:: 2004 15 July :: 5.33 pm
:: Mood: enthralled
:: Music: I wanna rock and roll all night and party everyday

lie

:: 2004 10 July :: 10.05 pm
:: Mood: mischievous

bah..guess what movie i watched today.

Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)


What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla



Ok well...people who have known me for only a short time would think this is wrong. Matter of fact...many of the people who know me would think this is wrong. I had someone tell me that they were mad because i had more friends then them , but you see...the more people that surround me ...the more i become lonly. It makes no sense but makes everything clear....yeah dont mind my ranting. i almost enjoy being alone but i hate myself.....thats why i am a social butterfly. I think i would be happier in a large hole in the ground with some cds and a book, then if i were the most loved person on the planet. People in general just anoy me.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test


Ive been meaning to take this over...i have once again...switch my level of hell...of course.....and all that jazz.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

and ...all...that...JAAAAAAAAAAAZZ.

lie

:: 2004 8 July :: 10.40 pm

So last night i did scream until i passed out...right into my pillow....yeah....parents didnt hear thankfully.

Well woke up this morning talked to ash and picked her up. Then went to wal mart and the mall came home....watched freak friday and practiced more soccer.

How eventfull.


Com on come on move a little faster,
Come on come on the world with follow after.




Come on come on come on let go-o....




I played on my cello abot 10 min ago...im starting to just write notes down and the like....it was a very sad sad few notes...it sounded like my cello was crying....bah.

1 truth | lie

:: 2004 8 July :: 12.34 am
:: Mood: frantic....
:: Music: the fan...

2 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 2 July :: 7.23 pm
:: Mood: irritated

I have picked a place to go hiking at...crystal lake....its got some cool stories surrounding it...AND there are some ice caves around there..we prlly wont hike to them...but yeah..so it should be cool....so far its only jessika and i and ...roxan..lol...but yeah.


Im kinda agetated...by everything today.

lie

:: 2004 1 July :: 11.50 pm

Im going on a hike...wanna come?

2 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 28 June :: 11.00 pm

Well...today....consisted of me...jotting...things down on a peice of paper...insignificant things....and it was amusing...till i realized..how much time i was wasting.

Why?

My thoughts keep drifting back to Mikki...and dont want them to.I still cannot grasp someone like her being gone. It easy enough to say but my mind.....my mind dosenty understand...i as a person understand..but my mind will not except.It will not except the fact that someone ive know most my life is gone. Ashes. Bones discarded...the flesh melting...hair disinigrating...leaving a bare chared skeleton....or they also burned that...blood boiling....fat sizzling...organs exploding from heat...what was left of her brain..becming ash...but before then melting..then ....then all thats left..is ashes....inside an innsinerator. And the mind...gone ...soul...gone...just ashes...the chell of another teen who couldnt take the heat...but ironicaly..burned...and kept.

*blank stare at computer screen*

The world continues to amuse me....the other day someone talked of world peace...but unfortunatly...no country is willing to look past its nose..and notice that all the damnage they are causing is for nother. The people dieing in combat for either side is for nothing. Deaths in vain. Welcome to earth planet of the moron leaders..and the people ,like buffalow..follow the leader over the cliff to oblivion....crashing upon the rocks...bones breaking...screams are heard...but thats the sacrifice...the sacrifice of people who didnt need to die.

My thoughts dwell on death today...if had not already been noticed.

My parents continue to ask whats wrong with me....tell me everything i think is wrong..and i shouldnt follow what i believe in. Be what they want me to be. Im tired. Im bored. And i cant stand ....anything.

Latley the slightest things have been setting me on edge...for like the past 2 weeks. But there are cirtain people who have not set me off...and i dont think they will. But i cannot breath. This house...these people are suffocating me.

I have learned something interesting in the past few days. What one thinks is good....actually...what one thinks is real....is only defined by the thought of existance. So the world will go nowhere. Because peace is not reall to them , progression is the only thing that exists....because happiness is compromised...for power...money....how much you can collect before you die...because you wish to fill a void...that only exists to you...so no one ese can see it...and people sit there silently trying to fix something that exists to no one else except yourself...so they dont understand...and that void becomes larger....so you collect...i dosent metter what you collect its that you collect...broken hearts...alcohol....snide remarks....books....food...places...people.....tears...screams...money....corperations.....it dosent matter cause we will all die...then nothing will matter.

That all may seem one sided but hey...the theory is only real to me because it exists in my mind.much like your void.We all have one...wheather or not we admit it...we all know we have something that needs filling..but cant find the right thing to fill it...and we collect...searching for an answer....



What. What what what.I am part of a species...that is doomed to a demise created by its self.
that just makes you feel so warm inside.

Lost in an endless sea ,under an endless sky.
I find comfort in the smallest thing....unseen by the naked eye.
The destruction of me.
My type of insanity.
Not contagious in the least.
But that is why.
I am lost in an endless sea ,under an endless sky.

Heh...i took me until yesterday to actually understand anything i just typed...but my internet was down so i was unable to update my reasoning on life.

2 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 22 June :: 11.59 pm
:: Music: people in my head

2 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 18 June :: 1.55 pm
:: Music: birds chirping outside

:: 2004 8 June :: 7.34 pm

D	Distinguished
A	Adventurous
R	Raw
K	Kinky
S	Shaggy
W	Witty
O	Odd
R	Radiant
D	Dignified
D	Delightful
A	Arty
N	Noisy
C	Cheesy
E	Excellent
R	Relaxed

3 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 28 May :: 11.13 pm

Well....today....i enjoyed existing....and actually thought about things i do all the time.....walking,talking,seeing,hearing,laughing,thinking...and relised life would suck without all of that...yeah if you really think about it....if 1 thing went wrong...like the electric impulses out brain sends to our lungs and diaphram telling it to feel...didnt work...we would die....heh.....all these little things ,that we usually dont even think about, secure our existance...lol

yeah i dunno..life got interesting....really fast.

lie

:: 2004 22 May :: 10.49 pm

Yeah today got up...from a long night...had a weird dream....yeah...k then jessika called so i called her back cause it was BOUT 9:45 AND I HAD JUST WAKEN up.....oops...yeah and i was spossed to call her at like 9 or 9 :30...but yeah so we dropped off niki and picked up jessika.Went to the gym...we did 2 miles...weights and another mile after that....then went into the steam room for like 5 min...then the hot tub.Yeah showers then lunch with mommy.....so a bit later my moms like oh you didnt work out cause i didnt see you swet...yeah hello she saw me after i got out of the shower.....rar...she makes me angry...so i just ignored her for a bit......then she was all why are you soirratable....poh sorry for being offended mom...i just have to fight you guys for any credability i wilkl ever recieve from you. damn i was so pissed off.....yeah.

So i went for a walk.....yeah Justin is in trouble....fuck he blew niki and me off yesterday...thank you friend.

Um...i dunno..rar......dream was creepy....:

I was at the old house in turkey...and this chick wanted something important in the house...of some significant power i guess....but yeah i looked out the window and i was somewhere in afric....yeah so i find the item she was looking for and run away with it. There was a weird like celebration going on but mmk...An well i got locked in the bathroom...it had 2 doors and 2 ovens....so i locked the doors and turned on the ovens...then i somehow got out of there...and was flying away....using plastic bags streatched over my arms as wings with this one dude...and he rteached down to touch the top of this tree and got caught and fell to the ground...and i was looking at him...so i ran into a tree...and we are standing on the ground....theres a bunch of lionesses...and we were all wary...the these peeps show up and are like...."Oh so you are michelle" and the guy next to me turns into a grate dane...then i woke up.....

yeah......

lie

:: 2004 13 May :: 10.41 pm

Wow...huh..im tired right now and the like but i need to say some stuff.....like screw the world...and Brian got extreamly hot over the past year i mean really!...oooh

Yeah had a teen leaders meeting and Bryan in one of them and he is sooo hot.Yes we had some major flirting going on...Savana was like "Geez michelle since when do you flirt with anyopne!" yeah...i must confess since last year ive become alot more....uh....flirtish and open...i mean REALLY! But ooooh he is so....mmmmmmm....yeah go figure another crush!

Yeah my parents dont know if im allowed to go to the B.O.B cause i have no ride home and um jess and roxy you cant stay the night....im really sorry.yeah im barely going if i even go...

No movie party over here...not for a while im too busiy.....yeah

Yo Yo ma tomarrow!!!!!Yay...hee

lie

:: 2004 3 May :: 9.47 pm
:: Music: Maps...in my head

2 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 30 April :: 10.16 pm

ross manning is dead........asthma attack......




*Sets the world ablaze and throws some roses into the fire*

i dont want to remeber today.

lie