|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 7 March :: 8.25pm
Oh god. My mother.
Rueben and I are moving probably moving in together next year up at Mt. Pleasant, and for many reasons, but the main one being money. It's so much cheaper to live outside of town than in a dorm. My mother doesn't like the idea of us living together because we aren't married. She has told me flat out that it's immoral and she doesn't understand why we have to live together. She also said that she thinks if we live together now, we won't get married, or if we do, we won't value it as much.
I could not disagree more. We are from two very different generations. If she wanted me to be conservative, then she should have raised me like she was raised, being Catholic and getting yelled at all the time for doing things that weren't normal. How can she pass judgement on my life, what I want to do, when she all she does is complain about her life. She complains about my dad every time I'm home. All day. Every day. She complains about how my brother and I don't do enough around the house (and I'm not even there). She complains about work and drinks way too much when she's alone here because my dad works third shift and she works first.
My feelings have been clashing so much lately. I've been at home, work, and observing at school. I feel like I'm being drawn back and reliving the past ten years of my life. It's nice, it's comfortable, because it's what I'm use to. But then, being here for only a couple days reminds me why I was so anxious to get the hell out of here. It's things like that which made me move sixty miles away and limit contact to a few ten minute phone conversations a week. I don't miss it as much as I thought I did. It's not worth feeling "normal" to be here and having to consider any other people's judgement but my own. I know I'm young, but I know what I want in life. I know the difference between right and wrong, and I know how to treat others with respect. I don't need other people telling me how to live my life, especially when they don't know what kind of situation I might be in.
Rant is done.
2 left their 2 cents |
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 4 March :: 8.18pm
:: Mood: blah
I went and saw Beauty and the Beast last night at the high school. It was really great except for the little kid who would not shut up. We know that it looks like a lion, and no, after the twentieth time, we don't think your kid is as cute and precocious as you think he is.
I'm observing at the middle school tomorrow and the high school on Tuesday. I also work both of those days. It reminds me of high school. Leaving at seven in the morning, working until ten or eleven at night, going home, doing homework, and then doing the same exact thing the next day.
yep. I really have the need to let loose sometime this week. Any takers?
I'm reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. It's really quite good, but it's a bitch to read. I have a bad habit of skim reading, but with good pieces of literature, I can't do that. I can only read three or four pages at time, and then think about them, and then read three more pages...
I think I might start making an outline of a course paper for my literary criticism class. I'm writing on "Lust" by Susan Minot, a short story. She's modern, and it's well written, but devices and forms and their relationship to themes are a bit harder to pick out in modern works. I still have to figure out why she lists all of the guys she slept with. How does that contribute to the theme? That's what I'll be mulling over during spring break.
Almost done with laundry. Prepared for tomorrow. Hopefully going to bed a ten. Listening to the Counting Crows. So nineties.
"she's looking at you? I don't think so; she's lookin' at me"
Michelle
1 left their 2 cents |
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 1 March :: 9.24pm
:: Mood: chipper
Weather sucked today. They closed campus at one because of the "inclement weather." Even the weather channel was bold enough to use an adjective such as "treacherous." It was exciting.
I went to the Cabin with Steve and a few other people and ended up getting my interviews with Steve and Joel done. I only need one more for the next check point, and I'm interviewing with Amanda tomorrow afternoon.
I have mixed feelings about spring break. It's going to be great to have a break from classes and the like, but I have a lot to do. Everyday on my calender has something going on, and, I haven't even gotten my work schedule yet.
I'm observing at the middle school on Monday, and the high school on Tuesday. So I might be seeing some of you guys (Jenny!).
I talked with one of the professors for education today about getting a middle level education minor. I think I'm going to do it, but it's an add-on minor, so I'm going to be double minoring, which is fine if it'll help me get a job. It's only an extra 18 credit hours because most of the classes double count toward my education degree requirements.
It was thundering and lightening out earlier. It was really pretty. Our electricity kept flickering and my computer wasn't too happy about it, since it got restart four times before I realized what was going on.
Working on scholarship stuff is draining, but if I don't get some new scholarships for next year, I'm going to have a big problem. Rueben and I are looking at moving ten miles outside of town to a trailer park on M-20. I called last weekend and the rent is only 300.00 a month, so, between the two of us and utilities, it's like 200.00 a month per person. Much, much better than the almost 900.00 a month between housing and a meal plan here on campus. Even the apartments around are crazy, the lowest we've found is 235.00 PER person, and that's with having like eight roommates. It should all work out. There are tons of scholarships that I'm eligible for because my gpa is a 3.93 and I'm going into teaching. I just hope that my credit standing isn't going to affect me much, since they give preference to upperclassmen (but only after financial and academic merit). We'll have to see.
For now, I'm content to sit back and read the millions of pages of literature a night that I have assigned and being involved with Kappa Kappa Psi. I have to keep reminding myself that next year, and five years, is a long way away. I always have good insight and planning skills, but sometimes I get a little nutty with worrying about what's going to happen.
I'll be home tomorrow, until the eleventh, if anyone would like to hang out. Call me, or leave a comment.
Michelle
2 left their 2 cents |
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 27 February :: 10.38pm
Thursday March 1, 2007 is National Self-Injury Awareness Day (SIAD). If you would like to participate in promoting awareness about self-injury, simply wear orange. Wearing an orange ribbon on the left breast is the formal symbol, but any orange piece of clothing or jewelry will work, too!
Please join me in this event!
Michelle
p.s. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to comment or to contact me!
3 left their 2 cents |
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 26 February :: 10.09pm
I've decided that winter isn't that bad. I like snow when I don't have to drive in it. It's not that cold if it's not windy. Big fat snowflakes falling in the light of a street lamp are eloquent. And seeing delicate snowflakes on my multicolored scarf makes me feel like I'm in a movie.
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 25 February :: 11.30pm
:: Mood: blah
I am crawling out of my skin. I'm trying. I really am.
I can't find anything to DO. I've been sitting here on my computer for two hours. Facebook. Woohu. Facebook. Email (Central). Woohu. Facebook. Email(Hotmail). Facebook. Woohu.
AHHH!
I searched "random journal" for a while hoping to stumble across something that would spark a creative run, but alas, I found nothing.
Thirteen year olds writing "ToDAy My dAD waS sUCH a DICk, UGHG!!" doesn't do much for my writing.
And I can't go to bed because the roommates are still up, and it's hard to sleep with keyboard typing sounds and random stupid laughs at online quiz results going on.
Maybe I should just take a double dose of Nyquil and get on with my life.
I am just having trouble being content. I just am. And I hate it. I hate feeling like I should be doing something else. It ruins all the moments for me. Every moment isn't good enough. It just makes me so tired.
2 left their 2 cents |
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 25 February :: 4.45pm
So i go to the library to sit for two hours for what? I schedule some block time for my kkpsi interviews and NO ONE SHOWED UP!!
So I just wasted two hours of my life where I could have been sleeping instead of sitting in the coffee shop bored as hell and feeling like shit. I don't even know. My body is DYING. I'm jittery from the coffee I just drank, but I feel like I'm going to throw up and i'm pissed and i feel like crying because i still have to go take my car to the SAC to park it and then i have to walk back to the freaking dorm in a fucking snow storm and i'm sick and i could barely walk from my car to the library, and ITS SNOWING and I HATE DRIVING IN THE SNOW and no one showed up for my fucking block time and what the hell.
a;lwdfj;lsdkjf;askjdf;lakwjsd
this is the worst day ever. i wish i had never gotten out of bed.
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 24 February :: 5.53pm
I don't know how it happened, but I'm more sick. I was sick, raspy voice and all, and then BAM! full blown cold and all. It really sucks. Cold drugs aren't doing much, either.
Oh well.
At least it's the weekend and it's not like I have a midterm and twelve interviews to set up and complete for next week.....
Stupid cold.
3 left their 2 cents |
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 23 February :: 11.56pm
:: Mood: chipper
Being sick sucks, especially when your best friend is in FLORIDA.
I wish you many suns of tanning, and little burning.
I just took some nyquil. Oddly, it doesn't make me tired, but it does make me feel like I've had a couple shots. Just sorta loosey goosey, if you know what I mean. And yes, I took only the recommended dosage.
Just finished watching The Prestige. Good movie. A little too tired to get all the details, and the stupid rental DVD kept skipping.
I was tired anyway.
So long, Farewell...
Good Night.
So many interviews to do with the brothers.
So many signatures to get.
AHHH!!!
HUCKLEBERRY FINN!!
midterm.
Michelle
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 23 February :: 12.23pm
O, CNN, apple of my eye, you have lowered yourself...
I was watching CNN this morning (as always) and was (disappointed, angry, scared, shocked, enraged?) when they announced that their next segment would be about reporting the over reporting of Anna Nicole Smith.
Thank goodness Lou Dobbs still has it in him to refuse to devote any of his broadcast to her.
Good ole' Lou.
1 left their 2 cents |
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 22 February :: 1.35pm
:: Mood: busy
I'm sick and my lungs are struggling to move.
I have concert tonight and I can't breath. But, the director did say my piccolo playing has improved very much and she's glad that I'm the one playing it this semester. That makes me excited because the piccolo I'm borrowing is absolutely horrible compared to others I have played. It's an instrument, though, and I'm thankful for that.
I have a KKPsi meeting after the concert, and I don't have enough of my signature sheets or interviews done yet. I emailed the VP of membership and told him so that I won't get in as much trouble. Right now, the only thing I'm focused on is breathing and being able to keep breathing.
"After Pain, a Formal Feeling Comes-"
I know Emily didn't get out much, but she knows me way too well.
You say you're sorry, but you're really not. You annoy me. Plain and simple. I'm right, and you're wrong. Whatever.
I have to go shower and do my hair and my make up. I smell like the cafeteria. Ugh.
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 20 February :: 5.47pm
You Are 92% Control Freak
|
You are a total control freak, yet you often feel out of control.
If your life isn't "perfect" - it really gets you down.... more than it should!
|
You're An Alcoholic
|
Time to go back to step one.
|
Your Political Profile:
|
Overall: 30% Conservative, 70% Liberal
|
Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
|
Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal
|
Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
|
Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
|
Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal
|
5 left their 2 cents |
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 19 February :: 11.42pm
leave your 2 cents
|
|
cowsgomoo!!!
|
::
2007 19 February :: 1.51pm
Alright, just to prove that I'm alive, and that I didn't fall off the edge of the earth, here is an update for those of you who don't look at any of my million other sites. I'm in Monterey, California. Yes, it is beautiful here, although very expensive. The next time I'll have a chance to come home is either gonna be Easter or late July, i believe. Once I find out more, I'll let you all know. But this, my friends, has been an update
-me
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 18 February :: 11.45pm
:: Mood: creative
I could use an honest opinion and some feedback. I'm submitting this for a scholarship in a few days and have driven myself crazy with tweaking every little detail.
Thanks,
Michelle
A Night Out
She began preparations in the sunny afternoon, considering her pores in natural light. Covering, clogging them with her make-up as the light dimmed, and the fluorescent lights casted unnatural shadows around the room. She hummed a joyful tune while applying white shadow under the arch of her brows to highlight them. Concealer was dabbed under her lashes to hide the bags created from a previously long night. The hair was teased, relaxed, curled, and twisted into submission by long fingers stained yellow. A glance in the mirror assured time well spent.
She strode out the door by the light of the moon, subtly wavering in each step. She rode to the party in the darkness of a promising night, her face shining with possibility. She rolled down the window and breathed in the cold, harsh air. She lit her cigarette and gratefully inhaled equal parts smoke and icy air. Nicotine surged to her brain as the street lights raced by, caressing her face in a steady rhythm.
Arriving, entering, and swaying under the light of a miniature disco ball, the night climaxed around her. The hair had given up hope and the concealer went on strike. She stumbled around the room and became a victim of vulgar insults she no longer could comprehend. She laughed if off with a wide-mouthed grin and another cigarette. She fell out the way she had entered and took up transitory residence in the leafless skeleton of a bush. Later, he saw her by the flicker of his flame and the glow of his non-filtered cigarette.
The body was cold to the touch, but a slight groan assured an inhabitant. She entered once again, not on her own accord, to a stiller house. He carried her down the flight of stairs to his bedroom, basking in the warm glow of candle light. He left her there, in darkness, and slept in the other room.
She was revealed by the new sun, filtered through a topaz curtain, that cast a long shadow with deep valleys of lifeless-blue heliotrope.
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 15 February :: 8.47pm
:: Mood: aggravated
Down we go away...
Meeting in fourty five minutes.
I attempted Suduko and a Crossword in USA Today last night. I failed.
I'm itchy all over from taking too hot showers. I thought I lost my pin, but it was on my white blouse.
I'm going to miss Grey's Anatomy yet again for the meeting. I have to walk all the way to the school of music. In the cold. In heels.
My gloves have frogs on them and I have an amazing techicolor scarf (courtesy of Grandma).
I will be home by five o'clock tomorrow night. I expect to see you then.
Michelle
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 14 February :: 2.41pm
:: Mood: busy
I just finished my American Government test. At least a B+ if I count out all the the questions I think I got wrong. A multiple choice and essay test was a nice change from all the paper writing I've been doing lately. It just burns me out sometimes.
Anyway, all I have left for the day is University Band, which isn't really a class at all.
It's Valentine's Day, afterall.
We decorated our door last night for a contest in our hall. It was fun, but I didn't go to bed until two.
I called the middle school and set up an observation day on Monday March 5. I still have to do one at the high school too, but, Pilar wasn't in his office when I called.
I have to do ten hours of observation this semester, and then thirty more for canidacy into the Teacher Education Program. Of course, I'll probably end up having to do thirty more, because I have to have at least thirty hours in a school that is more than twenty percent non-white, is urban, and at least twenty percent of the kids get free or reduced lunches. I figured one of the Grand Rapids Public Schools would work just fine for that.
Anyway, uband in an hour, valentines, teacher ed. It's all just a bunch of hooha.
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 12 February :: 12.17am
:: Mood: cold
Sometimes I just want to scream out in warning.
Sometimes you have to learn it for yourself. It's painful. It's heart-wrenching. But it must be done.
I should be going to bed, but my eyes are wide-open. My searching is inconclusive, and I'm sure someday I'll die because life has become stale.
Like stale popcorn that tastes of textured air. Air that rushes in and turns my lungs beet red. Textures like the mucous in a lung with emphazema. Stale. Old. Hindered.
Who could have calculated her thirst that night? Not a one, not even herself. She began preparation in the sunny afternoon, considering her pores in natural light. Covering, clogging them with her make up as the light dimmed, and the fluorescent lights casted unnatural shadows around the room.
She strode out the door by the light of the moon, subtly wavering in each step. She rode to the party in the darkness of a promising night, her face shining with possibility.
Arriving, entering, and swaying under the light of a miniature disco ball, the night climaxed around her. Later, he saw her by the flicker of his flame and the glow of his non-filtered cigarette.
He carried her down the flight of stairs to his bedroom, basking in the warm glow of candle light. He left her there, in darkness, and slept in the other room.
She was revealed by the new sun, filtered through a topaz curtain, that cast a long shadow with deep valleys of heliotrope.
2 left their 2 cents |
leave your 2 cents
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 11 February :: 2.29am
I don't have time for the trivial.
So serious, always.
I'm still in my 'mood'. I'm not sure where to seek a cure.
leave your 2 cents
|
|
