Until The Day I Die

:: 2006 19 February :: 10.50am

Well this weekend has been pretty shitty, my stomach is going to explode, my computers ip adress was changed by Christina then we had to have my aunt that lives in Kentucky fix it up for us. So chrissy was lucky she didn't have to pay $160 for repair... well I have to get ready to leave. Going to head off to my dads.

:: 2006 23 January :: 6.42pm
:: Music: P.O.D - Goodbye for Now

Bury it deep, so far that you can't see

"I think the worst part of holding on is letting Go"

----edit----

It's hard watching everything you worked for in the past crumble in your hands and drift away like ash caught in the wind. For years I've tried to get things to work out but it seems tonight when I finally look at the end result I realize all I have left are empty memories. No emotion or meaning latched to them any longer. After all thats what they are...just memories. Memories that I thought would last forever I now am letting them go.

Realizing what I'm doing is probably the hardest thing yet and knowing of all the people I'm discarding along with this clean out memorie process to me is now no longer of any importance. For if they were not just a memorie, I could still go to them and talk about what will be going on in the next few hours or even days, its not like that anymore. I can't remember the look of your eyes, smell of your hair, or any of the stupid things you said to make me laugh when I needed it. Everything is gone. Don't feel bad, after all you were the one whom wanted this to happen. Don't feel any remorse or rejection I've felt enough for the both of us. I saw this coming, and I blindly steped into it. Could have it been prevented? I think not, your happieness means more to me than my own. Soon it wont though, your memorie is becoming short...and yet I don't feel any lighter, perhaps I need to finish cleaning out your memorie.

Minutes seem like days with every closing word we speak. Knowing the end is near can draw fear into the eyes of even the most noble of men, and yet I still don't feel any relief. Shrug it off and let slide another memorie.

Goodbye For Now
by P.O.D.
album: Testify (Jan.24) (2006)

I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel shine,
Through the dark times even when I lose my mind.
But it feels like no one in the world is listenin',
And I can't ever seem to make the right decisions.
I walk around in the same haze, I'm still caught in my same ways.
I'm losing time in these strange days,
But somehow I always know the right things to say.

I don't know what time it is,
Or who's the one to blame for this.
Do I believe what I can't see?
And how do you know which way the wind blows?
Cause I can feel it all around,
I'm lost between the sound.
And just when I think I know, there she goes.

Goodbye for now, Goodbye for now (so long)
Goodbye for now,
I'm not the type to say I told you so.
Goodbye for now (so long)
I think the hardest part of holding on is lettin' it go.
When will we sing a new song? A new song.

I'm still smiling as the day goes by,
And how come nobody ever knows the reasons why?
Bury it deep, so far that you can't see.
If your like me, who wears a broken heart on your sleeve,
Pains and struggles that you know so well,
Either time don't, it can't, or it just won't tell.
I'm not the type to say I told you so,
I think the hardest part of holding on is lettin' it go.

I don't know what time it is,
Or who's the one to blame for this.
Do I believe what I can't see?
And how do you know which way the wind blows?
Cause I can feel it all around,
I'm lost between the sound.
And just when I think I know, there she goes.

Goodbye for now, Goodbye for now (so long)
Goodbye for now,
I'm not the type to say I told you so.
Goodbye for now (so long)
I think the hardest part of holding on is lettin' it go.
When will we sing a new song? A new song.
When will we sing a new song? A new song.

And you can sing until there's no song left (song left)
And I can scream until the world goes deaf (goes deaf)
For every other word left unsaid,
You should've took the time to read the signs
And see what it meant (what it meant)
In some ways everybody feels alone,
So if the burden is mine then I can carry my own (carry my own)
If joy really comes in the morning time,
then I'm gonna sit back and wait until the next sunrise.

Goodbye for now, Goodbye for now (so long)
Goodbye for now,
I'm not the type to say I told you so.
Goodbye for now (so long)
I think the hardest part of holding on is lettin' it go.
When will we sing a new song? A new song.
When will we sing a new song? A new song.

Its a new Day

12:59

:: 2006 23 January :: 2.08pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: the strokes

I've got the worst little flu-bug known to man.
ah, well, i'll get better soon.
i hope to paint in about an hour,
once I finish studying.
curse schoolwork.
<3kaye.

1 Ghosts | Fade Into Memory

:: 2006 22 January :: 8.05pm
:: Mood: optimistic

i feel very open and I like how this is kindof a private blog thing.

2 Ghosts | Fade Into Memory

:: 2006 22 January :: 5.46pm

so this is kaye and I am excited because Sirus is amazing for making this mine and making the graphics and all of that.

even if you're not a member you can comment, just include your name.
<3kaye

2 Ghosts | Fade Into Memory

:: 2006 22 January :: 5.20pm

Transfer of ownership.
This now belongs to Kaye.

Yep.

:: 2006 21 January :: 9.54pm
:: Music: Static X- Kill you Idols

I love waking up in the mornings to have the people I love lying next to me. This morning when I woke I saw my little girl huddled agenst me. I fell asleep last night while waiting for her arrival so it caught me as a plesant surprise.
After we both got our sweaters on we headed upstairs to check on Marley Rose. I sat next to the couch adjacent to her and said "morning" she looked at me smiled and said "Hi" it was a big deal to me. The first word I ever heard her speak.
After playing for a bit then going out for lunch we went home. My mission, to get Abigail Grace to take a nap. Easily enough we were both tired so we layed down for a nap together and again when I woke up she was clinging to me. And when she awoke it was off to CRAZY BOUNCE. Sadly once we got there they closed the doors on us saying that they had a private party scedualled and we were not able to enter. Sooo across the street we went to Chucky Cheese. Abbys' favorite place in the world. After three or four hours there we were all pretty sick of that place so we went to Starbucks then Panarea Bread for bagles. And finally home.
Uncle Bob and Aunt Michelle had a surprise for Christina. I guess they got her an ipod. Chrissys' been wanting one for some time now and Gary had to put his two sense in and say how Chrissy shouldn't have one. By telling my mom this she spinelessly went to my aunt and told her how it could become a problem. Now I'm sure my sister no longer will have that gift. I don't understand him, good things happen to good people that just so happens to be my sister. Perhaps he's jelous no one goes out of there way to do anything nice for him, after all he doesn't do squat for anyone else.

1 Ghosts | Fade Into Memory

:: 2006 20 January :: 9.28pm

Here I am waiting for her to arrive. Abigail Grace and
Marely Rose are both coming tonight. It has been about a month since I've seen them and I've missed them both so much. I'm tired but I'm willing to stay up all night waiting for them two. Hopefully one day they move back up here. It's a terrible seven 1/2 hour drive there and back, depending on if you speed or not. Much to far for my favorite little girls be.

:: 2006 17 January :: 4.43pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Flyleaf so I thought

The new year has finally arived. I find myself every year hoping and praying for a new more exciting all around better year.

It never really turns out all that great.
Last year I went through many growing experiences. Losing a best-friend, and gaining another, fueds that I know will never fade away with time after all how could I ever learn to trust someone that points the trigger at me any time anything goes wrong? I'm not trying to come off as pesimistic because I do have alot to be thankful for. The middle of last year Thaddeus came into my life and things between us are fine. Of course we have our tiffs like any other couple but we seem to resolve them quickly. Lyndsey and I keep in touch as often as humanly possible, though it isn't often I get to see her at least I make an effort.
In better news Thaddeus gave me Adobe the other day and I've made a few peices of my little girl Abby and another of my little sister, then of course Thad and I. They're alright for my first two days with it, at least I can say I'm proud of my work and not need the support of others telling me how beautiful it is or how hiddeous it came out to be. I am more than content with my work and I hope it will stay that way.

:: 2005 24 July :: 6.29pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Sirenia - Lithium and a Lover

In the last entry I forgot to mention that Carl left a few things here..
1. Earrings
2. Necklace
3. Bracelet
4. A sock.. I uh, don't know if the other one is here or if you've got it.
- -
Uhm. Other than that.. let's see, I've been planning out my birthday get-together party thing. I know of only two people coming for sure so far, they would be Carley, Caleb, Toby, and Alicia.. if you would like to go then either call or comment, if you are incapable of that then you aren't coming.
I plan to go ice skating, but I'd like to do something else afterwards.. if any of you have suggestions they'd be greatly appreciated. :D

That's it.

Oh and P.S, I'm going to the DEF LEPPARD concert with Carl and you aren't!! And the only person who is worthy of getting a t-shirt is my boyfriend, Sirus Ray O'Leary.. if your name is NOT Sirus Ray O'Leary you do not get one.
SO DON'T ASK!

:: 2005 21 July :: 12.21pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: One Headlight - The Wallflowers

"We put it all together, we can drive it home..with one headlight.."
So yes, I figured it was time for an update.
Well, I've had a busy last couple of days.. Carl came over yesterday, and we watched Pet Sematary, which was recommended by Sye, a very good movie it is. We also watched Queen of the Damned, and Deuce Bigalow, both are awesome. We then made plans to go downtown Grand Rapids to Blues. Toby came over and ventured down there with us. I finally got to meet Zach, he's a great guy.. at least from what I could tell, we only were there for about 15 minutes more after he arrived there.. then we had to leave. We brought Toby back home, and Carl spent the night here with me.
8am my alarm sounds, and Carl is punching me to get up.. well, I had a haircut at 9:30, and had to leave by 9.. we weren't motivated what so ever, and I just shut the alarm back off and we fell back asleep until around 8:40, which then I literally crawled out of bed and went to see if my mom was ready, she was in bed as we were.. I told her to get up and then I went back into my room.. which I lied back down and fell asleep once again.. and got woke up by my mom who was yelling at us to get up, we just rolled over.. and she then called us "Poop".. yeah, that kind of.. hurt, so we managed to get out of bed and get ready within the radius of 3 minutes, no kidding. When we got to the hair salon, Carl and I quik ran over to the Dollar Store and got our very nutritious breakfast which consisted of Slim Jims, chocolate, and Coke.
We then dropped Carl off at home, but before we left my mom got the grand tour of her house. My mom and Carl's mom have a lot in common, it's almost creepy.
"At least it wasn't drugs in her cubby."

I've been waiting for my boyfriend to sign online.. I hope he's resting, at least he should be, he needs it. So Sye, I know I probably won't talk with you tonight and I know you read this, I want to say I love you, a lot, and hope you're feeling okay and that I will talk to you as soon as we possibly can.

G'night

:: 2005 20 July :: 7.18pm

Alright. My second go at this whole updating-Hillary's-woohu-fiasco.

It had better not flake out on me again, or I'll be busting some skulls. And monitors.

Anyway - Hil, Toby and I are about to embark on a tedious adventure to the heart of Grand Rapids *string music* so.. perhaps we'll pick up some guy for Hillary. If he's cheap enough; I'm not spending too much.

Equipped with my Hillary-attire, and with Toby at my side.. I am capable of anything.

For instance, updating Hillary's woohu from her computer - which is the very reincarnation of Satan, himself.

- Carl

:: 2005 20 July :: 2.38pm

3rd time's a charm, fuck you woohu.
- Carl