:: 2005 21 March :: 7.15 pm
:: Music: MORRISON HOTEL C.D

3 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2005 15 March :: 7.14 pm

AH DUDES! I just became an aunt 3 and half hours ago. Its a boy and really cute. James' family was really mean and I hate them

Yea well I need to go so this will be the shortest ever entry by me.

1 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2005 25 February :: 6.47 pm
:: Music: "the sound of silence" simon and garfunkel

4 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2005 16 February :: 7.39 pm
:: Music: Green Day. YAY FOR ANGRY MUSIC

3 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2005 9 February :: 8.58 pm

You know I really hate complainers. There is this one person in particular who is always complaining and thinks that world is so mean to him. Well you know what? That fucking stupid! The world is mean to everyone and sometimes it may seem a little meaner to you but it will make up for it later so just fucking shut up! There is no reason to complain about petty things and how horrible mothers and fathers and brothers can be and how no girl or guy will ever like you and blah blah blah. When you actually have something worth complaning about then maybe talk about until then people who complain about stupid things should shut up. I know I do complain about stupid things but I do not constantly sit there and whine about every horrible thing that is happening every fucking day of my life like this person does. People need to vent their frustrations when they have a bad day or something but how the hell can you have a bad day everyday especially when the things that caused the bad day are stupid things like "my brother picked on me again" or "i couldnt get the shirt i wanted" or "i dont get to go the blah blah blah place tomorrow because my mom is making me clean" or something so stupid! GET OVER IT! PEOPLE WHO COMPLAIN OVER STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT WITH NO GOOD EXCUSE OF WHY THEY ARE IN A BAD MOOD SHOULD JUST SHUT UP AND KEEP IT TO THEMSELVES. NO ONE IS GOING TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU WHEN YOURE ACTING LIKE THAT YOU STUPID ASS. STOP SAYING "POOR ME" AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR ISSUES! OH YES! YOURE NOT THE FUCKING SMARTEST PERSON ALIVE YOU STUPID ASS. JUST THE VERY FACT THAT YOU THINK THAT SHOWS HOW STUPID YOU ARE.

I bet you can't figure out who thats directed at.

So I was in the car with my dad on the way back from school the other day and he pointed something out to me. The music of today is very simple- lyrics and the instrument playing too- compared with the music of the old days. The lyrics are the more obvious of the 2 because anyone can see the music just says what its trying to very bluntly. You dont have to think about the words to get the message. If its trying to say "I wanna fuck you" they just say " I WANNA FUCK YOU BITCH! YOU DA HOTTEST BITCH IN DA WORLD YO!" Disgusting...
Then the instruments stuff. I realized that its so true. So much of the backround music isnt music..its noise with a beat. Its so crappy. I'm really starting to appreciate the good music of the old days. If you like rap, I don't like you. Rap is the simplest music out there and a lot of the people who listen to it are dumbasses because thats all they can understand.

ook so I'm done. That was a thoughtful entry. I feel weird for putting effort into online entries. I'll go write a better one on paper.

Go fuck yourself

:: 2005 6 February :: 8.22 pm

Dudes I feel like shit right now. My mom is making me go to school tomorrow anyway though. My head hurts horribly, I have seemingly never ending strings of coughs and I still have homework. This sucks.

Anyway. I came to write because this weekend some interesting stuff happened. I slept record amounts but while I was awake I managed to get on the internet and found this interesting thing. It was on Sarah's "MySpace" thingy and she basically was insulting me and trying to sound cool by saying that I'm jealous of the way she is. Thats a bunch of crap by the way. Maybe the only reason she keeps having to talk about that is because no matter what, she has to be vicious and nothing right now is irritating her enough to make a big deal about it. (did that makes sense? it did in my head)

So other than that. We went out to dinner last night because it was my sister's birthday (Mary). We had to go to this place called "Henry's Hi-life" they have ribs and barbequed stuff. We had to wait in the bar section because they do this really weird thing of getting you to your table. So we were sitting there for like 45 minutes and there were a few hot guys that came in but other than that it was horrible. I was having those disgusting cold sweats where you feel cold but youre roasting to death on the inside. My dad had to take me outside so I could cool off before going into the back to eat where I sat and roasted my butt off again.

On Friday when I got home and felt like poop my dad was the stinking nicest hes ever been. I love him. He came over and gave me a hug and told me to go to bed and that if I needed anything to yell or "kick a dog down the stairs. Whatever you need to do to get us." He meant that not to be mean to the dogs but just that he'd help me if I asked. Then after dinner he gave me another big bear hug and said "I really hate watching my girls be sick. Ok? So get better." Then he asked me something and I dont remember what but the answer was that he loves me and it was so stinking sweet. Then he said "Yes. I love all my daughters. Now get to bed ya bum!" Bum is an affectionate pet name at least in my dads mind.

Last thing. PATRIOTS WON THE SUPERBOWL! YAY! Grandpa must me proud.

I hope I dont have to go to school tomorrow but in case I do I best be getting to sleep now cause I'll be up half the night coughing my abs off. night night.

1 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2005 1 February :: 7.46 pm

Dudes. I fucking hate my stupid fucking sister who is now being a nerd and sitting at the table working on an "I Love Lucy" puzzle. Maureen is such a fucking bitch and i hate her because she is so rude to me and never treats me with respect and she doesnt care about my feelings which she shows by treating me like shit with her insults and sneaky comments that nobody can hear because they are under her breath. THat was a bigass runon sentence but I really really dont give a flying fuck. OOO NICE. FLYING FUCK. ALLITERATION AND PURE MAGICAL STRESS RELIEVING PHRASE. I made up my mind to forgive her for eating my cereal (Raisin Bran) but then she comes home and fucking screws it up! NOT COOL! She is nice for about 2 seconds. She gave me the Wisconsin state quarter then it ended. She had to fucking use the computer where I was working on my homework. The homework which I need to finish tonight and am now putting off so I can describe the bitchiness and inconsiderateness of my stupid bitchy ass loner rude vicious and violent sister who is named Maureen which is a very ugly name! She has no fucking friends but I wonder how you can have friends when you treat them like shit and have the attitude that you think you are better than them. She alwasys says that. She is so fucking smart! She is so good at math. FUCK THAT! In highschool her gpa was a 2.9. Mine right now is 3.17. She is so fucking good at math because it has so many rules and she constantly compares me to her. I SUCK AT MATH AND I'LL NEVER BE GOOD AT WHICH IS WHY I'M NOT GONNA BE A FUCKING DOCTOR! SO JUST FUCKING BE NICE BECAUSE YOURE STUPID AT EVERYTHING ELSE! My current writing level is probably as good as hers and shes in fucking college. I've seen the shit she writes and had the urge to write all over it and change things to make it sound more natural but once I tried that and my mom said that it bruised her ego having a 12 year old writing good comments and on a juniors paper. See! EVEN THEN I WAS BETTER THAN HER! I'd like to see her I.Q. She always says how smart she is. Thats because she surrounds herself with dumbasses. Dumbasses that she comes home and makes fun of. ITS YOUR FUCKING FAULT FOR HANGING AROUND THEM SO DONT FUCKING COMPLAIN AND MAKE FUN OF THEM! I'd like someone smarter than her to let her have it. Bruise her fucking ego and send her crying home and saying how fucking stupid she is! Saying sorry for being so mean to everyone and for thinking that she is a fucking genius! DUDE MAYBE I COULD HIRE SOMEONE TO YELL AT HER ABOUT IT.

gotta go eat dinner then back to finish my assignment that i couldnt before because she had to use this fucking computer for her stupid fucking online class!

Go fuck yourself

:: 2005 28 January :: 8.30 pm

I dunno what is wrong with me...I feel so sad right now and all the time. I got my report card. I'm disappointed because I could have done better. At the same time though, I could have done a lot worse so I guess I wont complain. This semester I will work harder and hopefully get a 3.2. That'd be really nice.

So just something nice before I go off into all the bad stuff. Today my sister, Michelle, called and told me that she mailed me a See's candy bar. I find it funny that she's mailing See's to San Jose where there are shops for them everywhere. I asked her why and she said it was because she wanted to cheer me up. Shes so annoying after a while but then when she goes away I appreciate her and want her to come back even though I know that I'll just get annoyed again. She has a good heart.

So the bad stuff. Maybe this is just me but I think sometimes feeling depressed and lonely and angry goes in a cycle. You might be sad for a couple weeks and just feel helpless but then all of a sudden something changes and you feel happy again. Right now I'm in the sad/lonely/angry time. I feel like my family hates me. They are just putting up with me because like it or not I'm here. Not for too much longer I hope. Tonight my mom and dad were in the kitchen talking about how bad I am. They were saying that I'm a bad kid and I don't have any respect for anybody..that I'm selfish and greedy. I do have respect for people..people who deserve it. People that have acted in respectable ways. People that treat me nice as well. I'd think that I am polite and nice to people when I meet them and only rude and mean when they have not treated me the same way. Hmm..maybe I'm not. Anyway, I decided to yell that I could hear them and they just said "You know, Marilyn, I really don't care" I'd rather have them tell me they hate me to my face. It'd be a lot easier and nicer. My other sister, Mary, treats me like shit. She has thinks she is better than everyone because she is the smartest and prettier than the rest of us. My dad completely favors her and loves her more. He denies it everytime but everyone knows the truth. She is the history major. She had the 3.95 in highschool. She kisses his ass and he soaks it up. Whenever he introduces his girls to anyone he says " These are my daughters" Depending on the order were standing or sitting he lists Michelle, Maureen, and I. Then when he gets to Mary it goes "...... and this is my history major over here, Mary" Mary does a cheesy grin revealing her yellow teeth that are her ugliest feature other than the monstrous backside she has (Oh but thats the Italian in her so its alright and dad is proud of that as well) Then she says "Hi. Its really nice to meet you" blah blah blah. The way she talks is so fake. You can hear the difference in her tone from when she talks to everyone shes used to. I'm annoyed by her. Its not jealousy. I'm not jealous of people who are completely fake and "perfect". I just fear I'll never make my dad proud. It will always be Mary. The only way to make him happy is to be a lawyer and I hate law. I've been around it my entire life. My mom and dad cant ever just leave the clients at work. They take them home every night and I know more about the inner workings of the case than the client themselves. (DAMNIT! THIS MUSIC IS DEPRESSING TOO.)

Moving on. That stupid Ronald Reagan book hasnt been helping at all but I'm addicted to it. It has all these pictures from when he was younger and then as he got older. Its really cool to watch how people change throughout their lives. I read the thing that his daughter, Patricia, started a couple of days before he died and finished the day after. It was so sad. He was surrounded by his family, 2 kids and his wife and in the comfort of his own house. I couldn't help but wonder how Aunt Marie felt when she died. She was completely alone in a strange and probably uncomfortable hospital. Her last moments spent in pain from the cancer as well as the pain of not having anyone to take her last breaths with. I wish I could've been there to hold her hand or something. Instead I was outside enjoying the sun and having a good time with my sisters.

I guess I'm done.

Go fuck yourself

:: 2005 19 January :: 8.36 pm
:: Music: THE DOORS CAUSE THEY ARE SO GOOD AND WAY BETTER THAN THE SHITTY MUSIC OF TODAY!

6 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2005 2 January :: 1.47 pm
:: Music: The Doors

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 20 December :: 6.46 pm

HELLO DUDES!
It's finally winter break but it sucks cause in 2 weeks I'll have to go back and be at my school and learn. So now only 13 days before school again. I realized on Saturday that I forgot to bring the book with Romeo and Juliet in it home so I have to find another copy to write the paper. It ruined my vacation.

Today I learned something about myself. Something that isnt so good I guess. I think sometimes I mean to be nice but mean things come out of my mouth and people take them offensively. Then after I thought about it and how mean it was, its too late. I did that again today. I meant that it would be annoying for Jessica to drive to San Jose and not even be here for the Christmas thing but it came out as it would be annoying to have her come. I didn't mean that at all and I feel really bad about it. Why the hell am I so stupid? So yea...sorry to anyone I might have something mean to cause whatever I was trying to say probably just came out wrong.

I saw that a while back I wrote about how pretty California is in the winter. Something changed. Its not as good this year. The hills are pretty green right now cause of the early rain we had but nothing special. It hasnt rained in like a month and half so its making me angry. Also the sun is out so much. I dont care if it rains as long as its all cloudy and beautiful. Jeeze. THis sucks. I'm sad. Christmas is almost here and it doesnt even feel like it. I hate that. It feel like January. THIS YEAR WAS BAD! It makes me angry thinking about it. Good things happened but overall nothing that great that made the year worth remembering. The main thing was getting the house. In some ways I liked it when we rented a house cause that meant we'd have to have every couple of years and I like moving.

Lets see..one really good thing that happened this year was that I figured out that Sarah is a fucked up little bitchy asshole and that I despise her. I hate almost everything about her dumbass personality and screwed up views. Smart people aren't all nerdy. Couldn't she strive to be at least mediocre? Then she's right in the middle.

Ok I'm gonna admit something that I think everyone knows already. I want to be really smart but I just don't put all of my energy and time into studying and being good at school. I put in the minimal amount of work it takes to get B's then when my grades start slipping I put in a little more to get them back up but then I go back to my normal study habits. I know its bad. I've been trying to figure out what I can be when I grow up that requires very little memorization and complicated work but nice pay. My list isn't very long. I think I wanna do something that would benefit other people more than me..not like charity. I'm talking about work that gives me money and still gives other people stuff that they want. Does that make sense? I dunno.

I'm gonna go. BYE!

1 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 12 December :: 6.47 pm

HEY GUYS!
This week is going to suck. But I will try not to dwell on all the shitty things that are going on. On Friday...I sat home...watching T.V and talking to Jennifer on the phone. Her life is looking up. She called this guy she likes and they are going to the Sadie Hawkins dance which is in March. I can't believe she called him this early but she was so excited that she couldnt wait.
Saturday I....sat home and watched T.V all day instead of doing my homework which I should have. Then we went downtown to get starbucks and see Christmas in the Park. It was fun. When we were in Starbucks there were 4 guys that came in all dressed in black pants, red sweaters, and Santa hats and they sang a Christmas carrol. They were really good. So after they left my sister got up the guts to go give them some money. The guy we handed it to was so nice. He looked shocked and then he took it and said "Are you sure? Thanks!" It was only like $3 but still he obviously didn't get very much money judging by the look on his face.

Ok now I'm going to go back in time. On Thursday we went to get our Christmas tree and we were there when it closed so the guy had to stay late to tie it to the car. He was so nice cause my sister apologized and he said "Awwww. Thats alright." It was really scary though cause he looked exactly like my sister's husband, James. So weird.

Ok so today I went to go get my friends presents and I can't say what I got Louise cause I don't want to ruin it for Jessica. I got Jennifer this Hello Kitty thing because she likes hello kitty. Then I got Cynthia and Grace these Christmas rats. They're really cute. I like them a lot but they are small so I'm going to have to make cookies as well. I was just going to give them candy until Cynthia said "Yea..I dunno what to get you guys." I didn't know if I had to get them anything. Oh well. I did now.
Whoa dude. My hands look all scaley.... lol.

I miss American Dream. OH TO ANYONE WHO MIGHT READ THIS: WATCH AMERICAN DREAMS. IT NEEDS BETTER RATINGS! PLEASE WATCH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JJ IS SO HOT! HOW COULD YOU NOT WATCH IT?
Congratulations to Jessica for the good things that have happened to her on Friday and Saturday!

Well I'm out. Bye Bye

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 30 November :: 8.45 pm

my life kinda sucks right now. At least to-day (oo look the english way). I love the English language way more than any other language on this planet. I don't like Ms. Gonzaga. Theres a reason why she isnt married. I dont like my mother. She is threatening to divorce my father. Dumb selfish bitch. I actually think she might do it. But i dunno. She has said this before but not this many days in row.

MY FAMILY IS SO FUCKING DISFUCTIONAL THAT IT WOULD MAKE A LOT OF FAMILIES LOOK NORMAL. Most of the people I know don't seem to have the screwed up relationships my family has but maybe they just don't wanna talk about them. Who can blame em? They are embarrassed like I am. I wish that people would talk about their issues cause I would like to know about them and help them if I can in anyway. I like listening but when no one will talk I like to fill the noiselessness with my own voice. I know that can be annoying. Sorry if I talk to much. Maybe thats why people avoid shy people cause they know once they get to know you you won't shut up. Thats the way I am at least. That can piss people off which sucks.
DUDE I'M FUCKING RAMBLING ON AND FUCKING ON!
Dudes whoever gives a shit about this and decided to read this I am so sorry.

I miss my Aunt Marie. I miss Mr. Vane. Bye dudes.

4 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 22 November :: 8.45 pm

YO HOMIES!!! I'M BACK! YAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA.
Now on to my extremely boring life. Lets see...
I went on this dumbass retreat this weekend and that will be the focus of tonights entry.
So I left on Saturday morning and I told my mom that I really didnt want to go but she said that it was too late and that I had to. So I went. All the way up Sarah and Lynn drove me nuts. When we got there all Sarah and Stephanie and Lynn would talk about was guys. Its so fucking annoying! Stephanie had her little stupid ass boyfriend from Turloc (k?) come down to go. Hes not even Catholic. So the whole time none of them participated. I thought that you went to retreats to participate but maybe thats just us nerdy people. Not only did they not participate but they were rude when people were speaking and they were making fun of and laughing at everyone. Don't they realize how stupid they are? How not perfect they are? How fucked up and worse than everyone they are?
Stephanie's dude is fresh out of Juvenille Hall. On the trip all he could talk about was sex and they went off alone together and he fingered her. SICKNESS DUDE! THEY ARE BOTH SO NASTY.
I have to get off soon. So I did manage to learn some things. 1) I do not like retreats.
2) I am not like Sarah, Stephanie, or Lynn at all.
The third thing I learned was something that never occured to me until just this weekend. When I chose my Confirmation name I chose Cecilia who is the patron saint of musicians. I was sort of wondering why I picked it other than that it was my Great Aunts middle name. I did not play any real instruments back when I chose it. I now am learning the bag pipes. So I realized that now that name fits me more. It all works out and stuff. I thought it was really cool.

I GOTTA GO.

1 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 8 November :: 9.07 pm

Wow..I havent been on here in a long time.
We moved. Ever since the internet hasnt been working cause the DSL thing is all screwed up and my dad wont fix it. So I'm on my sisters computer right now and can only be for a little while because this blocks the phone line and its on the first phone line which means no one can call us.

Lets see...lots has happened. Someone in my life is changing quite a bit but I'm not going to put their name in because I dont anyone to know (sorry Jess..I trust you but its better this way) So this person is changing for the bad. Maybe its me but I doubt it. Times are tough these days. I dunno if that made sense. Oh well. So anyway the person is pissing me off cause I dont like it when people change like that. I like people to stay the same and circumstances to be different which can't happen cause you cant stay the exact same when things around you are changing cause you have to adjust. I think this person is adjusting badly but thats just me.

Good news:
My favorite Giants player had his option get picked up by the Giants so he'll be there for another year! YAY!
I watched like a shit load of movies this weekend cause I was trying to relax and uh...take a "break" from school and stuff. As in not think about the people or the work. I deffinately did a good job. Every movie I watched had a hot dude in it. The exception was Hidalgo cause Viggo could be my dad so he's considered handsome.

Today I went with Lindsay to Valley Medical Center where her mom works for service hours. We worked in the play room. The 5 hours I was there we had 2 teenage boys come in. One was 13 and a was hit by a car while he was on his skateboard and was severely brain damaged. THe other was 17 and was in a car accident and had was also brain damaged but not as bad as the other one. So we read to them. I was reading Star Wars to the 17 year old but luckily he fell asleep..that book was boring. Lindsay ended up reading for a 1/2 hour to the 13 year old. It was a really good experience. The "child specialist" in there said they were both just short of being vegetables. Really sad...

I better go.

1 did | Go fuck yourself