--*Being Alone*--

:: 2004 1 November :: 2.25pm

they see it.

i cant hide

help me

:: 2004 30 October :: 9.33am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: same as song.. i love this song

two wrongs don't make a right by wyclef jean and claudette from city high..

[WYCLEF speaking (Claudette)]
(Oooh)
I'm just sittin here playing the guitar (Oooh)
(City High.. Claudette.. Wyclef)

[VERSE 1]
[WYCLEF:]
Excuse me, if you see me screaming
Deep in my mind, i'm only dreaming
cuz if i wake girl, and you're not by my side
i'd feel like half of me, is no longer alive
so please shorty, before you walk out that door
would you listen to my song

[CLAUDETTE:]
if only, i give you one last chance
with the devil, you can no longer dance
you got to be faithful, so we could be fruitful
build a family, and follow god faithfully
so just before i want to reply, i might listen to your song

[WYCLEF:]
ooh, before you walk out that door, listen

[CHORUS]
[WYCLEF:]
they say two wrongs don't make it right ((don't make it right))
So if i'm wrong i ain't trying to fight
I'm trying to have some dinner with some candlelight ((yeeahh))
lay up in the bed and make love all night
[CLAUDETTE:]
So papi I wont leave, maybe i'll just stay
you promise me that you'll do the same

[Wyclef ((Claudette)):]
girl i'ma love you like i never love
((touch me like you never touch me))
yo if you give me the chance girl
((yeah baby))
I'm gonna show you

[VERSE 2]
[CLAUDETTE ((Wyclef)):]
I'm gonna say ((i understand))
that i forgive you
and i aint gonna forget
that you brought me ?? ((baby, baby, baby))

[WYCLEF:]
But i have grown
from a thug to a man
Build my castle with bricks
and no longer with sand
Oh Girl

[Claudette:]
And just, before I want to reply, baby
I might listen to your song

[Wyclef:]
Ooh, before you walk out that door, listen

[CHORUS 2]
[WYCLEF:]
they say two wrongs don't make it right ((don't make it right))
So if i'm wrong i ain't trying to fight ((i don't wanna fight))
I'm trying to have some dinner with some candlelight ((yeeahh))
lay up in the bed and make love all night
[CLAUDETTE:]
So papi I wont leave, maybe i'll just stay
you promise me that you'll do the same

[Wyclef ((Claudette)):]
and i'ma love you like i never love
((touch me like you never touch me))
yo if you give me the chance girl
I'm gonna show you

[BRIDGE]
[Claudette:]
I'm so used to the pain that I
Can't see the sunshine no more
I'm so used to the pain that the
the sickness feels like the cure

[Wyclef ((Claudette)):]
Ay, but if only you gave me
the keys to your soul
and let me in
i'm gonna love you
over ((over)), and over ((over)) again

[Wyclef & Claudette:]
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

[CHORUS 3]
[WYCLEF:]
they say two wrongs don't make it right ((don't make it right))
So if i'm wrong i ain't trying to fight ((i don't wanna fight))
I'm trying to have some dinner with some candlelight ((ohhh))
lay up in the bed and make love all night ((make love to me))
[CLAUDETTE:]
So papi I wont leave, maybe i'll just stay
but promise me that you'll do the same

[Wyclef ((Claudette)):]
and i'ma love you like i never love
((touch me like you never touch me))
yo if you give me the chance girl
I'm gonna show you
((Show me, yeahhh))
I won't stay around the block no more
I'll come home early girl I promise

:: 2004 29 October :: 10.58am
:: Mood: guyish

just lose it~
for halloween you are allowed to come dressed up for school. i came dressed up as my buddy chaz. hottness! including his boxers(!!) i borrowed his titans hat. it doenst really match though. meh. i thought about slightly cutting my hair, but idecided against it and i have about 20 bobby pins holding my ends in front of my forehead. when i walked in to school. i saw kellie so i walked over to her and she kept walking. i had to run into her. she then looked at my face and saw that it was me. so many people i called out to them or walked over to them and they told me they didnt reconized me. so many tell me they actually thought i was a guy or that i looked good like a guy. hmm. i think i may have to do this more often. its quite amusing on my part. the challenge is remembering to talk in a deeper voice. i walked into this class and sat on grants lap (cause all the guys thinks it so weird to be hugged by someone who is wearing baggy clothes) and so he pants me. im standin there in boxers. ha! then i had a few guys ask me if i was wearign anything under the boxers. {smirk} tee hee. wouldnt they like to know. this is hottness!

:: 2004 28 October :: 10.21pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: wifey by next

::sigh:: ...
u know.. sometimes i wonder... would i be better off.. staying with the one i love who hurts me... or going with the one whom i just find attractive.. but who i know would never hurt me like that ... either one would be settling i guess... i guess it's really hard to look at this objectively cuz love is like the greatest bias of all.... its like .. which is better? ... someone who honestly loves u.. but who's made some mistakes and has hurt u in the past.. or someone else who's really sweet but who just thinks ur hot... i think.. that despite the pain that comes along wit staying wit the one i love... i can't bear to let him go.. i love him... i can honestly say that i love him... but it just brings me to tears when i think of what he's done and ... how he's lied to me... i know he loves me..i dont doubt that .. he just makes really fucked up decisions without considering the consequences beforehand... sigh.. this is not a situation i'd wish upon anyone... it amazes me how some ppl just dont give a fuck who they hurt ... and im not talking bout him.. im talking bout... well there's no need to mention this person but ... i could never do that to someone else... my conscience would eat me alive.. i guess that's what happens when u actually give a fuck.. when u actually have morals and standards u go by... but w/e... wat goes around comes around does it not? .. i sure as hell hope so... but w/e... i dont know wat to do... i think i'll know when i see him... i'll know whether im willing to jsut completely ignore the fact taht he's done so much shit to me in the past and lied about it ... on the basis i guess that he's changed now? .. now that he's seen how much it hurts me.. or so he claims.. trust is such an important part of a relationship though.. and... i dont trust him... at all... not even a little bit... i dont trust him around others... substances... but most of all.. i dont trust him with my heart... and taht's what scares me the most.. the fact that im willing to just give it away knowing that there's a possiblity it'll be returned.. once again... in a million shattered pieces... w/e decision i make.. i just pray it's the rite one... good night.

tonite's song: caramel by city high

2 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 26 October :: 6.40pm

fuck boys..
so yea to make a long story short im not gonna see colin soon.. maybe thanksgiving.. w/e... im so angry at him.. he's hurt me a lot.. and it's like i know he's sorry and i know he apologizes... and means it.. but it doesn't change the fact that he still did wat he did... im sick of this shit... i haven't told anyone except michael... and that's just cuz i think i'd get a bunch of "i told u so's" if i did tell ppl... so im not gonna... also i think im kinda ashamed at the fact that .. well i shoulda known better.. i shoulda known better than to fall in love.. i dont know if we're gonna make it thru this.. i promised him we would.. but i just dont know anymore.. our entire relationship pretty much rests upon the next letter i get from him and his responses... and as much as i'd like to remain optimistic.. something tells me this is the end..

:: 2004 26 October :: 2.25pm

playing the guys. flirting with too many?
she flirts too much.
damnit.
she jus wants to be loved.

1 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 19 October :: 9.04am

she is so stupid. why did she do that? she can feel the tension. why? cause she was so stupid. so dumb. "shes gonna knocked out." and for right reasons too. omg. why are you so stupid? dont fuckin cry! you're the one who said it you motha fucker. i cant believe you said it.
You bitch.

:: 2004 18 October :: 8.46pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: son de amores - andy y lucas

HOORAYYYYY!
GUESS WHAT?! i asked my mom if i can go see colin for my bday! and she said yea!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!! today was a pretty good day.. that math test i failed.. and thought i would get a C in the class for... i got an 83!! which means i got an 87 in the class hooray! .. so yea today kicked butt as far as im concerned .. i can't wait to tell colin.. he's gonna be so happy... aww ican't wait! .. i finished filling out my nhs application a lil while ago.. i really hope i get in man... if i dont... im screwed... agh... im sposed to be reading heart of darkness rite now.. i didnt read last time and failed the quiz.. but w/e... i dont get that book.. it's confusing... i read like 20 pgs of the part i was sposed to read.. so w/e...im startin to get a lil worried bout michael.. i think he's gettin the wrong idea.. .like today.. i asked him if he had called me .. and he said yea. .adn i was like oh ok my grandma's dumb cuz she confuses u and colin.. cuz i walked in and she goes.. oh ur boyfriend called... and after i said that to him.. he goes well if i had things my way that wouldn't be wrong... i was like ahh dont say that.. i mean he's a sweet guy but i dont like him like that.. i love my baby.. and i dont want him thinkin there's anything up wit us... oh wellz anyways... i got a letter from my baby today! hooray! .. hehe so many freakin hooray's in this entry... alritey well i think im done for today so ill talk to u guys some other time.. buhz byez.

tonite's song: por ti me casare- eros ramazotti .. .aww such a cute song.. it translates to .. for u i will marry

:: 2004 13 October :: 7.33pm
:: Mood: irritated
:: Music: summer stars- taking back sunday

another day in the life of thaimi
u know that feeling u get where u feel like something is gonna go really wrong soon... im worried.. i've been having that feeling... like something awful is gonna happen... and then i've also been havin that feeling... where i kinda feel like there's something i should be doing ... agh today so many ppl kept telling me to go to homecoming... god i wanna go... i wanna go in the sense that i wish colin was here so that i COULD go... cuz i dont wanna go by myself... and i dont wanna see all the lovey dovey couples.. cuz everyone has a date... and itll just make me sad.. today was a pretty crappy day.. i failed a math test.. and im pretty sure that brings me down to a C .. and if i get a C on my report card.. oh my gosh my mom will shoot me... i really hope i still pull off a B .. but i dunno if that'll happen.. fuck it's times like these when i wanna talk to colin.. when i have such a crappy day.. i wanna be able to call my baby up and vent... im worried that this is really gonna change us.. cuz i mean there's only so long we can cling to the memories of how we used to be ... my mom asked me again today wat i wanted for my bday.. i dont know y but i can't bring myself to ask her to take me to see him... it's like everytime i get the opportunity to do so.. i chicken out... i gotta do it soon though cuz the less notice i give her the more likely she is to say no... i wanna see him so bad... if i dont get to see him my birthday's gonna suck... cuz there's honestly nothing i want.. im fine... i have clothes.. there rn't any cd's out now that i like wanna have really bad... w/e i dunno... i just wanna see him... maybe that'll keep me happy for a while...i miss him so much it's crazy...well i gtg do hw so ill talk to u guys later or something... bye

tonite's song: ella y el by ricardo arjona

:: 2004 10 October :: 10.48am
:: Mood: better..
:: Music: same as song

i love this song .. dl it .. it's amazing
Cannonball
by Damien Rice

There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It's still a little hard to say what's going on

There's still a little bit of your ghost, your weakness
There's still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

There's still a little bit of your song in my ear
There's still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon..

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't want to scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know