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m&ms487
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2006 12 December :: 12.28pm
Hannah Cotten got in an accident last night...
click here for more
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2006 11 December :: 7.57pm
:: Music: Computers humming and me longing for a sound card
Wow... it's been a while. I'm going to try hard to make this sincere. That seams to be my problem with posts. I don't want to commit in writing my real feelings. I can converse with a friend, admitting soulful truths, but this is too permanent. And everyone can see. I know, mark it as "password" if I want privacy. But I want to be so honest that my feelings shouldn't exists unless I am proud of them, willing to defend them and share. I guess that means admitting I am fallible.
New note. I think I got raped at a gay club. How is this possible? It was actually more of a sexual assault, because before a rape could occur, "gay luda", (named that because he looks like Ludicrous and is defiantly gay), saved me. Why would a straight guy go to a gay club? I go to men's gay clubs to dance and not to look for sexual partners, just to have fun.
New note.
Interested in stopping AIDs? There is an AIDs benefit this Wed. at Sprial in Lansing, old town (this time we will not be too stoned to find it). It's a drag show with and ensemble cast. It will be comprised of amateurs and pros (and some pro-amatur) from Grand Rapids, Detriot and Lansing. It should be good. And all the profits will go to an AIDs foundation. Give me a jingle for directions. Cover is $8 if you're under 21 and $5 if you're 21 or older.
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2006 11 December :: 7.18pm
:: Mood: cranky
Exam. Today. At eight a.m. I'm so tired.
It really wasn't an exam. It was extra credit for showing up and completing a survey about the class. We also got to listen to Woody Guthrie sing "This Land is Your Land."
Oh, and my professor read us "The Night Before Christmas."
I'm so glad the government is paying for part of my college.
My English exam was harsh. We'll see how I did. It unfortunately reminded me of AP lit with Mrs. Dolbee. I couldn't stop thinking "ample support."
Now I'm tired and I'm pretty sure I forgot to lock the dorm door. Oh well. I don't really have anything anyone can steal now, anyway.
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2006 10 December :: 5.47pm
:: Mood: contemplative
I'm procrastinating again. I've read over all of my English material, and now I need to go back and intensively anaylize and take notes with possible essay questions in mind.
I don't really want to. But I don't have anything else better to do.
Blah.
I'm sorry I take up your friends page, but I'm pretty sure that if I don't update on woohu every day, I'll go into withdrawl. Sometimes I don't have anything important to say, but I still update. I've updated more now, than ever, and I attribute that to 1. I have access to high speed internet day and night here and 2. I don't have much else better to do.
Loser.
The former Chilian dictator Pinochet died today. Ninety-one. After he overthrew the democracy of Chile, he did great things for his country. He kept them out of communism and the like, however, he had a blatant disregard for humanity. He maimed, tortured and killed thousands in the name of national security.
Why didn't the U.S. go after him? I'm not saying that it was wrong to prosecute (and mind you, NOT persecute) Sadam, but for all of you head strong, Pro-Bush Republicans, doesn't it make you think why the U.S. chose him to prosecute, and ONLY him?
Just wondering if anyone out there was still thinking.
Michelle
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2006 9 December :: 6.16pm
Another Post
SO BORED.
SOS.
SO BORED.
I think I might has witness the phenomenon know as 'the sun' today. However, it was only for a brief period of time.
Six more days, bitches. Six more days. Six more boring, heart renchingly stupid exam days before I come home.
SO BORED.
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2006 9 December :: 3.30pm
:: Music: Shankill Butchers - TD
A wicked wind will blow your ribbons from your curls
96 Works.
Including:
Three novels, One play, Many 'short' stories, Many poems, a Joyce.
My British Literature class is over and I was making a list of the works and the page numbers for the class so I could refer to them during the final on Monday. I'm a little intimidated, it's worth 25% of my grade.
Ah, well, I'm going to reread them all today and tomorrow, because, well, I haven't got much else to do. It's really quite boring up here on the weekends if you're not out getting trashed, or high, or raped, or going to church, or hit by cars, or getting put in jail, or vandalising homes, or, well, you get the point. The highlight of my evening last night was watching the guys across the hall get busted by the RA's, and then watching them down the rest of their alcohol in case the RA's came back.
No, Thank you, John
" I never said I loved you, John:
Why will you teaze me day by day,
And wax a weariness to think upon
With always "do" and "pray"?
You know I never loved you, John;
No fault of mine made me your toast:
Why will you haunt me with a face as wan
As shows an hour-old ghost?
I dare say Meg or Moll would take
Pity upon you, if you'd ask:
And pray don't remain single for my sake
Who can't perform that task.
I have no heart? - Perhaps I have not;
But then you're mad to take offence
That I don't give you what I have not got;
Use you own common sense.
Let bygones be bygones:
Don't call me false, who owed not to be true:
I'd rather answer "No" to fifty Johns
Than answer "Yes" to you.
Let's mar our pleasant days no more
Song-birds of passage, days of youth:
Catch at today, forget the days before
I'll wink at your untruth.
Let us strike hands as hearty friends;
No more, no less; and friendship's good:
Only don't keep in view ulterior ends,
And points not understood
In open treaty. Rise above
Quibbles and shuffling off and on:
Here's friendship for you if you like; but love, -
No, thank you, John."
-Christina Rossetti, 1862
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2006 8 December :: 3.00pm
I hate TAIT. It's so stupid, and time consuming, and I hate it, hate it, hate it.
But, this is all that stands between me getting all A's for the semester.
I still hate it.
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2006 5 December :: 11.16pm
Alright, apparently I mean nothing to anyone except a select few. Those of you who either made it to my party, had a valid excuse, or otherwise tried to get in touch with me "Thank you". From the bottom of my heart I thank you. And, if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, than this has nothing to do with you, so thank you too.
I leave in 5 days for the Air Force, and I just want to say goodbye to all of you who care about me. For all of you who don't, good riddance. Adios, Goodbye, however you want to put it. I doubt I will see you all again, so, with that I leave.
-me
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2006 5 December :: 5.04pm
Jess (or anyone else), what was that play that we watched at Rob's house with you, me, him and Zack? Remember, the guy in the flesh colored speedo dancing around? We read it in AP lit, too. I think we should watch it again.
What play is that? I was just reminded of that for some reason.
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2006 4 December :: 5.54pm
It's cold as hell outside. Just got back from tromping in the snow and building hopping to avoid it. Last biology lab! It was pretty exciting. We had a group quiz, and no one but me knew how to do it.
Next week is exam week, and then I return on the fifteenth!
My mother sent me flowers today in honor of my birthday. It was pretty neat.
Michelle
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2006 3 December :: 10.14pm
:: Mood: high
Happy Birthday to me in less than two hours. Nineteen. Nothing too special, just another year fulfilled. I think I'm getting to that age where birthdays become less and less special, and that's sad.
Sorry, kids, no rantings or substantial writing tonight. I haven't got the brain power for it now. It's hard enough typing as it is.
Drive Safe.
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2006 1 December :: 11.23am
Class is cancelled. Lots of snow. Oh, goodness is there a lot of snow.
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2006 30 November :: 10.41pm
Jackie's hair is pretty and my curling iron is too large for her.
That is unfortunate.
I pushed the button good.
I'm very proud of myself.
Where are my fucking smokes? Seriously.
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2006 30 November :: 6.20pm
I am SO fucking pissed.
Okay, nice little speech class, teacher doesn't teach us anything, gives us a study guide, I study the study guide, I take the exam.
I did better than the class average of 31/100.
I got a 41/100.
Now, the best grade I can get in that class is an 86%. Great.
And I hate that girl in U-Band, too.
Fucking bitch. The director moved her because I asked her to.
And she says, "Why did Sarah move me? Is it because you don't want to sit by me?"
My reply was, " I'm not going to lie, I don't like sitting by you."
"Well," as she glared at me like I was the most horrible person on earth, "I didn't want to sit by you either. You know, most of the things I said to you WERE true."
Yeah, I guess getting your head out of you're ass is pretty hard when it's as big as yours, bitch.
Whatever.
Now I remember why it was a good thing I didn't go into music. It's so I don't have to deal with bitches like that for the next five years.
[Edit] Test may not be as bad as initially thought. After talking to Jessie, I realized that, since the test was out of 50 multiple choice questions, I couldn't have gotten an odd score, it would have to be even. Therefore, I may actually have an 82. Have to discuss this with the teacher, but I believe I am right. Everything else I'm pissed about, though.
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2006 30 November :: 10.15am
On the verge of the big final speech. I guess I wasn't thinking when I choose my topic (pro-choice) because I realized this morning that most of the people in my class are quite conservative. And, i'm pretty sure I picked it because I found out that another girl is doing pro-life, and I couldn't really sit by and let her do that without putting my two cents worth in, and so here I am, all dressed up and ready to talk about abortion.
I know what some of you are thinking: Baby hater! Murderer! Fetus Killer!
Except, that's the exact reason WHY I'm doing this speech (that, and my teacher allows it). Being Pro-Choice, is NOT being Anti-Life or Pro-Abortion, it just means that I recognize the societal need for abortion in some instances. It doesn't mean that I think every woman should have an abortion.
Well, I think I got that out of my system. I guess I just needed to rant and defend myself a little before I went out there and whatnot.
And the ironic part, is that I'm not even graded on the topic, or the content, but on my delivery and organization.
In other news, the dorm was very loud last night, as I believe there were lesbian fights and perhaps a little wrestling going on. At least, that's what it sounded like at three o'clock this morning.
Michelle
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2006 29 November :: 9.42am
I was late for my computer class today. I woke up about six minutes after it started [why is this starting to be the trend for me? I don't like waking up and shouting 'fuck!' and running out the door].
So i get into class [a huge lecture hall] and I start my way down the aisle and choose the fourth row back [i normall sit in the first row]. The prof notices me, and stops lecturing and says, "you can come and sit down in the front."
I explain, "I had a rough morning."
"It's understandable, my oatmeal was hot this morning. It was rough."
And he continues his lecture.
After class the girl who sits next to me tells me that the professor waited [in a class of 120] five minutes to start class becuase I wasn't there.
I don't think he even knows my name.
College is strange.
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2006 28 November :: 12.49pm
Jenny:
I miss you! We NEED to get together over Christmas break!
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2006 27 November :: 9.59pm
So I slipped and fell this morning while dressing in the dark. Bruise on shoulder, a constant reminder. Sweatshirt smells like it's been locked up all its life. Exam tomorrow. What do I know of Snarl words and Allness? Index cards transformed into flash cards with a few marks that make up words of a transient language. Silence, Social Clocks, Haptics. These words mean something to someone, but not me, not yet. In a few hours sleep will knowingly approach, and the day at an end, and what have a I got? Weary eyes, tuition bills, and words. Words that I will forget after the impending exam, because these words mean something to someone, but not to me, not yet, and not for very long.
Michelle
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2006 26 November :: 8.26pm
Driving home brought so many thoughts into my head. I have an immense fear of those around me dying. That's probably my biggest fear. Some nights I lie in bed and think about things as if someone was dead. What would I do? What would I feel? It always makes me start crying in the end, and I feel like I've committed some sin, as if thinking about that persons death is equated with me wanting them dead. How would I feel if I thought about them dying tonight, and then they did die tomorrow. Then all I'm left with is guilt, and all I have done is lie in bed before sleep overcomes me.
I've been lucky. No one close to me has died. I know it will happen soon enough. I don't wish for it, but the truth is, no matter how much I or anyone else wants to deny it, is that we all secede to death. It's our final end, an end we have little control over. I thought I had control over it once. It had control over me.
My grandparents are old and frail. They act with dignity, but they are slowly realizing death will come soon. They are planning the rest of their life for their death.
Do I plan my life for death? Do any of us? Do we wake up in the morning, watching the sunrise, or falling out of bed, or dreading another monotonous normal day and think of death? Should we? Would that circumvent the reason, whatever that reason may be, why we are living?
If we thought of death everyday, could we enjoy life? Are we meant to enjoy life?
Are we suppose to be "grieveing the sun" on it's final journy to the horizon? Or are we suppose to ignore the inevitable, find some shallow work to busy ourselves with, and only recognize the end when it comes knocking at the door to your [trailer, suburban two story, houseboat, yacht, mansion, cardboard box] home?
I am reminded of death when I look at my grandparents, the leafless trees, the brown grass, and deer splattered along the roadway.
Perhaps we are never meant to come to terms with death, only await it's inevitability. Freedom from our imperfect bodies may be our biggest birthday present. I once thought it was.
Michelle
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