:: 2004 2 March :: 8.42 pm

i had a good day but i fee shitty and i need to talk to mike and he might visit me tomorrow....im so sick of people...oh wellz...

i got this from someones journal and i liked it...
oh i throw it all away,
like throwing faces at the sky,
like throwing arms around yesterday.
i stood and stared
wide-eyed in front of you,
and the face i saw looked back
the way i wanted to,
but i just can't hold my tears away
the way you do.
...believe i never wanted this.
i thought this time i'd keep all of my promises.
i thought you were the girl i always dreamed about,
but i let the dream go,
and the promises broke
and the make-believe ran out...

Crush ME

:: 2004 1 March :: 6.10 pm

Thanx mike for the song!

6 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 28 February :: 4.11 pm

new poem i wrote....

Untitled
Nothing can heal these scars
Scars that have been created physically and emotionally
I don't even know if they are intentional or on mistake anymore
It happens too often
My personal demons are coming out again
I can't think straight and emotions are taking over
I'm created from self destruction
The only thing I'm good at is creating mistakes
I'm here left wth my shame
I'm lost and I don't know where i am
I don't know who I am
I need to be found

hmm im really ammused right now....if i called a carrie a bitch i would say it to her face...i have enough balls to do it...so there...done....anywho it amuses me how nick and carrie went to the mall last night...its funny cause mike told me that they werent supposed to go out and then mikle told them we were and look who was at the mall...its funny how they love to push my buttons...and now they both ride my bus...hmm its nice me being the center of there world since all they can do is find ways to get me mad...hehe its great...amusses me how i dont give a fuck and that pisses them off...no one will ever see me break.....so it wont work....anywho tday was a blast so was last night...me and jen are cookie pies...i wish i could be as confortable as i am with cesar and alex...its weird...then today me marcos olivia jerrica went to the hcc sat workshop.......omg hotties and i was getting checked out but i couldnt do anything cause marcos was there...FUCK!...hehe anywho im sleepy...tomorrow im getting cloths...i think not sure...me and olivia will look cute at the induction....i got marcos to come and watch me and im like aww...i thikn i got jerrica too..who knows who is goiung to come see me...but i will trip and fall on my ass i tell you...im going to get black pants with pinstrips and wear a white collered shirt with a black tie and then black heels...i know heels on donna but i got to do it...hehe oh wellz...i got to go cause alex is here and my grandparents are coming0...so bye bye bye...

9 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 26 February :: 8.24 pm

anywho...today umm doesnt umm matter....OMG I GOT INTO FUCKING NJS!!!! wow go me.....im done...it surprises me how my work is finally paying off...whoopy...hehe...i was soo excited to tell some people....i screamed it out when i finally saw jerrica and everyone stared at me like i was nuts...hehe it was great...then i told thaimi and i felt bad cause she didnt get in..how the fuck do i get in and she doesnt....beats me...oh wellz....saturday i have the sat thing at hcc and i need to ask about the college placement test....tomorrow night im supposed to go out somewhere...cant remember where or what...hehe sux for me...ill figure it out...then sunday im going shopping for my outfit for the induction ceremony...i need black pants and a black shirt..im supposed to wear a black or white dress but i think some dress pants will look fine...oh wellz i dont care...screw them.....and im going to go see the passion with my mommy... im kinda scared...i dont know how ill respond to all that...oh wellz we will see sunday.....ill be crying like a baby at the theater...im counting down the days mike comes back...he has been in oss for 4 days tomorrow and then 6 days left....hehe....okay so what else happened today oh yea i didnt get jr class treasurer...oh wellz...hehe screw people...i hate them....anywho....im hungry and i want ice cream like coo coo...i want to paint my nails...cause i ruined the black...im itchy....damn it...my leg is itchy...i cant wait till this summer....excitement...ill tell everyone about it tomorrow...im too lazy to type that much....plus i know what i want to be when i grow up...hehe tomorrow....ahhh i got a lil crush on two guys in my class actually three but he is gone right now....he needs to get his ass back to school..oh wellz....well im going to go...people to talk to...bye bye

update::: now im now im not allowed to talk to certain people.....fuck im sick of her controlling me like im a damn puppet....crystal seriously needs to move on from her little jealousy shit...im tired of it all...she is exactly like my dad...she can just go shove it....man fuck it

14 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 25 February :: 5.27 pm

my hands are around your throat and i think that i hate you........

18 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 24 February :: 4.39 pm

hehe yey...this summer i got the MDA thing plus a job....plus friends and my bg and ai pass...whosh i cant wait till school ends..and next month i get my license...woot woot for me...then vacation with my rents...i got to help my mom drive to new york or arizona...oh yea i might visit ryan up there...and when he comes down i got to see him...man i miss that boy...umm what else...senior year is coming...yey for me...umm i hope i get in nhs and i get treasurer...adn next year im doing powder puff...i really want to do a sport but im really bad in sports but like football...anywho im tired...it rained today which was awesome but it made me feel lonely...i hate people...they are gay...i hate how you know someone talks shit about you and all this crap and then trys to be nice...its like okay wtf...yea...i had no one to walk with during 4th...damn mikes oss...hmmm i hate people...2nd time i said that...i also hate when you try to talk to a person and they just like ignore you...its like fuck i have your attention..oh wellz...i wish i could something...i mean getting my anger out would be awesome...i remember when i was younger and i was really angry...i really hurt my sister...i seem to throw shit that are around me...i pushed my sis into a cage and she got a scar...then threw a weight to her eye and gave her a black eye for picture day...hmm i dont remmeber but there are more...oh wellz...im a bitch...i guess ill admit to it now...you know what sucks realizing that your friends are not really friends...im starting to really believe half the friends i have are worthless...because they dont fuckign care about anything but themselves it seems...just them being selfish...its like grr...oh wellz...i have a head ache...arg im really mad right now....i wish i had someone to talk to..i jsut dont fucking trust anyone...oh wellz im out......

cesar made me post this....hehe

2 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 23 February :: 4.10 pm

today went amazingly well...hmm i know good right...my chest itches...i know you guys wanted to know that....anywho...umm what happened today...i talked to mike a lot..he is not that bad...1st period i did nothing...2nd nothing...3rd i dont remember....4th hmm notes i think....5th umm poem thingy....omg and i won the stupid debate...damn it go me...look i did research.....and the poem "i know why the cage bird sings thingy" is symbolic...its about black slavery...i found my book and did research online.....gosh why cant people just like listen to my opinon...oh wellz over that...6th period umm spanish thigns....7th chemistry lab omg it was great.....too much to write...ugh...8th umm test.....im starting to hate that class...too many perverts...because me and jerrica are like the only girls in there....so we are like a piece of meat...its like arg...okay well im all excited right now...this summer i might go to a camp that helps disabled children...its for a week and its sleep away...me and jerrica are going hopefully....i get my community hours...and senior year im most likely haveing a car and only going to school for like 3 periods...and then go to HCC for the rest of the day because ill have all the credits i need and i can start taking college classes....i arleady talked to my guidance counseler so all i have to do is sign papers and shit next year.....so omg yey! for me....hmm what else is going for me....i might get some scholarships...cause i got to enter im them...and omg i entered in NHS and hopefully i get tapped....jerrica already found ou thtat she is in...so if she got in i will hopefully...soo hehe yey!....OUT! BYE!

23 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 22 February :: 4.28 pm

today kicked major bootay...as thaimi would say...today all i did was loath and sleep...and me and crystal and me mommy and jen went to the park and met up with jerrica and we all walked like 3-4 miles...whosh go us...we are going to look hot in bathing suit season heeh wow donna is dumb...im beat right now...i need a nap...anywho last night i downloaded aim at like 11 because cesar made me so i could see his dumb icon...oh wellz...so i got a new aim name and i like it....so now i can just talk to special people on that...because only like 4 people know it so its all good in the hood...whosh my hood is bubbling....omg yes thaimi went out with her new love (dont want to mention names because i dont know if im allowed) today and im ssoooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy for her.....hehe she has to call my ass as soon as she gets home which is in like 39 mins..hehe i got a countdown...oh wellz...but yey!...oo lala...wow im hyper but tired...the story of the year KICKS ASS!!!! omg wow...the songs are great...i almost got a ducky carpet this weekend but i got the cd instead so next weekend ill get the carpet...i saw a rubber duckie pjs that i want.....man im obsessive..oh wellz....i really want a checkered belt...i dont know....oh yes i foudn the bathing suit i want....its plaid...oh yes...wow im dorky today....okay im out! cause jen is still here...she has been here sicne friday....hehe anywayz...bye everyone....

LOok At Me Horoscope:::
You're kicking butt and taking names today -- the nice way! You might seem a little abrasive to some people, but most will know you're just having fun and goofing around (and some will find that spunkiness extremely attractive).

9 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 21 February :: 6.18 pm

omg fuck everyone...everyone is blaming me for everything...i dont talk shit about carrie...i dont even care about her...she is nothing from now on...and i didnt fuck up her background and if i did that would be really gay...so why would i...im not an immature type and not into the whole revenge shit...and another thing is...of everyone telling me carrie is talking shit about me and everything...then adding anoymous comments im recieving all i can assume that its her since she is famous for them...but im not getting into that...then look at this thaimi went out with my ex and now look at us now...we are still best friends...hmm all people have to do is talk to me...but most people are lame so they cant...but whatever...im going...i just needed to say that...hehe thaimi is my puffer fish...

18 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 19 February :: 8.11 pm

i wish i was dead......

17 Crushed ME | Crush ME