hahaha wow, i forgot i had this, its been a long time since these memories, mmm middle school, tori and morgan, been a long time since that

:: 2007 14 May :: 9.01pm

Sometimes a life of alcoholism and drug abuse just looks so much more glamorous.

:: 2007 9 May :: 8.55pm

So there was this woman and she was on an airplane, and she was flying to meet her fiance seaming high above the largest ocean on planet earth. She was seated next to this man she had tried to start conversations, but the only thing she had really heard him say was to order his Bloody Mary. She was sitting there and she was reading this really arduous magazine article about a third world country that she couldn't even pronounce the name of. And she was feeling very bored and despondent. And then suddenly there was this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out, and they started just falling thirty-thousand feet, and the pilots on the microphone and he's saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, oh my god... I'm sorry" and apologizing. And she looks at the man and says "Where are we going?" and he looks at her and he says "We're going to a party. It's a birthday party. It's your birthday party. Happy birthday darling. We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much." And then he starts humming this little tune, it kind of goes like this: 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

We must talk in every telephone
Get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues in the books that we have read
And in the face of every criminal
Strapped firmly to a chair
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing

It'll go like this:

While my mother waters plants
My father loads his guns
He says death will give us back to God
Just like this setting sun is returned to this lonesome ocean

And then they splashed into the deep blue sea
It was a wonderful splash

We must blend into the choir
Sing as static with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
And in this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run

We must hang up in the belfry
Where the bats and moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
And in the caverns of tomorrow
With just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge

And then we'll get down there, way down to the very bottom of everything
And then we'll see it, oh we'll see it, we'll see it, we'll see it

Oh my morning's coming back
The whole world's waking up
All the city buses swimming past
I'm happy just because
I found out I am really no one

:: 2007 6 May :: 8.17am

Well, I finally figured out a realistic future for myself that I would enjoy.

Go to college, major in Japanese, go teach English in Japan for the rest of my life.

If I decided to come back to America, I could easily come teach Japanese =)

If nothing else I'd be a lot happier in a country of 130mil where only 1.4mil are christians.

:: 2007 3 May :: 8.41pm

If you wonder why I always post song lyrics, it's because I lack the poetic ability to describe my own feelings properly.

i spent a week drinking the sunlight of winnetka, california
where they understand the weight of human hearts
you see sorrow gets too heavy and joy it tends to hold you
with the fear that it eventually departs.
and the truth is i've been dreaming of some tired, tranquil place
where the weather won't get trapped inside my bones
and if all the years of searching find one sympathetic face
then its there i will plant these seeds and make my home
i spent a day dreaming of dying in mesa, arizona
where all the green of life had turned to ash
and i felt i was on fire, with the things i could have told you
i just assumed that you eventually would ask
and i wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart
and all those months i just wanted to sleep
and though spring, it did come slowly, i guess it did its part
my heart has thawed and continues to beat
i visited my brother on the outskirts of olympia
where the forest and the water become one
and we talked about our childhood, like a dream we were convinced of, that
perfect peaceful street where we came from
and i know he heard me strumming all those sad and simple chords
as i sat inside my room so long ago
and it hurts that he's still shaking from those secrets that were told by a
car closed up too tight and a heart turned cold
and i went to san diego
the birthplace of the summer
and watched the ocean dance under the moon
and there was a girl i knew there, one more potential lover
i guess that something's got to happen soon
because i know i can't keep living in this dead or dying dream
and as i walked along the beach and drank with her
i thought about my true love, the one i really need
with eyes that burn so bright, they make me pure
they make me pure
they make me pure
i long to be with you
they make me pure
they make me pure
i long to be with you

wasabi

:: 2007 2 May :: 7.37am
:: Mood: tired

right now i kind of feel like he's the only one who really cares.

9a8wehflas;kjd

:: 2007 1 May :: 10.17am

my cheeks?
seriously?

AHAHAHA

<3

wasabi

:: 2007 28 April :: 7.20pm
:: Mood: sad

i have to write this down before it drives me crazy.

im upset
and i hate it
because i feel like there is no good reason.

i just feel so helpless and alone. and i feel like when he moves he's just going to leave me behind and forget about me. and im so scared because i really like him... seriously.
i think its more than just an infatuation.
and god damnit.
i just wish he didnt have to move and that i could see him more.
and that i could have seen him last night.
i feel so bad about last night. so fucking bad.

but i dont know.. i just feel like i'm going to be stuck here with a broken heart while he's hours away, smiling and living on without even a second thought about me. i dont want him to forget me.
and i dont want to be this pessimistic, because i know thats not how it is.
and i want to know why i keep thinking this though.

when i'm with him, im happy.
and i love that.
and i dont have to worry about anything.
and i can be myself.
and i dont want to lose that.

i dont fucking know...

god, i feel like a jerk.

and i dont know what i should say to him.
or what i should do.

:: 2007 28 April :: 5.48pm
:: Mood: i feel like an asshole

someone should give me an amazing book to read.
and a really good hug.
and idk.
some nat king cole
or dean martin
or frank sinatra
albums.

idk.

i want to mellow out.

:: 2007 23 April :: 9.15am

"So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

:: 2007 22 April :: 7.20pm

ahahahaha

strawberry milkshake oreos.

sldfjsldfkjlooksldkfjlskdjf

today was a good day.
:D

:: 2007 17 April :: 9.31pm

I'm Jen's Bitch.