Love is the Pursuit of Happiness

Love is such a Great Feeling
Wow, i cant believe we're in our 3rd day of 2007 going to already our 4th! So much has happened. I bet this year is gonna be a good one. I really hope so.

Gina and I Got back together. I was so HAPPY!!!!! I know this time we're gonna do it. We'll make it. I know it! i FEEL it! I never wanna lose her again. I love her SOOOOO much and she loves me! ima be a good g/f. The best ive EVER been towards ANYONE! Shes my world. My life. My everything. She said she was gonna change some of the things she regretted before and never hurt me again. I hope she doesnt. Ive given her 2 chances after this no more. But i believe she wont. She told me and i believe her, i really do! New years night and Last night we're both amazing! Gina and I talked so much. I LOVED it! Great Communication. We also have Loyalty. I would NEVER cheat on her. NEVER! Love, thats what we truly have. Now so this relationship to e perfect we need Honesty. Hopefully, Gina can do it. I know she can. If she loves me the way she does then it wont be a tad bit difficult. :sigh: im so in love! Never been more Happy.

The new years was great! I was with my Gorgeous G/f and good friend Tiffany! It was fun!! Man, i havent hungout with both of them at the same time in a while. It was Great. Ive missed it so much. I hope we have more hangouts like that. And Jose will come to! It was fun blowing up fireworks, i was gonna throw some at them but i didnt. They're faces were funny though. :snickers: We all hugged when it was 12:00 and Gina and i kissed. I've never done that before, im glad Gina was the first person. :D eeekkk! It was beautiful! Tiffany and i drank it was cool! Gina wanted to get tipsy, that was weird. I should've recorded it cause she NEVER says that. We hungout all night. It was fun. And i didnt go to sleep until freakin 7:00. Just talking to my baby. That was Awesome! New Year's was the BEST!

Ima try to be different this year. I mean im gonna turn 17. WOW! What the heck, its crazy! Graduating in a year and a half. Gonna be living somewhere WITHOUT my parents. So many freakin Responsibilities. Bills...ugh. I dont really wanna grow up. I like being immature and not having to worry about things. The only avantage i would have is being able to be wtih Gina EVERYDAY! :sigh: i cant wait. I know its gonna be difficult with bills and stuff but ima do everything in my power to maintain a roof for my baby's head. Ima do it watch! :D Anything for her. We'll get through it together.

This year is so far so good. i LOVE it. I hope it continues like this. Being wtih the person i love most and Hanging out with my buddy Tiffany!!! YAY! cool! A few down a couple more to go...This is gonna be a long year.....

I Love Gina!!
FOREVER and EVER and EVER and EVER and EVER!
My One and Only.

life...Duh!
Its been a while since ive typed in here. Now seems a great way to update! :)

Alot has happened in this 2 or 3 week period. I moved back home! Im so happy about that. I know this place is one the worst places to live but i dont care i love it. "You never realize you love something until its gone", i never really believed that quote until i was home alone wtih nothing to do. How depressing. I loved it, but then again i hated it. But i just couldnt adjust, maybe cause i didint want to or maybe just cause i oculdnt. Whatever it was im here now. Safe. Happy? Sure. I guess you could say that. Im more happier here than i ever wouldve been there. Stuff has happened but i cant do anything about it.

Recently, Gina broke up with me. On our 6 month Anniversary. Reason why: Unknown. Most of confusion. I guess you can say. My reaction towards it, was ok. Very surprisingly. usually i cry and cry for days and stupid crap like that. But i guess you can say being with Gina has made me mature alot more in relationships. of course i was hurt. But we have been discussing quite some time before the action took place. I was ready for either outcome. It hurts alot, oh yea it does. But no need for tears. Why cry if it makes her happy? If she doesnt wanna be wtih me tahn im not gonna make her. Thats stupid. I would rather her be with me causeshe wants to be than out of Sympathy or pity. Honesty is such an amazing thing, i wish people would use it more often. Love, how i wish more was in the world. I really do wish Gina would come back to me and everything be the way it was before, BETTER than it was as of that matter. Whatever happens just...happens. I hope her decision makes HER happy. Hopefully she doesnt choose an answer to make me happy or anyone else happy. Just her.

My Parents. PERFECT COUPLE! yea, never happen! I hope the person i spent the rest of my life with, our relationship isnt like that, or anywhere near it. Like a month ago they hated each other and didnt want anything to do with each other. And now they fuck everyday. We were living with my grandma for a while and it kinda sucked but hey i lived closer to Gina and Tiffany. :) Then my mom got tired of it and we went to our house cause we were gonna sneak in but my dad changed the locks. ASSHOLE! then miraculously! we found an open window. we shoved my brother in here and he opened the door we got in and put our things away. And yea my dad came home it was better tahn expected, until my dad called the cops. DON DON DON!!! nothing happened though. it was all good, than my dad left and a couple of hours he came back begging my mom to work it out and saying he loved her and other bullshit like that. Stupid! how pathetic. For a week they were good, but my mom and dad hung around his family and my dad was an asshole to her and shit happened. But AGAIN they worked it out and they're ok.I think, no i KNOW my moms' an idiot for going back to my dad. But hey Love is weird and STUPID. who knows they're outcome. THey want another kid. But w/e those 2 stupid idiots know what they want. Ones a Coke head, drunk and the other is a moron. Pretty fucked up family. lol. Oh well, i guess i love them. :) All i know is that i wont ever end up like them.

School...ive been in it for a week but havent really gone to my classes. :( But once we go back ima be good. i promise Journal! :D

Well its 12:52. Ima go. ill update later. Goodnight Journal.

I Love You
*~Gina~*

~*AlWaYs AnD fOrEvEr~*

Life, what else?!
I dont even know where to start off at. Im so confused about everything. The only thing im sure about is how my heart hurts so bad, how i constantly cry, how i really dont wanna live so i wont have to be faced with anything anymore. All my feelings i HOPED and PRAYED i wouldnt have to go through again as i did in middle school and the beginning of high school are unfortunately coming back. I hate crying! I finally thought all of that bullshit was over with. Everything i say to try to help, doesnt mean anything! it doesnt mean shit! i feel so alone in the world. i know people love me and stuff, it just feels like they dont anymore. i finally seemed to get over with the whole moving thing and just get use to it and get it over with already. but another issue comes up. My heart hurts so much, i dont wanna eat, i dont wanna be happy, i think moving was the biggest mistake i couldve made. well, the mistakes ive made before, in the long run benefited me somehow. Ive felt worse than this and something good always came by. I hope i dont find out 20 years from now. I hope its soon. I dont wanna feel like shit anymore. As i continue writing i realized something. Im just not gonna care anymore. im not gonna cry anymore. just fuck the stupid shit. w/e it is. Im just gonna live the days as it is. W/e happenes, just happens. I may not agree with it but oh well, there's nothing i could do about it. im just gonna handle it strong and continue with my life. Im not gonna feel like shit when theres so much other horrible things going on. i need to think of others. How are my tears gonna benefit someone? they're not. maybe if i just care about others and forget myslef i wont get hurt, i wont cry, i wont feel the need to wanna die. This is where the army comes up. After i graduate i might be alone. My life would be useful to protect others. it wouldnt be useful for anything else. As well as donating my lungs or kidneys i dont know some body part to someone BETTER, SMARTER, That has better dreams, who can have and live a life i couldnt ever pictured having. this entry may be weird, how i was so depressed and now caring less..i dont know either. All i know is that i dont wanna get hurt anymore, i dont wanna hurt anyone either, I LOVE this beautiful girl named GIna, I wanna be wtih her forever, I wanna do something for someone that can change their life forever. I wanna help people. I wanna save a person from dying. I wanna be with someone who will love me forever, be loyal to me forever, honest and can talk to me about ANYTHING! I just want things to go back to the way they were before. I may have it..... You tell me (you know who). I want to make her happy, never make her feel an ounce of sadness. Watch her accomplish her dreams, Support her in EVERYTHING she does, Hug her when she least expects it, Spoil her, Kiss her all the time, pinch her cheeks, make her laugh, make her feel like the most luckiest person in the world. help her whenever she needs it. i wanna be the person she comes to when shes sad, when shes happy, eveything and anything. I want her to have the g/f everyone DREAMS to have. Make people think shes the luckiest person in the world. How i try. Accomplishing with that I want to be someone's hero. A role model for people. Im just not gonna care about anything anymore. Let it go as it goes. W/e it is, i guess it wasnt meant to happen the way its suppose to. Im just gonna care more bout people. more about my world i live in and how i can make it better. No more tears, no more loneliness and no more Heartache.

i just LOVE you Gina..
I LOVE you more than ive ever loved anyone else
Im forever gonna LOVE you...
no matter what baby.

Life of course...
Havent update in a while. I hate regretting things. I can honestly say i have never regretted anything in my point in life, until now that i've just discovered one. The Unforunate. The Unexpected in one's life. The description of upsetting nights ive had in two months cant compare to my whole lifetime. To when i got my first heartbreak, to my choice of coming out, to losing my friends, to being afraid of the future. (Which i still am). This cant compare to FINALLY getting the one i love, than having to leave her behind for my studies to persue a life for which we can both live in happiness without any concerns of an argumenative realionship. So our love would'nt end up with Cheating, lying nor Hatred of one another. But it seems my task of attempting a long distance relationship will end up with never finding out how what the future holds for us. My temper, my argumenative conversations, my act of jealousy can really hurt a person, annoy a person... unfortuantely it can mistakingly be towards the one i love. i do not intend for any if these actions i have an act of doing. I know it's my responsiblity to control it, to overcome it. BUt ive been dealing wtih this from the first time ive ever fallen in love. And unfortunately it ended in tradegy of cheating, lying, hating one another and an ending of a great friednship. It took almost 2 years to become friends again. i wish for this not to happen with my new love. I do try, it may not seem like it, but i cant help it. My act of failure has left me in tears, in my barely breathing weeping. An also comes to an conclusion every so often for you to be with someone who would treat you better than i. i should'nt blame this long distance for my act of jealousy, act of anger, sadness. Cause it was still there when i lived in Florida. It seems as if my attempt to try this realtionship further only deepens my brokenheart. But im willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish this difficult task. For i love this girl, i love everything about her, I KNOW my life ends with her. And trying to do wheatever to get ALL her hopes, ALL her dreams. i only wish i could treat her better, the way she's suppose to be treated. I dont wanna lose her, she's my everything. To see her, to hold her, hug her, kiss her, my wanting of her here can't happen. My views of her are only on occassions, sadly months at a time. I only wish i could turn back time, to not have made this regretful mistake. I can honestly say i have never regretted anything in my point in life, until now that i've just discovered one...

Life..
Nothing's really been going on. Its the same things. The only things that are important are my concerts and my girlfriend.
Chorus is pretty good, we had our first concert on tuesday. it was awesome! i hard the other choirs and they were really good. I dont think we sounded that good. we were ok. there's a couple of things we have to fix. Our dynamics are the only thing that's pretty good. i guess you can say. Chorus would be alot more better if i actually talked to people. But i dont. They dont really know how to carry a conversation. Or maybe they just dont wanna talk to me. But w/e. Im gangster..im cool. i guess not. oh well, all i need is my florida peeps and im str-8! they're better anyways! hehehehe.
my girlfriend and I are doing pretty good. i love her! i loev hearing her voice on the phone telling me she loves me and wants to be with me forever...aaaawwww! i love her. i wanna be with her forever too! i still need 2 months to see her. it seems so long away, but i would wait forever to see her. I hope we can continue with the less arguments and more kissy-kissy! hehehe :D well, not literally but yea, i think you know what i mean journal. I dont know if i told you but on Oct. 20, 2006 it made 4 months! yay! Im trying to beat my longest relationship...which i think was 5 months and a week...not too sure..And also im trying to beat her lngest realtionship too. i think it was a year and 2 months..i dont know. but yea. i love Gina!
Also, ive been talking to Tiffany for a while. I'm glad! ihated how we just stopped talking and stopped being friends all in all. We're slowly trying to get a friendship back. im glad we can talk like friends...None of the jealousy, or flirtation..just friends. it's awesome! :)
Life, is slowly getting into place...

I love gina..

Alyssa
Loves
GinA

Forever and Ever...

Past few days
It's pretty much the same ol', same ol'. I met a few people. brian's becoming my stalker, its kinda scary but hey atleast i dont walk alone in the hallway. Also, i met Alex he's pretty cool. He's in Chorus..he's a bass. GANGSTER! He's a neat person. He likes me, so does Brian. I hate when people like me, i feel bad to turn them down. But i gotta do what i gotta do. even if it makes me a bad person, or if they dont wanna talk to me anymore.
Friday was pretty cool i guess, i went to my friend Amanda's house, she was having a sleep over. Her freakin house is like a mansion. I got there around 4:30. Then we went to the West VS. Central game. OH YEA!!! we won. 10-28. The game was insane! Surpringly, there were NO fights. Its a game as if South Dade and Homestead were playing . The only thing that sucked about it was the fact it was like 40 degrees out there. Then like the middle of the 3rd quarter it started snowing! Don't get me wrong i love snow, but not when im not able to move. its even colder! oh well, the game, the excitement was all worth it.
Then we left and went to her house. We watched The Blair Witch Project and The Hills Have Eyes..Amanda's house is surrounded by trees and after we watched The Blair Project her dad asked if we wanted to go walk in the woods..all of us were like 'NO, that's ok", "Are you crazy?", "heck No!" ..lol, it was funny. The Blair Witch Project isnt all that scary, but still! it makes you wonder. Then we liked pigged out on candy, chips, soda, the regular stuff you eat at a slumber party. we went to sleep around 3 or 4, dont really remember. Then i left around 12:00.

The i came home and had to put ALL my clothes away, and some otehr crap, cause my aunt brought the rest of our stuff from Florida. then after i finished that crap we went to the mall, i got some applications to get a job. I NEED SOME MONEY!!! lol, yea hopefully i get one. We chilled there for a while, i got some clothes :D YAY! then we came home. My mom and Aunt went tout so Corrina and i had the house to ourselves, it was pretty cool1 i love when parents arent' around. Then we feel asleep around 2:00.
That was pretty much Friday and Saturday

Sunday (today) isnt nothing. i just woke up around 9:00. Ate breakfast with my Mom, my brother, Aunt, and 2 cousins. Then my mom, br0ther and I just talked and stuff and waited for the Dolphin game to start. We're officially 1-6. We lost to the FUCKIN PACKERS! we could've won if we just played better. If we had a better Offense, O-Line, Special team, Recievers, Running back, pretty much EVERYTHING! othere than a defense, they're pretty good. And now im here. Nothing pretty special happened today, or any other day for that matter. I think we might go to this Haunted House thing later in downtown, but i dont know..whatever.
Well, that was my weekend. Update tomorrow or something. Bye, Journal!!

Another day gone by...
CAUTION: I suggest no one read this if you are easily bored, if you have a life, or if you dont love me. Only read if EXTREMELY bored...

Today was a normal day, i guess. I woke up like around 11 and Corrina and I watched a movie..we watched meet The fockers. That movie is so funny. Then we watched some haunted houses on Travel Channel thing. When your at home watching movies, its usually classified as Boredom. What teenagers mostly go through. or just what I go through. My mom and brother went to the stores and came back and asked if we wanted to go the movies. Of course we're gonna wanna join because what else were we gonna do? NOTHING! there's nothing to do when you dont have friends or dont have a g/f or b/f. So we watched the movie Grudge 2. We got to the mall a little early so we ate there. I ate Chinese Food! yyuumm! and i saw my friend Brian, he's cool. I actully saw a few people i met at school, at the mall. Brian hungout with us for a while. He even saw the Grudge with us. The movies' pretty good. Alot scarier than part 1. After the movie we walked around the mall i went to Aeropostle and bought a few sweaters...then i called my love, but she was busy. She seems busy for me alot. She says that shes not, but i know when it is or isnt. Oh well, i guess im happy she's doing things and she wont be preoccupied thinking or missing me. There's days when i think we are doing perfectly fine, and nothing's gonna go wrong. But then there's times like today when she's doing other things and cant talk to me...she's BUSY. oh well, i guess only if i was there she would pay more attention to me. but im not, so im pretty much nothing. W/e i dont care. Anyways, after Aeropostle we went to Spencer's :wink, wink: i was looking at this postions book...pretty interesting. lol. YAY! my mommy bought me a hacky sack! i lost my other one :( oh well i gots a new one! hehehe. After Spencer's we left. Then we went to Meijer's, gosh i love that store! so better than Wal-Mart. I bought some Candy Apples!! yay! ima get fat. oh well, if you dont love me fat, then you never loved me at all. :sniff, sniff:...:pause: FUCK YOU! yea, then we just came home...now im writing in you Journal and on myspace. Well, that all about my day. Nothing special of course.. i guess im gonna fnish writing and just be bored, doing nothing...continue having no life. I hate feeling Lonely...and dont tell me im not cause i am.

The Perfect Mistake
i had everything...friends, family and the best g/f anyone can ask for. But i left all of it..i had a choice and that was to have a better education. That was the only thing i didnt have there. I would say that education is a necessity if your with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, or if you wanna family, or if you just wanna live by yourself and shut the whole world and do your own thing.
I want one to support the love of my life, and maybe one day start a family. i gave up everything, everything i built up and then i had to leave it, i had to move on...not wanting to. i left something that wasnt finished and im never gonna be able to finish it. i couldnt do it, i wasnt gonna make it. Im scared of failure, im scared of living life without a future. i dont want that, i really dont . i wish i wouldve tried harder, i wish i can do it all over. i didnt wanna leave them, especially didnt wanna leave her.
What have i done? i had everything except one stupid thing. But i had to have it! wait...its not stupid what am i talking about.....i want my family back, i want my friends back. i wanna be with my girlfriend. Im no longer able to see her everyday, kiss her everyday, hold her hand everyday.
Unfortunately, its too late i made my choice, i got what i wanted, what i got on bended knee for. And my choice just slapped me in the face. i cant say i wanna go back, i cant even go back even if i wanted to. The choice i made was to have no friends, to sit by myself at lunch, stay home on the weekends...The only good thing that came out of it was chorus, snow and being able to only concentrate on my school work.
I hate it! i want my old life back. i dont wanna be alone anymore, i dont wanna be away from Gina anymore, i dont wanna cry without a shoulder for me anymore. i wanna stop feeling stupid for the decision i made. i hate myself for not trying. I HATE MYSELF!
i wanna be with Gina. i wanna be able to kiss her whenever i want to, touch her, hug her whenever i want to, look at her, EVERYTHING. Baby, i miss you, i love you so much. Im sorry, im SO sorry. i wanna take this all back. I wanna go home, i dont wanna be here anymore. If i could just get one more chance, i promise to do everything i have to do, i wont skip anymore, Ill do my homework, Ill study more, ill cherish eveyday there. Please, just give me one more chance, i promise....please.....


Im Dying Here.....

Is today a subject?
Guess so. Today i just woke up took a shower and than went to Breakfast! man, believe it or not they have some GOOD mexican food! Before that got into an argument with my mom and brother as usual. My brother is becoming really badi odnt know how to control him...i just hope this angerness goes away. Well, than we went to the store bought some food and just tried to pass the time by so we can watch the Dolphin Game. DAmn do we freakin suck! we're now 0-5...thats some motha fuckin bullshit. I never thought i'd see the Dolphins like this. im ashamed to say im a DolFan...but oh well. i love them Winners or Losers. they just need to play freakin better. Harrington played, hes pretty good! oh well, now i can just hope they lose more and more games so we can get better drafts next season... After the game we went to the stores bought some food for our Fat asses and goit my eyebrows done. Damn that bitch did it hard! And the cool thing about today was that it was warm, lately its been cold as a motha fucker! sad thing about tomorrow is the high's are gonna be in the 50's ....AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! i just hope i can cope with this shit soon. Man, everyday i think about my lilo Woobie, i miss her sooo much! i just wish the days can go by faster so we can live together already, and start our beautiful lives together. AAHHH! i cant wait! thani came home and just watched t.v and came online. than i talked to the love of my life and still am...Well, nothing really special happen only when i talked to my love....I guess ima go, nothing left to write. Ttyl Journal! till tomorrow

I love Gina...Forever and Ever

*6-20-06* - Forever

Mind Thoughts
There's been a day or 2 when i feel really happy and anxious for school to start and how much my life is gonna change in so many better ways. But then there's the days when im so Depressed and feel so lonely cause i dont wanna go to a different school, having to find new friends ALL OVER AGAIN! I dont even want to. My friends were PERFECT, my school..uhh...somewhat but bedsides the point i was happy there.
I guess to have something Great, Unbelieveable, Undescribable, Incredible, Amazing, Life Changing, Life threatening, thing happen to you is unfortunately give up something special, something you love or someone.
I had to leave my Beautiful, talented, amazing, Smart, and BEst Friend behind. Man, i cant believe it. Shes EVERYTHING i mean EVERYTHING to me. I love her so much. i dont wanna regret moving here cause im doing this for her, for me...to benefit us in the later future. Alot of people dont believe we can do it. BUt they dont understand how much we love each other. I never loved someone this much. I mean before, i always cheated in a relationship, regardless if i loved them or something, but for her, i mean..i could NEVER EVER think of doing that to her. Im so honest with her also, and ive never been truly honest in a realtionship...but we share some special bond that i cant explain where i wish i could so i can tell the whole world! and they can envy us :) Wodrs cant explain how much i love and adore her...i get butterflies when she calls me those cute names, look at me in a some kind way, touch me...GOSH! i love her. i get so happy when i think of her, say her name....
Me being here makes me sad that i cant see her...but i know if i close my eyes picture her by me i can almost feel her here...in an odd way..yes but i do! i guess thats why i dont cry as much as i should, i dont know...she knows i love her and so does everyone else...
We can make this work, i know we can! I love her and she loves me...We're gonna be together forever and live happily ever after! fuck people who say there is no happy ending or fairy tale ending w/e i know we're gonna have that! i really truly know. i have faith..
well, i have to go but ill probably write more or just type tomorrow...

See ya later journal..

I love you Gina..
Always and Forever Baby..

*6-20-06* - *Forever*

Your a Journal..
Are you gonna judge me? Are you gonna resond to my thoughts in a message or some sort of action? If i tell you a secret will you promise to keep it? Can i just tell you why im sad, why i hate the world? Why i keep crying, why im so happy, why i feel like the luckiest person in the world? will you promise to be there whenever i need to write? Not only are you a journal, but where i can express my feelings, where i can feel clamer about however i feel. Please be here when i need you the most.....cause i know im gonna have the best times i can ever imagine and remember them by reading what i posted a few months ago, and unfortunately, have the worst times and not wanting to remember them but type it in you so i can get my emotions all out. i know this is weird talking to something that has no feelings whatsoever....well, on the other hand...it does have feelings.....MY feelings...thanks for being here...Also thank you Gina...for being able to have this..i love you...always and forever baby..

i guess ill write more later...

I love Gina
*6/20/06* - Forever :D

My First!
Wow! its been a while... 8th grade memories...aaahhh Flashback! Alots changed since then. Im 16 now...Im more open than i was then.. (with my sexuality) I have a WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL girlfriend named Gina :D. im a chorus lover! too Obssessed with it. Im in 11th grade. oh yea! i have completely different friends..still a Dolphin lover! although their not doing too great this season...well, you get the point. Anyways, today i hungout wtih my love! YAY! we cuddled and we played HACKYSACK! aaawww she looked so cute trying to play. :sigh: i love her so much! then we cuddled more...i couldnt watch the Dolphin it was too upsetting...i didnt do that much today..just a regualr boring day...well, until my lilo Woobie had to leave. :( than i was borededed. After that i had to Babysit 3 little brats, nothing exciting...than i really didnt do much..and now im writing here..so yea. nothing too interesting..maybe later there will be something worth reading...until next time i guess...

i love Gina!