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2004 17 September :: 8.34pm
i almost broke down in tears today at work... for no reason at all.. only that there were so many dishes and it was overwhelming... gahh. and i had to work with stacy, my boss, which was nerve racking. and my mom is rambling on and on about double wides.. its hard to listen, does she not see that im preoccupied? STOP TALKING! "and i do think its worth blah blah blah" "and i dont think the lady is lying blah blah blah" STOP!
*al;dkfjl;kfjl;asdkfjlasdkfj
i have no down time this weekend either.
mreh....
will and grace was so funny last night.... and i like joey.. i hope it doesnt flop.
oh my... he talked to me today.. and i played it cool.. but inside i was like... askldfj;alsdkfjasdlf !!!!!!!
i've developed a new crush.. and OH if i would only tell you right?
im going to bed.
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2004 14 September :: 8.02pm
its hot.
so is ryan gorter.
thought i'd randomly throw that out there.. because honestly...
men AND women want him... admit it.. you know you all do.
i should be doing homework....
i shouldnt have tried all my clothes on for the 50th time... and yet i still dont know what to wear tomorrow.
and my mom is all like "ok erika" "ok erika" its my cue to get off line..... "erika.. your bowls on the counter..."
YES I GET IT... WE ARE GOING TO EAT.
GAHHHHH
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2004 12 September :: 9.02pm
i can never be good enough for anyone can i.
after a long day the LAST thing i need is to deal with some irate parent who has no right to even TALK to me.
i DO NOT have to explain myself to anyone... whether it be because of church or my OWN fucking car.
FUCK YOU.
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2004 11 September :: 10.41pm
i hate not having any downtime.. i have homework this weekend.. but tomorrow i wont be home until 9 (ish) because of church, pageant, and metron. i'll do it though.. mark my words.....
what a stupid saying.
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2004 10 September :: 9.47pm
work was crazy tonight. insane.
i had to get another TB test, it actually bubbled this time, it startled me, and then it bled, and i was like... oh no.. my arm. its bleeding. and that was about the whole of it.
i have to work everyday this weekend. me. brandi. ryan. we got out late today, we'll get out late tomorrow..... grrr. oh well.. ryans pretty to look at. *licks him.
lots of homework this weekend.. i should be doing that.
*AHEM* i must say that ashley is my favorite sophomore EVER!
well.. ashley and kate.
but still.... lol.
im a moron.
goodnight.
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2004 9 September :: 10.31pm
"If i appear to be great in their eyes, the lord is most graciously helping me to see how absolutely nothing i am without him and helping me to keep little in my own eyes. He does use me. But im so concerned that HE uses me and that it is not of me the work is done. The ax cannot boast of the trees it has cut down. It could do nothing but for the woodsman. he made it, he sharpened it, he used it. The moment he throws it aside it becomes only old iron. Oh, that i may never lose sight of this..."
-SL Brengle
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2004 7 September :: 9.08pm
i had a semi-ok day.
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2004 6 September :: 9.06pm
i should be getting ready for school tomorrow.. instead im sitting here waiting for my leg to stop bleeding. i've never cut a chunk out of it like that before... grrrrrr. it hurts. *cries.
so as i sit here i start to remember the last year, and how stupid i was. how utterly stupid i was.
i never loved you.
i got in a fight with my best friend.
i comprimised my morals.
i neglected my youth group.
i was selfish.
i was arrogant.
and there you are. and here i find myself hating you, except tomorrow i'll realize that i dont hate you.
BECKY WE'RE DONE!
thats ________ (adjective here)!!!!!
i dont know...... i cant even think of what else to write.. except my leg hurts and now im all depressed (ish)
WOOHUU!!!! the JOY high school brings!
i just CANT wait till we get to go back EVERYDAY!! im not even excited like i usually am for the first month. thats sad. and there are some people that i dread seeing.....
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2004 4 September :: 11.12pm
hmmm... glad to know its so easy to piss some people off. its pathetic really.
i went to the burns last night. we rented Cold Mountain.. it was SUCH a good movie. i wouldnt recomend seeing it with parents though.
becky and i went to the lakes mall today. (burns, not my lover) it was fun. i love becky (burns, AND my lover) i got fairy earings... it was wonderful. we went swimming n such when we got back. then i had to haul ryan to tysons.. honestly ryan..all you ever do is use me.
*gets all dramatic...... stomps away.
im kiiiddddddiiinnggg. besides, you LOVE my driving. mwah ha.
i MUST switch into 3rd hour drama.. otherwise i will be sad. *hugs ashley.
i have a youth group concert thing all day tomorrow. woot hoot. jeffs band is playing.. and theres bouncy boxing and such. SHALL be fun.
i got the ashley simpson cd today because i think i love her. and i was gonna burn it, but then i wanted to buy it because i want her to make it. lol.. im a nerk. YES, i admit it ok.
i got the new taking back sunday cd too... i love them. and there already "making" it.. but i just needed to have that little naked baby... i mean comon... who could resist it?!
kidding.
ok, night loves.
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2004 3 September :: 9.30am
he liked it.
*dances.
i think im all set for school to start... except for the whole wanting to go. i got my rasperry chucks last saturday, my first pair of black ones, and of course i have my pink ones. theres something special about your first pair..... *hugs them.
i have to work at cindys today... but i dont have to work ANYWHERE this weekend. thats crazy... just crazy. i think i have a check at arbys.. but im to afraid to go in for it... i didnt leave on the best of terms with phyllis. ah well.. what can ya do. i wasnt going to stay at arbys and be unhappy with next to nothing pay compared to the job offer metron gave me. i guess if phyllis doesnt understand that then whatever. i should call...... mmmmmmm, no.
yesterday i worked at cindys till 3, then i worked at metron till 8, and after me and brandi got out of work (we both work at metron) we went to the football game. but we didnt get there till like the 3rd quarter, and i guess they dont let people in for free anymore, so we payed 8 dollars to get into a sad excuse of a game. we werent very happy... and because i had been working all day i didnt want many people to see me because my hair was... you cant even imagine, and the smell of a nursing home doesnt just go away right when you walk out the door..... bahhh. but i did see hott man... and becky didnt.. mwah ha ha ha... and i suppose that makes the night worth while.
i guess theres an offer on the house.... hell of a story leading up to it... wont get into that though. i pray to god it sells.... they'll just fight about who gets how much for the NEXT year... but i dont care. he doesnt deserve anything.. not after everything he's put us through.
this means that things are SLOWLY starting to get better.... barely.. but this is one step in the right direction for once. i cant wait till we have our OWN house on our OWN land with our OWN dog running around the back yard. wait... we do have our own dog running around the back yard here..... hahahaha.. we just moved our whole family in... such silly people we are.
maybe i should change my journal around.. its been the same for a long time.... i really like it though. meh... *shrugs. what else would i change it to?
i've developed a new thing for fairys. its kind of a thing between me and tyson... it started in alaska with us talking about peter pan.. "i do believe in fairys! I DO I DO!" then with him wearing my fairy neclace for like 3 days.. then losing it, then finding it again... then he bought me a fairy... then i bought him a fairy necklace that looks just like mine, then he drew me a fairy, then i bought HIM a fairy. haha.. we're such nerds. but its this ongoing thing that we have.. and im running out of ideas...! anyways... im not sure why i decided to share that with you.... but i guess i've got nothing else to talk about.. so im just rambling. i tend to do that.
for my senior pictures next year, if we go back to alaska.. THATS where im getting them done.. carrie, my youth pastors wife, does photography, and she did some of Robbies up there. and if we DONT go to alaska, which we're really hoping to do, i'd seriously drive all the way down to Tennessee to get my pictures done. i love mountains... haha. i was all like dotdotdot but couldnt think of what to say after "i love mountains...." so ok, i love mountains. (PERIOD) i want beach pictures too.
hmm.. when im talking in detail about pictures that wont happen for another year... i know its time to go. i have to get ready for work anyway.
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2004 31 August :: 10.25pm
im anti-clingan.
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2004 31 August :: 6.06pm
he's insane, completely insane.
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2004 30 August :: 4.58pm
1. chemistry/ Vree
2. geometry/ Neier
3. journalism/ Vanderheide
4. AP history/ Norkus
5. american history/ Dolbee
6. yearbook/ Stark
its not that bad this year.... but i think i might switch my 3rd hour to drama, im not sure if i want journalism because its so similar to yearbook. *ponders.
H didnt hate it... thats cool.
im a moron....! *(thanks tom and phil)*
i think im going to the burns tonight.
*licks dustin. grrrrrrrowl.
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2004 27 August :: 11.57pm
i am a pointless person, with pointless things to say.
why do i let people annoy me so easily... really now, cant i have just a little patience.
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2004 26 August :: 7.29pm
i went to ryans game tonight.. they did good. YES, and i mean YOU did good. so stop whining nerk.
i love the burns... *hugs them.
so im feeling bloated and huge.... woohoo! darn all that nasty food.
today we had progress.. wonderfull, wonderfull progress.... and im so happy that we could very well almost be done.
my first day at metron is tomorrow... last day at arbys is saturday... thank the good lord.
why are all my entries pointless.
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2004 25 August :: 11.52pm
how can love even be real? how can you love somebody, and then not love them. how can you make a vow to that person and then break every promise you ever said to them. i dont understand how you can change from one person to another, i dont get how people can fool you. i dont GET how anyone can really know if they're in love. i've never been in love, i know that. i know that i've never trusted a guy fully enough to love him.... will i ever? will i ever get that romance that i've always dreamed about. i can picture this beautiful wedding and a fairytale life together, but that doesnt exist.
i think i've found my biggest fear.... falling in love. i dont trust myself enough to make that commitment.
and comon, we're in highschool. you cant love someone, you're 16 years old.. give or take a few years. you dont know what love is.. love isnt that feeling you get when you see them.. its deeper then that. love is a friendship, and its respect. respect that only a man can give his wife, and look at my mom... that did her alot of good. woohu... she fell in love, now we're living in my aunts basement. now he's moved his new girlfriend into our house. OUR house, it doesnt matter that we used to be a family. that was my home, i dont even have THAT anymore. we have some torn up land in cedar springs. that SURE does us alot of good when we cant afford to put a house on it. SURE, what goes around comes around right, my moms the better person, at least she doesnt have to live with the things that he's done. living everyday just knowing what kind of person you really are. sure he's the biggest mistake that could have ever happend to us.... well bravo. what proves that shes the better person? the fact that he ruined her credit? that he tells shelby to lie to her mommy? yeah... sounds like a person in love doesnt it? what a dangerous thing to fall into.
and yet you think you're capable of loving somebody in high school. you're a fool if you think that. saying i love you doesnt make you any more of a person. it doesnt enhance your status as a couple... it makes you liars.
im not trying to attack anyone, and i think its sad that i even have to put this line in my entry.... but this is how I feel.
God, please keep me from being bitter. i hate being like this.
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2004 25 August :: 6.07pm
nobody understands what anyone goes through, and how you deal with it is your own business...... its really not that big a deal.
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2004 25 August :: 10.25am
i just remembered something....
ryan called me a dopey dwarf yesterday...
*purrrs* you're going down.....
mwah ha ha.
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2004 25 August :: 12.10am
http://www.converse.com/zproductdetails.asp?zcatid=2&zsubcatid=&zgenid=&leftnavid=1&sku=1Q110
im getting these saturday.. woohu!
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2004 24 August :: 10.49pm
God, give me the strength to not flip out about this. i cant handle it alone.
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2004 24 August :: 10.02am
i have to get my tb test in less then an hour....
im scared of needles... very scared.
*shudders* hold me.
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2004 23 August :: 11.28pm
hmmm.. this is odd.
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2004 23 August :: 7.58pm
lets recap my day shall we?
my mom backed up into my car when she was leaving for work.
the school gave me the wrong form for my work permit.. which caused for lots of running around between metron and the school.
senate meeting..... ehhh.
went to alpine with ryan to get me some chucks.... but shoe carnival AND meijers didnt have my size in black. just because im a girl it doesnt mean i ONLY want pink or orange... stupid stupid stereotypes.
so we drove all the way to woodland, missed the exit, came back around, GOT there.. bought my shoes and jeans.....
put my car in park in the middle of the intersection on the belt line.. DONT ask. *laughs.
got on the wrong expressway.
got backed up in 5:00 traffic on my way through alpine.
almost smashed into the back of a van.
my power steering went out.
GAH... what a day.
but HEY.. at least i got my shoes.
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2004 21 August :: 10.00am
ASHLEY:
I FOUND IT!!!! mwah ha ha ha ha...
i sooooooo just won.
*giggles.
and NOW im going to email you proof of me winning!
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2004 20 August :: 6.17pm
i've decided that i dont like anyone on woohu.. because nobody ever comments unless im depressed or angry. and that annoys me...
wait wait.....
i hate myself. i hate my life. blah, the world is awful. im going to kill myself.
THERE now you can comment!
it doesnt matter when im happy or when things are finally going good, it doesnt matter when i get a new job or become a better christian. no no no no.. but when i want to kill something or am at the point of breaking everyone acts like they care.
conclusion: this just proves that all anyone cares about is drama... which for some reason makes me want to kill each and every one of you. *smiles
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2004 20 August :: 8.56am
stupid woohu. i just had an entire entry typed out, then accidently pushed escape, which apparantly erases everything.
I HATE WOOHU.
anyways.. to sum up my entry, because now im just annoyed....
yesterday.
put in 2 week notice at arbys.
got the job at metron making 8.72 an hour.... mwah ha ha ha.
worked on schmorgasboard.
ran into stacy, lisa, kate, and kelly. well not literally ran over, i COULD have though, seems how they were running across the road when we saw them.
thats about it. stupid woohu.
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2004 18 August :: 11.34pm
ps. i love you brandi.
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2004 18 August :: 11.16pm
im caked in flour, i got in a fight with my mom, i ticked kyle off, i ticked carolyn off, im about to quit my stupid job, i ran a stop sign... yeah.., and i feel like crying.
why cant she just be the mom? why cant she EVER just help me out... just once, not often, but ONCE would be nice.
you stress me out. thats all i can say... you just stress me out, and i hate that you still have that power over me.
schmorgasboard.... what the heck, honestly.
h is gonna kill me.
i am YET to find a good speech topic.
on the bright side.... i went to birch run today and got some awesome clothes. and i got tyson a fairy necklace, which is just wonderful.. and nobody else understands why its wonderful.. it just is.
youth group was fun tonight, i love youth group.
we had a flour war with this other youth group at our church. it was exactly what it sounds like, a flour war. and thats why im caked with flour.
i need to talk to ryan. *cries. but its to late. *cries again. i should just wake you up.... mwah ha ha ha ha.
(*whispers* neeerrrk) *hugs you* *purrrrrrrrr* *laughs all evil like again* *annoys you with my excessive use of the astrics*
anyways... i am WELL due for a shower... this is discusting..... is that how you spell that??... i just dont know.... this is gross... there we go.
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2004 17 August :: 1.47am
dont want no pop.
no pop.
dont want no tea.
no tea.
just want some milk.
moo moo moo moo.
wisconsin milk.
moo moo moo moo.
ahahahahahaha.
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2004 17 August :: 1.32am
ashley and i are having a comment war....
mwah ha ha.
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