kinkyrose1212
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2008 27 October :: 3.36am
:: Mood: drunk
:: Music: Nuthin'....people sleepin'
God damn it!
I know this sounds childish but NO FAIR NO FAIR NO FAIR!!! I want to sleep with Steve's brother, and I think he wants to sleep with me, too, but I don't see any way it could happen unless Steve wasn't here or if he fell asleep or something. Steve has told me that he doesn't care what I do, just to please not sleep with his brother. But HOW TEMPTING IS THAT!?! First of all, since he told me not to, I TOTALLY want to, and second of all, how awesome would it be if I fucked a guy AND his brother!?! He's here till Tuesday, and then it's back to Florida :(. We were snuggling a bit earlier, which was nice. Ah well. We shall see we shall wee. But I'm tellin' ya'; whoever's had the chance to sleep with me and passed it up (especially older guys HINT HINT), totally does NOT know what they're missing!
2 Crushed ME |
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babaloo181
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2008 19 October :: 1.03pm
:: Mood: chill
Moving Mountains by Usher
It's like whatever I say, oh
i just can't get through to you oh,oh,oh,oh,ooh
Now, now she loved me, shawty I love her
Used to jump up in the maybach and roll out.
Used to care, she used to share
The love that she used to give me can't be found.
I lost my way, she said she'd stay
And lately I've been sleeping with a ghost
My stock is down and out, I used to be worth my weight in gold
That was before the great depression kicked in and rocked us
And that was before the hurricane, came in and stopped us.
I told you to leave, but you lied to me
When you said that: "Baby, no worries I promise to get us back..."
I know sorries, just wouldn't do it,
Her Heart is obliterated, I'm trying to travel through
But it's like moving mountains...
It's like moving mountains...
But I keep climbing and hoping things would change
And the sky turns grey, and the water from the rain, washes progress away
It's like moving mountains...
It's like moving mountains...Hey
Why you just leave me
Just leave me be
Just leave me
Just leave me be
Why you just leave me
Just leave me be
Why you just leave me
Just leave me be oh oh ohhh
She, she don't touch me I don't touch her
We ain't really even ever say a word
I really wanna give her everything she deserves,
But the bad took away the good
She thinks that I'm full of it
Arguments, always pissed, man I'm tired.
Every kiss, that I missed, girl you know I'm trying.
You never believe when I say, and I never believe it when you say, I love you
And I shouldn't complain about it, I should take it like a man and walk up out it.
'Cause we will never be the same... oh
I've been standing in gas, and you have been the flame
Girl I know sorries, just wouldn't do it,
Her Heart is obliterated, I'm trying to get through
Gotta move this mountain...
It's like moving mountains...
But I keep climbing and hoping things would change
And the sky turns grey, and the water from the rain, washes progress away
It's like moving mountains...
It's like moving mountains...
Well baby why you just leave me
Just leave me be
Just leave me
Just leave me be
Why you just leave me
Just leave me be
Why you just leave me
Just leave me be oh
this must be a slow death that im traveling on it feels so wrong im barely holding on see no matter what it takes i've gotta get it together (baby yea) and these hills that im traveling on she ain't showing me love im down of my love...
I know sorries, just wouldn't do it
My heart is obliterated, I'm trying travel through
But it's like moving mountains...
It's like moving mountains... hey
But I keep climbing and hoping things would change
And the sky turns grey, and the water from the rain washes progress away
It's like moving a mountain...
It's like moving mountains...
Well baby why you just leave me,
Just leave me be
Just leave me
Just leave me be
Why you just leave me
Just leave me be
Why you just leave me
Just leave me be ooh
1 Crushed ME |
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babaloo181
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2008 18 October :: 7.02pm
"If you're having girl guy problems I feel bad for you son! i got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
-Jay-z .. sort of. lol
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babaloo181
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2008 18 October :: 5.33pm
I'M GOING TO PARIS NEXT SEMESTER!! WHOOOOOOO! :))))
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kinkyrose1212
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2008 18 October :: 2.40pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: All kinds of beautiful, calming things
Finally, life is going.....somewhere....?
Well, SO much fucked up shit has happened over the past few months. I don't even know where the fuck to begin. Well, right now, at this present moment (which could, of course, change as earlier as the next five minutes), life is actually sort of how I've always wanted it to be. Well, not really, but I am finally in a place where I can be happy about it if I want to or be depressed about it if I want to. I finally broke away from Steven, which is good except I feel really bad because he's a REALLY sweet guy and I know he loves me a lot. I love him a lot, too, but it just won't work right now. I also found out that I have bipolar disorder, so woot to that! I don't have a boyfriend anymore right now, but my God, I do NOT want a boyfriend right now. I have my Man Candy (friends with benefits), and that's all I need right now. The main person I fuck wouldn't be that great of a boyfriend anyway. I love him to death, don't get me wrong, and I would marry him in a heartbeat, but that's more for a constant companionship than anything else. I don't even WANT to get married. At least not at the moment. I do want to have kids, though. That's the most important thing to me. I don't give a fuck if I have a husband. As much as I love my boys and men in general, they are SO much more trouble than they're worth. ALL OF THEM!!! I mean, there is one I would actually marry for love, one I would marry for infatuation (Robert Smith from the Cure, who is the most beautiful man alive!), and the rest, I'll just fuck for fun. Or ignore completely. Jesus. I don't think I will ever understand life, love, or men, but whatever. As long as things are interesting, they don't even necessarily have to be fun. I think I'm growing up. It sucks and makes me a bit sick, but hey, at least I'm not a fucking teenager anymore. I really miss it. I mean, I never thought I would because I wanted to kill myself the whole time, but guess what? Now I'm twenty, a lot different(ish), and I STILL want to kill myself! Oh well. Life carries on no matter how much you don't want it to, so you might as well accept the fact that it sucks, move on, and just have as much fun as you can. I guess.
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babaloo181
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2008 8 October :: 11.35pm
She asked me what you looked like the other day in the car. I didn't say anything. I just opened my wallet and pulled out 2 pictures. The one we took in the photo booth and the one you took at FAA. She looked at me and said .. don't you think you should take those out of your wallet now? And all I could say was.. "No, I'm not ready." She understood, looked at the pictures, and mumbled something about how you weren't the kind of guy she pictured me being with. But you see that's precisely what I loved about us. Our love was unexpected. Unexpected by you and I, and unexpected by everyone around us. The moment I fell for your smile and that quirky sense of humor that you keep, not once did I ever think, wow this is it. This is going to be my first, real, break my heart into a million little pieces kind of love. But it was. It was a breeze that caressed my cheek, allowing me to sense it's initial presence and to be mesmerized by the way it felt. A breeze that carried me along, weightlessly, to a path I could never have mapped. And for every single breathtaking moment that that breeze enveloped, pushed, and handled me, I am forever grateful. But just as the wind picks up one day, it falls flat the next. And just like our love began, so shall our future remain: unpredictable, unexpected, and out of our control. I will always remember that feeling. And, I have made a promise to myself to only remember you in your brightest of moments. The moments where your smile was the most genuine. The moments where your eyes stared into mine with longing. The moments where I knew this was exactly where you wanted to be at that very instant. The moments where I knew you loved me. Wholeheartedly. Achingly. Tenderly. These are the moments that I will allow my mind to replay over and over again. I hope you are doing the same. Thank you for giving me a glimpse of the kind of love I want in my life, forever. A part of my heart will always be yours. And, in the future, if anything should happen where you need a friend, do not hesitate to reach me. I will always be here, regardless of any promise we ever made to cut off all ties. If you need me, I am here. I will not ask questions, I will simply be there to listen and to comfort and to try to understand your struggle. Please, if ever you feel like there is no one around that could possibly understand what you are going through, THINK OF ME. For, I shall be here waiting, a distanced friend who wonders how you are doing everyday. I like to think that I have the same in you. But to be completely honest, I am not quite sure. So, at this point, I am praying to the God whose existence I constantly question, that nothing terrible comes my way. Because without you here with me, I don't have a clue who I can turn to.
I love you. Be safe. Be strong. And, know that I am always here if ever you should need me.
-T
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babaloo181
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2008 8 October :: 10.38pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: planes flying overhead
postsecret quotes
I recently bought 2 of the postsecret books off ebay for 10 bucks each. Best purchase i've made in a really long time. Here are a couple of the confessions and quotes that really struck me:
* Black postcard with a cell phone in the middle.. in the screen of the phone it says "I miss you... I wish you would call.." and on the side of the postcard it says:
Everyday I type you little text messages. I tell you I love you. I miss you. Have a wonderful day. Please be careful.
But I don't send them. I know I'm not supposed to.
But I hope that somehow, you know..
* How I wish I could hug everyone and tell them that it's ok. It's ok to be scared and angry and hurt and selfish. It's part of being human."
* The things that make us feel so abnormal are actually the things that make us all the same.
* What hurts more than losing you... is knowing you're not fighting to keep me.
There's something about knowing that you are not alone that makes everything feel bearable. There's something about knowing everyone goes through this too.. that reminds you it too shall pass and that time is all this wound requires.
In the past month, I missed you more as my best friend, than I have ever missed you as my lover. I really hope you're doing well, and I mean that with all my heart. I know you feel a million times better and more relieved now that I am completely out of your life. And to be honest, I completely understand.
Tonight this blog will deliver you the words that I never had the courage to say.
Goodnight.
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babaloo181
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2008 29 September :: 11.45pm
:: Mood: whatevs
hiiii
I was just selected to present my research project at a conference in Orlando .. nov. 5-8. McNair's paying for the whole thing which is awesome .. so i basically get a free trip home before christmas break.. it's kind of bittersweet. I'm super excited to go back to florida but i know being there is gonna make me so sad. I guess i'll just have to keep myself busy so that i don't have time to think about him.. ok well i'm off to bed now.. cuz i have an early dentist appointment tomorrow. goodnight everyone.
Tonight's song: say what you need to say by john mayer.
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babaloo181
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2008 28 September :: 11.03am
:: Mood: hopeful
...
"My heart tells me you weren't the one, but deep down I'm terrified no one will ever find me as beautiful as you did."
-Anonymous
I found this quote on postsecret and I thought it was beautiful.
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babaloo181
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2008 21 September :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: good
SUCH A SHAME!
The Office didn't win a single Emmy this year... LAAAAAMMMEEE. they totally deserved it.
on another note, i'm doing better .. trying to move on .. and trying not to think about him.
goodnight everyone! :)
Tonight's song: I wanna be by Chris Brown .. we learned a routine for it during hip hop on friday :) it was awesome lol
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