kinkyrose1212
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2007 25 October :: 9.24am
:: Mood: annoyed
Sons of bitch
I hate college SO much. I keep trying to convince myself that this is a great oppurtunity that I am wasting, which is actually true. But it just won't motivate me. This is such bullshit. I shouldn't have to come here if I don't want to. I'm mainly just doing it for my parents...and health insurance, but as my therapist said, there are ways around that. God damn it. I wish I could just come to English and write poems and stories the whole time, and get credit for doing that. But whatever. I hope I didn't miss my math midterm. I'll make it up if I did.
Crush ME
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kinkyrose1212
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2007 16 October :: 10.55am
:: Mood: apathetic
SO sleepy!
I am SO tired and I'm stuck here at school for another hour and fifteen minutes. At least I came today, though. That's definitely a start. And I did some math homework last night, and I did my work in English class and I'm going to do my English homework as soon as I get home. At least, I'm going to do some of it. There's not much written, and I could give a shit less about the reading, but whatever.
Crush ME
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babaloo181
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2007 11 October :: 8.35pm
:: Mood: moving on..
:: Music: dusk and summer album
So Long, So Long by Dashboard Confessional .. i <3 them
Hand out the window
Floatin' on air
Just a flip of the wrist
And I am wavin' you goodbye
Drive past the lifeguard stand
Where I sit around waiting for you to remember
As I drive
How the girls could turn to ghosts before your eyes
And the very dreams that led to them are keeping them from dying
And how the grace with which she walked into your life
Will stay with you in your steps,
And pace with you a while
So long, so long [x2]
The speaker in this door is blown
So nothing sounds quite right
Takin' my time, takin' this drive, wavin' this town goodbye,
And I drive this ocean road and remember
The small of your back
And the nape of your neck
I remember everything as I drive, wavin' this town goodbye
I remember
How the girls can turn to ghosts before your eyes
And the very dreams that led to them are keeping them from dying
And how the grace with which she walked into your life
Will stay with you in your steps,
Pace with you a while
So long, so long...
And I will leave under the cover
Of summer's kiss upon the sky
Like the stone face of your lover
Just before she says goodbye
I was certain that the season could be held between my arms
Well just as summer's hold is fleeting
I was here but now I'm gone...
I'm gone... I'm gone, I'm gone
I'm gone...
Crush ME
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babaloo181
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2007 6 October :: 3.49pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: dusk and summer album.. preparing for the concert of my life..
Dashboard .. i will finally get to see you live in 10 days .. let the countdown begin : )
"Currents"
The air is visible around you, rising up and off your lips in slow currents
And i watch as your face is framed in its slow currents
Drifting curls a trailing path
A long drag becomes a dress of blue and ash
If it is born in flames then we should let it burn
Burn as brightly as we can
And if its gotta end then let it end in flames
Let it burn all the way down
The air is visceral around us Turning in its simple steps on slow currents and I watch as it pirouettes and spins in slow motion A long drag becomes a slow dance and a halo around her
If it is born in flames then we should let it burn
Burn as brightly as we can
And if its gotta end then let it end in flames
Let it burn all the way down, all the way down
And if this is ever meant to end, then i hope it ends where it began
So hot with love, we burned our hands
If this is ever meant to end, then i hope it ends where it began
So hot with love, it burns our hands
If it is born in flames then we should let it burn
Burn as brightly as we can
If its gotta end then let it end in flames
Let it burn, let it burn
If its gotta end let it burn
If its gotta end let it burn
It ends where it began, so hot with love, it burns our hands
"Rooftops and Invitations"
The first time you looked at her curves you were hooked
And the glances you took, took hold of you and demanded that you stay
And sunk in their teeth, bit your heart and released
Such a charge that you need another touch, another taste, another fix
She just might get you lost
And she just might leave you torn
But she just might save your soul
If she gets you when she gets you any closer
She leads you up, points out skylines and stars, steeple chases in bars
And took your keys and demanded that you stay
The city longs well for rooftops and invitations
All lace in secret places, she moves you to touch with her hands
And she just might get you lost
And she just might leave you torn
But she just might save your soul
If she gets you when she gets you any closer
Under the cold sheet, where the welcomed touch of skin and skin will meet
Out on the inside where a girls prize is at the tip of your tongue
Where every move and each impulse brings clarity
To stay like this is everything you'll ever need
She just might get you lost
And she just might leave you torn
But she just might save your soul
But she gets you any closer
Can you believe your eyes
Crush ME
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babaloo181
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2007 5 October :: 8.17pm
:: Mood: pensive
:: Music: ronnie day
ronnie never ceases to amaze me..
Remember my name, Girl
And don't wear it out
So when you see it again
You can think all about
How we'd walk and hold hands
How we'd laugh and how we'd shout
When life was good
Our kisses were laden
with pleasure and truth
But now they're just given
to satisfy you
Remember when "love" was
A word we'd both use
And life was good.
Our love was always there
Like a virus in the air
It got in us and we thought it always would
When life was good.
Our love once was fragile
Our history short
But now we've seen battles
We're wounded from wars
But we'll fight till we die
Till we're placed in the dirt
Say life is good
And then there are those times
When we're naked in bed
And the love that we make
Almost makes me forget
All the months spent away
Since the last time we said
That life was good.
Our love was always there
Like a worried mother's stare
It tried, it cared
We thought it always would
When life was good.
Crush ME
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babaloo181
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2007 30 September :: 10.50pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: nothing
fuck it.
I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore
Before you take a swing
I wonder
What are we fighting for
When I say out loud
I want to get out of this
I wonder
Is there anything I'm going to miss
I wonder
How it's going to be
When you don't know me
How's it going to be
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it going to be
When there is no one to talk to, between you and me
'Cause I don't care
How's it going to be
How's it going to be
Where we used to laugh
There's a shouting match
Sharp as a thumbnail scratch
A silence I can't ignore
Like...
The hammocks by the doorway we spent time in
Swings empty, don't see lightning like last fall when it was always
about to hit
me
I wonder how's it going to be when it goes down
Hows it going to be
When your not around
Hows it going to be
When you found out there was nothing
Between you and me
'Cause I don't care
How's it going to be.
Hows it going to be
When you don't know me any more
And how's it going to be
Want to get myself back in again
The soft dive of oblivion
Wanna taste the soul of your skin
The soft dive of oblivion
Oblivion
How's it going to be
When you don't know me any more
How's it going to be
How's it going to be
Crush ME
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kinkyrose1212
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2007 24 September :: 1.21am
:: Mood: anxious
Fuck
I am so fucking stressed right now. I think it's the little things built up. The things people have said about me behind my back, the things I should do but haven't done. The pressure. Music is everything to me, as is Steven, but tonight I don't have either one. A friend came over, and it was really nice to talk to a friend for a change, especially at my house. But then by the time I got in, Steven had signed off of AIM so I didn't get to talk to him, my friend was chain-smoking when I haven't had a cigarette in about three and a half weeks, and I'm sick, so I don't feel like quitting smoking has a changed a god damn thing. I fucking hate college, I really need to hear one certain song but I can't fucking find it on line, and I can't get any program to download music on because my dad would kill me, and I really want to fucking cut. Not to mention my bathroom is missing it's toilet, the sink has no support under it, and I don't even know if I can take a shower. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I really might cut. And my fucking therapist went on vacation and I can't see her until October 15. And there's homework I haven't done, and all this other shit building up inside my head, and I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT!!! Steve said he'd rather have me smoke than cut, but I know smoking won't do shit because I already have the nicotine in my system. I wonder if, since smoking was kind of like my substitute for cutting, is I will start cutting again because I'm not fucking smoking and ever since I fucking stopped smoking I've been losing my fucking mind and I don't physically see things the same anymore and I don't figuratively see things the same anymore and I just can't fucking do this. I want to move very far away, and then die.
Crush ME
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kinkyrose1212
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2007 4 September :: 1.27pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Primitive Radio Gods
A Piece Of My Hand Written Journal
I got back from a walk about twenty minutes ago. They say walking clears the mind, but it made my head spin more than ever. I was doing a little cleaning before that. I ripped up all of my tenth, eleventh, and twelfth grade erotica stories and used them as confetti. It was very fun and it made me feel better about hating my past life. I found my journalism folder, and I was going to look through it one last time before throwing it away, but then I got all sentimental and shit. So on my walk I was thinking that when I got home, I would just throw it away without opening it. But then I thought of how much more fun it would be to douse the thing is gasoline and light it on fire. Oh, the symbolism.
2 Crushed ME |
Crush ME
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kinkyrose1212
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2007 15 August :: 10.43am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: The annoying sounds of Steve's sister's voice
Fuck This
I am thinking I would rather kill myself than be here right now. Steve is going on a tour of Project Coffee in Oxford right now, so I'm stuck in the computer lab with his fucking sister who's been an annoying bitch all the way down here. Not that she can necessarily help it; that's how she is normally. If she's bitching at her parents over something stupid, she expects us to be all loving and comforting. But the fact is, no, she doesn't deserve it. Her mom took away her TV because she wasn't listening and she kept swearing at her, and of course, she thinks, as all young people do, that it's all her mom's fault and her parents are horrible for actually disciplining her instead of letting her get away with whatever she wants. I hate her muchly. She can be nice sometimes, but mostly she's just annoying. I can't wait till Steve and I get our own apartment so we can both be away from her. God damn it. Not to mention I'm pissed about a bunch of other stuff, too, but whatever.
Crush ME
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babaloo181
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2007 8 August :: 11.21pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Relient K
perfect angry but still not TOO angry song...
Which to Bury First, Us or The Hatchet? by Relient K
I think you know what I'm getting at
I find it so upsetting that
the memories that you select you keep the bad but the good you just forget
and even though I'm angry I can still say
I know my heart will break the day
when you peel out and drive away
I can't believe this happened
And all this time I never thought
that all we had would be all for naught
No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
cause you took this too far
Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
go with your instincts along with some bad advice
this didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all
you blame me but some of this is still your fault
I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I'm getting at
you said goodbye and I just don't want you regretting that
and wisdom always chooses
these black eyes and these bruises
over the heartache that they say
never completely goes away
(I just can't believe this happened
and one day we'll see this come around)
what happened to us
i heard that it's me we should blame
what happened to us
why didn't you stop me from turning out this way
and know that I don't hate you
and know that I don't want to fight you
and know that I'll always love you
but right now I just don't...
Crush ME
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