A place filled with poop about me

:: 2004 25 June :: 12.09am

random stuff
Today I was reading Rolling Stone magazine and there is this article in there about Jim Morrison. It's really sad. So I got on the internet tonight and I started to research him. I thought that because he was a rocker guy that he wouldn't be very intelligent. Turns out that man was extremely bright. I was reading a page of quotes and he spoke at such a high level that it really surprised me. I bet he was a genius.

Enough about him. Now I'm going to talk about my sister. I miss Monica. I really wish I could see her more often and have that sister bond we once had. Its all gone now. Her related family has been removed from her life and in our place she has put James' family. I'm sad... Maybe someday she'll come back. I hope so.

AH! I HAVE TO PACK FOR TAHOE..I DONT WANNA. BYE

:: 2004 21 June :: 2.38pm

fathers day...
Yesterday sucked really bad. In the morning my mom felt the lump on my dogs shoulder. She had it removed sometime late last year or in the beginning of this year. It has started to grow back and my mom said that if it starts to affect her walking again we will have to put her to sleep. I really dont want her to die. Shes got a lot of life left in her.

My sister. This time its Monica. She called yesterday morning with her cheery "HELLO!" and I said "hi." Then I cut her off in the middle of another excuse and said "Monica, you disgust me" then she said rather disgusted "I disgust you?" and i said "Yes, I hope you know that dad was crying yesterday because you're not coming to dinner on fathers day." then she lied. "He never invited me to dinner, Marilyn" then I said "YES HE DID! I was sitting right there I heard him. You better talk to someone else right now cause I'm really mad." Then I gave the phone to my other sister who was listening. Monica is a bitch. She has not come to dinner since......I don't even remember. On all the holidays she visits for an hour and then leaves. We might as well not be related. I don't feel like her sister and if she died I highly doubt I'd cry too much. I'm going to tell her to not bother giving me the present she has planned for my graduation/birthday/confirmation. I really do love her but sometimes I wonder if she loves us. She treats her own family like shit. She adores James' family. I think he has brainwashed her. Mary keeps hoping that they will have kids but even if they do James probably won't allow her to show the baby to us. I bet the first time I'll see it is when it is a few months old.

In effort to make my dad feel better we were at target trying to find a movie or c.d or book..anything that he would like. I came across this book called "Why a daughter needs a dad" When I got home I gave the book to him and hugged him. He started to read it and he nearly started to cry again. (Lately my dad has been more emotional because of medication hes taking to help him quit smoking) The rest of the day we watched the Giants vs. Boston game and being the kiss up that I sometimes am I sat next to him on the couch and he gave me a hug. If only I could have been Monica.

That night I was watching Cider House Rules. That movie is so depressing. I cried within the first 10 minutes then several other times. I was flipping between that and a silent film from 1930. It was really scary because they guy looked like his eyes were just white. Also in the movie there was this woman who was naked and she was running around her room and flopping herself on the bed. Then it showed that she was saying "O! Basil. Where is my Basil" (Basil is someone that got killed) Luckily they only showed her top half. If you think that it is nasty that I watched that scene then would like to remind you that I could easily say the same the next time you look at the classic work of a famous artist who painted nude people. The movie was art.

Anyway..I decided to go to bed at 11:00ish because I heard my dad call the dogs so I thought he was going to go to bed soon as well. When I got into my bed I started to worry about Sheva and then I ended up crying for close to half an hour. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Mr. Vanes death and I stupidly reminded myself of that. I thought about that time he got mad at me for getting the detention and then I "told" him that I didn't get any this year and that it was because I didn't want to dissapoint him. It was true. When I think of him I am always reminded of Aunt Marie and then that always reminds me of Grandpa Coyote. So it was a long chain of memories causing my eyes to remain tearful for a long time. I thought I was over their deaths....

Bye

3 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 21 June :: 2.09am

Put in another poem in my other journal. Please check it out and comment.

Spent the weekend camping in Big Sir, which resulted in three mosquito bites on one arm but overall wasn't bad. During the first night there, we saw two gray foxes pass by on the hill that was, technically, part of our campsite, though it was really too steep to do anything on it except attempt to climb it and fail miserably. Turns out those foxes ate my dog's food in the middle of the night, or at least what was left out in the bowl.

The thing that sucked was, the second day we were there Mom decided to take us on a big fat hike uphill through poison oak grown-over paths. I hadn't had a very comfortable sleep the night before, so I had a huge headache, plus when we got to the top of the hill there was no shade whatsoever and we were in direct sunlight with flies buzzing around. I didn't think the view was worth it, either, but that's just my personal opinion. Oh well, I'm such a whiner ^^.
When we got back from the hike we went and ate lunch at the lodge, which was nice, and went back to our campsite to get dressed and go down to the river. We had found a nice spot and floated around on the inflatable raft a bit. I got out of the raft and decided to take a swim. Normally, I will go in water that is so cold most people won't go in it, but this water was cold . Even after the first few times I went under it still made me gasp for breath and rush to the surface as fast as I could. Needless to say I didn't stay in there all that long. Maybe ten minutes at the most. Denise stayed floating around in the raft with a net trying to catch crawdad's. She caught one at one point, but it was in bad shape; missing a whole arm, and it's big claw was broken at the tip. We put it back, of course.
Ummm... this morning, Father's Day, we packed up and left and ate brunch at a restaraunt called Rocky Point. It was okay, but I think they put us in a lousy room because we didn't have reservations. Needless to say, we got a nice ocean view all the same.

And those were basically the highlights of our trip thing. Of course, knowing Mom, she has a million other camping trips planned for us to .... enjoy.

Nah camping isn't bad. It's just bad when there are a lot of mosquitos and Mom makes us hike during the hottest part of the day... and the uncomfortable sleep, and my sister yelling at me to "kill the spider! Kill the spider!"... but other than that, it's fine - oh, and packing everything up, and if there's a yellow jacket problem, that sucks... *ahem*

:: 2004 17 June :: 7.44pm

These past few extremly boring days have allowed me a lot of time to think about things that I just tried to avoid the past school year. My friends. I have thought an awful lot about them as a way to pass time in the beginning but now as a way to figure out who I really will become. I have thought about how they affect me and make me into who I am. I realized that a strong part of me wants to be popular. I can't help but caring about others opinions of me. Part of that is because for so many years I was picked on by different people but mostly Shawn. At home I received a great deal of criticism from my sisters and I always tried my best to impress them even if that meant not doing a lot of what normal kids do. I was ashamed to play dolls in kindergarten because none of them did it. I would hide my dolls if they came in the room and pretend like I was doing something else. Now the most judgemental sister I have, Mary, tells me that I shouldn't care what people think about me. She is one of the main reasons I do.

I also thought about leadership. I think that I am in a way a leader. Mostly around those with whom I am comfortable. Maybe one of the reasons Stephanie hates me so much is because I wasn't shy about telling her how I felt/feel about the way she acts and dresses. I woudn't follow her like Sarah and worst of all I said something about it. I know that Louise and Jessica and Lynn didn't approve but they didn't react the way I did. I guess I am too passionate about what I believe....at least when it comes to stuff like that. That might get me into trouble when I'm older. I don't want to sound like a goody goody whos never done anything bad or stuff like that. I'm not. I never will be. Sorry if it comes off that way.

In highschool I think I need to come out of my "shell". I'm tired of it. I need something new and better. No more stupid fights about guys and no more silent treatment. I hated everything about last year that involved Stephanie and Sarah. I mean..there were a few good things but the bad ones drowned the good ones out. Next year will be better..i hope. Then I think what if its not? Then what? I will go through 4 boring years of highschool then be forced to go to some college I dont want to go to. My sister is already telling me that I'm going to go to a UC. I dont wanna go to a fucking U.C. I told her once that I want to go to a college in England. Nobody believes me... Nobody believes that I can do it. So if I ever say that and the reaction is "Oh yeah. Sure, Marilyn.." then I say "Yeah I know. I'm kidding. I wont go anyway because I'll be scared" then I brush it off and pretend like it didn't hurt my feeling even though it did. Maureen is really good and making me feel stupid. I once told her and I made sure she knew I was serious but then she said "Mom and Dad will never be able to afford that. They can't even afford a house." I realized then that it I was going to make to England even on a vacation it would have to be all on me. My parents were furious about paying for my sister's trip to spain. Do I honestly think they'd go for college in England? My dad hates England anyway. He kill me I told him about my plans. He'd probly disown me if I actually went. I've heard many stories of people that use the lack of support from their families to drive them to get what they want. Trying to prove it not only to themselves but to their families as well that they could do it. That is already working for me. I have over $400 saved in the bank since Christmas and I don't even have a job. When I get one I will put as much money away as I can and with luck I will make my way to England. Its such a far fetched dream but its not far enough. I will make it. I don't care what I have to do.

FUCK EVERYTHING. I'VE HAD TO MUCH TIME TO THINK AND ITS RUINING MY BRAIN. I guess I'll go watch T.V or cry or something.

:: 2004 16 June :: 9.42pm

my boring summer..
HELLO! I try to sound enthusiastic in order to hide the boredom that has filled my pathetic summer. I have done few things that are interesting. The past 3 days of vacation have consisted of sitting on the couch watching t.v. Then sometimes I go into the other room and see whos on the internet. After that I wander upstairs and get out of my pajamas. Followed by that is the hygene stuff: brushing hair and teeth etc.. Sometimes I walk around the house singing loudly or I pet the dog and talk to him or her depending which dog. The rest of the time is divided between the T.V, chores, and computer. SEE HOW BORING IT IS?! I haven't been out of the house since going to church on Sunday.

MY SISTER IS DRIVING ME UP THE WALL! TRYING TO MAKE ME EAT NASTY FRUIT SALAD THAT IS FROM SATURDAY. IF YOU CARE ABOUT THIS COMMENT ON IT. I'M TOO LAZY TO EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW.

byester

4 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 16 June :: 4.19pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: Gariben Rock - Miyavi

Poetry and shtuff
Well, I was hardly ever using my journal at grestestjournal.com, so I have decided to use it to post my poetry. I just put one in this morning, so if anyone is interested, here is the address:

http://www.greatestjournal.com/~Bloodofthenight

Hopefully that will get you there. If you do decide to check it out, please comment. Thankies! Tootle pip I say!

~Jess

:: 2004 15 June :: 8.40pm
:: Music: Shindemo Boogie woogie - Miyavi

J-rackers
Well, the Jimmster wanted me to show him a Gackt picture, so I shall post it here. While I'm at it I figured I'd post Miyavi's picture and the vocalist from Dir en Grey, Kyo's picture. So you get three j-rockers in one entry! I cropped them and tried to shrink the ones that needed shrinking. Hope this doesn't take too long to load. I know there are a few who probably are sick of me talking about all these Japanese bands and all, but if I can't talk to you, who am I to talk to. I don't have Misao-chan to obsess to 24/7 you know! *ahem* anyway, for those who are interested here you go.

Here is the almighty Gackt-san!

and Miya-chan. He has a beeeautiful voice indeedio. Well, so do Gackt and Kyo, but I particularly like Miya's.

last but certainly not least, Kyo-san! The lead vocalist of DeG. This is a picture of him where he actually looks relatively pretty. Most of the time he tries to look scary. So yeah.

There you have it.

:: 2004 14 June :: 3.37pm

HALLO! This Sunday and Monday were really cool. My mom and I went to that Ronald Reagan thing and I got walk around it. It was really sad. My mom woke me up at 5 am and we got there at about 6:15 or 6:20. We got in the front of the line so we were on the 3rd bus going to it.

The line really sucked. We stood for about 4 1/2 hours but luckily there was a man behind us with a chair and there was a curb. Some guy asked us to go on T.V for Fox 11 in Los Angeles. Then right after that a guy from KRON, a local station, noticed where we said we were from and asked us to talk with him. So we got to talk to him and he said that might use it but they didnt..at least thats what my dad said.

So when we got in there it was very sad. The honor guard was so depressing. They were so stiff and just staring at the casket. We walked around it and even though you couldn't see him it was like he was there and you felt it. After all that was his favorite place. As we were leaving many people who were talking happily quieted down and you could see on there faces the sudden saddness that came over everyone. Over all it was deffinately worth the long and tiring wait next to the annoying lady obsessed with medical stuff.

We came home that night. On our way we passed by a really big fire just off 101. It was cool and scary because it was really close to the highway. There was a helicopter flying from the ocean to the fire dumping its water and repeating the process several times before we got past it. It took us about 20 minutes to drive a mile or maybe less because they had closed down a lane of traffic. The rest of the trip was pretty boring because all that was on the radio was Deliah.

Skipping to Friday. Friday I woke up and watched Ronald Reagans depressing funeral on T.V. Some of the speaches made me cry. After that Louise came over so we could wait for Jessica to pick us up to go to San Francisco.

San Francisco was fun. We went to Baker Beach and on that lovely sunny day several men and maybe 2 women decided to sunbathe....naked. Not so beautiful but I guess its just nature.

That evening/night we went to Saks and Borders. I got the Nicholas Nickleby soundtrack. BEAUTIFUL I SAY. In Saks I felt like the people were staring at us because they think we arent good enough to go into their store. Not much to say for the rest of the night. The sunset was pretty. There was a guy who was yelling "shit" and "fuck" and other words that I couldnt understand.

The next day was extremely tiring. I didn't get much sleep because I didn't have 2 pillows or my earplugs which would have been very nice so I could tune out the people's T.V in the next room. Also I didn't feel very good. So in the morning we ate so much breakfast then wandered around the Ferry Building and then we went through China Town, and to Golden Gate park. By the end of the day I was exhausted.

When I got home it was my sisters graduation from college party. Louise got picked up from my house and the guests started to arrive. I went up to take a shower and then came back down. A guy I hadn't seen in like 3 years was there. Justin. Last time I saw him he was a lot shorter and in 6th grade. Now hes huge and going to be a Sophomore next year. Not huge as in fat. He must have grown at least a foot. He's still not very hot but his voice is and so arms. They are really strong looking and very tan. Nothing good happened after that. I went to bed at midnight because my sisters friends wouldnt go home.

Sunday..Woke up at 10 to go to church. Then did nothing pretty much all day. It was fun.
I'M BORED! GOOD BYE ALL YOU WONDERFUL READERS THAT READ THIS BECAUSE THEY WANT TO NOT JUST BECAUSE THEY WANT ME TO COMMENT ON THEIRS! I will miss you all.

:: 2004 14 June :: 10.15pm
:: Mood: splendid
:: Music: Garden - Dir en Grey

shtuff
Today we went to a party up in the hills of Gilroy. A woman my mom works with threw it to celebrate completing their new house. They had been living in a trailer for five years and had been having it built.
Their house was a light yellow color with a nice porch in front and a white door where a nice fancy glass window peered out from the middle. To the left was a spacious dog pen where two little terriers were hopping around along with a black dog that looked like a fatter duplicate of Shiva, Marilyn's dog. The husband of the woman who owned the house opened the door, and we stepped on to white tile. In the center of the room was actually a pond that was six feet deep. A small wooden bridge led over a narrow part of the pond. If you were standing on the bridge to your left was a waterfall that filled the pond. It then led in to the kitchen, where a black granite-topped island sat in the center and was surrounded by the rest of the counter. I think they had the most cabinets I had seen in a kitchen in my life, but it looked really nice, especially considering it was brand new.
Altogether the house sat on 85 acres of land. They owned fifteen horses, many of them Clydesdales (the huge horses with the fuzzy feet) and a few miniatures (they were horses, but their heads went up to your waste). They also owned a small population of chickens and three cats, along with another rat terrier mutt that wandered around the property instead of being with the three others in the pen.
The lady showed us the horses. They were all pretty huge, save the mini's, and most of them were really sweet. They got one of them from Disneyland and apparently another one of their horses had been in a movie series, though I'm not sure which one. Beautiful they were indeed, yup yup. There was this one named Molly who was part Clydesdale and part I forget. She'd follow you around so you would pet her. The really big ones, like the stallion they called Petey, were kind of intimidating. These things' hooves are about the size of your head, and you can imagine how tall they get; well he was one of the biggest ones, and he was nice and gentle, as all of them were, but we feared for our toes. He was pretty though. The fur around his hooves was white and his body was chesnut. His mane was a long black color, and he had dark eyes. Yush.
The biggest horse though was an odd looking one. His name was Roofy or something, but the called him Woof or Goofy Woofy because he looked different. Not in a bad way. I thought it was kind of cool. He was "nineteen hands tall" and his body was speckled brown and white. One of his eyes were a shocking blue and the other was brown, which I thought was pretty cool. He was a mellow one for a guy so big (tee hee "mellow"). Anyway, enough about the horses.
The woman's son, who is thirteen, rode down on his Quad, one of those four-wheeled dirt bike things. 'Twas cool indeedio! We hung out with him for the rest of the time. He was probably around 5'2" or 5'3" with tannish skin and blonde-brown hair and blue green eyes, though the whites of his eyes seemed a little pink, as if he might have been allergic to something. He has full lips for a boy, and it seemed that his voice hadn't really changed yet. A bit of a pervert and pretty sociable, he was a pretty good guy I guess, though I think Denise got irritated when he cussed (she is overly sensitive to cussing). The rat terrier mutt - I think his name was Oz ot Aus or something - was running up and down one of the hills, and David would throw stones down there for him to chase after, sometimes narrowly missing the dog. Unfortunately one time he rolled a stone down the hill and the dumb dog got in front of it to meet it and was smacked in the face with it. David went down to check on him and confirmed that the dog's nose was bleeding. He carried him back up the hill and told us to keep him there while he went and got a rag. The poor dog's mouth had blood in it, you could see it on his toungue, and you could see the spot just below the nose where he had gotten hit. I felt so bad for him. David came out and cleaned up the dog's face and the inside of its mouth with a dry rag, and even after that, if a stone was thrown, the dog was still rearing to play.
We went in the garage, which was large enough to be a very small house, and sat on a giant green stagecoach they kept in there. We sat there for a while and all three of us talked about anything we really wanted to, switching from subject to subject at random.
A little while afterward we headed down to one of the ponds they had on their property. The horses were walking around there. A little earlier some of them had been in the water swimming and eating the grass that grew underwater, so some of their hooves had mud on them. As we walked, David kept picking up old horse crap and throwing it by Denise to freak her out. I imagine he didn't do it to me because I didn't really have any reaction to it. We walked on past the ponds and up a hill to where he had a little platform built on the tree, rope swing, pulley, and all. We swung on the rope swing, if we could grab it from David, and played with the pulley a bit. We tried to hoist Denise up on the pulley, which nearly killed my hand. Needless to say, it didn't work.
At that time I really hated wearing flip flops. They had no traction, and with all the brush lying around, there were bound to be ticks. When we tried to go back down the hill I felt like I was going to slip and fall flat on my butt. I felt like a helpless little prissy girl, and it took me forever to get down.
We went into the house and had dinner, which was barbequed chicken and ribs, salmon, salad, some of my mom's cheese potatoes stuff, and corn on the cob. It was all really good.
I went in the pen and played with the dogs a lot. One of the terriers with a red collar was named Stuart, and he would jump up on you and lick you. The female, Shivers, reminded me of a fox. Pretty doggy indeed. She was also pretty playful. Ironically, the Shiva look-alike was named Scooter (the name of my dog) and he was the lazy one. He didn't jump around, but preferred to just walked up to you and lean his head against your thigh and be competetive for attention.
Stuart was also overly curious. You know, the kind of dogs that go sniffing where they probably shouldn't. One time when I was in the pen playing with the dogs, David was sitting on the Igloo doggy house right across from me talking and Denise was somewhere to the right of me. The dog was sniffing somewhere at the front of my shirt, and I was busy trying to listen to whatever David was saying instead of giving all of my attention to the dog. By that time was when I felt the dogs wet nose on my skin. I looked down to discover the dog had gotten two of the buttons to my shirt undone. They just happened to be the second closest button to the top and the one below that, which of course was right where my bra was -_-. David noticed and laughed at the dog and pulled him away saying "What are you doing Stewy? What are you doing you dumb dog?". So I had to turn away to rebutton my shirt. It was really embarrassing.
A little later, we asked our mom if we could ride on the Quad. She said yes and Denise went first. She had to wear a red helmet that fit tightly on her head - a motorcycle helmet, basically. I waited for about fifteen minutes and watched them when they were inside. Then they came back and he asked if I wanted to ride. I said yeah so I put the helmet on and clumsily got behind him. I held on to the back of the Quad and he took off down the hill. I was afraid I was going to fall off at some points. He went to this narrow pathway of trampled brush and drove down that. There was a metal thingy in the middle that he expertly swerved to avoid, and I was scared I might cut my toes on it as we went past. When we got to the end of the pathway he turned around and went really fast back that way. It was really fun, but I still felt kind of unstable, and I was afraid I might suddenly feel like I was falling backwards and grab on to him, which would have been very awkward. He told me he was going a little bit faster for me than he did with my sister. Now that I think about it, that could be considered a complement or and insult. Either it means he thinks I can take it if we go faster, or he cares less if I fall off and die. Oh well ^_^. Twas cool indeed.

:: 2004 13 June :: 12.15am

Yodel! Just came back from San Francisco today. It was really fun and I'm glad my mom went through all the trouble to do that kind of stuff for us. We stayed in a suite at the Hyatt and checked out Union Square. We went into Saks fifth avenue, where blouses, even hideous ones, cost $900/ Dresses cost around $3,000, but if you're lucky and you can find one on sale it's only a little over $1,000 (this is sarcasm, by the way. Prices real, attitude is sarcasm *nodnod*). Went to the big fat four-storied Borders bookstore, and had dinner at a place called Lefty O'Douls, which was cool. Before all this we had gone to Baker's beach, and over to the right of you at the far end were a bunch of nekid people! Yush, we saw many a bare butt that trip, for just this morning actually, people came riding through on their bicycles, butt-naked! Nekid people! And they'd pose for pictures and stuff. It was supposedly a protest against the war (don't know what the war has to do with people being naked in public, but hey, I guess they used their imaginations). Most of them were guys, but some were women. And the guys were ugly. One man had "BUSH" painted on his ass, and mom says some of the guys were wearing bow ties on their penises O_O. There was this one old guy who's testicles were abnormally large (sorry, but you couldn't help noticing. They were everywhere). He must have had a problem. I feel bad for him.

Anyway it was fun. I liked it and hope maybe we can do it again sometime. I was exhausted afterwards, but oh well.

Not much left to say. Better get to bed soon.

:: 2004 12 June :: 10.33pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JDAWG-STEROONIE!

:: 2004 4 June :: 11.05pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Enter Sandman - Metallica

Graduation
Well, today was graduation. It took about three times for my mom to get me up. I had planned on getting up at 7:45, but I actually ended up getting ready at almost 9.
I got dresses and pulled my hair back into one of those half ponytail thingies and got in the car.
I realized later that I had forgotten to eat breakfast. Not like it mattered; I was too nervous to really eat anything anyway, plus I wasn't hungry.

We got to school and I slipped on the graduation gown when I got out of the car and rushed over to homeroom. There weren't really any seats close to anybody so I stood and fussed with some stuff. I was hoping to practice before we actually sang the big graduation song at the awards ceremony, so I was looking for Jessie and Rose, who were singing it with me. Miss Doherty was busy passing out awards, but I asked her anyway if she knew where they were. She wasn't much of a help, but eventually I found them.
Of course by the time I got to talk with them we were lining up for the awards ceremony. I was a nervous wreck. I practically attacked miss doherty asking if we were going to have any time to practice the song and she said no.
Oh boy wasn't that just great.

We lined up outside and waited for our names to be called to go up on the sanctuary in our perfectly-practiced-lovely-ninety-degree-angle-turn way. Awards were given out in front of the whole school - I received a certificate for principal's list all trimesters, a golden cord and certificate for first honors for all three trimesters, and (This was a surprise to me, but I was so happy I got it) the presidential award for educational excellence, which means you have to have maintained at least a B+ average on all trimesters from the seventh grade, had standardized testing scores of over 85 at least, and some other stuff. It was a nice surprise indeedio.

The time for singing came, and Jessie and Rose and I went over near the baby grand piano by the microphones. We were singing "i hope you dance" by Leanne Wolmack. Jessie sang the first verse and did well and then it was my turn for the second verse. I think I did okay but I wish I had been louder. I wasn't exactly quiet, but I could have been louder. Rose sang the last part. She's a good singer, but I don't think this was her type of song. Her style just doesn't fit it very well.
During the song our first grade buddies were supposed to come up and give us flowers. The singers' buddies were supposed to come at the end but sure enough while Jessie was singing my buddy came with her little flower in hand. I was confused and was wondering if she should go around again but I went forward and gave her a big hug and thanked her for the flower. She is so cute! I love my buddy. It makes me sad to think I will never see her again.

After the awards ceremony everyone went outside to the front of the church and took pictures and all that. My aunt and my grandma had come to see me.
My aunt ceal ever since I have told her what a dragonfly represents, has had an obsession with them. She's the one who lost Nick, her son. When she came out she gave me a hug and smiled and said "You know, when I first saw you standing out here I saw a dragonfly go over your head. He's here, Jessie," and she laughed a bit. It made for a little bit of an awkward moment. I mean what are you supposed to say to that? But I thought about it a bit and I think it's kind of cool that she saw that. Call me stupid, but yeah.

My aunt left after many a picture was taken and my mom dad, grandma, and I went to go eat lunch at Flames (my sister had to go back to class because it was a regular school day for her). After that we went over to Mema's (grandma's) and attempted to take a nap. Didn't work very well when Mrs. Dove called and said that we had to be there at 4:15 for the actual graduation ceremony. We still had to go pick up Denise, and since my mom forgot Denise's outfit we had to drive all the way back to my house, change, and come back. Luckily we made it only about five minutes late, which wasn't bad considering we had to meet in Kelley Hall and sit there for a while anyway.

We received pictures of our school years from kindergarten to eighth grade and everyone enjoyed exchanging them and looking at them. Stephanie looked like the Pepsi girl in kindergarten, which I thought was funny, and Marilyn was so cute in her kindergarten and first grade pictures. Louise looked exactly the same in kindergarten and first grade. lol. Miss Doherty handed out some extra awards and then we all got in line and were each given a rose and a program. We headed over to the front of the church and had to stand there for what seemed like forever because Maria wasn�t there. She came just as we were about to head in, and even then we were still missing Jennifer Chau.

The mass started, and Jennifer didn�t show up until after the Our Father, which was also when we took our roses and went and gave them to our parents. After the mass, a certain award that had been given out during the morning ceremony would be called and if you had received that award you would stand and face the congregation until the clapping stopped. Then you would sit down again. After that - at least I think it was after that - we would all nice and prettily and very organize-ed-ly go and get our diplomas. Then we stood and faced the congregation for what seemed like almost a minute of clapping.

I�m not sure if it was before or after receiving our diplomas that Rose, the valedictorian, went up to speak. Her speech was awesome, not like you could have expected anything less, but I really enjoyed it. I want to see if I can get her to give me a copy of it.

Then came the big awards. First were the awards for special achievements in individual subjects. Let�s see what I can remember...
Eric Stanton got the algebra award
Weston Buglewictz got the math award
Corey got the Spanish award
Brad got the Science award (when Mrs. Gurries gave him the award and hugged him, Gavin gave a big fat �Awww� which was really funny.) It was expected he�d get it anyway. He�s Mrs. Gurries� favorite student to pick on.
Nick Dazzi got the religion award for 8D (my class) which was funny because whenever he has to answer questions in the religion book they are all sarcastic. ^_^
Kelly Mc Carthy got the Literature award
There were a few others too..
And then I got a nice surprise and got the English award. YAAAAAAY! I was happy.

Scholarships were handed out with bigger awards, for example, like the Terry Vane award. For those of you who don�t know, Mr. Vane was our seventh grade teacher who was sick with cancer. Though he started wasting away and was in severe pain, he still came to teach us every day that he could. he was the coolest teacher I think I have had in a long time. He�s cuss in front of us, not too badly, but he would, and on Fridays sometimes he�d have a religion period where we could spend it all complaining, or if there was a holiday we would spend all of it walking around on tables hanging decorations on the ceiling. After every school day instead of saying �Time to go� or �you are dismissed�, he�d yell at us: �Get outta here!�. Last year I remember we had received word that he wasn�t going to live, and we all started crying. Some people, including me, went into the church where Mrs. Borges talked and tried to console the group. After that there was word that he might actually get better, there was hope. On the last day of school he sent us a video.

�You have to keep up the fight. When you get out of bed every morning, when you step out of the car every day, you have to say �I�m doing the best that I can�, and if you do that, the rest of the day will be a piece of cake. God loves you, I love you, and my family loves you. Now get outta here!�

He really was an admirable person, and still one of the bravest people I know. Lucas won the award. At first I was disappointed it wasn�t Gavin (Gavin�s mom is in a coma and they might lose their apartment), But I saw Lucas�s mom meet Mrs. vane in the aisle and, crying, gave her a big hug. Luc�s dad died when he was six, and the mom is still single, not to mention they needed support from a different family to allow him to go to this school. Gavin won a different award and scholarship, which made everything okay with me.

There was a Knight�s of Columbus award thingy and the award was a big fat Bible. I said to Lynn, who was sitting next to me �Hey lookit! Big fat Bibles!� and she replied, sarcastically, �Oh yeah I really want one of those.� Then the name was called out �Lynn Nguyen� and she got it. lol it was funny.

Another award I could just guess who would win it. It was for a lot of religious service to the school. Since Marilyn�s mom taught CCD for many years every week, and Marilyn helped out there a lot, I guessed it would be Marilyn. When they called out �Marilyn Mac Lellan� I went �yes!� and everybody stared at me.

My dog is being really cute right now. But that is beside the point.

All-together, it was a really nice ceremony. Yush yush it was. Afterwards we went and turned in our gowns (that�s right, no keeping the gowns) and went off to eat dinner at California Cafe in Los Gatos. I saw Tyler M. there, though he didn�t see me there at first, and my grandma was wondering if I liked him or something. lol. She�s funny like that. Always on the lookout for me. I luff my grandma.
The dinner wasn�t as good as expected. The food was good, but the service not too great. I had a virgin strawberry daiquiri! Yummy!
Mom and Dad gave me my graduation gift there. It was so cool! I will be able to take Marilyn and Louise out to spend a night in San Francisco at the Hyatt hotel, which is close to Pier 49, and I got a mini iPod! yaaay! My dad sent it away to have it engraved or something. I wouldn�t have thought of something like that but it is still cool. So I actually haven�t seen my iPod yet, I only have the dock. but I can�t wait until it gets here.
During the dinner,we were chit-chatting nicely when a guy from the table behind us yelled �.... FUCKING CLOWNS!� Scared the crap out of me. The people at his table tried to calm down, but he sat down and continued to say stuff like �fuck you people! Fuck you!� and then he said something about �...with all these people dying in Iraq.� Damn liberal. he ruined my dinner. It was scary. I thought he was drunk, but he appeared completely sober afterwards. People like that creep me out.

So yush, that is the jist of my graduation. There you go.

1 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 5 June :: 11.42pm
:: Mood: sad/angry/happy

I'M BACK! For over a week the internet on this computer was all messed up and it wouldn't go to any websites. Thats over so you anyone who looks at this gets to see more lovely entries. I'm sure you love them. Who wouldn't? After all..I wrote them. I'm kidding fools.

This week was a very interesting week. Wednesday was dinner dance. Everyone in the 8th grade gets dressed up and goes to the gym for dinner and some depressing stuff then dancing. It was really sad. They made a movie thing of our trip to Yosemite. I really want to go back cause of how good it was. Kyle got to hold onto my shoulders when we were all blindfolded. We had some good times. He probably didn't like them as much as me and has probably forgotten about them because he doesnt care about me. I will never forget them. AH! I WANNA HUG HIM! NOW I WILL NEVER HAVE THE CHANCE! Then there was a slide show of pictures of all of us. They showed us with our parents, when we were in kindergarten and i think 2nd grade or one of the younger ones. Then they showed our graduation picture. The rest of the pictures were just random ones people turned in. I really wish I gave one of Louise and I on the first day of first grade. It was so cute. She looked all girly and perfect with long hair that was brushed and her hands folded in front of her. Then I have a bruise on my knee, a mushroom cut, and I am smiling sort of weird. I looked like a boy....with a skirt on. The rest of the night we were dancing. The swing dancing was the best cause nobody has a clue how do it.

Thursday was our trip to Great America. In the morning Louise, Jennifer, and I went in this water thing in the kids area. We got completely wet and remained wet the rest of the day. It was fun anyway. OOO! KYLE GOT WET! OMG! He was walking around with his shirt off and in his swim trunks. He looked so hot. All tan and so skinny and perfect. He has muscle but its not apparent. Hes just skinny so it looks good. Then he had to put on his red cross shirt. Thats ok. He looked hot in that too. Only thing that was bad about that was he did it before Jessica could get a picture of him without it on. GOD HE LOOKED SO HOT!

Later about an hour before we had to leave we went on Top Gun. There was a kid in front of us who was probably in 6th grade or possibly 5th. He was holding a girls hand whos fat. I'm going to go with the theory that he is not superficial and really likes her for who she is on the inside. HE WAS SO CUTE! I mean really cute. He had blonde hair and was really pasty white. ENGLISH PERHAPS! I'd have to say hes more likely Russian or something like that though. I was right behind him on the ride. When it was going I kept feeling water hit my face and I thought he was spitting or drooling or something but it turns out his hair was wet. THANK GOD! He was talking to us and apologizing after but I couldn't see who it was so I didn't respond but Jessica did. SHE ALWAYS GETS TO TALK WITH THE GOOD PEOPLE! POOP! YES, I AM JEALOUS. We saw him again at the front gate and then tried to take as many pictures of him as we could without him noticing. It worked..sorta. They probly suck. Oh well.

Graduation!SAD DEPRESSING SHIT! The award ceremony in the morning was very sad. When our buddies came up the aisle to give us a flower was very very sad. I sad right in the front and most of the 1st graders went past me..some of them were crying. They were so cute.

The evening ceremony was good. When we were in line waiting to go into the church my dad came over to take some pictures. It was embarrassing cause Kyle was behind me and him, Troy, and Steven were all watching. I dunno what my dad said but Kyle said "Your dads cool." I think he was being sarcastic but I'll pretend he wasnt.

I got an award. It was for being dedicated and working in the parish office so much. It was really easy work and I did a lot of it so I deffinately deserved it. Sorry for being a bit conceited. The mass was very long but it was worth it. I almost cried like 5 times. After it was done everyone took lots of pictures and blah blah blah. I will never see Kyle again. IT WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED. Oh yes and I must say that Bobby looks so much better when he gets his hair cut. In fact he kind of looked...handsome? Not hot. Well maybe. I'm not sure. He looked good. I saw Jimmy and Seth at a restaraunt after. Their moms were making so much noise.

Today I went with my sister to the mall and to get me a haircut. Its really short and my hair grows slowly. I look like a boy when its wet but when its dry I look alright. I'm just not used to it so I feel so weird. *IT IS MAYBE..A HALF INCH PASSED MY EARS*

WELL THAT CONCLUDES THIS WEEKS SUMMARY. FEEL FREE TO COMMENT AND SAY ANYTHING YOU LIKE ABOUT MY REALLY SHORT HAIR. GOOD BYE ALL!

3 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 27 May :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: shpunky!
:: Music: The Final - Dir en Grey (get it? Finals are over... the "Final". Woah!)

IT'S FINALLY OVER!
That's right, the day has come. It's all over. No more classes, no more tests, no more schoolwork, period. Oh happy day! Rejoice rejoice I tell you! The rest that is left is partay-ing down foolio and graduation practices of course. We graduate the day the third Harry Potter comes out. I wonder if they'll have Peeves the Poltergeist in this one. They need Peeves!

Anyway, to celebrate the end of school work for me at least (I feel bad for my sister) we are having a big fat ol' dinner. Yush! Ribs I say! And caesar salad! And afterward we are having this lemon tart stuff and - this is a shpecial part - Mom got some Nutella. For those of you who don't know what Nutella is, it's this chocolate hazelnut German spread thing. My friend Ashleigh always gets it from Germany and we always have a spoonful to eat when we go over to her house. It has a lot of sugar in so it helps keep us up. In fact, her parents are over in Europe right now (her dad has to work there a lot apparently) and they're sure to bring back a crapload. SPEAKING OF NICE GERMAN THINGS, I WANT A BED DECCA! It's a comforter, but it's the best comforter in the world! It is so comfortable! Anyway, speaking of Ashleigh, tomorrow (little does she know) we are going to set her up with a friend, Chris. They go to school together and he really likes her and it's so cute!

I know that a lot of my friends at SFC haven't heard me sing, really, because I get shy every once in a while when it comes to that. It's weird because I'll get up in front of people and have no problem reading stuff or saying something in front of them, but when it comes to singing , I get nervous. And in my grade, Jessie Salazar is consider the almighty best singer. She's really nice and usually acknowledges me as a good singer too (for example when Mrs. Borges, my drama teacher will ask for someone to sing she will go to Jessie, but Jessie will always point to me and suggest me as well. ^_^) but sometimes I feel like she gets all the recognition (which isn't surprising, being that she's popular and people have heard her sing more). What my point is, graduation is coming up, and I kind of want to song for it. In sixth grade I sang in front of the whole school and it went pretty well, not to mention it was fun. Of course, I know Jessie will get a song, which doesn't bother me in the least. What bothers me is that I want to ask her if I can sing with her, and I'm afraid I'll be ruining her fun. Another problem is that Rose and Erin Young also want to sing. Of course we can't raid on her one song, so if we all want to sing certain parts of a song we're going to have to ask for more that one, and those songs we will have to pick. The thing is I'm not sure what songs to pick. Believe it or not (marilyn) I'm thinking I can ask for There You'll Be, but I understand if you don't want to do that for fear of ruining it. If someone sang one of my favorite songs badly I'd be annoyed too. But if you let me ask for it I will try to sing it as well as I can. And before I suggest it I will make sure I can sing it well before even asking to sing it. If I can't sing it well compared to other songs I won't even suggest it at all.

There is this guy that goes to church at our school every single day . He's bald and wears the same suit every time, and every time we see him there (we are forced to go to morning mass once a week) he always says in a lazy drawl "For an increase in Mass attendance..." blah blah blah for an intention. Little does he realize that the reason there aren't many people at morning masses every day is because a lot of people DON'T GO TO MASS EVERY SINGLE DAY LIKE HE DOES! He seems like a terribly boring person.
Well I saw him in his car this morning, head glistening so brightly you would probably be blinded by it if you stared too long - sonmething similar to the sun - and on the back of his holy car was a holy bumper sticker that said "GOD will bless America one America returns to GOD."
To say the least this pissed me off. It was an incredibly liberal statement. It may have had other meanings, but I was thinking it had something to do with the war. So, what? Because we're defending innocent Iraqi people and destroying the heartless murderers we will not be blessed by God? Does God hate us because we are in war? Gee golly I wonder what God thought of the Crusaders who went to take hold of the Holy Land.
And if it is simply about people not being holy enough, face it, things aren't like the old days. This is America, Bud, not everyone is going to be Catholic or as holy as you are. There are people out in this country who are Buddhist and Muslim and Wiccan and have different beliefs than you do.
Frankly if his bumper sticker is trying to make people think and say "Gee golly Gosh I should go to church more often so God will bless the country that I love and we will not all die a terrible horrible death" I don't think it is. I think it is just getting people, like me, pissed off.
I complained about it to my mom and she said "He's a religious fanatic and he's crazy. Religious fanatics are also those Muslims that think Ala wants them to chop people's heads off." It was funny. I suppose this goes with another entry I made a long time ago about religious zealots. Yush, religious zealots bug me indeed.

After finals today it was really fun. Everyone was happy and relieved that they were all over with. We were walking around the classroom and people were writing on the backs of other people's polo shirts. At the end of the year I usually take Mr. Pencilcase (my pencil case) and wrap him in all the cloth bookcovers I can get. This time I had thirteen. That's a lot. And the best part was, when I was taking my Literature final, my pen ran out of ink! -_- So I took all 13 bookcovers off of Mr. Pencilcase and got my pen out. I had them in a pile at the bottom of my desk and after we were done with all the tests Erin and Lucas came over and started putting all of them on my head. I was dubbed the "Du rag queen". Yush indeed. Of course it gave me a really bad headache so I had to take them off.

Yush. I am happy we are done with. Tomorrow we get our graduation gowns and our yearbooks.

I'm listening to There You'll Be at the moment and it's making me sad because it's almost over. I WAS HAPPY! STOP IT!

Fin!

-Edward (Jess)