it's not all that i hoped it would be. it's not like it was before. where's stef when i need her. at mendards of course. oh well. i'll deal.

wow..so far my weekend has been really fun. i'm really tired for some reason. maybe since i've been up since 7:30 and on the road since 8:30 and didn't get back untill oh what... 7:00. I AM TIRED!!!!! ok..enough of that. last night we celebrated sara's (my cousin) college graduation from gvsu. we went out to dinner and had a riot (you know how my family is). then we "went for ice cream", but really went to the airport to pick up josh (sara's brother, another cousin) and sara just thought we were at the airport for icecream. she was so supprised when she came out of the bathroom and josh was standing there! it was priceless. we were all so happy. so we ended up buying half gallons of everyones favorite flavor at great day and eating it at home. we stayed up and looked at pictures and talked and had a good time. sara and shad (her fiance) left and josh and fred (my uncle) and ann (my uncle's girlfriend) stayed overnight. this morning everyone had to get up early becasue i had flute choir and the rest of them went to sara's commencement. so mom and i went to flute choir and to the mall and then we met everyone at the tap room (a bar across from the van andel) for another party. that was fun and i learned how to play pool!! mom, dad and i left and stopped at sams and then mom and i went to menards to harass stef at work. that was fun. so i cleaned up my room and i've been here ever since. sooo... i've been having fun. i'm dead tired so i'm hitin the sack. good night and talk to you all soon. :)

...hand me my nose ring, can we be happy?...show me the mosh pit, can we be happy?...WE CAN BE HAPPY UNDERGROUND!!!!!....
i love this song so much!!! it's one of my favorites and it just cheers me up so much! anyways... i just wanted to appologize to some people. i've been kind of distant the past few days and i know some feel really bad, so i just wanted to say i was sorry for neglecting some of you. life is just so confusing right now.. you know if i talked to you about it or you read my LONG journal entry from monday. i opened up to public now, so i guess i'm feeling more comfortable. i really messed up my wrist in golf today and had to get taken out and everything. damn it hurts. i have it wrapped up and stuff...but it hurts to move it. i have no idea how i'm going to hand write stuff. even worse i have drumline/pit practice tonight so it sucks. oh well. we went on that field trip yesterday. about the only fun part was dancing to the music on the lawn at GRCC and checking out all the hot guys walking by. there were a bunch of hotties at KCTC too! rebecca and i had fun with that! speaking of rebecca... wish her a HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) anyway..i better scoot.. i've gotta get ready to go to practice. love and hugs to all!

hahahaah


See what drug you are.

this was way overdue..and now i have the time..and i'm in the mood
wow...ok. this needs to be said because i have so many things building up and i really don't care what people think and i need to vent. first off.. i went to the coffee house tonight. that was really fun but somewhat depressing at the same time. most things are like that. i am depressed but happy as well. i don't know what to do. mikey was there. he was playing the piano and singing all the songs we sang together that one day in the drumline room. it reminded me of the highpoint of our friendship and i realized how much i miss him. i miss him alot. it was my fault too. i saw robby more than usual today. it hurts just to look at him. i don't like him anymore, but i'm not sure what to do when i see him. we're not even friends anymore so it just kills me to see him. kevin and i aren't friends anymore because he thinks the only reason i was friends with him was to get robby. that is so untrue. i had so much fun with kevin and now everytime i see him i feel a sharp pain in my heart. all the time i'm reminded of how much fun i had with these people. i miss it and i cry about it almost everyday. stefanie is graduating. i cried for a long time about this on saturday night. i told her about it..and she told me that her graduating probably won't affect our friendship. i love being friends with stefanie. i think she's kind of like the big sister i never had. and we are so alike. i have so much fun with her and i just don't need another friendship to end. i sometimes feel so depressed. i cry and cry and cry. but at other times i am so happy. i laugh till my gut hurts. but nothing was as wonderful as having mikey tell me he'd always be there for me and kevin singing to me and robby giving me funny looks in the hall all the time. if i could have one wish and one wish only, it would be to have them back in my life again. i don't think anyone could feel the pain i experence. but it's not always like that. i'm just so confused right now. i have so many things going on in my life and i don't know where to start to fix them all. i wish i could wake up and have everything back to normal. but life isn't that easy.

WE WON!!!! WE WON!!!! WE WON!!!!
wow!! we had so much fun at golf today! and WE WON!!! it felt like we were a team. a real team. mr. stark took us out for dinner at wendys as well which was so nice of him!! jessica and i had a small discussion in the club house. we are on talking terms...but not fully repaired. anyways.. we had lots of fun and only 3 days till sunday!!! and you guys know what that means!!!! aahhhh!!! hahaha... good night..love ya's!

why do people do things like this?
it feels like they took my heart out and beat it to death with a sledge hammer. i know it was all fake.. but you know what.. i cried over that too. yeah.. you can call me stupid for crying..but that's all i can do.. is cry. because one of my closest friends and crush broke my heart by playing a mean and awful trick. and if they wanted me to be hurt..well ... congratulations jessica and robby. you won.

ahahaha
i'm so happy.. with everything going on around me.. i don't care! i'm happy. it feels like summer and summer is my time. i love summer. i've been basically living outside since all this great weather came around. i got somewhat of a tan at golf today..that was nice. well i just wanted to share my great mood with you and maybe it will rub off on you if your in a bad mood. because.. i just couldn't be happier! actually i could..but i'm pretty happy.

stef... i can't believe he did that! wow.. i love being able to tell you everything. i can tell you my intermost secrets and i love that i can do that. anyways.. i'm going to ssslleeeeeepp!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good night...get some rest! ps... i feel like i could sleep under the stars.. i want to.. hell... it's warm enough!

Come What May
never knew i could feel like this
like i've never seen the sky before
want to vanish inside your kiss
everyday i love you more and more
listin to my heart can you hear it say
it's tellin me to give you everything
seasons may change winter to spring
but i love you
until the end of time
come what may
come what may
i will love you until my dieing day
suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
suddenly the moves are such a perfect grace
suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
it all revolves around you
and theres no moutain to high
no river to wide
sing out this song and i'll be there by your side
storm clouds may gather and storms may collide
but i love you until the end of time
come what may
come what may
i will love you until my dieing day
come what may
come what may
i will love you
oh i will love you
suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
come what may
come what may
i will love you until my dieing day

isn't that song so beautiful? i love it...

i have no subject!
i'm ssoooo tired...but i figured i should write for some reason. and i would like to know...alot of things...but now i'm tired... so i'll just tell you later... i'm going to watch bambi.. good night!

I HATE STUPID FRESHMEN (with the exception of a few.. kevin, jenna.. you know)
don't you hate it when you are lied to and then you know it... i hate that. don't do that to me. i get pissed. and i'm not fun and happy when i'm pissed off. on a lighter note... i had alot of fun in 3rd hour, lunch and 6th hour. we had a blast... laughing non stop is alot of fun..but somewhat painful after a while. anywhoo.. i'm sleepy...good night!

things to say.. things to say
wow.. i have so much to say..but i'm having instant message convo's with alot of people... dustin (who is hilarious!)..stef.. kevin.. hilary..gunnie.. i could be talking to more.. but i just can't handle it..haha.. no.. i don't choose to talk to anyone else.. anyway.. good night kids..luv you!