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--*Being Alone*--

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jus4fun06

:: 2004 8 December :: 4.07pm
:: Mood: angry/sad/defeated

i am so fuckin pissed off. so the other day i looked in my bag cause i thought my journal was in there, but it wasnt. i thought i had simply took it out sometime and didnt remember it. i soon forgot about it. in first i had nate being... well... nate. i heard him say something like, "see, i told you she was a bitch." and "shes obessessed with travis. all she wants is to ride his dick." they were passin somehthing back and forth. amber said, "dont you want to give it back to her?" nate said "no, we were ripping them and burning it last night." i believe it was amber who got up and threw something out. i just assumed they were talking about some old note i wrote to travis, back when. i got to leave class early cause of sectionals. i was pissed, but only at the fact that nate was acting like a dickhead, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. so sectionals was boring and i got out really early. i was waiting in the hall to see shawn and i saw nate and amber walk by me. amber was like, "shes gonna cry." i was like what the m-th-fuck. so i went to class and ignored them. i was all happy and all then i have justin who goes, "danielle, i got this from an anonmous third party... can i give it to you?" i was like sure. so he hands me my journal cover, torn off. i like started to shake and i almosted cried. everyone was like, what is it. i was like, the cover to my diary. i had to take a mother fuckin test. a hard test too. my essay had fragments. i swear. in the test i was bouncin my leg cause i had all this adrenalin in me and i needed to yell at nate. i knew his class was somewhere in the history wing. so i asked to leave and find nate. my teacher went, "what are you gonna do?" i was liek yell at him. so i left and search the classes. i couldnt find him at all. i was like whatever... fuck it. and i went to guidence and told my conciler. he called nate down and nate denyied everything. i knew he took it. i went back to class. my teacher asked me if i got carted down to the principal office cause i was gone so long. i was like no, i went to the guidence office. i went to third. in third i had the brillant plan to dig through the trash cause i remember about how amber threw something out. so when we let out for trash, i went to my sociology room and dug through the trash. at first i thought it wasnt there but then i found it. i marched to guidence and gave it to mr. mckinley. he said somethign how i need to write a statement. i didnt do that yet. i went to lunch and told my lunch table and carrie made me go to the office to report nate and travis for harassment. i did and i had to write everythign down. im awful at writing things. id rather say them. then the secretary in there had the nerve to tell me i was up to somethign all cause i happen to know tyler and he was movin closer. she said, "its a coudince(sp???) that you come down while hes here." meanwhile im like all upset. half crying. half shaking. ready to beat nates ass and she tells me im up to somehting. that was the first time in like 2 years since i went to the principal's office. motha truckers. then dr. donely yelled at carrie for stayin with me. she was helping me by being there and he yelled at her to leave and said she was skipping class. i cant stand this school. after third i marched up to nate and flipped out on him. well, course im not any good at flipping out so i liek said the same thing over and over again, "nate, how could you do this to me," while im like bawling my eyes out. nate, in his gay ass pink shirt just said, "step the fuck back bitch. im not afraid to choke a bitch" i just kept screaming at him. then i pushed him and ran away. i was amber hess staring at me. i saw all the mother fuckin hoes staring at me. i couldnt take it. i cant believe he would go and do that. then all these people inform me that they recall nate or travis talking and/or seeing a book of mine. thanks for the help guys. i remember that yesterday nate said something about "gonna get it" and amber asked what. and he was liek, "youll see." how could he do that??? and this past summer he came over i was like protect me. he said, from what? i was like everyone who tries to hurt me. he was like, i wont let anyone hurt you. now this.

Crush ME


babaloo181

:: 2004 2 December :: 5.44pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: nothing

email my baby sent me.. this shall be tonite's song :D
hey i was listening to this one cover of a song by Willie Nelson, called "On My Mind", and it made me think of you. Of course it's the punk cover, and it's by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, and here's the lyrics:

Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
If I made you feel second best
Girl, I'm so sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind

I love you baby, and i miss being with you, MUAH!, I'll write you again at almuerzo.
Love always,
Cawen

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jus4fun06

:: 2004 1 December :: 4.33pm
:: Mood: hurt

i wear the make up thick around my eyes to hide all the pain inside
i am sick of people. i mean... no offense... but i just am sick of it all. i dont want to have any relationships. and im not just talking about boy/girlfriend ones, im talkin about friends too. i am just sick of all the emotions and responsibilities involved with people. i put my trust into people and they just break it over and over again. i always get emotionally attatched to people and it just hurts when they leave. i am seriously sick of everyone. why cant you all just leave me alone???

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babaloo181

:: 2004 26 November :: 8.46pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: baby it's you by jojo

wat a good day :D
aww today was awesome! colin's parents told him i could come over from 4-6 .. and so i did... it was really nice.. we played another game of scrabble.. he's such a sore loser.. haha... he's like i dont wanna play wit u anymore! ::pout:: hehe.. i whooped his ass.. 185-165 haha... it was funny... we went out to his backyard and went on the swings and talked and stuff... aww i missed having him around so much man... and then after that we went on the pool deck and like found a spot where his parents couldn't see us.. and we kissed.. it was like the first time we had gotten to kiss for real in like months.. cuz before it was just like quick pop kisses so no one could see... but yea it was really nice... aww i wish he didnt have to leave... im gonna miss him so much.. and he makes me so happy when he's around... hopefully ill get to go see him tomorrow too.. i hope so.. he leaves sunday morning.. which really sucks.. oh yea i forgot to tell u guys.. i got my track physical on wednesday... my doctor told my mom to like watch out for me cuz he swears im like anorexic... which is bullshit but w/e... i eat like a pig! .. but i weigh 107 now... he told me that if i lose weight ima be underweight.. it's so weird cuz like.. i dont look like i weigh that little at all.. but w/e... track starts tuesday.. i wanna buy me some sweat pants... hopefully i can do that before tuesday... fuck i was talkin to michael and someone called for my grandma and i told him to call me back in 15 min but.. she's still on the god damn phone haha.. and colin's gonna call me later tonite after he watches a movie wit his lil sister...alritey well buhz byez everyone.

tonite's song: sunshine by lil' flip

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jus4fun06

:: 2004 25 November :: 6.06pm
:: Mood: stuffed

i said i would put up a picture of me and here it is. i just got my hair cut so i thought it would be the best time to take a picture.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

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babaloo181

:: 2004 25 November :: 1.06pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: same as song listed

this sums up everything i've felt for a while now.. awesome song
Welcome To My Life
by Simple Plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life


--shit didnt go too well last nite.. but ill update later.. nite nite.

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babaloo181

:: 2004 23 November :: 10.08pm
:: Mood: i'm happy.. really, truly, fucking happy...
:: Music: te quiero tanto.. by some spanish band

:D
you know that feeling when like... hmm i think colin splained it best today when he said.. god.. this is so weirdd.. it's like... i got a new pair of shoes.. and then all of a sudden... i get my old pair of shoes back.. and it's like .. damn.. i forgot how amazingly comfortable these were.... aww man i love that boy with all my heart... today was easily the best day i've had since he's been gone.. it was sooo nice... we weren't allowed to go out and so we stayed in the hosue the whole time.. but.. it was just so nice... aww as soon as i turned onto his road i was like.. shaking.. i was like omg im gonna see him.. i was just so excited... and he like ran out and just gave me the most genuine smile i have seen in so long... he got his braces off... god his smile is beautiful... and as soon as i saw him i put my car in park... jumped out of the car.. and into his arms... it was amazing... haha we just stood there in his drive-way hugging each other ... aww man it felt so great... i can't even explain it... it was like.. euphoric... aww man... i can't explain it... it was the best day in a long time.. and i thank god it all worked out the way it was supposed to today... hopefully ill get to see him tomorrow... nite everyone.. and i hope u guys have a goodnite.

tonite's song: thugz mansion by tu pac... my baby let me listen to it .. which is weird cuz he hates rap... but he actually likes that song.. and it's really good...

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jus4fun06

:: 2004 21 November :: 8.31pm
:: Mood: arrrrrrrrrg!

motha trucka...
work sucked. i got yelled and bitched at so many times today. i just kept doing things wrong. then they asked me to go find some "elbow grease" for the projector. i knew there was no such thing. they were laughin for god sake. so i went back anywaya... cursed em out back there... dawdled so i didnt have to go back and then told them theres no such thing. the only reason i did it was so i didnt have to be in consession for a lil. doug tried to shut the door while we were both in there. i was like... uh no... i dont think so. then i went back... my happy self and ignored them as they kept going: danielle go get the grease. then the phone rang and they were like, danielle, go get that. sure... the first time i answer the phone i get a prank caller asking for "mike kunt". f-ckers. yeah, so i volenteered to hold front so i didnt have to deal with it anymore. its ok. im all cool now. i dont hate anyone.

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babaloo181

:: 2004 20 November :: 3.43pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: same as tonite's song

HOORAY FOR MONDAY! :D
my baby's comin on monday night! HOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRAYYYYY! i mite see him monday but most likely ima just end up seeing him tuesday.. im so excited... i haven't seen him in like 70 something days... hehe he counted... what a cutie... i can't wait... that monday.. it's our 9 month anniversary... :D ... that much closer to a year... i got let off work early today.. and later tonite im goin to citrus wit vanessa and shilpa to watch spongebob :D hehe that should be fun.. and i got payed today so i'll have money to spend... and tomorrow.. i work from 9-5.. and after work ima get refills for my nails.. i wasn't gonna but my mom was like eh y not? so i was like alrite.. i think they cost like 15 bucks or something... but ive got money saved up so even wit tonite and tomorrow.. i should have enough for when colin comes.. cuz i dont think he's gonna have any money .. being that he's not workin.. and that he's been in military school all this time hehe.. aww man it's gonna be so nice to see him again.. i talked to him last nite for like 2 hours.. it was great.. i told my grandma that when the bill came... i would pay for me and colin's long distance calls.. which i have no prob doin.. i feel really bad for michael man! his phone bill came to be like over 200 bucks cuz of me! haha i was like OMG IM SO SORRY! he was like psh what u apologizing for? that was money well spent. i was like aww tanky :D hehe... so yea im starting to feel better... which is good cuz i really want to be happy again... oh on wednesday im gettin my physical for track.. and im gettin it wit my family doc... which rocks... cuz i wasn't too keen on the idea of some old ass lady feelin on my boobs.. or crotch for that matter... so this should be MUCH better hehe.. track starts the tuesday after thanksgiving... man after thanksgiving break.. that week is gonna be so hectic.. i have a huge english paper due.. and my tok project... ahhh... that's gonna suck.. but hopefully it'll all get done.. this weekend all i have to do is french hw.. well and chem but im not gonna do chem... hmm what else did i wanna talk bout? well i can't think of it so w/e... hope everyone's doing ok... nite nite :)

tonite's song: cinderella story by plain white t's

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babaloo181

:: 2004 16 November :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: there is by boxcar racers

The Distance
by Evan And Jaron

The sky has lost its color,
the sun has turned to gray.
At least that’s how it feels to me
whenever you're away.

I crawl up in the corner,
to watch the minutes pass.
Each one brings me closer to
the time when you're coming back

I can't take the distance,
I can't take the miles.
I can't take the time until I next see you smile.
I can’t take the distance,
and I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take, I'm callin' your name

I still believe in feelings
but sometimes I feel too much.
I make believe you're close to me,
but it ain't close enough,
not nearly close enough.

I can't take the distance,
I can't take the miles.
I can't take the time until I next see you smile.
I can’t take the distance,
and I'm not ashamed
that with every breath I take, I'm callin' your name
I can't take the distance (the distance)

I'd brave fire
and I'd brave rain
to be by your side I'd do anything
I can't take the distance

I will go the distance
I will go the miles
That's how much you mean
to me
'Cause I can't take the distance

I can't take these miles
I can't take the time til I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
and I'm not ashamed
that with every breath I take I'm callin' you're name
I can't take the distance...

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