So, good thing he called. I knew he wouldn't...but part of me was hoping he would. But this definitely marked the end. No more. I just can't take getting dissapointed by him. I talked to Ray for a little and her "boys" arrived so she had to go. She always tells me to write her. Why doesn't she ever write me?

"...these days, i wish i were 6 again. make me a red cape, i wanna be superman..."

Isn't that the truth.
Lizz is telling me that we're going to the mall tomorrow with Steve and them. Brandon will probably be there...hooray for hot boys. Maybe, just maybe i'll muster up some courage and talk to him...maybe. I've called him twice, both times he wasn't there...ehhh, the only downfall to goin up to crestwood is that's were lauren, jess, and sam will be ..and i pretty much blew them off. I'm a bitch, i know...i just didn't hang out with them this weekend...at all. I wanted to see my old friends, that's why i didn't go to CJ tonight. That's why i wanted to see Nathan...

Grr i need to stop. I've listened to the same cd 5445 times tonight simply because i'm too lazy to go get another one.

"...so tired of being alone, so hurry up and ger here..."

I just need to stop. I'll think of something else in a few minutes and make another entry. I was sad to see no one responded to anything...sad, but then again if i were someone else i probably wouldn't want to read about some crazy girl's life either...

So he called me back...to tell me he was gonna go to a party. Thanks bud! He said he would call me in an hour tho because the only reason he's going is because his friend needs a ride. He wants to hang out then...like he'll actually call in an hour. It'll be like 10 "so, umm sorry this didn't work out." My ass. Whatever, maybe he'll actually pull through...it'd be a first, but there IS a first time for everything...or so i've heard...

So it looks like Nathan's standing me up tonight...again. Why do i do this to myself? Get all excited that someone actually wants to hang out with me...and then nothing. And for some reason by Nathan just makes it worse. Mabye because it took me so long to get over him...and when i do hear from him, it's like it all comes back. He said he'd call me back in a half hour almost 2 hours ago..i should have known. I should have known not to fall for it again. He just sounded so sincere this time, like he actually ment it. Like he used to sound when he called me. I miss those days. So it looks like it's just me and my cd player tonight. Maybe Meg will wanna do something. She said she probably wasn't goin to CJ...which is good i suppose. I'm talking to Matt and it's making me miss him and Mexico like none other. He keeps telling me to come and stay with him for a little while..."umm Mom. Can I go stay with a guy you've never met that lives in England for a week or so?" Yea, good call. She said he could come here tho...heh i guess it would be the same situation for him at his house. I found out we have a couple weeks of in January and we might go skiing then. I'm pushing for Denver so i can see Joey and his crew...that would be festive. But who knows, it probably won't even happen and i'll end up standing my own self up. Fun. I need to go, or something.

Well hey, you learn something new everyday.

Ahhh the second day of highschool...what fun. It's actually not as bad as i thought i would be. I haven't been pushed down any stairs by upper classmen yet so i think i'm ok. I can already tell that some of my classes are gonna be kicken my ass...

So yesterday i went to the Dave Matthews conceert. It was actually a really great concert. We missed all the opening acts and like 4 of his songs due to traffic..but it was really cool. We met up with some of Ariel's friends...I personally think Jay's hot. (don't you say a word Meg lol) I still think Ariel has a thing for him but she'll deny it till the day she dies. So the concert was just fun, i talked to people, people talked to me...and it was just a good time ...until i get home. I had fallen asleep in the back seat of Anna's car because we were in that damn car forver. Me Meg and Anna all had to leave our bags with Maddie's mom because they wouldn't let us take them in. So we had to go to Maddie's house and get them...by now it's like 12:30 and i have to get up in 6 hours and go to school...fun fun. so we get our bags and they drop me off and there was this tv in the isle, and i couldn't get over it. so i just kinda scooted across and i think i accidently stepped on it. Well my mom took that as i was like stoned or dunk or something. So we get in the house and she's like allie, what's wrong? are you ok? which in her language means you little whore, who'd you do and what'd you take? And it just really pissed me off. I had, had a great night and she was gonna ruin it by accusing me of takin something. So i, naturally, got defensive and was like mom, i'm not high and i'm not drunk. And so she's all then why are you walking away and taking this so defensively? So i turn around and got like 4 inches away from her face so she could see my eyes and i just lost it. And so she gets all hurt and still thinks i'm high on something and does this whole hurt routine about how she's my best friend and told me to never speak to her that way again. So i go upstairs and wash my face, which i guess she thought i was trying to like hide something when really, i was just washing my face. So she comes upstairs with this bullshit disspaointed little hurt face and i just wanted to scream at her. So she assumes that since i went upstairs of course i took something that night. So i turn around and i'm like ok listen, i know you don't trust me and everytime i come home from somewhere you think, ok, so what did she take tonight? And it just really pisses me off. And she just got really quiet and was like, well not EVERY time. And then she goes into this whole thing about how many times i've screwed up and how i have to prove my trust back to her. And it's like well how the fuck do you want me to do that when you give me the 10th degree every time i come home. Of course i'll get defensive, you just accused me of being on drugs for the 9863645 time. Funny thing is, i really didn't do or take anything last night. It was just all goodness, you didn't need any. So this morning, she's all chipper and happy and kiss ass and i just wanted to be like no. You left my room last night accusing me of being a druggie and now you're making me breakfast? What the fuck? So she didn't even mention anything today, which is good i suppose...she knows she was wrong, that's all that matters.

Grr...so i already have homework, but i have all half days this week which is a plus. I'm goin up to TCS tomorrow to throw waterballoons at the little children...heh heh this'll be fun. I wanna see Travis, see how that kids doin. I should call Meg...

Can someone just shoot me now? Please? Last night was just horrendous, and this morning hasn't been too hot so far either. So I went to De Smet's mixer. God, i just don't ever want to go to highschool. There's no way in hell i'm ever going to fit in. I went with Meg, Kate, and Anna and of course Kate, knows every person that populates St. Louis, and so do Meg and Anna. And then there's me, Tall girl's friend. God, I have a fucking name! Grr...so there's about 63547 insanely got guys...good thing i talked to any. It was just a not fun night. I walked around because the people i did talk to would just walk away and find someone else. So i wandered by myself most of the night. Grrr, fitting in just isn't going to happen. Hoorah! I'll be an outcast guys!

So after the mixer Meg's dad drops me off and my mom wants to hear all about it and all i could manage to say was it sucked. She just gave me one of those sympathetic motherly looks and i went upstairs. So i get online, thinking maybe someone will talk to me and it won't be so bad. Yea i was definitely striking out like none other last night. Sarah and i started talking and that was fine, then Lowell i'ms me and we're talking and it's fine and it was all ok for a little while. Sarah's still trying to figure out if he likes her, so we start playing the question game, and i asked him what song he can relate to the most. And he said thay song by Mario, that Just a Friend song. So Sarah got upset, and Lowell and her started duking it out. And Lowell's telling me how awful he feels because what he's saying sounds so harsh, and Sarah's crying, and i'm just in the middle...trying to give advice to both of them without tunring into the bad guy myself. I just wanted to jump out a window. So they both pretty much butchered eachother and Sarah got kinda bitter because nothing had changed and i guess i kinda got the aftermath of that one. But, somehow, through the course of the night we ended up breaking up or something. I said something to Lowell about us being together still and he told Sarah that i still thought we were together. And she was like you knew that would hold him back, we're not together Allie. So i just stared at the computer for a little while, really confused. Evidentally, we haven't been for a while...hmm good thing i knew! I'm not solid, and can't commit because we had an open deal and i'll never know how much she liked me and i just wanted to scream. I just sat here trying not to. So she said it would be like it used to, but then again i thought it was something completely different. So, I guess that's pretty much over. It's cool I guess, i can't give her what she needs or wants so she'll be happier.

So if i break down everything that happened last night it would go something like this.

-I went to a craptastic mixer, and had someone splatter Hawaiian Punch all over my new pants.

-I didn't dance with anyone.

-Pretty much threw away $7.

-Come home, get on...and all hell broke loose.

- Got in the middle of an argument between the guy my friend likes and my friend.

-Lost my girlfriend.

Ahhh, what fun. So this morning, i went to sleep around 5. The mother comes in around 10 and tells me that me her and dad are all gonna spend the day together. Already, i want to cry. She starts walking around my room and proceeds to yell and throw a fit about how messy it was, and how unclassy it was. She got mad at my friends because my room was completely trashed and questioned what kind of friends they are. Found lime green paint on my wall, and a whole pile of wet towels on the hard wood floor. So, on the bright side, i got out of bonding with the rents...but on the other hand i'm stuck her making this bitch spotless. And i have to read a fucking book, that i'm supposedly re-reading because i didn't get it. Again, will someone please just shoot me?
I'm supposed to go to Lil's tonight, i hope that's still going on. I just need to get away. Kevin might be there too, that would be nice...heh, good thing he likes me and all. I can go if everything gets done...wiuyhfkjhg. So i guess i should go do that, i'm really hungry though. I might eat first.

Sleep. Wouldn't that be nice? Sarah's still asleep, Lil's makin me and Elyse waffles, and Elyse is watching Chicken Run. Last night was just insane. Sarah got the alchohal from her brother and we just drank it all last night. I was actually fine, but Elyse and Sarah were just gone. Lil was kinda there, but Sarah was pretty bad. She started crying for some reason that we still can't figure out and she just cried for like 10 minutes. So we went downstairs because my room was 80 thousand degrees and Ray couldn't breathe. So we sat downstairs for a while and ended up sleeping on the curvy couches. What a disaster. The dog wouldn't stop barking, and trying to fit two people one of those things just doesn't work. So Elyse, Lil and I finally got up because it just wasn't worth it.

But before any of that we went up to Two Nice Guys because my class decided to have a last minute get together before anyone started school. It was so awkward. Everyone has changed so much. And i really don't think anyone wanted me there. Heh, i think it's kinda funny. I don't know, Milla, Matt and Zach left early, and Ben was just being an ass. So me Lil, Ray, and Elyse split and went up to Planet Smoothie and walked around old Webster for a while. I saw Meg and Kate though. That was cool because i hadn't seen Meg in like a year and a half...i don't really care about Kate. We never really did get along that well...so after our Smoothies we walked back to my house and my Dad told me how pleased he was with me that we made curfew and that we could do whatever we wanted. Unfortunatly, we took him seriously and that's when the festivities began. We were talking to Ben and Brian most of the time on the phone and they just thought it was wonderful. None of us were fully clothed because it was like hell in my room. Ahh what an interesting night.

So i haven't written in a while. I'll back up to Thursday. Thursday night Brian calls me up and says he has a flat tire. I'm not sure why he told me, but he did. So they end up coming over at around 11 because he has stuff for Sarah. We didn't know Brian had friends with him though, or we didn't know who. So Sarah and i walk down to the street to meet them. She jumps on his back and neither oe of us had realized that there were like 3 other guys with him. So i turn to my right to see who was standing next to me and it's this insanely gorgeous guy. I guess i was just in a really odd mood because i was like so, what do they call you? And he introduced himself and was all nice and polite and i was just kinda like dskjlfgsjf. So Sarah goes over with all of them to Eden and i walked back to where Lil and Elyse were and we just sat there for a while. So 10-15 minutes goes by and i decide i'm going to go over there and see what was going on. So i walk over and they're all just sitting at this picnic table stoned out of their minds except for Seth and Kevin. Kevin had to drive, and Seth doesn't smoke. So i went and stood by Sarah and laughed at Brian and Ben. Sarah tried to tell me something but words just weren't workin for her. I figured out what she was trying to say, and we both just laughed and agreed. She just kept saying guy, nexto to me, isn't, guy? Which translated into isn't the guy next to me hot? Yea, good thing i can figure out what the hell that girl thinks. Heh. So he put his hand on her leg or something and she laughed and i was confused. SO i went back, and Sarah had invited Kevin and Seth back to my house after they dropped off Ben and Brian to swim. My Mom had already come out once that night because we went back outside and was convinced we were all smoking and hiding guys behind the pool house so i was kinda freaked out. But, they came. So we just sat behind my pool house and talked and i got really nervous and felt like a big bitch for making everyone be quiet. Sarah smoked her Djarms and Lil and i sat there with Elyse. So they had to leave and i walked them back to their car. Well no, we ran back to their car and i ran through mud, and he offered to carry me. And he smiled and waved and that was it. So we had said we wanted to do something with them that next day and they said they would call us, which surprisingly, they did. So that night we were going to go to Sarah's brothers house to pick up the alchohal but one of his friends had given us wrong directions and we ended up back in Kirkwood. So we just went to this park deal instead. Sarah and Kevin went for a walk and the rest of us sat there with Ben. Brian's mad at Kevin because of some story that i didn't understand. But i know the real reaosn is he still likes Sarah and doesn't want Kevin after her. Unfortunate. So Sarah and Kevin come back, and Elyse and i decide to run. I swear to God, i ran the fastest i had ever run in my life that night. So Kevin dropped Ben off and we went to Steak and Shake. I had left my phone in the car, and in that little time period three people had managed to call me. Kevin and I's moms included. So i started freaking out because i was supposed to be at Lil's and Clayton was the one that was supposed to be driving. So i call her at Steak and Shake, and i'm trying to make my voice sound normal and i told her this whole story about how we went to Ted Drews and i had left my phone in the car and that's why i didn't answer. Thank God she bought it. So i hung up with her and drank a shake and Kevin drove us home. Sarah won't believe me, but he likes her. Which is great for her, kind of unfortunate for me. Eh, i'm over it. So that night we stayed at Lil's and went to Blue Crush that next day. I had to leave and have dinner with the family...ahh wut and outing. They all went to a conert and to the Loop. So that next day i go over to Lil's around 2 and wake them up. That was going to be their last night, but then they were going to stay till Wednesday. So i call people to see wut they're doing. We ended up having people come over to Lil's to watch movies. Seth bought Orange County so we watched that. Sarah was confused by Kevin, turns out he thought she was a lesbian. Ehhh...that was interesting. We went to a park and walked around. Then they had to leave. He called us that night and we talked for a little while. Now, both Lil and Elyse like Ben, and i suppose both Sarah and I like Kevin. But then again when things like that happen Ray and i handle them a little differently...ehhh so that was on sunday. Monday night was last night and they're not leaving till Thursday now. I think Kevin and some other people are coming over today...heh. Lil just came out with the waffles...my stomach calls...