the end is the beginning is the end

the end is the beginning is the end

:: 2005 29 August :: 9.57am

To Earthward
by Robert Frost

Love at the lips was touch
As sweet as I could bear;
And once that seemed too much;
I lived on air

That crossed me from sweet things,
The flow of--was it musk
From hidden grapevine springs
Downhill at dusk?

I had the swirl and ache
From sprays of honeysuckle
That when they're gathered shake
Dew on the knuckle.

I craved strong sweets, but those
Seemed strong when I was young;
The petal of the rose
It was that stung.

Now no joy but lacks salt,
That is not dashed with pain
And weariness and fault;
I crave the stain

Of tears, the aftermark
Of almost too much love,
The sweet of bitter bark
And burning clove.

When stiff and sore and scarred
I take away my hand
From leaning on it hard
In grass and sand,

The hurt is not enough:
I long for weight and strength
To feel the earth as rough
To all my length.

leave a comment

moana

:: 2005 28 August :: 1.44pm
:: Music: Hole - Northern Star

It's cold in here, there's no one left, and I wait for you

Funny. Everytime I get my emotional "feet" under me, my family shoots my fucking knee caps out. Then again, maybe it's not all that funny. Maybe you just have to be there.

2 comments | leave a comment

WhitePony

:: 2005 24 August :: 5.39pm
:: Music: Rain Fur Rent - Compared To What

I've decided what I want in a mate. Someone who wouldn't mind driving four hours down the freeway with both windows down inviting the bitter wind to whip their hair in a frenzy. Sure, you couldn't talk during the experience, but sometimes its nice to just shut the fuck up, turn up the music to drown out the wind and enjoy the silence. I understand most females' objection to such an instance due to the nest that the wind creates in one's hair (my hair is the longest its been since 6th grade. My bangs, when stretched, reach to the top of my upper lip, if feels good to have it long) After Circa Survive, Him's Love Metal, Atreyu, Before The Storm (..memories..) and Glassjaw, I made it down to my brother's house, windblown and feeling cleansed of my diseases for the first time in many months. We went to The Entrance to Hell (Arizona) the next day to visit my sister. Saw some fun thunder storms in the distance, but to my dismay they weren't attacking the area where we were going. Upon our arrival we were met with the news that while in Laughlin, Nevada (my sister lives basically on the border of all three states, Cali, AZ and NV) that my parents were going to get married. Before you ohh and ahh its not a good omen. The deal between my parents has always been that if my dad were to get worse health-wise that they'd get married because he doesn't want to die alone. During the less than 15 minutes ceremony when the minister is having them repeat their vows, she gets to the part where she says "as long as we both shall live" my mom breaks down, sending a wave of melancholy through the rest of us. The minister is none the wiser, thinking they're tears (sobs) of joy? The rest of the weekend is hot. Regular unleaded gas in Needles, CA, the last town before you hit Arizona, costs 3.39/gallon, whats going on here? Then I come back to the joy that is my work place. Sarcasm. I don't even want to get into that BS.

Love, Joe

2 comments | leave a comment

nugenta3

:: 2005 23 August :: 6.47pm
:: Mood: amused

i love it when people make fun of this joke of a guy we call our president
http://www.slate.com/id/2124691/?nav=mpp

leave a comment

moana

:: 2005 18 August :: 10.46pm
:: Music: Rie Fu - Life Is Like A Boat

Of my many fears, and there are indeed many, it seems the greatest of them is that which the majority of the world seeks. I fear love, so much that my inner self finds the concept not only a mere catastrophe to be avoided at all costs, but perpetually foreign and stagnantly repulsive.

I shudder to think that I may one day find myself trapped within the emotional circus my fellow people long for. My experiences in the past have left me skeptical of love and my once fervent search for it ended in absolute disappointment. What's the use of looking for a needle in a haystack? Aren't there a million others searching for that same needle? What distinguishes me from any of them, some more worthy than I, that I out of all of them would be the one to find it?

Best to roll around in the hay and laugh at myself; have childish fun. Who knows what's to prevent the needle pricking me on the way down? Per chance someone will find it caught in my hair and, daringly, reach out to show me that I have found it, that it has been in my hair all along and that lesser fears, such as my fierce avoidance of those who would search my hair for love, have blinded me to it.

And all it took was someone to reach out and pluck it, hand it to me and smile.

1 comment | leave a comment

moana

:: 2005 17 August :: 12.59am

Now the time has come to leave you.... Close your eyes and I'll be on my way. Dream about the things to come...

1 comment | leave a comment

moana

:: 2005 13 August :: 1.17pm

Talking about getting fat...

Andy: I got a stomach, it's really gross.

Me: I got a stomach too. Even my aunt noticed it and I think she was kinda disappointed. She might have had her eye on me for her son.

Andy: Ew, that's kinda gross.

Me: I know.

Andy: Thank God you're fat.

4 comments | leave a comment

moana

:: 2005 8 August :: 6.58pm
:: Music: Tears for Fears - Closest Thing To Heaven

Is that Brittany Murphy in the video?

Honey, I'm home.

Feeling good and looking semi-ok.

My headache is dull and my stomachache is fixable and I'm done reading Hitchhiker's Guide and it is funny.

Also, Danielle, I found Reading Lolita in Tehran in Dubai and bought it immediately, although I won't have time to read it for a while. Do encourage me though.

I also found The Rule of Four, which is described as "Da Vinci Code for people with brains" so I like it already.

Movies, movies, movies. Big Fish, Snatch and Gia. All beautiful, some funny and Gia, which I just got done watching, so so sad. I cried. Really.

The plane ride home was interesting. I was sitting next to a girl named Muneera, who didn't like anything I liked and was a generally unpleasant and negatively-disposed person.

And, I met a young father named Hassani at the airport. He was also travelling alone, and was eager to show someone the picture of his new-born daughter, whose name I can't pronounce (it's African). He thought my reading material was too old for me. I agreed. For some reason, it made him laugh, and this is the part where he showed me his kid's photo.

I like that it was a relaxing end to a hectic trip. Somewhere between my aunt being robbed of over half a million dollars' worth of watches and jewelery, my other aunt's divorce, my cousin's wedding and my extreme apathy to most of these occurences, I needed a vacation.

I did manage, however, to steal my cousin Ahmad, the funniest person in my life right now, to go register for my classes. My schedule so far looks like this:

DESI201: Basic principles of 2D design (I seem to have neglected to inform them that I already finished 3D design in my Computer Assisted Design class.)

UNIV101: The University Experience (I know, what the hell is that?)

ENGL101: Composition and Rhetoric (I heard the professor for this course is tough. I'm totally excited.)

DESI204: Freehand drawing I (Uh-oh.)

My fifth course was supposed to be DESI203: Colour Theory, but the only section that isn't already full clashes with my entire schedule, so I'm going to need to sort that out some time soon.

Classes start Spetember 4th. Meep.

After I was done registering Ahmad took me to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Oh. My. God.

Khalas, take me home.

Sooooo, what's new with you?

6 comments | leave a comment

moana

:: 2005 29 July :: 12.56pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: The Shins - Kissing The Lipless

Well, I'm off to Abu Dhabi for the wedding.

See you in a couple of weeks.

leave a comment

nugenta3

:: 2005 25 July :: 9.14am
:: Mood: bored

i could not see
for the fog in my eyes.
and i could not feel
for the fear in my life.
from across the great divide,
in the distance i saw a light.
John the Baptist,
walking to me
with The Maker.

leave a comment

moana

:: 2005 24 July :: 11.42pm

While you are away my heart comes undone, slowly unravels in a ball of yarn.

The Devil collects it with a grin. Our love in a ball of yarn. He'll never return it.

So when you come back, we'll have to make new love.