silentcriez
|
::
2009 24 November :: 9.18pm
:: Music: nostaligic music
wow so long
so its been forever, havent done these things in so long. It was a trip reading back through all that i have been through. so much that i have shut out. so anyone reading this knows, i actually moved to florida. have been talking to my mom happily. I go to school at florida gulf coast university and i am seriously still as confused as i ever was.
here fgoes nothing, maybe i will keep up with this,....
2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
|
silentcriez
|
::
2006 13 July :: 11.35pm
sometimes you are granted the privelage of taing a step back and seeing yourself... maybe not literally in you but seeing something that just makes you realize soemthing that youve needed to see forever...and sometimes things can change and can grow and you can learn... because learning is so important... learning how to love and how to care and be with someone... to worry about them and pray for their success...im not sure what im even rambling about... but i know you understand... maybe im reading all the signs wrong... maybe there arent even any signs....whatever the case may be.... i saw myself today... and i saw myself loving you...
::I::Saw::Red::
|
silentcriez
|
::
2006 1 June :: 10.05pm
so its been a while since ive typed in here
alot of things have changed...
i guess daner and are closer... and went to see my mom in florida... and bonnaroo is in 2 weeks!!!
so me n danas anniversary i guess is officially september 7th haha
hmmmmm its tough trying to catch up on things when so much has changed.
just went camping in the cape with jimmy dana timmy jimmi christina stacie ryann sarah keri lindsey tristan and a bunch of other ppl it was fun lol
hmmmmm well idk right now thats about it
ohgh waitttt
prom! haha daner and i went it was fun i love him
::I::Saw::Red::
|
cocopuff
|
::
2006 8 March :: 7.22pm
:: Music: Alice in chains- Rooster
wow.. i havent looked at this in so long.. and not liek neone else has hahah.. but yea im goann write in here again mayb.. haha if i remeber.. but yea im so bored.. waiting for james to call kelc back so we can get highhhh.. natick is a shit hole.. mad boring.. never nehting to do butdrugs.. and that requites money.. which i dotn have..
yea so everyhtign suckes.. like always.. still lvoe cj.. he dont love me.. on going story.. mayb one day ill write the whole thing in here so ill remeber.. then again how can i forget.. blahhhh im hungryyyy.. bout to go eat yeaa.. buy
::I::Saw::Red::
|
silentcriez
|
::
2006 12 January :: 9.50pm
so yeah im cute..
i took dana out yesterday to dinner at a little italian restaurant in newton called appetito it was cute haha a little fancy tho! (i could barely say the names of the food haha)
well i had a good time, and he seemed to as well... i adore him...
blahhhhh
::I::Saw::Red::
|
silentcriez
|
::
2006 1 January :: 11.25am
so i couldnt have spent new years a better way... i had such a good time being with him we just relaxed and played with eachother... i love it i love it when he touches me when he tells me things when he holds me when i fall asleep in his arms.
i love him.. and i know he loves me too..
sarahs party was fun i basically just sat with dana teh whole time but i finally had someone to kiss on new years! my first kiss of 06' horrrayyyyyyyy
well im lazy so ill write more later
::I::Saw::Red::
|
silentcriez
|
::
2005 28 December :: 1.20am
the best christmas present i could have recieved
Amanda-
the time we have had has been good-shitty. i look at the times when we first hung out and i remember maine too. i wish life was like the week in maine. at times i hate you i want to just leave you on the side of the road and drive off you make me mad at times. i wouldnt trade the times we have even though i hate the bad times. i like you and i cant hide it, but i'm just scared to "commit" to you. i care too much to take you, and then hurt you. but i never would do that to you. lol you told me to write that i care about you. lol no but really i do, and when your out with ppl i guess i am jealous. but when your with those kids i hate it. i get really jealous and i cant stand it, but who am i to say anything. i dont know anymore to say ive said alot. im sorry :( but i <3 you
<3~ Dana
::I::Saw::Red::
|
silentcriez
|
::
2005 28 December :: 1.20am
i love him.....
uhhh i probably shouldnt but i do...
and i somehow think he might love me too?
crazy huh...
::I::Saw::Red::
|
xonixieox
|
::
2005 11 November :: 9.35am
Natick high one ^
::I::Saw::Red::
|
silentcriez
|
::
2005 7 November :: 7.57am
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
MY DAD WALKED IN ON ME AND DANA!!!!!
::I::Saw::Red::
|
silentcriez
|
::
2005 5 November :: 9.44am
so shits kinda fucked...
im sick of people... and im sick of my emotions i wish i could hate you.. i wish i could get you out of my head i wish you werent all i think about i wish that you would treat me rigth and i wish we coudl be happy together...
well last night we went to the BU hockey game it was funnnnnnnnnn <3 ah...
::I::Saw::Red::
|
silentcriez
|
::
2005 25 October :: 11.05pm
I saw the stars begin to appear in the night sky, I counted each one and found one which shined brighter than the rest. I closed my eyes and made a wish. My mind rifled through millions of thoughts, and wants until it found my greatest wish. My dreams to become an actress. As I laid in my bed pondering my wish I somehow dosed off.
The morning sun peaked into my windows and woke me up. Just another day, and just another wasted wish. I went about my daily routine, ate breakfast, got dressed, and went to school. On my long walk home I thought some more about my dream, and decided maybe I should just give it up. What use was wishing on a star anyways? I arrived at my house to find a package on the front steps. It was addressed to me so I opened it. Inside the box was another box, and inside that another, and another and another. Finally I opened the last box and inside was the business card of a talent agency. Puzzled and excited I ran to my house phone and dialed the number.
A young woman answered the phone and explained to me what had been sent to me. They told me that I had been reffered to them by an unidentified source which told them great things of me. After meetings, and many delliborations they asked to fly me to Las Vegas. I packed up everything and left my entire life. I performed in small venues and plays making a substantial amount of money. But it wasn’t enough for me. The hunger for fame and money enveloped all of my thoughts.
I found myself lost in my empty home, filled with glorious art, and trivial objects. 3 years had passed from that day, and I’d yet to talk to my family, or any of the loved ones from back home. It was an empty feeling, but still I trucked on to fulfill my dreams. It wasn’t long before a major production company heard my name. flown once again away to a new location. California was different, walking down the streets I felt out of place. I had come from a small town, and ended up in the lonely city of L.A. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. As I walked the boulevard that night, I saw the stars begin to appear in the night sky. I counted each one and found one which shined brighter than the rest. I closed my eyes and made a wish, just like before, but this time I knew exactly what I wanted.
I fell asleep that night with such hope, and elevated expectations. The sun peaked into my windows once again and I woke up excited to see what my wish had to bring. But I didn’t find another box, or any other sign. I didn’t find anything, the day after that, or the day after that, or the day after that. It was then that the reality hit me, I had received what I deserved, and felt more alone than ever.
::I::Saw::Red::
|
silentcriez
|
::
2005 17 October :: 6.08pm
i love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
i need youuuu
were weirdos together.. i love it and were okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
itll be okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
::I::Saw::Red::
|
silentcriez
|
::
2005 15 October :: 12.59am
you dont have any worries
about where they are
or what they feel
cuz all that matters is that second
when you just laying next to eachother
and time just seems to fade off
like the rest of the world
when your together
the house your in could fall
and the entire world could be closing in
but when you turn to see their face
you forget and rember you safe
and how hes gonna keep the walls
from falling on you
even if the walls did come tumbling down
it wouldnt matter anyways
because what you shared in that second
is more precious
than any material possession
nothing else matters
you look around and see all the walls
and the world just burning
everyone running around crazy
with drama
and he grabs your hand
and walks you through it
on a path that has no bumps
then you relize your not walkin at all
your still in bed hugging
its been four hours
and hes still there
hours which passsed like seconds,
trailing off into a dusty bed of memories.
eyes heavy,
breath steady,
hearts beating..
the superficial veil of a world
melts away under the blankets.
and your eyes closed now,
holding tighter to one another
you hear nothing
except his heart beat with yours
beating as one
and you feel something
greater than any feeling in the world
the feeling of knowing your wanted
your needed
something more powerful than hate,
and deeper than lust
something that cant be bought or made
someting that had to be shared
something thats pure
and never touched
your almost scared
its almost too much
its overwhelming
but you listen,
and you flow along
with the cadence of the moment
like two parts of a song coming together
void when played alone,
together create music like no other
create an emotion
running deep within your veins
lost in a moment
looking in your eyes
--
i need your drug to live
you need to heal my addiction
Loving and the caring for that person
that you experience.
Their pains become yours, their joys are shared.
routine days become void without their smile
are empty without their kiss like a drug
like i need you to be sane
to be normal to feel right
you feel not real with out them
like your in a movie
like everythings just fake
and your living your days
waiting for them to return to the way they were
and every one is on fast forward
and you cant keep up
your falling down,
falling behind, everythings moving forward
as you regress
your slowing, and the worlds moving faster
spinning with no regards to you
and you need your drug,
you need you toxins to get by
like some one has erased only half of you
form the paper
you look down and you cant see your body
cuz he was you
taking what they wanted,
and leaving bewhind an empty shell
washed up on the shore
waiting till you gave them everything,
to take it all.. and leave you empty handed
building you up to let you fall so fast
your hurt is seen by all
a once hidden fear comes crying all too loudly
bleeding through your ears
like all the wasted time
and all the wasted words
all the night with out sleep cryin for him
something he'll never even hear
a cry heard only to those who have loved and lost
those who can embody you,
and feel your breaking heart
whove tasted the bitter salts of deciet
the tempting fireds of desire
and the sweet of sudden romance
but your too scared to tell them
so you put on a mask to hide for a while
a day at most so ppl will believe
that your fine
and can go on
your living your days alone,
when in a crowd of people
trusting no one
feeling empty in a room of smiling faces
decieving faces
the faces blurr,
and you cant see very well,
you dont know whats real
and what youve conceived inside your mind
what you want to believe
and whats really in front of you
you start to trip over your own feet
and right when your about to hit the ground
his hand grabs you pick you up
brush you off and walk away
in a haze you wave goobye
but as you do
some one new, fresh, comes up
and grabs his hand
the one you once held on to in the rain
and he smiles the same way he smiled for you
for her
and your whole world goes black
suddenly he hits the pause button,
and holds my breaking heart in his hands
im frozen in this moment,
and i see an icey stare
that hovers over your expression
some sort of want some sort of need,
if you want to leave then go,
what tie holds you back here?
something must have called you,
something must have tempted you
did you see it in her?
did you feel it when you kissed her?
or did you see my eyes?
did you feel my skin
when you touched through taste
he came back for that moment
to let you know that he has moved on
and slowly puts your heart back on the ground
wet and slowly beating, not normal
does he not feel?
how could he turn you off like a tv
he has to know what feelings you felt
and how strong they were
your world slows down,
then suddening reverses,
you watch the words on the screen,
seeing your tears played out in movie form..
your rewound back trailing through time,
and suddenly its stops.
Loving and the caring for that person
that you experience.
Their pains become yours,
their joys are shared.
and again i need your drug to live
you need to feed my addiction..
::I::Saw::Red::
|
|