love me or hate me its all the same

eddy

:: 2006 7 May :: 2.33am

Well, work tonight was interesting again. I had to close by myself for the first time. I don't recommend it. I was getting peeved at people. One guy came up and asked for a whole pizza and I just told him that we ran out of dough, because I did not want to make it. I had not the time nor energy. During closing time I was mopping the floor and Wayne was playing Eminen's "shake that ass" song really loud in the bar. This one guy, with a group of people walks by and says "shake that ass for me" And me, thinking, (more like hoping) he wasn't talking to me, just kept mopping, not even looking up. Then of course, my fear was confirmed when he says "or just keep mopping" To which a girl in the group begins to laugh at hysterically, all the way until they got out of the door. Probably even longer than that, but thank God I couldn't hear her anymore. It really wasn't that funny. I think they might have been drunk, the guy at least, the girl looked like she was only 17 or so. Got a check today that I didn't know I had. That's super cool. My legs and feet are gonna fall off I think. They hurt real bad.

I stink.

:: 2006 5 May :: 11.49pm
:: Mood: cold and lonely
:: Music: Catholic School Girls Rule - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Brr...
It's cold in my house.

And lonely...

I'm pretty cold and lonely right about now...

I think I'll go heat up my room and watch Wayne's World with my doggies...that sounds good to me! *thumbs up*=)

4 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 5 May :: 11.31pm
:: Mood: *contemplative*
:: Music: *leave the pieces - the wreckers*

*just one of those days*
The one time I need my mom, she doesnt answer her phone.
I need the strength to give up. To quit fighting this.
But in a way I do have the strength because I'm admitting that I need to give up.
I've never tried this hard for anything.
I've never wanted anything more than this.
I've never loved anyone as much as I love him.
But maybe I needed to find that one thing I had to give up, because I've never had it before.
Or maybe I'm just scared that he'll never love me as much as I love him.
That I'm not good enough for him. No matter how much I try to make myself be.
I'm the most insecure person that is completely sure of how she feels.
Or maybe its the fact that things are going so great that I can't stand it. That it feels like something is wrong. I used to run away from a good relationship after a month. But this one has lasted 6 months. I've never fought for something this much.
I need someone to tell me its okay to be with him. I need someone to be on my side. I need something or someone to help me through this.

I told Jay tonight that he's lucky because he has alcohol to help him excape reality when things get tough. I have nothing. I don't do drugs. I gave up drinking. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't drink again. I don't want to turn out like my mother. I want/need more self control.

I need a hobby, because I do too much thinking when I just sit around. When Mike is at work and I'm up at the wee hours of the morning, I sit and think. I wonder about all the insane possibilites. I think up things that it shouldn't even be possible to think about. And I feel crazy. I feel like I should be locked up somewhere for scientific research.

Oh and I've decided that I want pictures of all of you so I can make one huge collage to put up in my apartment. The walls are too bare and I can't paint them. So start sending.

Stacy, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to take some pictures for me. I've seen some of your stuff, and its amazing.

Same with you Carley. I envy your talent.

eddy

:: 2006 5 May :: 7.52pm

Hey guess what everyone?!?! That's right! You got it! More StacySydneyJessicaAmanda movies!!! YAY!!!!!!!

We Hate This Fucking Bitch
The Tape
Whatcha Gon' Do Wit All Dat Ass?

Sorry no updates on the date yet. I know you're all dying to see the next in that series. It's coming soon, I promise!

12 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 5 May :: 3.02pm

errg...my mom is a meany weany sometimes. I can't go to the movies because she's homosexual...::mad face:: grr..!

joeydomina

:: 2006 5 May :: 5.19am

Happy Cinco De Mayo
I have no idea what they celebrate this day for but happy it anyways.... haha peace

:: 2006 4 May :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: eh...confused in some way..
:: Music: Fire, Water, Burn - The Bloodhound Gang

So I got my hair colored today and cut. I kinda dont like it now. I liked it at first but when I got home and looked in the mirror...It's just very very...red! =|oh well...it's just hair I guess...what can ya do?

After gettin' mah hair did...Kelly, Mindy, Eddy, Kevin and I all went to buffolo wild wings or whatever. I wasn't too hungry because Ash and I ate ourselves silly at McDonalds so yeah...Kevin ate and payed for my food...haha!

I skipped golf again today. She's going to be mad at me. Oh well...golf sucks..

I think Gravid, Kelly, Mindy, and I are all going to the movies tomorrow night but I dont know if I can or not. My mama is a bitch every now and then. I have a fucking family reunion on Saturday. Mindy you should go with me! lol! That would be awesome.

hmm...yeah. I don't know. Things are weird sometimes I guess but all you can really do is shrug it off and forget about them...*shrugs and forgets*

:: 2006 4 May :: 7.20pm

I got my new phone today, because I kick ass.
No, my other one was broken.
My brother got a new phone today too.
The same one I got.
It came out today. I was the first person to buy it!
Well I wish. But probably not.
I am having a great day already.
Started at like 7:30 this morning.
When my boyfriend got out of work.
And came over to cuddle with me.
I love him.
Just thought you kids should know that.
In case you didn't already.
I'm going to go play with my new phone.

8 will hate me | will you love or hate

skife

:: 2006 4 May :: 4.40pm

box, this is what we need to go fast.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/1972-Reinell-I-O-Boat_W0QQitemZ4635614837QQcategoryZ63685QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

:: 2006 4 May :: 9.37am

All I have to say is wow.
Not what I expected.

joeydomina

:: 2006 4 May :: 4.02am

Joe With Awesome Hair
Joe with the greatest hair on record

1 will hate me | will you love or hate

skife

:: 2006 3 May :: 5.43pm

i like working at meijer alot, easiest job i have ever done.
and they gave me this cool ass pricing gun, i already took it apart, and i'm thinking about painting it chevy orange.

:: 2006 3 May :: 3.19pm
:: Mood: pissed with a passion

AGH!!!
So I just got my first speeding ticket no more than 30 minutes ago...! I was doing 69 in a 55 zone but he only marked me for doing 60. Probably because he saw the look on my face when he told me that my licence plate number didn't go to my car..it went to my mom's old car. And to top it off, my mom never put the new proof of insurance in the car it's still on the refridgerator. I'm so mad. I told my mom that I would pay for the speeding ticket and that was fucking it! I was almost in tears when the cop told me that. I thought right away that he was going to assume that we stole the car and then tow it away...I'm so fucking pissed. I cannot believe how ignorant my parents can be. And they will sit there and tell me for hours at a time how irresponsible I am and how I'll never make it on my own and whatnot. Then shit like this happens that completely shows they can't take care of themselves let alone their 16 year old daughter and they just kind of shrug it off and blame it on someone else. God do I hate that...So now I can't drive until my mom goes to the secretary of state and the court house and gets everything cleared up, IF she's grown up enough to do that on her own....!

5 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 2 May :: 9.07pm

okay, I lied...one more thing to say...
Do you ever just wish very very bad things upon people you don't even know? Like, you've never even met them, but they have something that drives you crazy or something that you wish you had so much that you just wish they would die so it would be yours...yeah, I'm crazy...BIG DEAL!

:: 2006 2 May :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: Emo-licious

Hmm...I just don't know what to really say anymore. It's not like things are terrible right now, I just keep expecting things to get better soon and they don't so it brings me down and I don't really like the feeling of being down all the time.

I really cannot wait until summer! School is stressing me out so bad..I absolutely hate it. Everything about it makes me not want to go more and more everyday. I find myself getting irritated with everyone that I see. The teachers, the people, and even some of my friends. I can't stand it. I'm on the verge of quitting golf. Noone ever wants to go to the meets or to practice and when I don't want to go to a meet, everyone freaks out on me. It really annoys me when I get yelled at for really gay shit.

I find myself missing people awhole lot lately. Like Brixon. I haven't seen him in forever it seems like. And granted I did get sick of him towards the end, now I miss him so much I don't know how I was able to say goodbye. I never realized how good of a friend he was to me. One of the best friends I'll probably ever have...and I highly doubt I'll ever see him again..and that makes me sad.

I've been missing Sona alot too. Like, it kinda feels like it just hit me that she left though she's been gone a year. It's weird when those things happen to you.

I just don't really know what to do with my emotions anymore. People have told me I don't express them very much and that I should more often but then again, I don't want anyone to not want to talk to me either. I just want everything to get over with so I can just have some time to myself to think about things. I feel so messed up lately. I find myself wanting to beg for former people to come back into my life. And that's just not fair to my feelings or theirs because I know even though that's what I think I want now, it's not going to be what I want for much longer. I just wish I didn't make things so complicated all the time. I frustrate myself. *shrugs* oh well, what can ya do?

I have a hair appointment on thursday. Mindy and I are hanging out and we're getting our hair done. Granted she's scheduled for 3:15 and I am scheduled for 6 lol. But I'm going to get it layered and dyed. I am excited. I need some change around here...

*emo sigh* Well kiddies...that's about all the bitchin' and moanin' I have left in me for tonight sooo...TATA!

4 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 2 May :: 5.33pm

This guy on myspace sent me a message the other day, asking if i own a yellow cavalier and if mike and i are still together.. And that he wants to see us again real soon. Mike and I don't know this guy, at all. We don't know a guy named Matt that lives in greenville..

Today he sent me a message that said he was hopnig him and i could have conversation other than on the computer and that if im interested to let him know and he'll let me know how to get ahold of him..

Talk about a creep.

joeydomina

:: 2006 2 May :: 2.06am

everyone add for msn im my email

joeydomina@gmail.com

1 will hate me | will you love or hate

skife

:: 2006 1 May :: 11.29pm

beth loves me.
and
I love her.

:: 2006 1 May :: 10.49pm

So everything is back to normal.
We are incredibly happy.
I love it.
I love him.
We had a long discussion today.
Which we will finish tomorrow.
And I truly love him.

There was a reason for this entry, but now I do not remember its purpose. Ah well.

:: 2006 1 May :: 4.11pm
:: Music: Possum Kingdom - Toadies

I realized today that I daydream alot. And alot of it is about things that I want to happen but I know they wont. I need to grow up soon. Just let things go. I hate thinking, but it seems to keep happening and I dont know what to do about that...geesh...

I'm hungry, I love food. I love food almost as much as I love Mindy...lol!

:: 2006 1 May :: 1.15pm

So after a night of sleeping on my bathroom floor, and fighting through text messages, I wake up with the worst back ache.
How could he possibly think that I don't love him.
Ugh.

:: 2006 30 April :: 10.09pm

I managed to sleep my day away, and wake up still tired.
Go me.
Still no kitten.

:: 2006 30 April :: 7.33pm
:: Music: Emily - From First to Last

I just slept for two hours. I feel exhausted now but happy that I did that. I want to go back to sleep but if I do I'll miss Desperate Housewives...and I just cannot let that happen to me. *emo sigh* I woke up, and my pillow was soked...I guess you just shouldn't always sleep with your mouth open or something...lol.

moomoo

:: 2006 30 April :: 2.19pm

My weekend was great. Prom was Awesome. For Cedars we went to the olive garden first, which was great food and not even a long wait. The prom was fun, the dance floor was a little crowed but it was okay. Then afterwards we went to Kellys sisters which was fun. Then I went to Jessicas Saturday to get ready for the Second prom at Tri county. I was so tired. But It was still fun again. There's was at Ferris. Which was a ton bigger. We went to Rubys Tuesday before prom. Then we went back to Jessicas. Tried to watch a movie but we couldnt figure out how to get it to play. So we gave up on that and went to bed. Now I'm just sitting around waiting to go to work. It was nice having time off, but I do have to go back. Only 3 more weeks of school thank god. I'm signing up for my GRCC classes this month. Then my open house is June 10th at the courtland township hall from 1 to 5. Then soon after that I'm going to hopefully be starting my new job. Then its time to look for a place to live. Me and Some friends are thinking about renting a house in Grand rapids. So we will be close to college and our jobs. So its kind of exciting. I might be going to six flags and Mall of America over Memorial Break with my friends from KCTC. I love road trips there so much. Well life is going great right now I hope everyones else is too.