Until The Day I Die

:: 2005 10 January :: 8.44pm
:: Mood: accomplished

Mother downtairs 'cause of her soap opera + Computer magically on + Annoying cousin gone = Me updating

I had a HUGE arguement with mother dearest a couple of days ago were she confessed that she thought I was a rotten person who did horrible things and who doesn't know bad from good. She's also saying that I'm steering Katherine (my little sister) in the wrong direction. Worst part is somewhere during the confrontation I became emotional and started crying... I've become so weak ever since I came out of that stupid place and it angers me so much. Whatever. My mother told me she doesn't trust me at all... At times the way she stares at me really bothers me, its like she's deeply dissapointed, like I've wronged her somehow, like she's disgusted. I don't understand what I did wrong and perhaps getting removed from the family is still an option... I have to look into that.

I'm ill again. This whole weekend I spent it sounding like something between a man and a woman that went terribly wrong. My voice has imporved a bit... Now I just sound like I'm about to croak.

Ragu came back from Sri Lanka today and he seemed okay which I'm really thankful for, he had me really worried. He'd gone back to visit his homeland during Christmas vacation and was caught in the tsunami. When I saw him I tried to give him a hug which he refused and even though we were only able to speak for about roughly four minutes I noticed there was something different about him, he however did a damn good job of hiding it from everyone and was happy around us but I could tell there was something really off about him. *sigh*

This should've been posted earlier but when I was finally able to go to the media center there was a class there and yeah... I'll try to post again tomorrow, if not then I'll try the day after that and so on. Blah its nine... Off I go to take my happy/knock out pills.

:: 2005 10 January :: 3.41pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Killswitch Engage- The end of heartache

Today Carl told me the best news I've heard in awhile - Sye is coming! woo! the anticipation... it's already eating away at me. *sigh* But, another good thing is he's coming on exam week, so you know what that means, yep, more time with Sye, Carl, Alicia, Megan, Jessy, and whoever else... unless I don't like them, then there will be a shooting. Or, orrr an "accidental" happening of a candle holder falling and jabbing someone in the heart.

--- In other happenings...

I've found out some other great news yesterday. Well, it seems that if I work hard, earn some money, then by next summer I can take a trip to Germany with Alicia. Woo! If all goes well, it's going to be great. My week is off to a pretty good start.

:: 2005 5 January :: 5.50pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Wish I had an angel- Nightwish

Well, everyone has just left my house... I had Carl, Megan, and Brittney over to watch a movie, and eat pizza. It was actually for Sye, but since he was unable to be to this one, we are having another when he arrives. :) Carl has quite a few pictures, so, once she sends those to me, I will possibly post them.

I hope you all had at least a bit of fun... I'm not the best party hostess.

Well I am off to take some aspirin that I am in great need of.

:: 2005 5 January :: 2.24pm

I'm finally able to update from school, there's been classes going on in the media center all these past days so I haven't been allowed on the computers.

Erm, things at home are worsening... My means of escape were the computer, napping, reading comic books, reading, and drawing but now everything has been taken away save for reading and drawing. *sighs* Its like my parents want to suck the joy out of everything and they are succeeding.

Oh yeah about that New Years party I was bitching about... They made me dance on not one but four occassions (they have me on camera too)! My aunt caught me the first time playing chess and, promtly pulled me away and literally made me dance. The other times were her fault too save for the time my dearest parents pulled me out to the dance floor.

While at the "party" I was finally able to speak with an older cousin of mine who is also quite strange and found out he's pretty cool, other then that I was bored out of my damn mind.

That's it for now (there is someone next to me who's perfume is inducing a massive head ache) I don't know when I'll be updating next, hopefully its sometime soon... I miss being on the computer, I miss you guys, but above all I miss Sye :'(

:: 2005 1 January :: 12.14am
:: Mood: mellow

happy new year.

:: 2004 31 December :: 2.04pm

So it seems that this time around I'll be doing something "fun" for New Years.
We (my immediate family and I) will be going to Plainfield, New Jersey to spend the final hours of 2004 with my distant uncle and a large portion of the family here in NJ. At least there will be lots of food but boo to the loud salsa & merrengue music they will be blasting into my ears.

I am going to feel so completely out of place and I'm going to get pointed and jeered at again. -_-

Oh well I guess it can't be so bad... That is, until I'm literally forced to dance. The minute I get there I am going to look for a hole to hide in and will only be coaxed to come out when its feeding time (I am making myself sound like some sort of animal kept at the local petting zoo... Joy) then its back to my happy place. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.

Have a good new year everyone.

1 Ghosts | Fade Into Memory

:: 2004 31 December :: 1.32pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: The 69 Eyes - The Chair

Well, I guess I'm not doing much of anything today... :(
*sigh* except Alicia is most likely coming over, and we are going to watch movies, with my endless bag of popcorn that you all wish you had *grins* Anyway, then we will drink our wine and throw confetti when the time comes... You know, this sucks, 'cause usually I go somewhere for New Years, I can already see this year's potential of becoming rancid.

That's all until later-

:: 2004 29 December :: 6.36pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: HIM- Join me

Well, I just got back from Alicia's house... It was quite fun. We went snowboarding, and now I can feel it, I am incredibly sore... :/
We watched Anchorman, I love that movie. :)

Ron: "You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?"

Ron: "I'm going to punch you in the ovary, right in the babymaker."

Brick: "I ate a big, red candle."

Brick: "Where'd you get those suits from, the... toilet store?"

Brian: "So the team pancake breakfast is tomorrow morning at nine, instead of eight."
Ron: "Oops... I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, "jogging". I believe it's "jogging" or "yogging". it might be a soft "j". I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild."

---

Well, I'm off for now.

Chromegoblin

:: 2004 29 December :: 1.42pm

Hey
I want to send out a huge hug to Ben who graciously gave me his journal out of the kindness of his heart because he is so awesome! Ahhh! Thank you Ben! *hugs Ben*
This kinda resembles the blurty I once had which is awesome.
Well I'm going to start things off by saying that I won't be able to update too frequently but I promise to keep it more alive then my xanga.

I've really nothing else to say so I'm ending this here.

I love you Sirus! And thank you Ben!

:: 2004 29 December :: 7.30pm

I'm now giving this to Karina, for Sye.

:: 2004 26 December :: 6.45pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Epica- Sensorium

Today, I went and got Carl's late christmas gift... betcha' can't guess what it is, Carl! *smirks* That call last night was so unexpected, I could tell when you picked up the phone that you had no idea. :D

Well, I guess that is about it for now.

:: 2004 24 December :: 12.13pm
:: Mood: *Sigh*

Some situations are better left alone. Doesn't it just piss you off when somebody brings them back up?

*sigh*

I could really use a hug about now...

:: 2004 22 December :: 1.05pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: Wumpscut- Kreig

Well yesterday Alicia and I went ice skating, my first time this year! *smiles* WOO! And... sadly Alicia's second time, EVER! She is a deprived child.

- I forgot to add a few things about my weekend in my last entry, so here it goes...

Well, first off I mistaked my grandma for someone else... so I was waving at some other person. Alicia won't let me live that one down.

- Later at my house...

Alicia: "Oh my god! Hillary! my water... It turned into POP!!!

Me: *looks over at glass* No it didn't, I can see right through it!

Alicia: No, seriously look at it!

Me: *looks*... *shakes head*... *gets up and moves glass a bit*

Alicia: *frowns*...Oh... Well, look at it! it looked like it had turned into pop at this angle!

- Well, that is about it for now.