| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| christini (profile) wrote, on 7-1-2004 at 7:22pm | |
| Current mood: cold Music: switchfoot |
|
| ive decided to start alternating between here and eljay now, it seems like less people read up here. i like that its more.. hidden, i guess. things have been really weird lately, i feel something else everyday. no consistency whatsoever. emy and i broke things off i suppose, im happy/sad about it , happy cause, well, all we do is fight anymore, and it seems as if lately all hes been doing is provoking me and TRYING to make me mad, and just been getting on my nerves and hurting me left and right, and i just need the break. sad , cause, well, as much as i dont want to, i do love him. and whenever i get lonely all i want is to be in his arms again. and, thats always gonna be there. until i have him back or until i fall for someone else. thats just.. how it works i guess. it seems to be a mutual decision now, cause we've gotten to the point where its not really anything but a physical relationship now, and well, it used to be so much more. we used to be best friends.. and now, i feel like we dont know the first thing about eachtoher. and that only makes it that much easier to fight, when you dont know someone . so, maybe since we have that whole, physical aspect down pat, if we swerve away from that for a while and just not allow it, and work on the friendship we once had so well, maybe one day things will turn out the way ive wanted them. but maybe not. who knows. maybe one day we'll be such good friends that we wont want to ruin it again. maybe we'll get back together. maybe he'll fall in love and ill be heart broken. maybe we'll drift apart even more. maybe we'll hate eachother. i really dont know anymore. but im just , sick of hoping and dreaming and wishing on stars for him. whatever happens, happens from here. im done planning it out. cause that leads to nothing but disappointments and feeling of failure. and im really sick of that. all i can hope for is the best. and that one day ill truely be happy. hey, it could happen. i just really want to get away for now. even if its just a sunny getaway with my parents. itd be nice to just go someplace i dont know and lay in the sun and listen to music and read books all day. i havent had time to read a book ive wanted to read in, ages. i never have time for me anymore. and from now on, thats my first priority. cause before i can find what i want in someone else i have to find it in myself. hopefully that getaway will come soon enough. summer school may be over today for me, idk yet. cause even if i get an A, it might drop my hpa as it is, cause i think this class is only on a 4.0 scale. so it wouldnt make sense. plus i dont want to wake up early anymore. and i dont pay attention anymore, so , there really is no point. shrug. i guess i'll just decide by monday night. someone wanna take me in for the fourth of july? i dont really wanna stay here. but dont really wanna impose upon people. maybe ill light some sparklers and just dance around my room. but then again that could be a fire hazard. we'll see. :/ now on to that me time. |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
sameen | 07-01-04 10:39pm i like ur thought process. u have a lotta self realization, that's good. |
christini | Re:, 07-02-04 9:04am thanks sameen,
|
lifesuxsodanz | 07-01-04 11:27pm how can they all be so different yet hurt us all the same...being strong like that is by far the hardest thing but if you stay focused and don't let him pull you back into a dysfuncional relationship...you will be so much better off I promise. Keep that hope that things will change for the better and stay strong...all you have to fear are those quiet moments when your mind is allowed to drift freely back to those times when things were perfect and you knew each other's hearts...its good to hold on to those memories but when they become to painful is when your friends have shoulders ready to cry on and smiles to take your mind off of the negative.
|
christini | Re:, 07-02-04 9:05am theyre just. oblivious to what they do to us. they never put themselves in our shoes when they say hurtful things, and all the blame gets shifted to us when its really supposed to be on them.
|
spinoangel | 07-02-04 1:34pm fourth of july with christina.
|
christini | Re:, 07-02-04 3:30pm you sure?
|