catatonicsean
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2014 24 March :: 3.45am
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Burzum - Hermodr a Helferd
I haven't worked there a week, and I've already managed to make an enemy out of virtually all of my fellow employees.
Not quite gained the knack for doing my own fucking job, and darn it, I feel incompetent and useless. Most of this night's mess was my fault, but I always have a sneaking suspicion that there are factors I'm failing to grasp that led to catastrophe and potentially the loss of a gig that I've only just began.
Fortunately, there are positive aspects of life that exist outside of my occupation that make returning there everyday worth the misery and pointless frustration...
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 22 March :: 2.44pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Venom - Welcome to Hell
I like my job, but I utterly detest the owner.
That foul, drunken, sputtering mick bastard can go suck an egg and jump in a lake (in my grandad's parlance).
I'd like to tell him where to go and what to do with himself once he gets there, but that would be bad form, and I need to the money...so I keep my mouth shut. Oh well - the kitchen staff seem to like me, and that's what counts.
I hope I see her this afternoon, unless she's out with one of her bizarre friends getting tea and enjoying the sun, or whatever it is that people do.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 18 March :: 3.02pm
:: Mood: thankful
:: Music: Celtic Frost - The Usurper
Day ten of boyfriending...all is well thus far, and I couldn't ask for more (there ya go, prying eyes; hope that'll sate ya).
Today I got yet another kitchen job and began training the second I walked in to talk to the big boss man about my employment prospects.
O Brevity, how I adore you.
I hope to hell I don't botch this as I have many another gig, but they seem like balanced personalities, and they exude compassion - although I've worked there for three hours, and am returning shortly for another two so as to gain insight into the brutality of their rushes..."the horror...the horror."
Moving along...things = peachy keen. Hope all of you out there in the real world are getting along well...no problems I trust? Good.
Excellent.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 12 March :: 12.17pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: T. Rex - Chariot Choogle
I have a girlfriend now.
As elated as I am (she's a good match), I know it's a matter of time before she grows weary of me, so I'll do my best to make her happy while we're together.
Life has its moments where it doesn't disgust me, and this is one of them.
9 Of Those |
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 5 March :: 4.03pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Zeke - Crossroads
I suppose my utter lack of confidence got the better of me. I need to work on that.
From what I can gather, I'll see her Friday, which leaves little time to secure dough and a clue as to what my next move is. Booze and drugs cloud our last encounter, and I'm uncertain as to how much of an ass I made of myself - or perhaps I didn't? Goddamn Xanax, and goddamn people who are a tad too liberal with it.
Haven't the foggiest, you see? But I recall making a move before we passed out, and how that went over, well...::shrug::. I've never been slick with girls, but there are those that are blinkered to the awkward, uncertain, dull, idiotic males that they have romantic liaisons with. Or maybe they're being polite?
Well, in any case, it's too late now, and I have a major crush on her, so naturally I'm going to blunder my way through this one until she's struck by common sense and seeks a superior male.
Or...I could lay off the fucking booze and "pass on grass (amongst other things)," go back to doing sit-ups, push-ups, chin-ups, and other exercises that end in Up, and perhaps not slouch so much, and be a gent.
I'd stake my life that none of that comes to pass, but I'll give my damnedest.
4 Of Those |
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 4 March :: 2.15pm
:: Mood: busy
I met a girl last weekend...will make an attempt to see her again this weekend. I've got no clue as to what I should make of it, but it beats watching dust collect on my existence.
She seems cool; a bit off-kilter, but that's a quality I like in people. And I had a chance to peek at her art portfolio, and I must admit she has a keen eye and a very steady hand...for a local artist, she is quite talented and has a lot more potential than the garden variety jerk who displays their bawdy, childlike "abstract" horseshit in one of the Central Avenue galleries.
Back to topic: I don't meet people well, and if first impressions are poor, then my second and so forth impressions must be absolutely repugnant.
I have no idea what I'm getting worked up about, because more than likely, she'll want to be "friends," and we'll probably correspond over Facebook for a few weeks before common sense wins out and she sets her mind to meeting normal people.
I don't know.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 4 March :: 2.14pm
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 28 February :: 3.18pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Boris - Blackout
Blah blah blah, I missed an installment on my payment plan - court says I can't do that.
Now comes the fine (pa-thetic) and they make half-assed threats and the tumble weed drifts and the crickets play their tune, and nothing is accomplished.
And so forth, and so on.
4 Of Those |
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 19 February :: 2.49pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Amebix - Fear of God
Over the weekend I fell ill from being crammed into a tiny room with the lowest common denominator (strangely, I wasn't out of place), while they coughed and hacked and spoke as loudly as humanly possible. Makes me wonder if my fellow poor are going deaf, or perhaps I have the hearing faculties of a dog - however unlikely.
Anyhow...I've made myself rather popular by spreading it to everyone who comes in contact with me. And I imagine they're all terribly grateful.
In other news, the Jehovah's Witnesses came by with their usual rhetoric and browbeating tactics, and I recommended they read a Christopher Hitchens book, and why would I bother joining their antiquated death cult when I'm in the loving clutches of Satan? We all had a jolly good laugh, and then parted ways after the typical exchange of literature (I accepted theirs and they politely refused to borrow my copy of "god is not Great"), and now I patiently await for their return (sounds familiar...) at a time when I'm significantly less loopy.
5 Of Those |
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 15 February :: 4.24pm
:: Mood: hungover
:: Music: Tangerine Dream - Fly and Collision With Coma Sola
Downtown, thenceforth, is stictly verboten.
Nothing good comes from leaving the house, and mingling with the locals. It always results in mutual enmity and a hangover.
4 Of Those |
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 14 February :: 3.33pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: D.R.I. - Standing in Line
Did not get the theatre job, as I foresaw.
They probably noticed that I'm far too old, and a blithering idiot to boot. Oh, well, their loss...wouldn've made a hell of an employee, more than capable of doing nothing and having a poor attitude.
Looking forward to a nice, albeit miniscule, paycheck from a research company testing antiperspirants on me, however. I'll be toking and drunk in no time, complaining on the internet about my failure as a human being and ranting about things that I don't like while neglecting to mention anything remotely resembling positivity in no time.
Terrific.
Post Script: Fuck Valentine's Day.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 29 January :: 4.48pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: D.R.I. - Commuter Man
I've got a job interview next week for a gig working at the movie theatre.
"Ooh-dah-la-lee."
It pays minimum wage, and I'll be starting as part-time help, but oh well. It'll fund my future endeavors, and allow me enough spare time to figure out what soon-to-be failure I'll engage in next. Perhaps something with a stylish gimmick that may or may not result in the odd blowjob, but who can say?
Wish me luck (or a miracle, if you believe in that sort of thing), so as I don't get canned within the first week.
1 Of Those |
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 25 January :: 4.12pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Joy Division - Autosuggestion
I think I may die alone.
No, I will not get a haircut. No, I will not get a high paying job that I hate just to impress insipid little girls. No, I will not adopt a new sense of humor that eschews the moribund and obscene.
I was always told that "being yourself" was the best thing you can do, but it appears that the world at large is far too shallow, and only rewards those who fit in because they were never given the option to be anything else. Whoever claimed "being yourself" was the ticket to finding a mate was full of shit, and obviously won the Dating Lottery if it worked out for them.
It's time to give up and be a bitter old misogynist.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 19 January :: 5.38pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: Sunn O))) - Mocking Solemnity
After a night of hard drinking and doing coke (also: somebody smoked hash out of my tobacco pipe, and now every drag tastes wretched, like cheap homemade hash), I believe I have shut down emotionally. I pray they never come back.
It's been a while since last I indulged in anything resembling legitimate substance abuse, and my system forgot what it means to be bombarded with exagerrated drug-induced sensation. My system has gotten rather senile since I turned 25, methinks.
It'll all come slithering back after a spell, but at the present, it doesn't seem so.
This is what the weekend is for.
Who Judged.
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catatonicsean
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2014 14 January :: 1.47pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Metallica - Orion
Looking for a Church of Satan down here is comparable to looking for unicorns.
I still maintain a staunch atheist view, but the novelty is far to good to pass up. Aside from novelty, there is nothing to do down here. So it's either an offensive pseudo-religion, or go to the Holy Land Experience in Orlando (yes, the Christian fundamentalists have their own theme park).
In other news: I was walking around town - my source of excitement during the evening - and I found a cigarette pack with weed in it. You can imagine how my frown reversed itself to its upside-down position. I quickly quit feeling sorry for myself, and bothered to call friends to announce my discovery.
Allergy medicine is kicking in (I have no allergies, I just enjoy a hearty sluggishness and dulled motor skills), so I'm going to nod off and dream of a world that I am not disappointed in.
This entry is rife with sentence fragments. I may be losing my command of the English language, but at this altitude it matters not.
1 Of Those |
Who Judged.
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