silentcriez
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2005 5 May :: 2.40pm
i like tweaked out yesterday..
i felt so alone.. like i really dont know who my friends are..
and i miss lizzy.. i miss having a best friend like her..
and shes perfectly happy without me..
i feel like im not important to anyone..
i walked by myself in tears.. feeling completely alone..
i hate it.. i hate me..
3 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 4 May :: 7.09am
im really starting to hate natick.. and hate school.. like im completely irritated by most people.. i just wanna be out of school.. i wanna get a job, earn some money get my own place, have my own car i want to get out of my house..
gr..
i havent been depressed lately, which is why i havent been writing much.. i appoligize
im kinda afraid of happiness.. cuz i lose my talent for writing when i cant feed from pain..
hum.. more later
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 2 May :: 9.03pm
im getting to like this feelingggggg...
yummy
::I::Saw::Red::
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xoxchubbyxox
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2005 2 May :: 5.49pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: breathe*anna nalick
been a bit
well let me start off with my vacation..it was great. Floridsa was beautiful while i heard it rained for u guys all week : P. Anyway...i stayed in a hotel on the beach ( St. Pete Beach ) and got to go to the tampa aquarium and busch gardens twice. it was so fun. it was over quick tho and now im back. lol
yesterday me and michelle worked on our retarded science labs... we made most of it up and hung around and ate lunch and looked at journals and yeah thats all i remember.
i think i mite make a livejournal....:)
5 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 30 April :: 11.18am
dude im getting slick... lol
i ran downstairs turned off the alarm and escaped last night lol my dad didnt even hear danas squeakyyyy breaks
well im really tired i didnt get to bed til like 3..
bah
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 29 April :: 9.37pm
Pimpin In 1869: You're a lover, not a fighter. Alas, your possessive nature can make you seem a bit combative in social settings. Remember, your partner is with you for a reason. No need to be jealous
^ reminds me of me.. haha im no fighter
hm i decided to write a story so here goes nothing..
i wander down the hallways of this ratty old school, the musty smell permeates in my nostrils and i am reminded it will all soon be over. I glance across the hall to see a few freshmen. It amazes me how I could have ever filled their shoes. As ive seen the many different “types” of kids flow through this school, they seem to get sluttier and sluttier as the years fly by. I remember walking into this school like I owned it. We all thought we were gods gift, when we were rudely awoken.
We dressed how we wanted, and lived how we saw fit. You see, there were 4 major groups; Preps, stoners, straight edged weirdos, and just plain queer antisocial kids. I of course, fell into the pothead category. We listened to the music which altered America, smoked the best bud cheap, and were envied by all. I guess you could say people wanted to be us. But mostly they just wanted to live the life, not giving a fuck and feeling fine about it.
I continued to pace down the hallway keeping my focus on each ceramic square. I kept a slight grin on my face, as I looked at all of the people. I looked into their eyes and saw fear, pain and naivity. They were so young, and so unexpecting.
^ gr ill finish later i cant keep my mind straight..
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 28 April :: 9.53pm
i dont know what there is for me to say..
im finally going back to school tomorrow.. im gonna have so much work to make up.. grr...
well idk.. i love how i feel.. and how i feel is wonderful.. i could just feel it every day.. every second.. and it wouldnt be enough..
its just enough, but not enough..
i decided not to deal with all that bullshit anymore.. with the help of ryan molloy my best friend ever.. i love you and you helped me to see that all this shit isnt worth stressing over.. even when life gets bad "its all good" <3 i love youuuuuuuuu
hum what else is there? who knows i cant think right now
my mind is drifting..
<3 Manda
2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 28 April :: 2.09am
And baby, I can't hold it much longer
Now it's getting stronger and stronger
And when I get that feeling
I need a sexual healing, sexual healing
And makes me feel so fine
And helps to release the mind
Sexual healing, is good for me
Sexual healing is something that's very good for me
Whenever these blue teardrops are falling
Oh no - and my emotional stability is leaving me
There is something I can do
Oh- I can get on the telephone and call you up baby
Darling, I know you'll be there to relieve me
The love you give to me will free me
And if you don't know the things you're dealing
Oh- I can tell you darling, oh it's sexual healing
Get up, Get up, Get up, Get up
Let's make love tonight
Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up
'Cause you do it right
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 25 April :: 11.59pm
I wanted more
Than life could ever grant me
Bored by the chore
Of saving face
Today is the greatest
Day I've never known
Can't wait for tomorrow
I might not have that long
I'll tear my heart out
Before I get out
Pink ribbon scars
That never forget
I tried so hard
To cleanse these regrets
My angel wings
Were bruised and restrained
My belly stings
Today is
Today is
Today is
The greatest day
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 25 April :: 2.56pm
if you have a problem with what i write in here.. dont read it.. its as simple as that!
humm.. so im definitly sick of this town and all of the gay tough guy kids in it.. they think theyre so tough they think that fighting makes them fucking cool.. they think that anything they do now is gonna matter.. they think that by fighting someone it gives them a better name or some shit.. but nobody will remember any of this in the long run.. none of it..
so.. idk what the deal is.. i guess its back where we started and thats not a bad thing because i like the way it is.. nothing serious.. nobody gets hurt.. its fool proof
shes ruining everything for me.. i feel so crazy and not me.. i mean this isnt me.. this isnt how i want things to be.. i just wish that she would dissapear..
and kim if i wanted to fucking talk shit about you.. id do it openly so shut up...
im walking down the street
in my black stillettos
looking for my next victim
to be my slave
this high is catching up to me
in the heat
the summer sun has already
stolen me
i will fly higher
i will start the fire
i will i will come to you..
::I::Saw::Red::
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Cocopuff
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2005 24 April :: 10.19pm
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 24 April :: 9.51pm
im so sick of her.. i just wish that she would go away cuz then i wouldnt have to worry.. i wouldnt be on edge.. i woudlnt be so crazy..
my grandpa died today.. it was pretty bad..
idk what to write
im quite confused
Pimpin In 1869: A superficial attraction is still an attraction -- and quite strong at that
^ good qoute
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 22 April :: 1.35pm
mmmmmmmmm great night :-)
thank you guys for a great bdayyyyyyyyy <33
lets see a ton of ppl came.. sarah steph anna goncha krissy lizzy kelsey katie dana jimmi alex scott tony jessy sarah amanda and ryan and scotty
everybody left around 10 but dana and jimmi stayed till around 12:30 and sarah lizzy and anna slept over.. haha jimmi and lizzy passed out at like 11 and sarah and anna fell asleep upstairs lol they were party poopers haha but dana and i stayed up like cool cats..;-)
mmmm i need sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 21 April :: 10.17am
sooo jimmi woke me up with the first happy birthday at 7:30!! ahh i was half asleep but it made me happy :-)
ViaConDios307: happy b day
miDGeT8149: happy birthdayyyy
Kocis350: happy bday
Kocis350: its earth day too
KrazEEace 2: happy birthday manda
QteeKate88: HAPPY MOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAY!
kels7216: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Pimpin In 1869: happy birthday.. find me.. you know
pSyChOpAtHiC366: HAYYP BIRTHDAY BABY!!!
JoeBoxerJC: happy b day nijjy
EmmyD89: HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!
cait 3190: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANDA:-D
C Will1489: happy birth day
LiLBaBiK32: aw happy birthday!
ToR2189: Happy birthday!!!:-)
Squishlover22: hey i hope you got my messages i left online.. i didnt get a chance to call im tharrrry :-( i hope your sixteenth b day was goood :-) love you!
scoobystoner420: happy b-day
BlueEyedSliver8: happy late b-day
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 19 April :: 2.53pm
Well I'm not asking to be loved or be forgiven
Hey I just can't shaken in this bedroom
One more night alone
-
And I couldn't care less about what you want to say
And I wish that it wasn't just me
Oh I don't think I'm better or kinder of heart, I'm as guilty as I can be
But every chance I get to put a smile on someone's face I will take it, believe me
--
In case you're wondering
I'm still on your side
As she embraces all of me
I want her only to need me
It doesn't matter what I tell her because she changes
Her mind before she speaks
And tends to talk before she thinks
But how I love her
I know there's truth for you somewhere
If I were wise I'd take you there
But I'm not, at least not yet
So I'll be watching you instead
In your room, in your room
In your room
I can wander around forever
And I recognize the color of the walls that we painted
In your chair
That I broke because I was careless
I can sit and watch you dance around
My words are spoken
I am on your side
-
I feel you and you feel me as I feel you
It's good, it's scary
The speed, the heat, it's deep, and steep
It's light but hard to carry
Listen when I'm silent there's a
Sound that only you can hear
Listen when it's quiet I know
You can hear it, cover up your ears
Cover up your ears
-
When you like music more than life, something's wrong
When you start sleeping as you drive, something's wrong
When you're favorite drink is thinner, something's wrong
When you're proud to be a sinner
-
As you're living through another year
Oh, what a waste of time it is
To indulge inside of bliss
Getting ready for another year like this
Another year to lie
Another year goes by
You're not sick, so you can't heal
But I wonder do you feel
The need to cry: 'I'm out of here'
Oh, your goal is safe
But is it all you crave
Is it me who cannot see
The face of mediocrity
I try to smile you see
Your lightness darkens me
Filter all of your emotions.
Fake you're never low
Or face the one you fear
-
Don't call me sinner
Don't call me nerd
Don't call me chaotic
Because you heard
I have strange feelings
I have weird thoughts
But don't call me an artist
Because I'm not
I am an animal, a saint
A grown up child without a name
I am a black man, I am gay
I say we're basically the same
Don't label me
I'm not a colour
I'm not a sex
I'm not a partner
I'm not an ex
Don't call me nigger
Don't call me queer
Don't call me retarded
Although I am
I am an animal, a saint
A grown up child without a name
I am a black man, I am gay
I say we're basically the same
Don't label, don't you see
A wooden table is actually a tree
Which is basically the same
Which is basically the same
Which is basically the same as you as me
::I::Saw::Red::
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