Say Goodbye


What Dave Matthews Song Are You?
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interesting, i usually think of myself as shy or nervous person...hmm...

so this weekend has left me incredibly tired. and with much homework to do..grr. so friday lizz and lauren came over, and we headed up to the "new mall" and met up with sarah and anna. good stuff. bought some pink hair dye, it's time for a change. plain old brown is quite boring after a while. i'm thinking just highlights tho. i think all pink would be kind of atrocious (sp?). so they call came back to my house and we watched the rules of attraction and american pie 2. i am officially obsessed with rules of attraction. if you haven't seen this movie, go out and rent it right now. it's incredibly tweaky, but completely wonderful at the same time. so we all crashed here, but i had to do community service sat. afternoon so everyone left around 12. so that night i went to katie's house for her birthday. it was so bizaar seeing everyone there. i hadn't seen some of these people since graduation, so...but it was a good time. her brother is a stoner times 12, and completing sentences is not his forte, so we had much fun making fun of him. mean, i know. but hey, if you're going to smoke yourself retarded you have to be able to take people making fun of your stupidity. so now i'm here. trying to muster up some strength to walk across the room and get my backpack. ouf, homework...not in the mood for this right now but i really do have to. off i go...

My, my, my. Summer just isn't going to get here soon enough. Last day of exams is June 4th, which seems just so far away. But, the good thing is I won't be taking them on by birthday, which is the 5th. Feel free to send presents ; )

I went to school half of the day. I just really am sick. People are already asking what i'm doing this weekend, and all i really want to do is chill in my scrubs and watch tv. If people wanna hang out with me, then come on over. Pick up some movies while you're at it. But going out just really doesn't sound apealling to me right now.

I am in such a random mood right now. And I keep thinking about all the things I still need to do. List time...

-Send Matt and Joey's presents.
-Find a way to talk the parents into letitng me go back up to Ft. Wayne.
-Return that library book.
-Get a hair cut.
-Call Lizz, Sarah, Nathan, Steve, Rachel and Lillian.
-Get Warped Tour, Lollapalooza, and Dave tickets.
-Get my tongue pierced

Hmm, i gues that's all i can think of for now. Yikes, i have lots of work to do tonight...till then....

I'm baaack!

After thinking this over for a long while, i've decided that I can't stand not writing anymore. If my mother wants to read what I have to say, so be it. This is me, take it or leave it.

So much has happened since November. Sarah and I are still good close friends, tho things were horribly awkward for a little while. Due to my Mother's snooping around. I wasn't allowed to see her in non public places for a while, but i'm happy to say that problem is fading more and more. I still can't go up to IN and visit her, but she comes down her quite often. Just last weekend actually, and she brought Lowell with her. It was an excellent week. The last time I saw Lowell he and Ray we're just starting to-not date-but something along those lines. He intimidated me like you wouldn't even believe. Trying to complete full sentences in a conversation with him was impossible. So i just nodded a lot and tried to smile. But this time was different. Grant it we've talked a lot since then, but I guess we were both more comfortable. Anyway, in short, it was a great week. He's hopefully coming back this summer to stay a while. Summer...hmm that seems like something you can see but can't quite touch yet.

School hasn't improved any. It's a definite that I'm leaving next year to go to Summit which i'm SO excited about. Going to school with people you like, what a concept. I'll be able to wear jeans when there's snow on the ground instead of a skirt. Brilliant I tell ya. I will miss all those days off due to some famous saint that has a day named after him. But, seeing members of the opposite sex will be a beautiful thing.

So I'm pretty sure that I've given up on attempting to find a boyfriend, or something like it. I'm gonna try and be real chill and just let things come to me. I've finally learned that if I quit trying, something might actually happen. If only I had listened to the first person that told me that.

On a totally different note I finally got my belly button pierced...heh, sorry...had to add that in. I re-read most of my previous entries and realized how many things have happened since. Yikes, it's been too long.

But I'm tired and still have physics to do. Rieke is still the pot head princess and has sucessfully lost 3 of my labs, and 2 extra credits. Stupid bitch. Anyway, it's good to get this out again. I just hope it won't end like it did the first time.

It\'s been a while.
I guess i should back up to Thursday seeing as that\'s when anything remotely exciting happened. I get home, call Nathan and we decide to get together. He picks me up, we go to Bread Co. Ran into Carrie Iggulden, yea definitely have seen her in like 4 years. So we get food, er...i did, yea that was kind of awkward. So we sit and talk for a little while which was nice. I haven\'t seen him since last summer which seems odd for some reason. He definitely managed to look incredibly good which made me feel like something the dog dragged in but i eventually got over it. We weren\'t there very long, which was fine...i suppose we were both running out of small talk. Not to mention i was just insanely nervous and intimidated the whole time. So we\'re like a minute from my house and he starts talking about my journal. I guess i had forgotten all i had put in here about him....it\'s a lot, and not exactly all nice. He said something about how he was glad to see it or something, all i could think of was you bring this up now, when we\'re 2 seconds from my house? So we get there and not a single part of me wanted to walk through my door. I knew my mom would be waiting there ready to play 20 questions. So we hug and all i wanted to do was kiss him. Good thing i thought twice, that could have been a horribly awkward-what -the-hell-do-you-think-you\'re-doing situation. So i leave and that was it. I walk in the door and the first thing out of the mother\'s mouth is, \"why are you back so early\" i just looked at her and walked up stairs. Finished the French i swore i had done before i left and took a nap.
Friday night Lizz came over after clever scheming of ditching tom, and this girl courtney. We rented movies and ate pizza all night. It was good.
Saterday the mother decides we\'re going to look at Christmas trees, but not real ones, just for decoration. She got all upset because i didn\'t care if there would be garland around the banisters or not and put those whole dramatic thing on about how i didn\'t care about Christmas anymore and blah blah blah. I think i told her something about how Christmas was in December if she hadn\'t heard and we\'re definitely still in Novemeber...before Thanksgiving. She got all huffy and made me carry this wreath thing around and then decided not to buy it. On the upside i got a new pair of pants out of that day, and saw Harry Potter with Veile, Denise, and these two guys Cj and Steve. I was definitely the third wheel...er, 5th wheel..but it was a cute movie so it was ok.
Sunday i did like 857587 hours of homework and went to this deal with Aggie at her church. There\'s this really sweet guy Joe, i have no idea how old he is.. i thought he was a senior, but that\'s how old his older brother is so i have no idea. Came home, got a migraine, popped some pills, passed out.
Today, was just maybe the longest day in history. I had this crazy English test first hour and I\'ll have another test tomorrow in Geography which will also be first hour. Just my luck.
Blah, i\'m tired and incredibly hungry...

	Yuoo ere-a zee Svedeesh Cheff! Yuoo ere-a a guud cuuk, thuoogh yuoo cun't speek Ingleesh fery vell. Bork Bork Bork!
Take the What Muppet Are You? Quiz!

Ahh, just got home and i still have so much to do. I have an insane french project due tomorrow that i really haven't even started. I should get to that...
So recently i've been trying to talk the mother and father into letting me get my belly button pierced. My mom, well she really doesn't care, but i think my dad's exact words were, "you have to be fuckin shitten me. i would let you jump out of a plane before i'd let you do that."
...he just told me that he had though "long and hard" about it, and decided it's ok. Yet again, hooray for caving 'rents. He said i can get it done whenever...now, the trick is to get Lizzie's mom in the same agreement so we can follow through as planned. (lizz, i hope you're reading this)
A really cool thing happened today...i sent nathan a letter last night telling him about my journal, and he read it. I was amazed, and actually really happy. So Nathan, if you're reading this, thanks.

Well, it seems as though French is calling, ourevoir.

PiNkDEviL63: oh, well i don't know if you still write..but it's an online journal thing
Dreydawg1: i'm afraid i don't
Dreydawg1: do u?
PiNkDEviL63: yea i wouldn't have thought so...yea


sigh. Nathan Nathan Nathan. He makes me so sad. He used to be such an incredible writer, and he's evidentally, thrown that talent away. I haven't seen him since last summer...it makes me sad to think we really aren't friends anymore.

I talked to Sarah today. I really wish i could just make everything stop hurting for her. She's coming to STL in two weeks...i'm excited. All that matters kinda seems to fade away when she's here...i like that.
The mother's been acting very stange lately. She keeps getting in these odd upset states and will just start crying. She says she's afraid she's losing me. I can't even drive, where does she think i'm going? I suppose i know what she means, just the constant questionsing and her ranting acusastions are getting very old. "you don't like me anymore" or "why don't you talk to me?" argh. It will pass, she comes and goes with this sort of thing.
Exams start in December...i'm tweaked. Tryin to talk the rents into letting me get my belly button pierced. The mother thinks it's hilarious and doesn't really care while my dad thinks it's completely offensive. Sigh, we'll see.