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2004 6 January :: 11.48 pm
a creepy person called for my sister and me and hung up when my mom and other sister, who answered the phone, asked who it was. creepy.
i'm going to sign up for softball this spring. i think it will be fun even though i cant really hit. also i have a big fear of a bad coach because whenever i play softball they seem to just stick me in the outfield and use the players they like more.
my dad that i'm old enough to read about the concetration camps and is even offering to get a few books that he read about them and liked. i hate it how my sister trys to be the decider of what i should and shouldnt read.
well i'm off to take a shower and to go to sleep early tonight.
Go fuck yourself |
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2004 5 January :: 9.53 pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: linkin park
there is so much to talk about. highschool entrance exams r coming up and i still dont know how to use commas correctly! so thats really bad. i'm scared to death of failing it and having to go to a public school. this is one of the worst feelings. and right now i'm trying to do the note cards for the research paper but i dont have enough information to fill all 16 single sided cards up. i'm so fuckin screwed. also this week we have so many tests and stuff and i'm getting really stressed out.i think i need to just cry but i do so much of that that after a while i just cant. sometimes i wish i go to san francisco (cause its my favorite place to be) when its raining and go to the beach right near the golden gate bridge and just kinda let the rain soak me. then i would like to scream as loud as i can with no one making fun of me. after that i would run across the beach at full speed till i collapse on the wet but comfortable sand and lay there staring at the bridge and the water. i wish that no body in the world woud judge people especially me because i do that to much. and there would be no preps in the world.
somtimes i also wish i could live in the 40's minus the war. like in the movie pearl harbor where everything just seems so happy when they r'nt thinking about the war thats raging overseas.
(sorry but my history anger stuff is going to come out again) it just makes me mad how the germans murdered so many jews just cause of their beliefs. i dont see the point in it but i guess when ur head is so screwed up like hitler and now saddam and osama u find pleasure in doing things like that. if i ever got near saddam or osama i would wanna fuckin beat their fuckin brains out causing as much pain and suffering as possible before they died. then right before they look like they r about to die i would leave then alone till they feel better then beat them again until they r almost dead and so on for several weeks everyother day. then maybe they would begin to understand how much pain they put millions of people and their families through.
i really get pissed at a few friends i have because they dont try their best. it makes me so mad cause i know they could get b's at least. and they just say when they dont understand something "oh well" and i wanna fuckin yell at them "OK WELL THEN FUCKIN ASK HOW TO FUCKIN DO IT! AND MAYBE UR FUCKIN F'S FOR GRADES WILL IMPROVE" perhaps urges to yell things like that is the reason why i dont wanna be a teacher. anyway and so they put just about no effort into their work. its a fuckin miracle they passed 7th grade and all the other ones. i guess there is nothing i can do but i cant help it if i want them to try harder.
i have an odd obsession with music from the 60's especially when it has the trumpet. i cant explain what it is about that music but it makes me happy.
princess annes dog ate the queens bulldog...i think thats funny
Go fuck yourself |
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2004 4 January :: 9.19 pm
:: Mood: angry
today has been very eventfull so i have decided to write twice. first of all sarah is a dumbass whos fat and seriously needs a diet. (jessica dont repeat that to her) so anyway she is so fucking stupid. she completely doubts her boyfriend and thats all she fuckin talks about and stuff and its fucking annoying! excuse me for fuckin feeling that way. so i told her that i think its bad that she doubts him so much then she fuckin goes and gets mad at me in that "i'm not gonna talk to u type of way" its so fuckin gay. OH BUT FUCKING WAIT A FUCKING SECOND! lol marilyn im not mad at u. OK WELL FUCK U! NOW THAT I FUCKIN THINK UR FUCKIN MAD AT ME U BITCH! she makes me so mad. i hate it when people do the silent treatment anger shit. its the most fuckin annoying thing ever. and lynn and sarah and stephanie all master it and do it all the fuckin time! FUCK THEM! i need to go punch the fuckin punching bag right now. bye
Go fuck yourself |
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2004 4 January :: 4.44 pm
:: Mood: melancholy
i'm finally updating my journal so now i hope that jessica is happy. i'm getting nervous about not getting into notre dame. but i guess thats to be expected. its really pissing me off how so many people dont use proper english. so they say stuff like "we didnt do nothing" and i think that they do it to try to be cool but its not cool and it just makes them sound so stupid. and this stuff about "chicken" like when they say "chicken that guy is very hot" i just want to kill them. thats my greatest pet peeve i think. now i'm going to say stuff that may come off very nerdy but i dont really care. so i read Anne Franks diary and it made me really sad and upset. so now i'm interested in the holocaust (spelling) and the concentration camps and stuff like that. when i read her last journal entry it was like she had no idea that she was gonna die and she just acted like it was a regular day. but then she was taken away and put in a camp. now i feel so terrible cause of what she and every other person there was put through. it was very saddening and now i'm very thankfull that i dont have to go through that. so then last night i had this really scary dream that my classmates and i were taken to a concentration camp and put into a gas chamber and told to lay down cause we were going to be killed. then i got really scared and tried to pretend that i was just going to sleep and that nothing bad was going to happen. so i i laid down and closed my eyes and i heard people crying and then i thought "god i hope this wont hurt". so the people turned on the pipes where the gas was going to come out of but nobody died. it turns out that they were just putting us in there and making think we were going to die to make us understand what all those who died in a concentration camp felt like right before they were killed. i'm actually gratefull that i had that dream because perhaps now i have a better understanding of their feelings. what makes me mad though is that my sister doesnt want me to research stuff about that anymore cause she says it will put me into a depression. however the way i see it is that if i want to learn about it then it cant put me into a depression.
1 did |
Go fuck yourself |
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2003 2 November :: 6.58 pm
:: Music: billy elliot soundtrack stuff
we just got back from yosemite. that was fun cause it snowed and stuff on the last day. the worst part was probly always being cold and the whole thing of "chasing coyotes" in the forest aka going to the bathroom on dirt. but my friends and i made friends with some kids who came from the san diego jewish acadamy. and there was this one and he was really (baby) cute and there was another one who was fat and some people made fun of him which wasnt nice. and there was these other bitches there who needed to be shot cause of their attitude. when we got back it was halloween and i was gonna be a hobbit but i didnt go out which was really gay. sometimes i feel like talking to people is a waste of time cause they really dont care about what ur saying but they respond cause they have to be polite. it pisses me off.
you wont fool the children of the revolution (song #12)
1 did |
Go fuck yourself |
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2003 16 October :: 9.57 pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: some song i dont know the name of
toni ann is a big ass bitch. shes so fuckin evil. i dont know why the hell god or whoever u feel like believing in made her. shes a fuckin bitch. she fuckin likes to blab secrets everywhere that hurt other peoples feelings. and she fuckin doesnt know how to brush her fuckin teeth. she probly has cavities in all her teeth. well i hate her.
1 did |
Go fuck yourself |
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2003 13 October :: 9.08 pm
:: Mood: bitchy
theres a person and i fuckin hate him cause hes saying all these bad things about sarah. and hes fat so he has no fuckin room to talk. and theres another person and she gets mad at me for dumb things. but she fuckin puts fuckin lipgloss on all the time. no guy at school is hot enough to try to impress and it bothers me. so she fuckin needs to stop. also she needs to dress better. shes gonna fuckin get raped. and then shes gonna fuckin die. i dont know what the hell her problem is. she just fuckin has no respect for herself. and me and the other people try to help her but she wont fuckin listen! she has a fuckin grain of sugar for a brain in terms of size. ok i think i'm done.
Go fuck yourself |
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2003 4 October :: 5.44 pm
:: Mood: worried
today is a realy shitty day. my friend is really worrying me cause shes talking about
scuicide and shit like that. and she dresses bad so shes almost destined to get raped
and. she thinks it would fuckin be fun to get raped a fuckin hot guy. but i guess she
doesnt understand what it is or something. so my other friends and i r supposed to
talk to her about it and help her but its probly not gonna work. the fuckin giants
also lost today so now there fuckin eliminated which pisses me off cause they should'v
won the series. yea and my dad gave me a fuckin fat lip last night when he hit me cause
i yelled at him. hes such a bitch. its nice to have people who r eager to talk to me lol.
Go fuck yourself |
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