silentcriez
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2004 6 November :: 1.47pm
i was thinking today as i was reading "ordinary people" about how i felt when i was depressed.. how i thought that things would never get better.. well.. they really havent ive just moved on and im sick of moving on and letting go of everything all of teh time why cant eveyrthing just stay a constant luke warm where i never have to get too hot or too cold.. i can just stay mild, neutral reach my equilibrium i mean thats what we all want isnt it? just like the cells im learning about in bio.. isnt that all we really want? to reach a perfectly neurtal emotion, relationship, job, something challenging yet simple.. easy yet hard.. fun yet serious.. everybody is looking for that.. and i dont know just what to look for.. i feel so lost.. so disconected.. so unwanted that i could break down at any moment i feel saddned by any simple thought..
i dont understand the simple things in life, i constantly seem to try to search for a deeper meaning to everything an alterior motive you might say.. a reason for why and how things are the way they are.. and why some things really arent as they appear.. why im not really as i think i am and how my poor judgement will affect me.. im not sure what to do now.. i guess this marijuana helps me get through dull low points and never ceases to make even minute borring situations worth remembering.. just that slight push to euphoria.. even if it is only for an hour or two.. its better than nothing at all right?
dont wanna drain people with my sadness so i just kinda brush it aside.. i dont think about it and it just doesnt seem to bad but whenever the certain topics are brought up im showered with tears.. but why break the cadence of simplicity? why bother to question anymore.. when the answers are painted blatently on our foreheads? i can read everything every thought every motive every aliby.. i read them like books.. like encyclapedias theyre something to learn from as i see it.. learn from other peoples mistakes hone my own judgements and outlooks by listening to theirs, use them as practice for out in the real world.. the real world? whats real anymore? even reality shows are staged, scripted.. what the hell is real? im real, me a teenager who doesnt know who she is or where she belongs, thats real.. someone looking for somebody to actually give a damn looking for that one thing she succeeds at.. for that one person who completes her.. thats real and the pains real and the memories are real.. but eventually theyll fade away into the abyss of things that were.. never to be experienced again.. thats the reality.. that nobody cares about anything but their own sucess their own well being..playing games of who does more for who.. when all people really need is that neutral water.. that 15 minutes of fame... the second in their life when they realize thats where they belong.. thats their reason for being here.. thats whats real..
what a mad world..
im late to get dressed and go to johnnys house so ill continue my ranting later on..
- manda
::I::Saw::Red::
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xoxchubbyxox
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2004 5 November :: 10.16pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: breath stretch shake let it go?
...
well this week was long and boring. tonite i had fun tho i hung out with caileigh and her friends katrina and kaylie and we ate pizza and watched tv and stuff. lol yeah. so tomorrow im probably goin to see a movie and then i have to babysit ...well nothing interesting to write.
x0x darien
2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2004 5 November :: 1.41pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: none.. im at school
tinkerbell
well i was on google and i found some wicked adorable pictures of tinkerbell.. this is my favorite 
well i have practice soon and then the game
-Nik
1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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cocopuff
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2004 3 November :: 9.10pm
 See what Care Bear you are.
yea so i got thsi the other day from jess journal... i think it chose the right one.. seeing as how i love to wish things.. not liek they come true but hey i still do...
today sucked ass for one reason and one reason only... my Goncha is leaving tomorrow!!!!! :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(... she came to school today and we had a huge cry fest.. but the teachers are soo fuckin retarted and try and like they care but it was obv today that they dont... but w/e fuck them.... I LOVE U GONCHA AND IM GONNA MISS U SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKIGN MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(
other then that nothign else is really important.. so im off to do something...
::I::Saw::Red::
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xoxchubbyxox
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2004 2 November :: 5.21pm
:: Music: nobodys home: avril lavigne
lala
ugh im tired i just did 2 hours of yard work lol... i dont feel as sick ne more so thats good. halloween was ok, i passed out candy to the little children..and ate some too ha. well im boring i know so i have nothing else to say...
why dont u leave a comment. :)
<3 darien
3 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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cocopuff
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2004 1 November :: 8.29pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Tech N9ne-"Imma Tell"
FUCKIN AMAZING!!
LAST NIGHT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS THE BEST SHOW I HAVE EVEN SEEN, AND IM SURE I WILL EVER SEE!!!! FRIGHT FEST BABY!!!.. i had soo much fun last night haha... i love halloween.. i fetl bacd cuz i didn't carve my pumpkin this year... and i didnt get to go trick or treat..but the show made up for it...
yea well today was a shitty day... i felt liek shit after lunch cuz of the god damn nasty food at are school... then my mom made me go to work even tho i flet liek shit... sucked but i was doign work on the computer liek the whole time soo it wasent that bad.. tomorrow i have work again.. thursday too... sux but w/e...
well my tummy still hurst... lol i jsuted wanted to let all u ppl who didn go to the show that it was fucking amazing!!!
<3 Lizzy
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2004 1 November :: 3.48pm
:: Mood: refreshed
:: Music: instant pleasure x rufus wainwright
alright so now its november first and everything is just.. passing me by so fast im not really changing or helping myself as i should im just the same moving along in time.. and i should be correcting my faults, fine tuning my vocals and aquiring new writing skills but everything is just.. the same...
i dont know what exactly im feeling right now, its awkward and i sometimes get these horrible feelings in the pitt of my stomache but dont even know what caused it.. some thought or vision emblazoned deeply in my mind perhaps?
who knows.. last night was halloween and it didnt even seem like it.. i as at fright fest which i may say was the best ever, damn it was so good.. i had a great time.. believe me ;-) it just didnt feel like halloween.. none of the holidays feel like holidays anymore.. every since my mom left.. this was my second halloween without her.. and soon will come my 2nd thanksgiving and christmas.. and birthday.. and none of them will hold any meaning..
why does life have to deal such a bad hand?
*light skin dark eyes*
light skin dark eyes
they move me and they do hypnotize
baby you could take it all away
and id still be sitting here just the same, today
light skin dark eyes
glowing in the dark like fire flies
the passion is growing from within
and i dont know where i can begin
light skin dark eyes
every moment with you is paradise
golden rays fall even sweeter now
across my tan euphoric spoiled brow
light skin dark eyes
each road that i take, holds a new surprise
twists and turns, i really dont mind them much
as long as i can always feel your touch
(chorus)
the moment i saw you
i knew it was true
knew i could feel it,
i knew it was you
since then i told you
id never let you go
your light skin, and dark eyes
drive me out of control
light skin dark eyes
mysterious while out of your disguise
i feel like i have touched these forbidden fruits
fed the fire to the beast, my heart ran loose
(chorus)
light skin dark eyes
envelope me and take me for a ride
its something few will ever see
and im glad your girl is me
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2004 1 November :: 1.29pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: none.. im at school
my weekend..
im in the computer lab with my love Traci!!!!!!!!!!!!
well friday night was the football game.. i went with virginia dj cait and bill.. then we took amanda to our house.. but cait went home.. we slept at my house, but bill drove amanda home at like midnight..
ya so anyways.. then on saturday we had to wake up at like 730 becasue Genes memorial service was in the morning.. we went there and amanda made me cry :( then we went out to breakfast with the whites.. and after that we all went to the mall and stuff.. then we went home and watched movies i think..
ok so then on sunday i went to amandas and then we made her shirt for competition.. then we went to Devin and went to MONSTER JAM!! it was fuccking AmAzInG!! there were so many amanzing acts.. and then 50 cent came as a guest! it was truly awesome! i ahd so much fun.. when G-unit was on yuong buck smoked a blunt on stage.. it was kinda weird becasue there were soooooooo amny cops lol! ya so anyways then juvinille came on during slow motion and was like for anyone who has passed away who you miss and love.. put up your cell phones and dont let the lights go out! it was so sad.. i was standing next to amanda and it was really sad becasue we both just looked at eachother like so sad :( but anyways..
then on the T going home we waited for sooooo long.. first a D didnt even come.. so at north staton they made us get on a B to government center.. then there we had to take another B to park st.. then from there the guy from another B changed it to a D so we all got on.. but then when we got halfway there we had to all get off and take a bus becasue the tracks were broken! the conert got over at 12 and we didnt get home till 2! the ride was hell! ohh well because i had so much freaking fun! this random drunk guy was dancing with me and amanda and he wasnt bed looking so i had no arguments.. other than the fact that he told us he had a girlfriend and didnt care lol! ohh well we had fun!
thats all for now !!
-Nik
1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2004 31 October :: 10.35am
ITS FUCKING HALLOWEEN BABYYYY
fright fest in a matter of hours!!!!
<33
::I::Saw::Red::
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krazykelc1
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2004 29 October :: 11.23pm
:: Mood: happy.. yet something just feels out of place
:: Music: Mario ` Let me love you
The Notebook
"I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter any more, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you."
::I::Saw::Red::
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xoxchubbyxox
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2004 29 October :: 3.18pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: mosh: eminem
blahh
well i still feel like crap. oh jeez lol. ive been sick from like tuesday til today and i stayed home yesterday...lol i hate bein sick. well yay for the red sox lol too bad i was asleep when they won :( any way...school is bad..i think im going to the mvoies tomorrow so that should be fun perhaps..
write more when i feel ok...
:( Darien
3 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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krazykelc1
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2004 28 October :: 10.09pm
:: Mood: burnt out
:: Music: Mario ` Let me love you
Good song
Baby I just don't get it
Do you enjoy being hurt?
I know you smelled the perfume, the make-up on his shirt
You don't believe his stories
You know that they're all lies
Bad as you are ,you stick around and I just don't know why
If I was ya man (baby you)
Never worry bout (what I do)
I'd be coming home (back to you)
Every night, doin' you right
You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs)
Fist full of diamonds (hand full of rings)
Baby you're a star (I just want to show you,you are)
[Chorus:]
You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you
[Verse 2:]
Listen
Your true beauty's description looks so good that it hurts
You're a dime plus ninety-nine and it's a shame
Don't even know what you're worth
Everywhere you go they stop and stare
Cause you're bad and it shows
From your head to your toes, Out of control, baby you know
If I was ya man (baby you)
Never worry bout (what I do)
I'd be coming home (back to you)
Every night doin' you right
You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs)
Fist full of diamonds (hand full of rings)
Baby you're a star (I just want to show you, you are)
[Chorus:]
You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Ooh Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me....
[Bridge:]
You deserve better girl (you know you deserve better)
We should be together girl (baby)
With me and you it's whatever girl, hey!
So can we make this thing ours?
[Chorus:]
You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you
Let me love you that's all you need baby..
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2004 28 October :: 9.12am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: none.. im at school
RED SOX (and things)
FUCK YEA!! the red sox are fucking AMAZING!!!! hell ya baby we won!!! okay so if the parade is tomorrow like it is supposed to be then im going. but if its saturday then probobly not becasue i have Gene's Memorial service :( tear its gunna be so sad..
i really hope that the parade is tomorrow!
Amanda, Gini, Bill, and probobly Chris and Kevin are sleeping over on friaday.. then we hafta get up SuPeR early for Gene's Service .. i think its gunna be really sad and depressing..
HaPpY eArLy 18tH bIrThDaY gEnE! i LoVe YoU sO mUcH!!!
thats all for now since im in the computer lab right now.. its 2nd period and im already ready to go home, but i have detention today :/
-Nik
4 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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krazykelc1
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2004 27 October :: 10.19pm
I am head over heels in love with Robbie Walker.
good day.
::I::Saw::Red::
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