acidtears
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2010 31 July :: 3.48pm
:: Mood: accomplished
Moving on, and it feels good. :)
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acidtears
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2010 27 July :: 11.31am
Hang on
When the water is rising
Hang on
When the waves are crashing
Hang on
Just don't ever let go
I'm so stubborn
It's how I got here
So alone
Feels like forever
I wanna swim away
And breath the open air
But I feel so afraid
Then I hear you say
Hang on
When the water is rising
Hang on
When the waves are crashing
Hang on
Just don't ever let go
I'm so hungry
How can I stay here?
I'm starving
For what I hold so dear
Like a hurricane
It takes everything
From me
Wake me from this dream
Hang on
When the water is rising
Hang on
When the waves are crashing
Hang on
Just don't ever let go
Hang on
When you're barely breathing
Hang on
When your heart's still beating
Hang on
Just don't ever let go
Three days
Or thirty years
So hopeless
It doesn't matter
Don't say it's too late
If you blink your eyes
The sun is rising
The sun is rising
Hang on
When the water is rising
Hang on
When the waves are crashing
Hang on
Just don't ever let go
Hang on
When you are barely breathing
Hang on
When your hearts still beating
Hang on
Just don't ever let go
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acidtears
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2010 26 July :: 11.05pm
:: Mood: drained
shfxnvmxasjf....i don't even know.
The new job is going good. I am working everyday this week except Thursday. The only bad thing about this job is being on my feet all day. I'm getting used to it though. It never fails, the gas station becomes empty, so I go to sit down, and as soon as my ass touches the chair, there's a customer. I have phrases like "Have a good Day?", "How are you?", and "Credit or Debit?" stuck in my head. I dream in PLU numbers. But, I do not regret starting there. Everyone's friendly, my boss and co workers are awesome and hilarious. It's very laid back. I like it. It's easy. But, first thing I need to get is my driver's license, then GED, then save money for the tattoo job next summer. And eventually, once all is taken care of, start looking at apartments. But, it's going to be a busy week. Luckily tomorrow is going to be very easy. My shortest shit yet will be tomorrow, only 2 hours. Not bad at all. My downtime consists of talking about booty calls and other dirty things with my boss. Love it. But, better get to bed. See ya.
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acidtears
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2010 23 July :: 11.57am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: "Happy" By Leona Lewis
Fucking Doctors
Well, today sucks so far. I kept trying to get a hold of the Gastro office, when I finally got through I learned my Doctor doesn't work there anymore, and they have a note not to schedule me there anymore with anyone. Because I had to reschedule a few times. Excuse the fuck out of me, Life happens. The majority of the time my mom was not feeling well enough to drive me, and I cannot walk to Greenville. Fuck that. Whatever, the nurses and Secretaries there were bitches anyway. So luckily I found 3 highly respected Gastro Doctors that I need to call. I hope they accept my insurance, because I need to see a Gastro Doctor. But, onto another subject. My grandparents are picking me up later and we're going out to dinner, then tomorrow, I start work. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. No, it's not my dream job, but its a job and sure beats the hell out of working at a Fast Food place. I start tomorrow at 2, then end at closing time, 10. So, luckily I don't have to wake up earlier or a anything. Then next week Me and David might hang out, depends on my work schedule and a few other factors. But, I better get going. Bye.
2 Ghosts |
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acidtears
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2010 19 July :: 10.52pm
I think I might go nuts before wednesday
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acidtears
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2010 12 July :: 5.23pm
:: Mood: aggravated
Ha! Back at square one.
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acidtears
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2010 10 July :: 5.42pm
Raise your glass
We have incorporated
Place your bets
We're all so sick of waiting
Queen takes jack
You got me this time but i'll get you back
So pick a number
To all the ones who tried the most was i supposed to cheer your efforts
Sorry that i chose so poorly
Golly gee am i the poster girl
She's the kind of girl who looks for love in all the lonely places
The kind who comes to poker pockets stuffed with kings and aces
She's the kind of girl who only asks you over when its raining
Just to make you lie there catching water dripping from the ceiling
Lift your hats
Off to the checkout girls with tattooed backs
They'd make an angels skin crawl
If you ask them for assistance
There's an even chance
You'll get a number
To all the girls at pearl the surly boys who get to masticate them
I've a prize for each and every one of you so just be patient
To all the ones that hated me the most a toast
You really had me
Going for a second i was nervous
Boy am i the poster girl
She's the kind of girl who gets her slings and arrows from the dumpster
The kind who tell you she's bipolar just to make you trust her
She's the kind of girl who leaves out condoms on the bedroom dresser
Just to make you jealous of the men she fucked before you met her
To all the ones who thought they knew me best a test to prove your prowess
Who was mine in '99 i want last names and current status
To all the ones who hated me the most a toast you really had me going for second
I was nervous boy am i the poster girl
For some suburban sickness
Better keep a healthy distance
Now its up to you know what to do
It's pretty dirty business
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acidtears
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2010 6 July :: 1.42am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Goo Goo Dolls
You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
I wish
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
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acidtears
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2010 1 July :: 2.19pm
:: Mood: content
Is employed!
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xjayk
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2010 23 June :: 9.03pm
So I planned to quit.
I really did
I sat down and wrote out what I'd say to my boss to make things less awkward and leave on a good note.
So when she takes me outside to talk she tells me she's wanted to
talk to me for some time.
.....oh shit
Now that she's promoted me things are a little better. But lately I'm just agrivated for no apparent reason
Perhaps no time to myself
...no time with my husband?
Who knows.
Lately I feel like I can't do anything right. Everytime I go to do something I screw it up.
And I mean EVERY time.
I'm sooo tired.
But the day isn't done
and the work is never done
.....well
this was a truely awe inspiring journel entry I'll have to mark this one down
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acidtears
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2010 20 June :: 7.03pm
Today= Moving Day.
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acidtears
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2010 19 May :: 12.24am
We are now settled into the new house. It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be, especially because I ended the relationship with RJ. He was a great guy, but it wasn't going to work out for a few reasons, so I cut it short. But, had my 18th birthday Monday, it was a pretty good day. Had Mike and Jenny over for dinner, then went out after that. Got dry humped by Neilee, Highlight of my night. HaHa. But, gonna go. Bye.
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xjayk
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2010 6 May :: 7.38pm
Call me Selfish
I don't care if I hang out with you or not.
I don't care if you care period.
I've been working alot and hanging out with old friends...and I feel so 'whatev' about everything. I don't care. About anything.
Thad and I are fine, but he never wants to hang out with me.
He does his thing and I do mine.
I've been working alot on photo's and its been good. I've just been so distracted.
I need to figure out a way to get to Rochester, Minnesota so I can be with my ma. I dont have long to come up with the money. Anyone with ideas?
I watched Finding Neverland last night with my sister and we both started bawling our eyes out. If I knew that movie was going to end that way I totally wouldn't have played it. I mean it was a great movie but the ending is harsh.
I don't really know why I'm updating. I guess just out of boredom and whatnot.
I wish I had someone that I could call no matter what time of the day or night, and just talk or have them come over. In the same breath I don't. I don't need anyone to be there for me constantly. It'd just be a nice change of pace. But I guess I have Thaddeus for that. But I just hate troubling him all the time, after he works all day to support us.
I'm hungry, but I dont want to run out and be forced to drive through that Tulip Time traffic. I need grocerys soo bad. We havent gone shopping in like three weeks...if not four. So we're completely cleaned out. Thank God pay day is tomorrow.
Man I come off so cynical in all of my posts. But man who really posts things when their in a happy or indifferent mood. *sigh*
Whatev
I dont remember the last time Thaddeus and I spent an entire day together. Man married life is lame. lol.
1 Ghosts |
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xjayk
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2010 30 April :: 1.04pm
This past week has been wonderful, I got to be with my best friend for over 72 hours straight! Its such a rareity that I see her anymore. I enjoy every minute.
Though I have had a great time I hadn't been able to enjoy it as much as I had hoped. Its not like anything went wrong. Its just time, and the place. I hate not knowing, I hate waking up and worrying about what kind of phone call I'm going to get, and what it might mean. I hate not being able to go out with my mother and watching her suffer every single day. I hate it. I hate waking up period anymore. Its as if while I'm sleeping nothing bad can happen. I've watched as my mothers been ripped right out of my hands and stretched out onto some sort of death bed. I hate that everyone pretends that nothings happening and I hate how the doctors wont help and the insurance companies dont give a shit. I hate how this is affecting my marriage and my complete attitude. I dont want to lose her. I dont want her gone and I dont want to put her in the ground before she's had a chance to live again. There are days where I'll sit with her and she'll talk about all these plans she has of seeing the world and how spoiled my children are going to be, though all the while she's sewing a baby blanket for her grandkids that she knows she might very well not see and wants to do something for them. I hate knowing that I may have to live the next 60 years without being able to call her and get advise or concole her after a long day of work that she just cant handle. I hate knowing I may never be able to hear her laugh again. I dont want her to go. I dont want to lose the closest person to me. I cant handle it. I dont know what I would do without her and now I have to face that reality and it scares me. I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out writting this long diatrob that I know no one reads because if my family ever found out how I'm feeling it would be like shifting the foundation, and our family cannot deal with anymore.
1 Ghosts |
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acidtears
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2010 26 April :: 12.52pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
Samantha Lynn Dresden went from being single to in a relationship with Roger Drayton. LIKE! :)
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