:: 2004 8 April :: 6.32 pm

THREE fucking hours of arguing with Brandon.
Came really close to a break up but he's the one that brought it up.
If he thinks he wants to break up with me because of the shit that HE has to handle, I can't even imagine how long he'd last in my place.
Mom got pissed off and threatened to shut the phones off if we didn't stop arguing.

I'm tired...

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 8 April :: 4.43 pm

This is just about the ending point ...

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 8 April :: 3.37 pm

Just got off the phone with Brandon ...
It just dawned on me how much of an asshole he really is.

Ate too much today ...
Shouldn't eat tomorrow.

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 8 April :: 1.39 pm

Mom let scooter in my room and he wouldn't stop licking me so I had NO choice but to awaken.
Eh.
Brandon has court tomorrow...
Hopefully mom let's me go with him.

I got my Driver's Ed packet but I have no proof that I'm in school. Mom's on the phone and I heard her say "Yes, she's not very fond of you" so I'm GUESSING it's the principal at River Road.
....And the two of them are plotting evil schooling things against me.

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 8 April :: 12.58 am

I NEED to come up with the freaking will power to Water Fast for ONE week. I know I can do it if I try really really hard but its soooo hard =(
Eh.
I can do it though.

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 7 April :: 9.53 pm

Weighed myself ...
Happy level dropped 3 knotches.

Boredom has taken control of my poor little body.

undoomness...

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 7 April :: 7.55 pm

Talking to Gene ...
Hehe, he's the greatest.

Boredom o.o
Hopefully, Pixie comes back on soon.

Taylor ... is spanking himself with a ruler yelling "Spank me darling ... SPANK me like a monkey in July!" in a gay voice ...
Lovely.

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 7 April :: 4.20 pm

I only have 2 dollars in change to send to Andy ... haha. I must get paper money quick.

I woke up and it felt like somebody beat me with a hammer all over my body. *sigh*
I think I should probably fill my water bed up some more.
It could have been from football yesterday, too though. o.o

I ate a whole bunch yesterday ...
Probably gained back the majority of the weight that I had lost. Haven't eaten anything yet today. Hopefully it'll stay like that.

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 7 April :: 12.02 am

"This is the grace only we can bestow
This is the price you pay for loss of control
This is the break in the bend
This is the closest of calls
This is the reason you're alone
This is the rise and fall"

"The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe
you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed
but now it's choking me up.
DIE YOUNG AND SAVE YOURSELF."


"And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old and start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget"

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 6 April :: 11.58 pm

Once again, I hear the sound of a condom wrapper and JERRY AND LIZ FUCKING AGAIN.
I hate this shit ...
I seriously do.

I can't come on the god damn computer for ONE minute and they start fucking.

I'll kill them all one day ...

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 6 April :: 11.08 pm

Me and Jeff didn't hit it off too well when he came home so I went to Brandon's for the night.
I was hoping to stay there for a few days but mom said no. She's been taking Jeff's side a lot.

It rained a whole lot today. Me and Brandon went down to this HUGE water build-up thingy and we all played football in it. It was so great. After like, 5 minutes, everybody was soaked.

A new rule at home: Computer time ends at 12:00 a.m/Exception on weekends.
EH. O.O
I'm a bit upset at this.

I can't wait until I can leave this place.

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 5 April :: 5.53 pm

Lost 2 more pounds.
Yay =)

Jeff came home today from missouri. Our vacuum had broke so we didn't get to vacuum or clean the floors and stuff. He came in all pissed cause the house looked like shit and took everything on the couch and threw it all over the floor.

My tummy still hurts =(

Eh ... I'm really getting sick of everything here.

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 5 April :: 2.06 am

"Never again..."
"Hurry up and get in the fucking truck .. " the voice demands.
I do as he says and I climb in.
He races down the street, not glancing at me once.
I pull the sleeves to my sweater down over my hands, like I do when I'm scared, and I close my eyes.
I can't go back now ...
I light my cigarette as he pulls over into the ditch.
"So what do you think of me?" he asks.
I look down and he smiles.
I can feel his hot breath against my face as he puts my cigarette out.
With the help of his hands, he moves my legs closer to him and lets his hands wander.
"Kiss me"
"No .. Please .." I think to myself as he moves closer to my mouth. My chin quivers and tears begin to make their way down my face. .
He unzips my sweater, my only protection left against him and what I am told to do, and slides it down my shoulders.
"Never again ..." I swear to myself, with each new thing I'm told to do.
...Eventually, he drops me off at the end of my street.
For a moment I stare at the ground, thinking of all the horrible things I did ...
I deserved what was coming.
I walk into the house and go directly to bed.
I build walls around me with my blankets and stuffed animals so I know nothing will get me.
Under the covers, I try to sleep ...
Alone, sore, crying and softly whispering ...
"Never again ..."

2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 4 April :: 7.48 pm

Boredom X_X

Act your age: Not very often ...
Born on what day of the week: A Tuesday or a Thursday, I think.
Chore you hate: Cleaning my room
Dad's name: Samuel
Essentail make-up item: eyeliner
Favorite actors/actresses: Not sure...
Gold or sliver: silver
Hometown: Amarillo o.o
Instruments you play: Clarinet, Bass guitar
Job title: None
Kids: One day, possibly.
Living arrangements: Mom, Step-dad, Step brother, 2 brother and shit load of pets.
Mom's name: Shari
Number of socks you own: I dunno ...
Overnight hospital stays: Yes
Phobia: Planes, Sharks, Falling =P
Quote you like: "When you get older, your heart dies..."
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
Siblings: three brothers
Time you woke up today: 9:00 a.m with the help of an alarm clock.
Unusual habits: If I touch something with one finger, I have to do the same thing with all the rest of my fingers, when I go to sleep, I have to put my right leg on top of my body pillow =P I think that's all ...
Vicious thing you've done: I don't really think of DONE anything "Vicious" ...
Worst habit: Yelling ... oh, and biting my nails. Eh
X-rays you've had: 3 sonograms, tailbone, ankles, knees, chest .... think that's it.
Your favorite season: Autumn =)
Zodiac sign: Scorpio

o.0

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 4 April :: 6.29 pm

I was helping mom move stuff and I found the fucking binder and all the notebooks I had made for my writings and stuff.
The ones that got taken away when I went to Colorado.
I grabbed the binder and mom said "It's mine ... Remember???"
I grabbed it and one of the notebooks and took them in the house with me.
I must share this with Andrew when he comes online to entertain me =P

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 4 April :: 5.43 pm

Stayed at Brandon's house the whole weekend. Mom was really mad at me for staying a second night and when I had called her that night, she was crying a whole lot.
She said she missed having a person to talk to that actually related to her and stuff.
We talked for a little while and I told her I loved her and stuff. Eventually, she fell asleep. I still feel like shit for that though.
I wasn't even here to help her finish the chair and the house and stuff and Jeff's supposed to be here tomorrow.

When I came home, I was looking through the fridge, found some grape juice and was then told that I couldn't have any of it because it was Liz's (Jerry's girlfriend). I started looking at the OTHER items in the fridge. On just about every food in there, the name "LIZ" was written in big blue letters.
Mom went out and bought some milk and cereal and stuff. We notice that half of the gallon of milk is gone. Who drank it??? Jerry and Liz.
I fucking hate that shit.
She even had a huge cake in there, for god's sake.
Eh.

Fasted for 2 days so far. Lost 5 pounds =)
Go team. hehe.

Brandon gave me a locket last night. He's going to court on Friday. There's a possibility of Jail for 2 years.
Not thinking about that though ...
Oh yes ...
Brandon had these pills that this girl gave him. They were for people that had ADHD, I think.
Anyway, we split what was in the bottle up between us and took them. It didn't make me feel much different. My legs were just Jell-o-ish and my tummy hurt all freakin weekend.
It fucking sucked.

Oh! I found a black leather guitar strap in Mom's room. After whining to her for months and months about buying me one, she had one laying right there.

*Hug* for Pixie.

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 2 April :: 6.59 pm

People are SO god damned stupid. I swear.
They fucking tell me to make plans ahead of time, I do, everybody agrees and then the next minute, THEY'RE the ones that change their fucking minds about it all.

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 2 April :: 2.21 pm

*Sigh*
Andrew still hasn't come on.

I had a dream last night that mom made them send me back to Colorado.
How interesting ...

Brandon might come over later.
Hopefull I can convince Mom to let him stay the night. I'm tired of being alone.
And even with Brandon here, I still feel alone ...

I've eaten WAY too much. A fast would be nice. I dunno why I stopped doing them.
Guess I just don't have the will power o.o
I'm in an interesting mood though. I'm sure I could go a week.

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 2 April :: 12.10 pm
:: Mood: mellow

I woke up this morning to thunder and a really dark, gloomy sky which I love so very much :)
I went outside and sat down on our swing and stared at the sky for a while. It smells so good outside.
Rain :)

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 2 April :: 1.20 am

I give up ...

2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 2 April :: 12.57 am
:: Mood: Empty

I feel so drained ...
Eugene said he's leaving tomorrow for New Mexico. I remember when we'd talk and he's say "One of these days, I'm gonna go to New Mexico and be something" ... and there he goes.
Without me, of course.
I'm never gonna get out of here.

....and everytime I'm happy talking to a person, they always find some way to change it.

I really want to be something ....

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 1 April :: 8.36 pm
:: Music: Dare you to move ...

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 1 April :: 5.37 pm

Has anybody ever put two grapes in the microwave, turned it on, and watched them spark eachother???

Great stuff ...

I'm irritated and I don't know why. EH. O,O
Pixie and Andrew need to get online before I kill over and die.

Mucho Thanks to Pixie for all the things she said on the survey =)
hehe ...

I want gummi bears.

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 1 April :: 1.20 am

Pixie says good people fill out this survey =P



1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
Pixie!!! Because when we first started talking, you had the word Pixie in your screenname. It just fits you so perfectly =)

2. How long have you known me?
Hm. *Ponders* I'm really not sure ...

3. When & how did we meet?
Can't remember when. Wasn't TOO long ago. Maybe a couple/few months at the most??? Who knows, my brain is shot. We met on woohu =)

4. What was your first impression?
Interesting person. Hehe ... a GOOD interesting though. Kinda quiet ... troubled. Loveable though!

5. If you could "hook me up" with ANYONE, who would it be?
Me! =) hehe. Gosh, I wanna say Nate but this thing says ANYONE. I have no idea who you would wanna be with though =P

6. What do you think my biggest weakness is?
ALL of your SI =P

7. What makes me happy? DOOM! And going to the little cafe across the street to get a coke, walking around at night time when your parents are away for a bit, sitting at the little lake and staring at the stars =)

8. What makes me sad? UNDOOM! And when people say mean, ignorant things about things they don't understand =(

9. What reminds you of me?
Haha, lots of things but this one thing especially. We have the game Doom sitting on our computer desk and everytime I walk into the living room, I see Doom and automatically think "PIXIE!!!" =) teehee.

10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
TRUE Happiness. No tears and hurt ever again. Just that one thing could make so many things go away ...

11. When was the last time you saw me?
Haven't yet. I will though when Andrew and I come kidnap you. O.O

12. What have you always wanted to tell me?
First of all, You're a VERY very special person whether you believe it or not. You aren't and could never be a disappointment in my life and I'd like you to believe that. I care very muchly about you and I'd REALLY like to keep you around as long as possible.
Plus, I'm still on a mission to kidnap you =P

13. Describe me in one word.
Doom. hehe =) There's so many words to describe you ... I choose Doom though =P

14. Are you going to put this on your page and see what I say about you?
Sure =)

GOOD PEOPLE FILL THIS SURVEY OUT!!!! O.O

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.


2. How long have you known me?


3. When & how did we meet?


4. What was your first impression?


5. If you could "hook me up" with ANYONE, who would it be?


6. What do you think my biggest weakness is?


7. What makes me happy?

8. What makes me sad?

9. What reminds you of me?


10. If you could give me anything what would it be?


11. When was the last time you saw me?


12. What have you always wanted to tell me?


13. Describe me in one word.


14. Are you going to put this on your page and see what I say about you?

3 Seductions | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 31 March :: 10.07 pm

Being the absolutely perfect person I am, I went to hit the dog cause he was chewing on the cats head and my arm hit the metal thing on our shelf and it HURTS.
EH.
Mom will no longer contribute to my smoking habit.
Figures.

................*Kills over*.................

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 31 March :: 6.02 pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Switchfoot :P

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 31 March :: 3.49 pm
:: Music: Switchfoot

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 31 March :: 8.28 am

Brandon stayed over last night ...
I got up nice and early at 6:30 so he could get ready for school.

Any freak that actually gets up at 7 when they don't have to, needs to get on messenger and entertain me. =P

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 29 March :: 4.59 pm

I went through and deleted some of my past entries.
Got sick of 'em being there o.0
We're carless for the week (It's getting fixed) so I doubt i'll be seeing Brandon for a while.
Surely, there's gonna be a fight over that one.
Last night mom bitched at me 'cause I wasn't taking my medicine and she "Could tell because of my screaming and yelling all the damn time" haha ... I woke up to 2 pills in front of my face.
What joy.

I want gummy bears ...

Try to get on yahoo later, Pixie.
*hug*

Seduce Me ...

:: 2004 27 March :: 10.37 pm

Stole this from my lovely Pixie =P


Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:: The Smashing Pumpkins

Are you female or male:: Tristessa
Describe yourself:: Blue Skies Bring Tears
How do some people feel about you:: Blank Page
How do you feel about yourself:: Bullet with Butterfly Wings
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: Fuck You (An ode to no one)
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: To Forgive
Describe where you want to be:: Cherub Rock
Describe what you want to be:: The Everlasting Gaze
Describe how you live:: I of the Mourning
Describe how you love: Once Upon A Time
Share a few words of wisdom:: The end is the beginning is the end.

Seduce Me ...