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2004 18 March :: 6.40 pm
Well my b-day was dandy...malici got me a rose....and then after schhol tonya and angela edler showed up at my house and yeah so they got kicked out plus their parents were abusing them but now they are living with me...in my room.....TONYA AND ANGELA EDLER.....yes strange no?
Yesterday....well we went to the mall and at about 7:30 decided to go over to Josh and Brandons house in parkdale....so tonya could dye her hair and yeah so what ended up happening was that we were late and yeah....
Party...welll...Rochelle now cant come either...eh not many people love me...jks lol....so yes im officialy 15 and its nice!
Oh yes..and i colored my hair again..now it is all one color and one of my better...red.
2 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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2004 15 March :: 8.14 pm
Damn today is really sucking....i got pissed off at a bunch of people today because they called this kid a dum ass for trying to get his shoe out of a tree..so i went off on them just because they are sheep......
Yeah so people are dropping from my party left and right....first nicko then schylar and now niki...you see i understand nickos and schylars reasons but niki has kinda made me sad.....because 1. she new about my party the 2 day after she came back and 2: instead of comming for te whole thing she has a date with a bf she got about 5 days ago........so she booked over my birthday and is constantly telling me she is sorry and i belive her but stilll i mean damn just stick a knife in my heart....well its not like it matters my mom gave me this whole speal about having peeps over for a party was becoming to youngish and i shouldnt do it anymore......yeah...i feel the love.
I dont know ive been really touchy today..Malaci came over today after i was done at school and we talked and the like....yes he is doing pretty good so im happy....i think that has been the happiest news all week.
now my dad says he will take away my journal if i type bad stuff in it.....like he has any power in here....ahahahahaha...my domain....
lie |
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2004 14 March :: 10.42 pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: me argueing with myself in my head
Well now that everything is falling apart ......
Well.....today was just peachy........yeah talking to dara and hear from her that guys at camp a few years back were making fun of me...i dont think i will ever have a fresh start no matter howmany new people i meet...they will always just look at my appearence......great......ok well there went my next few years of anything because people judge only by appearences.......well there is a depressing though...eh.......why do i feel like im never going to get anywhere in this life?
Well to top it off my birthday is kinda falling apart...eh......*looks blankly at the ground* i think this will be a depressing week for me..........
I still need to work on my solo for orchestra...eh im prolly not good enough to get into chamber but im going to try because thats the best i can do.....but i dont think my best will be good enough....
i doubt myself to much and i whine......damnit i disgust myself........I was talking to Josh today and we were talking about preferences of the opposit sex and he said " I want a tall blond goddess"..........yyeeaaah.....hmmm....then he was all like what do you want? and i said " I prefer a guy who can be himself and isnt influenced by that which is popular but influenced by what he thinks" he just looked at me like i had stabed him when there was no harm ment by it....then i was talking to aubry and said yeah im never having kids...she tok this weird and got mad at me and stomped off......i cant do ANYHTING RIGHT.
ive been feeling really just...i dont know ...not all here...like im somewhere else....oh hell i dont know...after all Yo no soy nada pero una sombra. ....or at least thats what i wish...
lie |
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2004 13 March :: 11.13 pm
MALACHI is back!!!!!heeee! yay....guy from church!!!!!!!!yay he was at some thing in seattle but now he is back!he!
*glares at nicko*
Welll ashleys moms wedding went well ...her dress was beautiful......i wanted kirsty prater to be set ablaze...lol
hmmmm....im really tired......rootbeer...yum.....my hair is still up...it looks cool cause the top part is a diff shade then the bottom part...
Industrial rock! Just like Marilyn Manson, you
know what you have to say and you just say it!
I like you very much...just be careful you
don't scare me away...
What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your Energy is Orange. Restless at times, you are
a very focused self starter. People with orange
energy are organized, inspirational and design
concious. You are confident in your abilities
and like to be in control.
You would make a good architect, teacher, designer,
or entreprenuer.
What color is your energy?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the spirit of wisdom. You are wise beyond
your years and know what others don't. You are
what others need in a freind. You might appear
shy but are strong.
What kind of element fey are you? (PRETTY PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla
Your a Magical Angel!Out of all the angels, you are
the one most afflicted with magic. You can do
many enchantments as well as sorcery. You cant
do black magic, because even though your not so
"pure" your still an angel. A very
kind and curious one at that. Magical Angels
are always very easy-going with humans, but
intrestingly enough, like to expirement with
them with their spells.
What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
let me fall into the sea and once again be one with earth.
2 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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2004 11 March :: 6.12 pm
SICK!!! Damn damn damn...eh.....districs were easy...and now the math test this weekend will be a sinch......yes...my break is from 9 to 930......lol so i really dont have to show till 930ish..but will be there earliy...lol
lie |
::
2004 9 March :: 9.57 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Garbage Deadwood
heh...
I wish my parents would listen to me but then they would have to care to do that woudnt they.........and of course that would be asking too much from my parents...everytime i talk to them we fight...then ill be sitting in the living room and can hear them talking about me in the kitchen,nevere do they talk of acheievments nope...its all about my appearence...everything is about appearence.......yes im fat and ugly so i dont deserve to have friends basically or a social life according to my parents....yeah 4 and 5 th grade was about my grades and how those were the only things that matterd in life...no now its all appearence and it dosent matter if im happy or not as long as i look good so im allowed to fail classes as long as im skinny while i do it .So my mom tells me i eat all the candy they give me to take to parties and that i have no control...then gets home today and is wondering why im hurt by her thoughts....ok this is also added to the whiny brat/bitch comment from the other day then this......maybe maggie is right and i am a fat bitch...you know when you hear it from your mother it sounds true.....then my dad just sits there and says i dont care that i hurt them with my fatness....and during all this everytime i try to get a word out they tell me to shutup.......yeah........so much crying today was done....then art was made....a girl standing at the bottom of prom staircases in a purple and yellow dress...a hug window behind her and its night out...all in water color.......a mermaid slapped up against some glass from a tank...all in water color.......um...a girl naked back turned on a cliff over an ocean with scars on her back and her arms are crossed so you can see her fingertips on her back....and blood is running down her elbows from her wrists that are cut but you cant see them ...and under the pic says "Let me fall into the ocean so i can once again be part of the earth"...and the last one is a self portrait in pencil that says " why do you only see what you wish to see?"...yes that was my art for the day........
Dara cant go with my to minnesota........yes family....we go to oregon to a family reunion over spring vacation....oh and we are going down to cali to go see some reletives down there to.......yes traveling....my b-day party is almost official...prom..i got my hair appointment...um need my shoes.......and someone besides gwen to drag with...cause roxy is going with raab..i think so i will drag gwen and someone else......lets see...ashley is leaving in like a month and a half...which is depressing..........eh.....
My parents are beyond trying to befriend..i would rather bow down to maggie as ruler of my life than trying and work anymore stuff out with my parents cause it takes 2 to tango....
Yo no soy nada pero una sombra.
2 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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2004 9 March :: 1.02 pm
Yes the shell stayed home today....ha sleep is good....
ok so yesterday i was going to destroy all the guys in my electrics class and christie...yes she was not relising how bad of a predicament grin stealing my book had put me into.........ok so i did my bib. page for my english assighnment that i forgot to do in the first place...im sooooo stupid!ok so hmmm...
welll i got my hair appointment for noon on the 27 so yeah...i dont think nicko wants to go so i will go find some guy maybe josh or ben who want to come with me....guy friends are nice to have around! hmmm trevor howard is going to the metallica /godsmack concert in spokan...grrrr....you know what would be awsome? if garbage would go on tour again and come to Great Falls this summer.....ha i can keep dreaming..but hell it would be awsome!
I was pondering a question someone asked me and its pretty fun but it was if you had one wish what would it be?
Well i would wish for every single person on this earth except for me to be gone and when ever i wished i could bring people back but couldnt send them to poofness again.....but yes that would be awsome!....yes the shell needs some space from the masses and just a few days secluded in .....well ne where really but ....oh WTH am i talking about...
I feel very drained and sleepish.....DAMN YOU JESSIKA YOU GAVE ME YOUR MONO!
Yes so i will go read some of the book Black like me......
You are the Goddess of Water. You are a very
loving, you show your emotions out in the open.
You are full of wisdom. Also dreamy... You
would rather be sleeping then awake. But are
still very happy. You are most inspiration to
the other Four Goddesses since without water
there wouldn't be life.
Other Water Goddesses: Aphrodite, Isis, Mariamne,
Mari, Tiamat, Yemaya, Ran, Kupala
Which of the Four Elemental Goddesses are you?(With Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
4 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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2004 6 March :: 9.50 pm
:: Music: We aint gonna take it...in my head!
ve never cried so much at a movie
My....my...my......lets see...um all are now to go see The Passion of Christ...why?....I was sobbing at that movie....and i am not really a passionate catholic....yes.....the effect of that movie was amazing....it wasnt a movie persay...more of an experience.....but im not all worshipy over the movie but man i cried alot...im mean its the last 12 hours of this mans life...the is struch 126 times during his thing before his crusification and yeah so....oh i thought they portrayed the devil really nicely in it...and at the end for those of you who are going to see it or have already...i dunno yetr but i think the baby he is holding is the anti-christ but im not sure.
Im tired....pancake breakfast tomarrow.....i went to the gym with my mom and did 2 miles in 20 min....lol...im pissed kinda....
hmmm...sleep
1 truth |
lie |
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2004 5 March :: 7.50 pm
Hee i win!!!!ok so we are doing my orchestra shirt with red shirt from bozemen and a balck shawl.....heh...mom is paying for hair and i just need to buy my necklace and earings....yes......i tried on this cinderella dress....sooooo pretty!!!!!but it was 400$ ....yes not on my life.........
So .....eh....i wanted to beat my mother...she was being a butt...eh so ......Grin is in trouble he stole my read book.....full of things i plan to take to my grave.....yes.......
Tomarrow i shall see the passion of christ.at 10:30 am...hang at church till 6pm and then go to ashleys possibly stay the night and then go back to church the next morning at 8 and be there till about 12ish 1
Josh is so cute!He is in my youth group and yeah he is slightly punkish and very nice...likes garbage! Yes i heard that and was like REAlly?....hmmm......crushes are fun.......
Hanging with niki or ash tonight so buh bye!
6 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
::
2004 4 March :: 10.04 pm
Yes so we are now going to rent my dress instead of buying it..which is ok with me cause i would only wear it once anyways...yes..so mom and dad are alll oooo its shelly first prom....*twitch* yes and if they fuss it will be my last!
Yes so .....Jeremy Paul.....= crush..........*becomes a crushing sheep*.........-sigh-....yes so ......dont mind the shell.......
I watched ed edd and eddy last night and then pokemon....yes i relized how strangely i still like pokemon....heh..well if peeps dont like that its their fault.....
hm.....what color for the dress?
........its a bit later and once again my happy mood is ruined by my mom and sister telling me that i need to loose 50 lbs....yeah so prom seems really out of reach....god damn why do they do this? why do they tell me stuff i already know?do they not see that i live in this body? what do they think i go into a diffone when i get to school.? No i assure you i live in this fat ugly body 24/7...god i am so mad and depressed and damn dman dman....
lie |
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2004 2 March :: 10.26 pm
Well...today was....hmmmm....good until i came home and my mom wouldnt stop like verbaly attacking me...i wanted to just hit her...gah......then i walk out into the living room to grab a box to put back into my room and she has her back turned and is talking to my dad and is like "Michelle is being such a winer today.....What a moaning murtle...." so i went into my room and cried for a little bit and my dad walks in and is like " Oh well get over it." yeah so i was wishing to beat both my parents today....and now they mock me even more......*twitch* ....hee...*picks up metal bat and starts creeping toward parents*..........
Prom dress shopping on firday...i think it will be either forest green, royal purple , gold ,silver, aqua blue or light blue, or red like maroon or pinkish...yes i think mybe a prinscess styleish type....poofy dress....heee....
I need a guy to "go" with.....maybe justin...or someone...i dont know.....rar....alex should come back for a visit again....
Hmmmm.... i need to go look over the script thing.....heh...
lie |
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2004 1 March :: 8.23 pm
OK yes yesterday was very loopyish...ok Ashley niki nick roxy jessika Schylar gwen shayla christie and rochelle.....and Jessi mogensen......haha!!! I have my list...heee....yess so it is to be sometime like the 3 or 4 friday of march.
People wish for me to make an appearence at Prom....i think i will go..why? because i wish to get out of the house and yes just not be me for a night......
Guess who is back?!?!?!?!!? NIKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yayayayayayayayyayyayyyayyyayyyayyyayyyayayyayayayayya!!!!! hee
I must go shpping for my prom dress sooon! oh and roxy thankyou for pants!!!they are veryu nice and i love them!!!
2 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
::
2004 29 February :: 6.17 pm
:: Mood: DNTM
:: Music: rar
Stuff out the wazoo these past few days...yes....new carpet in my room.....heee it isnt the stuff parentals picked out..i like it ....um....baby sat this weekend.....im going to the passion of christ next friday with my youth group.......
Creepy dreams......um my birthday party will consitst of Ashley ,Nick ,Jessika ,Roxy ,Gwen Christy,Shayla,Kayleen....Rochelle.....hmmm ......i must have forgotten someone but neways we are having a movie party type thing only later that night (10ish) we will all walk up t Cattins and get like ice cream or coffee and the like so yeah but it shall be fun fun.
My bed and tv are the only things in my room right now because the carpet isnt streached out over the tacks....yes.....
English out line due...solo peice needs to be worked on.....muscles to be memorized....finish timeline for history...eh....
Um....wow so weird...ive been keeping myself buisy to destract myself fropm alot of feelings and thougts...hee its been working unitl now....
i also got lonlieness on the quiz jessika took
J.B loves Kendra...Michael loves Alison....Billy loves Daniel...and Seth loves Celie...forever and ever and ever.
11 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
::
2004 25 February :: 10.00 pm
Damn my parents to hell...yes today i came home to find my room messed....done by by my father because the comp freaked so he got mad and freaked on my room......hes like a little kid only more of an asshole....
I have been in my bubble all day today in hopes of being left alone....no gonna happen...
Health= Bone test i got 35 outta 20...science= density lab i finished yesterday...orchestra= distric stuff...history=scavenger hunt....english= romeo and juliet...people are finally relising how frigging perverted shakespear really was..math=graphing stuff....electrics= hee...soldering ...mwah......
I hafta work this weekend...and soon i can get a real job!!!yay!.......and crivers ed will start...YAY summer session!!!!!!!! and i get my dads red car thingy!!!!!yeah!!.........
I had an interesting dream lastnight.....
I was standing in a room filled with white and deep royal purple roses, we ll it wasnt really a room more of an area surrounded by pillars...but ne ways i was in this really pretty green dress....it looked roman styleish...very flowy...but yes so i just stood there and stared at the flowers and the wind was blowing slightly...and the petals where falling and blowing away with the wind..it looked like it was raining rose petals! then the room thing faded away and i was standing on a white sand beach all alone and it was littered with the same rose petals....i walk slowly out into the water till it was up to my mid shins and i started to sing. I have no idea what i was singing...but it didnt sound like english..it felt like all the emotions i had bottled up inside.....but the ocean reacted to my singing and the waves became choppy and the wind rose up and a storm started. The lightning was huge ...then it all stoped as soon as i stopped singing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath..but when i opened them again i was no longer on a beach but in the middle of a desert. The sand was silver .....like metalic silver only sand...and there was a little black box. I went over and opened it up to see what was inside...when i opened it up a pair of wings (the ones nicko had in another dream) poped out. I picked them up and as soon as i did they turned to ashes and fell away. Next i turned completly around to see this ladder streatching high into these thunder clouds..its also made of silver. I hear something and turn around again to see (this is all still in the silver desert) this huge stallion....ok like rotting corps of a stallion with wings...and the prettiest blue eyes staring right at me. For some reason i am compeled to pet it but as soon as my fingertips touch its nose it also turns to ash and floats away in the wind...
then i woke up.....
J.B loves kendra..Michael loves Alison,Billy loves Daniel...and Seth loves Celie..forever and ever and ever
2 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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2004 24 February :: 8.31 pm
Yes small emotional break down last night....eh....crying while bent over a sowing machine isnt a good thing at all.........rochelle and i ate lunch outside today...it was nice and calm and maggie free....
health=bone test...science= prep for districe assesment......orchestra= playing test........history= scavenger hunt.......english= romeo and juliet......math= lines.......and electrics= soldering and wire repair.......
and now i am hit with the emptyness........ive been acting "hyper" in order to fool people....heh my perfect disguise...no one cares as long as i smile.....
Thought hope is frail...its hard to kill...someone squished my hope.........eh...now im all mopeish.....eh and i am now crying........i will not go hide in my room.
lie |
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