silentcriez
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2005 3 April :: 3.42pm
im finding it harder and harder to get through my days without feeling depressed.. and im also finding it harder and harder to take critisism.. im sick of ppl -- my best friend -- putting me down and im sick of fighting constantly.. i mean sometimes its fine but i just cant take it anymore right now id rather be sitting home by myself sleeping, singing, or talking online than be sitting here right now..
im going crazy and i dont know how much more of this town i can take.. florida is luring me all too easily... and i dont like it..
sometimes i feel
like im taking over myself
sometimes i feel
like these things that i feel arent real
dont know what to do
when im losing you
cant stand being wthout your smile
whens it my turn
to feel the things that they feel?
whens it my turn to shine?
living in the shadows of another
aint the life that i had planned
just wanna be something special baby
just want you to be my man
but i guess that wont change
i guess ill stay the same
i guess i cant feel
these things that i want to feel
i guess i cant see
these things i want to see
im blind to everything
except this pain i feel
oh its nothing new to me..
my heart is used to this pain
sometimes i feel
like im losing it all
cant touch the ground
theres no one to catch me when i fall
sometimes i feel
like the world is falling down
and everything around me
crumbles to the ground
theres nothing left
for me to hold on to
oh theres nothing left
for me to stay true to
no theres nothing left
nothing left thats real
nothing left to feel
except for this pain
oh its nothing new to me
no nothing new you see
im the same old girl i used to be
baby nothings changed
nothing is new to me
like these stars i see
i wish on them
they wont come true
but its nothing new..
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2005 3 April :: 9.52am
:: Mood: Hungover
FuN aSs NiGhT! !
well.. im not gunna lie.. i had an AmAzInG night last night.. it was long needed! ..
well janets mmmy wasnt home so we stayed at her house with Ryand and his girlfriend Gabby.. Then Nikki and steve and some other people were there and they taught us how to play kings! let me tell you.. its a fun fucking drinking game! seriously.. like its crazy! ya.. so anyways ryan got me, traci, janet, and ashley all smirnoff, so we drank.. me asd ashley got drunk.. janets got really drunk.. and traci was like crazy out of this world shit faced.. it was hilarious.. she just kept drinking and drinking.. then nick, tyler, moustafa, and Cj came over, and tyler and moustafa didnt drink.. but nick was fucking trashed to the point he couldnt stand up.. it was fucking hillarious! hahah i was laughing the whole night.. by then it was only like 10:30.. so at 11, traci's mom called and was like im here come outside.. we were all flipping out becasue she was sooooooooo drunk.. but she pulled it together becasue she called us and told us she got away with it.. then after everyone left, me and jan and ash just went into janets room and talked about EVERYTHING, but janet fell aslep and so me and ashley talked for a while
well i have a headache lol
comment
2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2005 1 April :: 7.25pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: that song by josh gracin?
woo huuu im back on!
the computer in my room finally works yippieee i got internet bitches im so fucking excited! let me tell you!!!
ok comment please
1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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xoxchubbyxox
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2005 31 March :: 2.49pm
:: Music: lil kim: sugar
wellll........
havent had internet connectivity in a while now...so yeah. not much to say...
i might join cross country for next year..even though ill be the worst one there lol.
a comment would be nice :)
3 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 31 March :: 6.08am
:: Music: owner of a lonely heart - yes
Move yourself
You always live your life
Never thinking of the future
Prove yourself
You are the move you make
Take your chances win or loser
See yourself
You are the steps you take
You and you - and thats the only way
Shake - shake yourself
Youre every move you make
So the story goes
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Say - you dont want to chance it
Youve been hurt so before
Watch it now
The eagle in the sky
How he dancin one and only
You - lose yourself
No not for pitys sake
Theres no real reason to be lonely
Be yourself
Give your free will a chance
Youve got to want to succeed
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
After my own decision
They confused me so - owner of a lonely heart
My love said never question your will at all
In the end youve got to go
Look before you leap - owner of a lonely heart
And dont you hesitate at all - no no
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
(repeat)
Owner of a lonely heart
Sooner or later each conclusion
Will decide the lonely heart - owner of a lonely heart
It will excite it will delight
It will give a better start - owner of a lonely heart
Dont deceive your free will at all
Dont deceive your free will at all - owner of a lonely heart
Dont deceive your free will at all
Just receive it
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 29 March :: 10.56pm
BlckTangldHrt35x: how come those peeps are so decieving
CocoPuff0210: peeps?
BlckTangldHrt35x: they look at you all happy sitting in their little package just screaming to be eaten..
CocoPuff0210: huh?
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then you eat one
BlckTangldHrt35x: and you feel sick
BlckTangldHrt35x: and then you look over and theyre calling your name
CocoPuff0210: haha ew i dont liek peeps
BlckTangldHrt35x: so you eat another
BlckTangldHrt35x: and the cycle begins again
BlckTangldHrt35x: damn the peeps
BlckTangldHrt35x: damn them all
CocoPuff0210: hahaha
CocoPuff0210: HAHHAHA
BlckTangldHrt35x: and theyre peep conspiracy
CocoPuff0210: ur crazy!
BlckTangldHrt35x: its like a little mafia of purple bunny peeps
BlckTangldHrt35x: out to destroy human kind
damn the peeps and their master minded plans..
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 28 March :: 10.07pm
i feel this sudden sickness come over me like im suddenly broken.. suddenly smacked into reality. i just cant handle this im not built for this kind of pain and yet its constantly shuttled at me. i would rather not know the truth and just be happy the way i was.. i dont want things to end i dont want it to be over if it is.. once again ill be depressed and once again i will not have any purpose.. i dont have a purpose im here for no reason.. and nobody will have me.. nobody wants me.. nobody needs me and thats what kills the most..
please just take me..
I still recall the taste of your tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore.
[Chorus:]
Come on tell me.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go way.
You make this all go way.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now.
This thing is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.
Come on tell me
[Chorus]
In this place it seems like such a shame.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.
[Chorus]
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have
Think I know what you meant.
That night on my bed.
Still picking at this scab
I wish you were dead.
You sweat and perry ellis.
Just stains on my sheets.
::I::Saw::Red::
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Cocopuff
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2005 28 March :: 9.37pm
i dont let him effect me nemore.. im trying to move on from something that was never there in the first place.. im tired of being sad.. and im tired of pretending i ment somethin to him... and its not fair becasue he meant everythign to me... he still does.. but i have to let go of the falseness and move on with my life no matter how hard its going to b....:'(
2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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krazykelc1
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2005 26 March :: 10.36pm
:: Mood: high
:: Music: vnv nation-carbon
la vedro..
we are home now
out of our heads, out of our minds
out of this world, we're out of this time
are you drowning or waving?
i just want you to save me, should we try to get along?
just try to get along
we change by the speed of the choices that we make
and the barriers are all self-made
are you drowning or waving?
i just need you to save me...
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2005 26 March :: 5.03pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: save a horse ride a cowboy x big and rich
life in general
i am begining to fall into a state of depression again.. usually for people they begin to sink into depression in the winter months.. but not that the spring is coming.. i feel that all the bad can melt away for everyone except myself nothing .. like i go out with my friends and thats all fun and a good time.. but thats not leeding me to love and i think that now more than ever thats what i need right now.. i mean just watching how everyone else can so easily find it.. and me.. the more i tRy.. the more i feel muself getting PuShEd away from it, and i dont know why this is happening.. and i dont want it to happen.. but i just feel like it.. i wish just somebody would LOVE me .. and im rambeling on and on about this but i cant help it.. i dont like what this is doing to me.. i started this entry talking about winter and the forming of spring.. and it somehow turned out like this..
colors swirl in this world of black and white.. vibrant blues and oranges in the world thats all black and white..
comment if you care
2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 25 March :: 12.30am
and off i go and i dont even care..
"this could be love but my days are growing colder, as your love begins to fade. was there ever anything or was it all fake? did it tingle when we kissed, did it push futher when we teased? was it all a waste of time or for a worthy cause did i bleed? im getting somewhat sick of this, crying everynight. its getting a bit too routine, and im in need of light. i dont want to feel empty when i dont see you, i dont want to be gone a day and still start to miss you. i dont want to expect anything for you, expecting too much can break you down.. i want to smile and never frown. your sleeping now, and im lying awake. with a tear in my eye and cloth in my hand.. my soul you take.. this could be love, love for pain, this could be love, love for hate.. im losing my mind.. just slighting insane.. is the pleasure really wroth all the pain? this could be love.. you know.. this could be love.."
1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2005 23 March :: 6.30pm
Im getting my liscence in ONE month! april 21st.. knock on wood
amanda's leaving for LAS VEGAS for her singing competition in 2 days!! woot woot
ya.. comment
1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 22 March :: 11.11pm
"the more i wait the harder i fall, id give it up, id give it all. for just one kiss, for a sunny day for things to always be this way. id die for you and bleed painful deaths just to touch you, id reach all depths. too much to handle all tonoght the pain and sorrow has shut off the light. im blind to pain, but its still there, ive veiled my eyes so i dont care. your words fall blankly on deaf ears, fore' i need to hear your love to feel.."
1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 20 March :: 9.56pm
completely fucked weekend... damn...
ahhhh fuck me now dammit
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2005 20 March :: 7.05pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: laughing
talking to people
my conversation with Tracii! lol
x 6 TRACii 9 x: o0o idk
xNikkiE 435x: o0o..? couldnt oyu just say ooo or ohh
xNikkiE 435x: lmao
x 6 TRACii 9 x: no becuase im cool
xNikkiE 435x: hehe
xNikkiE 435x: NO
x 6 TRACii 9 x: haha
x 6 TRACii 9 x: SLUT
xNikkiE 435x: hhahaha SKANK ASS BITCHHHHHH
x 6 TRACii 9 x: ok are you talking?
xNikkiE 435x: ok i think i am!
xNikkiE 435x: APARENTLY i am
x 6 TRACii 9 x: who are you?
x 6 TRACii 9 x: do i know you?
x 6 TRACii 9 x: have we met?
x 6 TRACii 9 x: stop talking to me
xNikkiE 435x: my name is Nicole julie Anne Allen Cole Hand willens
xNikkiE 435x: NAACHW for short
x 6 TRACii 9 x: or as i like to call u FAGGOT for short
xNikkiE 435x: CUNT
x 6 TRACii 9 x: bitch
xNikkiE 435x: i love you
x 6 TRACii 9 x: i love you too
xNikkiE 435x: aww thanks skank
and my conversation with Dave!!!
snowboarder08642: :-\
snowboarder08642: i alomsyt got caught today
xNikkiE 435x: doing??
snowboarder08642: my dad dropped me off at his house right
snowboarder08642: and i was gunna smoke
xNikkiE 435x: ahhh.. sooo what happpend
snowboarder08642: so i got my dads smoking thing from like the 70's
xNikkiE 435x: hahhahaha
xNikkiE 435x: andddd...
snowboarder08642: and i got my trees and i was bout to smoke but i dudnt have a lighter
snowboarder08642: then i was like hmm i need to take a shit
xNikkiE 435x: .. soooo..
xNikkiE 435x: hahaha
xNikkiE 435x: thats lovely
snowboarder08642: so i brought the dougout and the baggie and the lighter into the bathroom
snowboarder08642: then my dad walks in the door
xNikkiE 435x: when your taking a shit?
snowboarder08642: yeah but he comes into the house
snowboarder08642: he was suposed to be gone for like 4 hours
xNikkiE 435x: omg!
xNikkiE 435x: so what did you do?
snowboarder08642: so if i hadent been in the bathroom with all the shit he woulda caught me
xNikkiE 435x: hahahaha
snowboarder08642: i through the stuff under thie sink and went back later and got it
xNikkiE 435x: haha thats a GREAT story
snowboarder08642: when i was in thhe bathroom and he wasnt home i was cleaning out the pipe-like thing and there was weed on the floor
snowboarder08642: and i almost lefct without cleaning it up
xNikkiE 435x: jezzzzz.. what were you thinking?
snowboarder08642: i dunnio
snowboarder08642: lol
snowboarder08642: last night
snowboarder08642: i was so high it wasnt even funny
snowboarder08642: i was smoking for like an hour straight
xNikkiE 435x: who were you smoking with?
snowboarder08642: couple of friends and joe alborgini
snowboarder08642: if you know him
xNikkiE 435x: im not sure..
lol
-Nik
::I::Saw::Red::
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