catatonicsean
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2014 12 July :: 2.01am
:: Mood: lethargic
:: Music: Sabbat - Do Dark Horses Dream of Nightmares?
I've, for one reason or another, converted my Ontario Provincial Police rain jacket into a battle jacket.
Lovey bought me an Agalloch back patch when we saw them live, and the rain jacket was the only jacket I hadn't began putting weird decorations/declarations of taste and intent on, so I figured "What the hell? Why not?"
I had originally intended to sew it on, but after a couple attempts and a drastic fit of impatience, eventually the patch ended up being partially stapled, partially fabric glued on, then I proceeded to load it with band buttons and it spiraled out of control. I have designs on a few choice logo patches to eventually have a female sew on, seeing as the women in my life can accomplish this task without fail and without erupting into a temper tantrum.
What am I doing with my free time?
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 5 July :: 4.23pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Painkiller - Scud Attack
I'm old and boring, and balding and tired.
Everyone I know, have known, is old and boring and tired. Pushing thirty, or past the mark; nothing new to be seen other than grey hair and paunches, losing more teeth, and finally croaking in a state of extreme senility.
This weekend isn't nearly long enough, and I had the 4th off, as well. PTO, but I find no consolation in that. I'm still a geriatric who retained his hair color (for now; lovey is finding grey hairs already, not to mention the fact that my forehead is getting bigger by the day).
Adulthood is precisely what I imagined it to be; no fun, lot's of panic, and little time to sit and spend with a good old-fashioned hobby. But it isn't total grimness...just close enough to make you worry that everything you were is dead, and Hello Mediocrity!
Not so chipper today, you see, but one can't be merry rainbows every single fucking day. It's still a barrel of monkeys to whine and bitch and moan about how life sucks and so on.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 22 June :: 4.12am
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Wall of Voodoo - Back in Flesh
Well, now...things have taken a turn for the Not Quite So bad.
I have a corporate gig (yes, I walked on my fast-food job for better money and self-respect), a new kitty cat, and a new lease of life, yadda yadda. Who wants to hear me be positive about anything, really?
This journal became decidedly less entertaining for me once I ceased to hate life. I wouldn't delete it, because one can never tell when maudlin black rain clouds will form, but balance takes precedence once you reach my age. Things don't always suck, right? Right. So today's entry will be loaded with implied smiling internet emoticons and other such tripe.
::Insert such tripe here::
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 8 June :: 3.13am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: The Dictators - Master Race Rock
Got a new gig...working at Arby's, but what the hell? A job is a job, I suppose, and we've got bills and a baby to worry about.
Things have been splendid, and things have been shit. Stress, panic, laughter, incredible sex, poignant moments with el bambino, and so on.
No real complaints here, but I hope things improve, even marginally, because scraping the gutter is no way to live.
Everything will be Okay.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 23 May :: 6.59am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Avskum - There is No Need For Crying
My ladylove has committed herself.
After two weeks of struggling with money-woes and quotidian stress, she finally broke and checked into the loony bin - conveniently located a few blocks from where we dwell. When she'll return, who can tell?
Neither one of us has a pot to piss in, nor the requisite window from which to toss aforementioned piss, and this vexes her beyond what she will tolerate. As of late, her bipolar type 1 has accused me of being incompetent and useless, and frankly, her bipolar type 1 has been whacking the metaphorical nail right on it's cocksucking head. Goddamn that nail, and may it never find itself exposed to the open air again now that it's been driven into the metaphorical plank of wood.
So anyhow...I visited her last evening and we spent the visiting hour coloring in a coloring book. Well, truth be told, I colored in the book while she giggled as I turned an innocuous activity designed to soothe the burning nerves and brains of the mentally damaged and unstable into a mock-Satanic grimoire of immature humor. We also shared some candid laughs at the expense of her fellow inmates, and took an opportunity to paw at one another when no one was looking. Next thing we knew, the staff was informing me that Time Was Up, and we exchanged our sentiments of "We should have fucked before I went in here..." and "True, but it seemed inappropriate to mention that before you committed yourself."
Kissing; groping; farewells; "See you tomorrow."
So now I'm home, and I haven't slept for almost two days, and have spent an inordinate amount of time looking at her FB pictures and masturbating as if I were an adolescent.
The strange thing is that I find it totally normal visiting the woman I plan to marry in the booby-hatch while I go sleep at home and wander the city streets during daylight hours seeking some crummy occupation so I can loathe it with every fiber of my being.
This is the world I have known since I can remember, and dammit, I like it this way.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 15 May :: 1.59am
:: Mood: moody
Uuurrgh....
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 7 May :: 2.00am
:: Mood: pleased
:: Music: Isengard - I Kamp med Kvitekrist
Sometime today I'll have picked up my final paycheck from Tap (crap) House, and will have the necessary funds to purchase a gift for Rone's birthday - also today.
In other news, I'm attempting to land a gig as a machinist or metalworker at some place called Dynamet, which, as it happens, is the workplace of my ladylove's child's father. That won't be terribly awkward, since we have don't speak as it is...should be more fun than a barrel of monkeys, but then again...
Life is beginning to balance out, and that leaves a good taste in my mouth.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 29 April :: 1.44pm
:: Mood: jubilant
:: Music: Agalloch - In the Shadow of Our Pale Companion
Bought the ring, getting married.
Still unemployed, but on the road to a gainful occupation by will alone.
Life is good, but full of bumps, insert more cliches here...
1 Of Those |
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 20 April :: 1.31am
:: Mood: happy
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 18 April :: 8.13pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Stormtroopers of Death - Kill Yourself
Reconciled with my ladylove, but I've now lost my job, and the whole bloody mess begins again.
I believe this time I'll get a call center gig.
In other news, things are tough all over, and no one is pleased. Most of my possessions have been tossed in the garbage by vindictive relatives, and money is shorter than Warwick Davis on all fours. Circumstances seem to spit in my face more often than I care.
In other news, nothing is happening. Life is good.
Mahalo.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 11 April :: 4.28pm
:: Mood: confused
My girlfriend and I broke up this morning, and this afternoon I suppose we got back together on limited conditions (?).
No idea what to make of this, other than I smoked meth (yes, yes, I know...no good) and she found out because I had no clue how to broach the subject to her. People tend to mention things like this, and I hoped I'd have had the balls to tell her myself before someone else did. Not the case.
Smoked meth with our neighbor, no less, and she has the baby, and so on. I don't make wise decisions.
Lot's of rotten awfulness because I'm a weak person accustomed to substance abuse with strangers, and an innate inability to say "no."
Not that I've smoked meth before, but I've had similiar experiences concerning use of other drugs, and it just became commonplace to get loaded on random substances with people I don't know. But...now I'm technically a parent, and decisions like that are not the sort that Good Parents make. My mother is disgusted with me, and I imagine the rest of the world is, in turn.
If she let's me, I'll give up everything (including smoking cigs, Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ and all the Heathen gods, I mean it). I love her and her son dearly, and my existence means nothing without them.
Why am I such a piece of human refuse?
2 Of Those |
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 7 April :: 12.29pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: X-Ray Spex - I Am a Poseur
I've created a Facebook for my new alter-ego...and he will make friends with the world.
For one reason or another, my girlfriend and I decided that I should go downtown as a burnout hippie and dick about to annoy the locals, and she encouraged me to make a habit of it.
So now it's become a regular thing, and I believe I'll stick with it until it grows old and I move on to another ridiculous way of pissing people off.
But until that shining day, I'm Brock, dude.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 3 April :: 10.48am
:: Mood: morose
:: Music: Old Man's Child - The Millennium King
Burying the Old Man tomorrow...going to be the only one who says goodbye before they close the casket and set it alight; although, if memory serves, they cremate people with chemicals nowadays, but I'm not terribly certain.
It's funny to think that I'll be comforting the womenfolk and looking around for him to talk to after, because during dark times he was the fellow I'd gravitate to for conversation during events such as these. This time I'm on my own, and it'll be my first steps into manhood, despite the fact that I'm nearly thirty.
Since my friends Rone and I are Reverends in the Universal Life Church, I thought it was odd that they hired someone else to preside over the ceremony, but given my track record for religious pomp and weird pseudo-heathen nonsense (no one has a sense of humor), I figure they made a wise decision, however with someone who will resort to the usual Christian trappings - BQ wasn't xian, and had no warmth for religious thought.
"If there is a god, which I doubt, he couldn't possibly care about us or this planet." Et cetera.
He will be missed, and survived by his pathetic offspring and their respective broods.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 28 March :: 12.47am
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: Leonard Cohen - Teachers
I fear the future.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 27 March :: 2.37pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Siege - Starvation
"Being a man" is a real pain in the ass.
Being an adult attempting to "be a man" is for the birds, but...that's life. Can't help what can't be helped, and all a guy can do is suck it up and "take it like a man."
The Grand Prix (pricks) is in town, and that, with all certainty, will fuck my weekend up, Goddamn rednecks and their idiotic sports....sport? Is driving a sport? Then I'm one hell of an athlete.
2 Of Those |
Who Judged.
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