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2004 22 January :: 8.23pm
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: never heard of it-veronica
every part of me wants him. he wants her, and they're perfect.
no no no...can't he see that IM the perfect one. how many late night phone calls we've had, fun adventures to where ever. i've always been able to tell him what's on my mind, but lately i'm scared. he knows how i feel, he told me he'll always have feelings for me too. so why aren't i the one he holds hands and shares kisses with? why do i want to scream whenever i see them together. it was never this way before.
i should have never kissed him back.
he hurt me so bad. like no one ever has before. why do i still want him? why am i still intimidated when i'm around him? he says he's sorry, he tells me all the time. he says he knows he messed up. i want to believe him, and i think i do. he tells me he loves me, in a joking way...
i am not a pretty girl and it will forever be my demise.
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2004 11 January :: 10.18pm
:: Music: thursday-asleep in the chapel
i'm much too anxious these days. it always feels like somethings wrong, but i never figure out what it is. sleep is a foreign thing, but i will say i've created some pretty nice writings and drawing in those early morning hours.
i like a new boy and i don't quite know what to do about it. he's interesting and always listens to me whine about god knows what. his taste in music is beautiful, but he's one of those people that never lets on to what he's really thinking. i want to know him.
"i'd like to see you undone."
2 Greedy Bastards |
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2003 25 December :: 9.55pm
:: Music: ozma-natalie portman
merry christmas everyone. i hope santa was good to you this year.
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2003 18 December :: 7.24pm
interesting...
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2003 14 December :: 2.35am
i hate relationships and the whole dating scene. it's just something i will never be good at. ever. sigh. on an upside i'm going to see the urge play next friday...hooray for good concerts.
it's been snowing since 9 this morning and doesn't show any signs of stopping...i love winter. i had a snowball fight today with one of the prettiest boys i've ever known...i ended up extremely cold, wet, and trying to rub feeling back into my hands and feet. i love winter. or maybe it's the pretty boys i'm found of...i personally think it's both...hmm...
exams are next week, eeks. who's not ready? oh that would be me. i have to go to my dad's tomorrow as well which robs me of a full snowy sunday of studying. oh well, tis the season...or something.
that's all for now folks, tune in next time.
"this is the strangest life i have ever known."
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2003 19 November :: 2.45pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: sha sha-ben kweller
home sick. and man, am i sick. you know how some mornings you wake up and just feel crappy, but it usually only lasts for an hour or two? yea, that feeling definately hasn't gone away yet. if anything it's gotten worse...hooray for stomach flu.
i had a paper due today, and an essay due yesterday...good thing i've done either...the essay topic is somewhat interesting. i have to write about the movie gattaca and how it related to science focusing mainly on genetics and dna. being assigned to watch a good movie is always fun. rent it if you haven't, it's worth your money. jude law and ethan hawke are both in it which makes for excellent eye candy.
sonny and brenna got into a car accident monday night. sonny hit the windshield. reason number 78646 i'm scared to drive.
i really should get to writing this papers of mine. that is if my head stops pounding and my stomach realizes that even through its best efforts it is not capable of doing summersalts and backflips. till' then, my friends.
"you're the cutest thing that i ever did see, really love your peaches wanna shake your tree."
5 Greedy Bastards |
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2003 3 November :: 5.58pm
last weekend was wonderful. so many inhibitions were shed...
conor and i came to terms with eachother and said everything we've ever needed/wanted to say. i'd like to say we're friends now, i hope he agrees.
lowell and i hung out a lot as well. no complaints there either. and seeing ray is always fun... it was just an all around good weekend. didn't see taylor, but i did get a "definite next time" from him.
sigh. as much as i hate to admit it i really owe my mom big for letting me go up there.
i hope an encore is in my near future. and i must say, it looks as tho there could be.
"it seems our day keeps falling on a leap year."
2 Greedy Bastards |
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2003 27 October :: 8.55pm
i've decided that merbs candies bionic apples are one of life's biggest guilty pleasures...and i'm defiantely eating one as we type...
oh, how i love halloween...
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2003 23 October :: 6.47pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: change-deftones
guess who's going to indy halloween weekend...
yep, you guessed it. yours truly.
holy hell it's been a good day. i get to go. i really, honestly do. this is just, incredible. i've gotten the same dissapointing answer for two years now...and yesterday my mom and i had a long over due talk and things are really good now. ahhh i'm just so excitedhappy right now. thanks mom, i really appreciate this one.
"go now you are forgivin'"
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2003 18 October :: 1.08pm
:: Music: crystal village-pete yorn
i went to the pete yorn show last night...i met him too. it was incredible to say the least. i love pageant shows...i went with alyssa and we stood at the foot of the stage the whole time. i've never been that close so it was pretty cool. the deal was if you bought one of his cd's you got an aftershow pass to meet him. only 15 bucks too. i hate to admit it, but i fumbled my words and ways like a giddy little school girl when it was my turn for the meet n' greet, but i got myself a picture and an autograph. good deal eh? i sure thought so. alyssa scored me a free shirt too. she's the best. last night was just, perfect.
"take my hand, come with me into this crystal scenery. and wait, 'til i retain the ticket, you would never have the time. i would love to change your mind."
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2003 13 October :: 7.24pm
this weekend has proved to be what high school is all about.
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2003 8 October :: 11.47pm
:: Music: get it together-midtown
so good thing john's called me back...no really, i'm SO glad...
boys, the (u)necessary evil.
homecoming is in three days. sarah and posse come in town tomorrow. is allie ready? that would be a solid hell no. going to julian's after...should be fun. hopefully, if not then i'm going to lil's. i think i'll end up there friday night as well. lil's that is.
getting my hair dyed tomorrow. a lovely golden blonde with black and red highlights. should look good..err..i hope so...
cheers.
"i'm the king of the castle, you're the dirty rascal."
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2003 4 October :: 2.00pm
:: Music: cigarettes and chocolate milk-rufus wainwright
ursuline's homecoming was last night, and ya know, it was actually a really good time. saw a lot of old friends, danced, sang...all good fun. nick was erica's date...dear god, he is beautiful. snagged a dance with him too, not too shabby eh? the shy one unleashed. ok, no, not really. but i was floating for that one song. went to bo's after the dance...nothing too exciting there. random people kept showing up, which was fine. no one i knew, but most of them were pretty people. and hey, it's always nice to have something to look at. so we left bo's, took the fellas' home and went back to laura's. spent the night there, came home, and now i'm here. might be seeing zach and adam today. how bout them apples? two boys in one day. hah! we'll just have to see what happens...
cheers.
" i could be lugubrious with you."
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2003 28 September :: 3.47pm
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: for nancy-pete yorn
so guess what i found out today. it's my fault that we left the house and my dad. yep, that's right, because of what I wanted, we left. thanks for the memo mom!
on a happier note. i called john yesterday. i finally got some nerve, who would have thought? i asked if he would want to go to the pete yorn concert with me (one of my current loves) and he seemed genuinely interested. he's going to call me later this week with the final word. i really like this one. i don't know what it is about him, there's just something that i can't stop thinking about. i don't know if i like this vulnerable effect being in like has on me. not so sure i'm a fan. this could turn out good tho. maybe i should look at the brighter side of this particular situation, it would be a good change of pace.
ursuline's homecoming is friday. veilie asked me to go with her. should be fun. she'll probably be the funnest date i've ever had.
summit's homecoming is in two weeks. still dont have a date. bum.
that's all i got. oh, for anyone that reads this, never tell someone they're undecisive. ever. that is all.
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2003 15 September :: 5.32pm
last week was just bad news.
sept. 11.
johnny cash died.
john ritter died.
i got sick.
failed a test.
argh. on the upside, i finally got around to buying the new dashboard cd. puts me in a good mood. i'm not so sure if i'm a fan of this new jazzed up "hands down". the acoustic version off the so impossible ep is one of my favorite songs, but i don't know if i like it this way or not. hmm...
homecoming is in less then a month. i need a dress, shoes, and a date. ready...go!
went up to tcs today. ah, the college school. as much as i hate to admit this i absolutely adore that place. neither sarah webster or judy were there today tho, kinda bummed me out. but i hung out with jeanne and john. they make me happy. saw caleb liberman. holy mother of god, he is gorgeous. pretty sure it shouldn't be allowed seeing as he's still in freaking middle school...but jeez. the kids a looker, to say the absolute least.
sigh, i have a biology project that needs to be done. i didn't have school today so i really can't complain too much on the subject. i really do like school this year. i like being with my friends again. classes are good, and homework really isn't that bad. i just have no tolerance for it. i really should get doing that...tune in next time.
cheers!
"read me the letter baby, do not leave out the words. stories and cigarettes ruined the lives of lesser girls."
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