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2004 23 February :: 7.35 pm
Eh lonliness void.......my parents arnt helping either..ive been crying for the past hour and a half and havent stopped......why you ask?Ashley is moving in april..just like dara......niki is also gone....so im kinda sol for soul confidants for awhile....and i cant stop crying...and everything feels like it is falling apart..like im being torn away from all the people i was actually really close to......right now i just want to disappear for a while....just go poof and float in black nothingness till the feeling is gone.....and here comes the extream depression that will linger for a long time.......mikki...dara...niki ...and now ashley......what have i done that is making things turn out this way?What happened along the lines of planning our graduations together? our lives? why does this have to happen now...today..this year....this decade? im not really ready to fly solo....but its not like i have a say or anything but why?......i cant do this.....and it scares me...there has never been anything i couldnt do on my own but this ....this is something i cant do.......damnit im ranting again.......
I feel like i cant control anything anymore......dara left ad i had a hard time with that....then mikki died.....eh still not completly over that....Niki is in helena....cant reach her......and Ashley is now going to move..all the way down to pencecola ,florida.......all the way into the deep south......and she prolly wont be comming back for a year or so..then she will come to visit but thats it....and she will leave again....ive grown up with her, dara and niki.....i knew her BEFORE the first day of first grade....then i met dara in 2nd grade..and niki in 4th........hell the only person i will have as a friend still from elementary school is nick roxy and scylar...roxy ,schylar and i only became really good friends in 8th grade...nick is the only friend i still have from like way back when.......next thing you know he will move away to...
Im still crying and its 5:42 pm.......but im not balling...they are just silent tears rolling down my face then dripping off my chin to my shirt......
I feel like im not here..or maybe i just wish i wasnt here....right now im looking out the front door window..the sunset has turned everything an autumy color....and everything seems calm...its nice...to be able to see something calm.......
3 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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2004 22 February :: 8.33 pm
You are Snoopy!
Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Goddess of Sadness
What Emotional Goddess Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Amazingly enough i have been quite sad latley. Niki and Dara gone, and ashley and ronnie are going to move to florida within the next 3 to 4 months. All the people i grew up with and are friends with are leaving cept nicko!...but still all girl friends since elementary school are leaving or gone.....
I was sposed to usher today at church but i thought it was next weekend so i took brees ushering time so now i usher 2 times next month. Also next weekend i have to go to that babysitting class but i also have my job and i have to do dounuts next weekend.
I cant have my movie/b-day party till the end of march cause the first weekend of march my mom is working, 2 weekend is Lisas weding.So i will proll do it on the 3rd weekend.....
Found gold glaze for my room...i have to box everything up and take it out so we can paint/carpet everything.....
lonlyness.....eh..................................
lie |
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2004 21 February :: 11.34 pm
:: Music: damn the world
yes.....
My mom said i could go to the cast party but nicko isnt home yet and its 9:25 thus i cannot go....eh i wanted too...lacy invited jessika and i and it would have been great fun...eh damn you nicko and your not being thereness at 9:00.
Yes so nothing to do went to the play.I enjoyed it actually, then we hung out with the cast/crew peeps and then everyone left and jessika and i stood around for like 5 min till my mom came.
Nicko ate my lip gloss.My parents think nicko and i are dating,justin thought nicko and i were dating, shannon conway thought it .....help! actually its gotten to the point that i find it amuzing.heee...inderect way to destroy maggie...mwahahaha...ok yes maggie non existant in my world...lol
im bored thus meaning i am tired....damn damn....damn
lie |
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2004 21 February :: 3.51 pm
Yes...so we got carpet for my room...wait hold that...my parents got carpet for my room that they thought would look good...well its shag with little specks of green and red throughout beigh...i want to burn it.
Yes i dont know when they play at CMR starts,but it dosent really matter cause i prolly cant go due to the fact oof my genius parents who all of a sudden want to go to church TONIGHT...yes so i wish to burn my parents as well....
Nicko you did or said something bad to amber schffidka i dont know but last night i was asked by like 3 to 4 people, i didnt know , if we were dating...yes so they were all nick said it not us so i ask you...WTH!!!!
Jessika or nicko call me about the play and if you get the answering mmachine please leave a thingy mobober
1 truth |
lie |
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2004 19 February :: 6.59 pm
Well.....new guy in history...kinda cute...pretty eyes but is super quiet.....
Rar..Talethas birthday party tomarrow night.
Math= Finding y...yes im bored out of my skull in that class um Science=Geology stuffs as usual..english= Elizebethan times clothing research........yess.....i enjoy it much.....History=Present day India/China.....Orchestra= EH sight reading out the wazoo but now its all really boring...eh.....Electrics=Mr.Wilkins telling us we dont need to go to collage to make money in his counselor voice...yes...i dislike that man for some reason......'
Schedualing....YES i wish to take the following first semester:
English 3-4H
Geometry
Info. Pros.
Biology (7 a.m)
Art workshop
German 1-2
Chamber orchestra
Gym
Yay so i hope i get into all those classes.....eh because if i dont get into biology 7 a.m i have to give up german......or maybe i would take spanish...well as long as i dont take french...
sleep!!!!!yes i shall have it mwahahahahahahaha.......*in spongebob narirators voice* three hours later......hahahahahahahahahaha...ha...ha......hee............................
Yes congrats to your dad nicko on his award,thats nifty.
I will now go and cook dinner for my family...buhbye
5 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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2004 17 February :: 10.01 pm
:: Mood: naughty
:: Music: um.....garbage
koo koo kachoo
Heh i spent today half asleep and then spreading my ringworm..i am evil!yes running around and licking my finger then poking people was fulfulling.
Dream news roxy and jessika deducted that the color red of nickos wings in my dream means i have strong feelings for nicko.....well its true i have strong feelings for nicko but not as an attraction more of the best friend feelings...yes so bob
I just got back from highwood...we rebuilt the shed and showed the house to these peoples and yeah so eh im still tired from this weekend.
lie |
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2004 16 February :: 10.36 pm
:: Music: me growling at everything
*Sets monday ablze* i never liked monday neways
Yes so where should i start?hmm lets try 2 or 3 in the morning and go from there.
Well Sierra ashleys dog chewed its leash and then ran away on BASE!!!!So we looked for her for a couple of hours and then decieded to go to sleep around 3 ish. I got 3 hrs of sleep then had to get up and go to bozemen with ashley and her mom. We get there get her moms car and then as we are driving out of town i see the one shop i wanted to go to and they are like oh well we dont need to go there....damn damn dman. So then we get to the conoco over by the "Gentalmens Club"(strip join at exit 278) and ashley decieds she needs to sleep for 1hr and 1/2. Well its all fine and dandy until i relise i have a WHITE HEAD NEAR MY TEAR DUCT, oh so i had to get that with a safety pin and then about 40 min ago i was taking my shower and looked down at my leg,guess what shelly has? take your time its only highlt contagiouse......yeah i have ring worm *twitches* damn dman damnd amnd,lsfcqmao...!$#!$%!@#%^%#&$^#*&^^%#^!^^%^#$%@$%*)(*&^%$#~!@#$%^&*%^$#@!.......yes so im all rar now and when i got home i got the "You need to be on time lecture" because we(ash and i) had to take a nap due to lack of sleep because of evil husky!!!!!!!
*glares at the comp* eh....koo koo kachoo.............hello lucy...fer......i shall set you ablaze right now.
My eye hurts and my face is all broken out and rar rar rar rar rar. Creepy dream last night,guess who was it it? Jeremy and Nick and Raab. Guess what they where doing. Playing around a may pole. Guess who got straped to it and then set fire? ME!. yeah so im kinda eh about alot of stuff right now mainly because i have got no sleep basicaly all weekend and i have a history test due wednesday that i havent started and i still haft color my myth thingy.
Damn the world,im going to go streatch now and then work on a coreographed dane ive been working on because im ored out of my skull.
5 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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2004 15 February :: 3.49 pm
HEH last night was fun. Exorcist.....hm......creepyness of the chick running down the stairs at discombobulated....eh...then we talked to nick for about 1 hour,he was squishing eskimo thingys.I annoyed people with my laughter which made me laugh more and my laughter made me laugh...eh such a vicious cycle.
Ashley just got water baptised and yes it was fun they dunked her in a tank then when she came out i hugged her so i am now wet.
I am going to bozemen tomarrow ...yay! yes so im going to go and buy some fresh tuna and the like for my first sushi recipie.
lie |
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2004 14 February :: 6.29 pm
:: Music: my dad banging on my brothers door.
heee
one word . . ......Sushi Book...
yes i now own my own little recipie book for sushi!!!!!!yay we shall now have sushi parties....yes...i am going to go and read it now then check for what ingredients i shall need. I will need help so if you want to help yes you know the drill so .....bob
2 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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2004 14 February :: 1.51 pm
:: Music: My immortal- Evanesence
DAMN DAMN DAMN.
DAMNIT NICKO STAY OUT OF MY DREAMS!!!!!!
Yes i got about 5 hours of sleep last night due to my mom.Then when i finally did fall asleep i had a dream about Nicko and Jeremy and Raab.......eh......Yes so it was a sad dream and i shall now tell you it.
A bunch of people we all know plus jeremy and nick and raab were walking in a mallish type thing when all of a sudden Raab started to go beserker, Nicko started bawling and Jeremy went all sad. Well Raab killed like half the peeps then sat on the ground and drew roxys picture in the tile with flower pettals. Nick cried so much that he was completly soaked and then stood on the railing of the balcony stuffs and jeremy slit his wrist. I sat there and screamed at nick to get down and told jeremy to come over to me so i could bandage him up. Well jeremy came over and as soon as i touched his arm he healed and turned into his normal self....but nicko let himself fall forward, and i tried to run over to him and catch him(all in slow motion) but he fell too fast and he was like hal;fway down when pretty red wings strouted from him and he flew over to Raab and encircled him with his wings. Raab like started to attack him but then he disoppeared into nickos wings and then raab was all better and then roxys picutre of flowers turned into roxy and she stood up and ran over and hugged raab and they both started crying. Nicko stepped back and look at them with really sad/loving eyes and then he kneeled down and started crying like really hard so i went over and gave him a hug and he just cried and cried and cried.Then the mall faded away and it was just roxy and raab,jeremy ,nicko and i sitting on the ground looking out at a never ending ocean.
Then i woke up but yeah it was kinda ard to watch so much crying even though it was only a dream but hey.
So yeah happy v-day everybody. Once again its a strange day.I had to leteraly bite my tongue yesterday to keep from crying for some godforsaken reason in the middle of the day and i dont know why...yes guess who i talked to yesterday? Jeff Ludkey...from elementary school.Nicko you should rember him i think but yeah he was all trip down memory lne.The only memory i have of him is when i asked him out in like 4th or 3rd grade and i was rejected because he was dating kayla at the time.Yes so after that i rember nothing.
3 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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2004 13 February :: 6.33 pm
fri the 13th
Damn today and everone with it.
Cant go to rochelles party, cant go to the game.I have to wake up at 6 tomarrow instead of 7. Ashley is getting baptised on sunday and im going to bozemen on monday.
for the 3rdyear in a row i had to explain to my father why i got nothing for v-day from anyone "special" and why i didnt need to buy anything for anyone "special".
Yes todays high point was when Maggie was whining about not being able to use being verds in our power point presentation due on the 27. And Mrs gray leaned forward on her podium and said very loudly "Maggie get over it already." yes maggie turned bright red and looked as if she had been slaped.....ooo i love when people get reality checks.
My mom comes home tonight and i probly wont see her at all due to the fact she is comming home at 11 and i need to go to bed at 10 cause i gotta work in the am.
For district i am doing an Ansamble with Graci Gibs and Mark Stelling then another with Josh,Fallon and Brady. The second one is a maybe and i am going to try out for chamber for next year because yes i plan on being ahead of josh for atleast one more year.
1 truth |
lie |
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2004 12 February :: 8.03 pm
:: Music: K99
i shall set you ablaze right now.
ok...well........really cute cello player is gone....sad.........oo thats ok though cause there is always Jeremy Paul *starts drooling*yes extreamly attractive junior ive know for 5 years...shhh no one tell him,i think i will just smile at him everyonce in a while or talk to him with my eyes its funny we look at eachother during lunch and whatnot and i smile then he laughs and then i laugh...then i resume talking to someone.......eh........crushing im completly crushing.....
Yes so we did some sight reading for prep for district today, our cellos cannot sightread...eh
Science-lab....w ith roxy!!!!!lol.......sight reading in orchestra...history= rosa parks unit for like 2 days, english= they finally finished the abridged virsion of the odessy, and math...study for test......lectrics...heeeeeeee i can now wire a sterio...lol
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I found my journal from like 2 years ago...well thats when i stopped writting in it....and i relised that the person i was reading about didnt seem like me. twitch.
i wonder is this is all supposed to happen.
lie |
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2004 11 February :: 7.11 pm
*Set Mrs.Howard ablze and laughs at her*..........you wernt supposed to see that...heh*looks as innocent as possible*......
my cellos name is philip...yes...so we sounded "Amazing" according to Josh...so yes but CMR/Sentinal played In the hall of the mountain king,The Unfinished Symphony and Chicago from the movie. Yes they sounded really good but i liked our music better.
Yes so i drank my coffee and worked on stuffs for Science....Mineral I.Ding is boring....orchestra i slept..like literally slept in the orchestra room......History...Damn you Mrs howard...she is a bitch ...so i was reading Ch 14 sec 3& 4 when i got this really bad headach so i set my book down.As soon as it touches my desk she says"Michelle you need to work till the bell rings, you have been gone for the past 2 days doing nothing." I had to literaly bite my tongue to keep from spazing on her....yes 6 hours 2 days in a row of practice seems like i did nothing....she is a twit.....then came english....hmmm....mrs gray is annoying me...i finished the odessy today......good book....then math.......where do i start?ok well for homework since i was going to be gone on mon and tues he gave us the page in advance.......and he omitted half the page for the class....just not gra-c and me.........THEN hes like oh and this one is due today but you need to have it done by tomarrow.....yes thankyou mr kynett for giving us all our assignments so we could do them and be caught up with the rest of the class.............No to mention i also have to make up 7 circuts for electrics....oy.......well the bright side you ask? I now know how to wire a car sterio w/ an amp.......and 4 speakers....heee so if you need someone to do that call me up!
Fri:Rochelles
Sat:Babysitting 7:30am-3 pm Kayleens 6- ?
Sun:Babysitting 7-3 Dads b-day sleep over at ashleys
Mon:MY ONLY DAY OFF..........
crap.......im so tired still...and ive been getting like 11 hr of sleep......*kicks Mrs.Howards ashes then sets Nikkis Mother ablaze*......heh if only we could burn our problems....
OK PEOPLE ARE BUGGING ME!!!!!!!!Talitha once again stated i needed a boyfriend....WHY? why does it seem like i deprately need a bf WHY?WHY?WHY?WTH....ooooo noooo what really topped it off was when my father asked if i need to get a valentine gift for anyone special ,i said no ont really...you know what he said? TAKE A WILD GUESS..........come one i should have seen this comming from a mile away.....Yes he said Nicko.....does anyone see a patter in the people i see everyday? DO YA?DOYA?DOYA?..........i need a vacation from my life......a very loooooooonnnnnngggggggg vacation......
Robot,I......how can i say this? Assimov is a spectacular author...im really liking this book and sugest it for anyone looking for a good sci fi.........
Next book on my list of i have to read because.....
Poisonwood Bible and Tales of Mithgar.
Bubble thoughts today.....hmmmmm....i shall now dance3 to Toxic by Brittney spears...shhhh
4 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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2004 10 February :: 5.50 pm
:: Music: ....the X
sleep!
MY NECK HURTS LIKE THE DICKENS......no more head banging for shelly...yes so i got hame at 10 pm lastnight from a dance.....no one there knew how to do the cha cha slide properly....stupid people....yes....Toxic but Brittney Spears has a good beat but its by her...yet so fun to dance to......shhhh...
Concert tonight...and im so tired.....so i shall go sleep then spiral my hair for the concert which starts at 7 so yeah .
Find your Realm of Influence at SailorOrion.com
heh
lie |
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2004 8 February :: 5.49 pm
I shall set you ablaze....
yes the world is...interesting...people are getting all *hss ish* again and i now have an emotion for a look that looks pissed /bored its me "I shall set you ablaze" look...and yes so i will now walk around at school and go up to people and say..."I shall set you ablaze." MWAH........yes sleepy sleepy sleepy....heh i must go do something other than this because im slowly becoming pissed at everything around me and the clacking of the keyboard ish annoying me....thats a bad sighn...im annoying myself....*twitch* i think we should all go skating at roller city for "mardi gra"..yes they have a mardi gra party every year and i really want to go.....so whoever wishes to accompany me can.
and now for somthing i saw comming from a mile away....yes...my parents say shellio cannot host a movie party till next month which will prolly be for my b-day...yes.....so we need to talk to kayleen,jessika or nick if one is to be done.......*looks at the parents with the i shall set you ablaze look*.....
ok jessika ish becomming depressed and me being the person who for some god forsaken reason can feel other peeps emotions is following her. DAMN IT sometimes i just wish i were a stone wall with no feelings what so ever........
Yes Taletha friday was like "You need a boyfriend"...i just kinda looked at her with the im tired of guys look then started back on my math homework.....
MMMMM ice cream with carmel and rice crispies........num num.....get that look off your face before i am force to beat you with my journal entry....
eh orchestra fest....senior junior sophmores and only 6 freshman......SAVE ME! ok yeah so tanna keeps giving me her virsion of i will set you ablaze...why you ask? because the other day mrs johnsons like ok who out of the cellos have practiced outside of school this whole week? and i raised me hand,out of 7 cellos only i had practiced and now everyone thinks im a suck up and yes so they all glare at me.....*twitch* yes it dosent bother me too much but hey arnt ya happy ya know now?......or not.......
3 truthsooth sayers |
lie |
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