jus4fun06
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2006 4 August :: 2.50pm
i just wanna cry. this is all so frustrating. im confused and im lost and i dont know what to do. i just dont understand and no one is helping me and i dont know why. they keep saying im making the wrong decisions... im doing the wrong thing. im all wrong wrong wrong!!! well what the fuck is right>.. sdj kjdsf;'lsdjhfs ajh. i really dont know how to do this. FFFFFFUUUUUUCCCKKKKK!!!!
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jus4fun06
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2006 31 July :: 5.00pm
:: Mood: frustrated
[[l0ves an excuse t0 get hurt]]
adam... where do i begin? lets just save it all for another entry... am i the only one who finds it hilarious that a guy would have a girlfriend for not even 12 hours and he cheats on her... funny... right? nick says that makes me special... special enough that he chose me to cheat on his girlfriend with? wtf? iono... i dont understand it... care to help me?
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KinkyRose1212
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2006 24 July :: 12.47am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Riding In Cars With Boys
Love...or the lack thereof
Fuck. I am so fucking depressed right now. One of my friends is cutting herself again, and I am getting kind of close. I'm not going to, because self-destruction is a very dark road that I don't think I'd like to travel again. But I am SO lonely. I'm wanting a kid again, but I can wait on that one. But I NEED some closeness. Even if it was just for a month. Of course, I'd like something longer, but I'd settle for a month. I'd settle for a night, shit. Of hot sex, and falling asleep cuddling. Or something. I keep having these dreams about being in love with and snuggling with a man who is a mixture of that Sully guy, Dante Hicks (from the " Clerks " movies), and a couple other people who I'm not naming on the public blog. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. And he wasn't fucking real. Shit. I feel like crying, but I can't. I feel like I have to be strong. I'm not sure why. I guess I just feel like I'm supposed to believe that it'll happen " some day. " Whatever. I'm starting to feel like I might as well just give up and live life like another mindless drone going about my business as if I have no emotions. It's so hard.
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KinkyRose1212
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2006 21 July :: 10.59pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Primitive Radio Gods- Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand
JOHN SULLIVAN (SULLY)
There was this guy I started talking to on line a few years ago. His name was John Sullivan, and he called himself Sully. I think he was in his twenties. Even though we never met, he was a great friend to me, and as I was going through my CDs earlier, I found some songs he sent me like " That Song " by Big Wreck and " Dakota " by Stereophonics. He used to always send me songs. Anyway, I was thinking about him even before I heard the songs again, and I miss him SO much. It really hurts me. We really got along. I would always give him advice when he felt shitty. So JOHN SULLIVAN IF YOU'RE OUT THERE CONTACT ME, PLEASE!!!!!!! IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO ME!!!! Love Always, your friend, Laura.
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jus4fun06
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2006 19 July :: 12.15am
DANIBANANNI: but im kinda creeped out that someone in reston virginia keeps looking at my myspace
DANIBANANNI: four different ip addresses have looked at my site, 34,32,29,and 13 times in the last month
DANIBANANNI: im kinda freaked out about that
TalkshowOnMute45: ip addresses change
DANIBANANNI: but still... who is that person obsessing over me???
DANIBANANNI: wouldnt you be scared?
TalkshowOnMute45: see, i hate it when girls act like people are obsessed over them
TalkshowOnMute45: you sound like kelly
TalkshowOnMute45: its probably just random people
DANIBANANNI: oh.
TalkshowOnMute45: and who cares
DANIBANANNI: that kinda hurts my feelings when you compare me to kelly.
DANIBANANNI: but i guess youre right
TalkshowOnMute45: annd i hate it when girls are overly sensitive to things that have no correlation whatsoever
DANIBANANNI: oh
DANIBANANNI: im sorry
im sorry but that really hurt my feelings and made me lost for words to say to you.
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KinkyRose1212
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2006 12 July :: 11.26pm
:: Mood: pissed and jealous
:: Music: Keane- Hopes and Fears
Fuck helping
What the fuck is the point of feeling someone else's pain and understanding their problems and giving them advice when the next time you offer to help them they say, " Well, no offense, but I usually talk to my other friend about that because she knows me better and says more of the right things. " FUCK YOU!!!
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KinkyRose1212
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2006 8 July :: 12.37am
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Keane-Under the Iron Sea
Some shit
My emotions are drained. It may not have been very obvious, but yesterday I went through something that I had already gone through once before. The pain is still here, it's just a lot different than before. I'm dealing with it through very odd channels, and I'm not even sure what they are. One is exercise. One is writing. One is art. One is music. One is change. But there are even more than that. It's like, something emotional inside me. Almost like a filter. Anyhow, I was thinking today that things like MySpace and AIM and AOL, and even blog sites like this one are amazing, yes, but at the same time very bad things. What they do is keep people from really talked to each other directly. It really scares me. In a way it helps, because if we're rejected or dumped or anything like that over the internet, the pain is generally less real. But that's what's bad. People are supposed to talk to each other face to face and deal with things directly. The phone helps, because it tells us when people are home and busy and all of that, but anything emotional, or any conversations that are actually meaningful should really happen in person. People should experience things, and not let technology do it for them.
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jus4fun06
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2006 22 June :: 7.44pm
:: Mood: exhausted
So I had college oreintation today. It was quite overwhelming. I came home ready to sleep. Between placement testing and being thrown into awkward situations with entire strangers has really exhaust me. There were definatly some very quite guys who I would be more than willing to have their babies. Lol!! Im thinking that my "first year class" (no we can't be called freshman here) has the most straight guys in the entire population there. hmm... maybe i do have hope. too tired... later~
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KinkyRose1212
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2006 18 June :: 1.33am
:: Mood: peaceful
On Saturday I found an amazing treasure and it makes me so happy that tears literally come to my eyes. It speaks freedom to me. Freedom, innocence, playfullness, romance, and happiness. It is so amazing and beautiful. And it's MY treasure. I truly believe that I will only ever share it with one person, and that is the person I become engaged to. I'm done with all the meeting people from the internet shit because I don't like it. I do need to get out more, though, so I can actually meet people. I don't know where I'd go. I'm SO sick of the Mall, and it's like, the only place to go besides restaurants. And now I only go there when I know exactly what I want to buy so I can get in and get out. The only other place I might have met people is school, but, of course, that's all done for me, which I am VERY happy about. Meh. Whatever. I'll think of places.
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babaloo181
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2006 3 June :: 11.23pm
:: Mood: lethargic
:: Music: same as lyrics
wat a kick ass song..
Vacuum Bag Lyrics
by Stroke 9
You'll never know what happened to me
It's just one of those things
I was sitting by myself
And my thoughts started pouring out
Remember that time on our trip
You asked me where we were going
I said Barcelona
You said that's not what I meant
Maybe I'll never get it
I just don't think I'm like that
Don't like planning stuff out
It never happens that way
I'm like a vacuum bag That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we found your mom's Valium and took it?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you
That summer when we wore no shoes
And we danced on the Fourth of July
And we listened to your sister's records
And Frampton came alive
Even then you knew what you wanted
Even then I had no clue
I was just living in the moment
And the moment was all about you
Remember that time in LA
You asked we what we were doing
I said we're doing fine
You said here we go again
I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
'Cause it matters to me
Can you hear me?
Everyday I ask the same thing
Will you ever know what happened to me?
It happens everyday
And you wonder what went on
It's there and then it's gone
Maybe I'm sentimental
And I start to reminisce
And every time I do
I still want to tell you this
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