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I'm a Loner Dottie, A Rebel

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leftofcool

:: 2004 9 April :: 1.57pm

i'll only fly away... i dont know where my soul is, i dont know where my home is...
this person puts everyoneivedated to shame. i cant have them, and i cant let them go. they keep me on my toes, give me a run for my money, never settle, never let me settle, and on... and their face while they lie on top of me... beautiful...

1 Greedy Bastard | Any Takers?


leftofcool

:: 2004 4 April :: 12.25pm
:: Music: the big wu

only the good die young
how much longer can i consistently let myself down (among other people) before i make a change...

i miss... 'the carnival of you and me was coming to town' 'you got a fast car and i got a ticket to anywhere' 'we aint too pretty we aint too proud- we might be laughing a bit too loud... but that never hurt noone...' 'take me to the river lay me on your shore' 'i truly believe that you see the best in me' 'thats the story of the hurricane' 'youre a boomerang you'll see, you will return to me' 'and over and over and over and over and over again'

Any Takers?


sunsweet

:: 2004 2 April :: 5.05pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: feeling this

So....went 2 mexico for spring break with my girls alz n lar. it was pretty good, cant compare to last summer but that is alright. I looked at this trip as kind of a break from school-get some sun-kind of thing. And that is what I did. We stayed for 5 days, which was not nearly long enough but we will be back in the summer so no worries. aight, ha so the trip.....the first couple days were kind of blah, i mean we danced but we really didnt meet 1 group n hang out w/ them til our last night. The best was lar gettin with some guy on the beach, i was like damn haha, she would. and he had a cast too, hmm tricky. But newho...the last night got a lil tipsy...close 2 drunk but still knew what was going on so its alright. Allie didnt seem to be having any fun which is a shame. When we go to mexico she really doesnt drink, thinks she has 2 be the caretaker, which she isnt at all so i dont get it but o well. Lar seemed to have a great time which is what i hoped for since she basically cleaned out her piggy bank for this trip. I liked the horseback riding and jet skiing...FREE mind u. bc well lets face it, the mexicans like the "pretty american women". hah. funny stuff, but hey im not gona complain i got 2 ride jet skiis for free, n drive them i had never done that before, man what a rush. I cant wait to go back and hopefully lar will come also bc she is fun, more so than i thought so this is good. thats really all for now, cept i cant stress this enough that its damn cold in st. louis n all i want is 2 be back on the beach....ah summer cant come soon enough.

Any Takers?


leftofcool

:: 2004 29 March :: 10.56am

it is a mystery as to why i go to the first day of classes. seeing as i'm in college, i would say its probable that i can read. im not here to sit in a desk and have somone read an entire 8 page syllabus to me out loud, taking an entire hour to achieve what i could do by myself in about 6 minutes. grrr... arrr...

Any Takers?


leftofcool

:: 2004 28 March :: 7.52am

'and the best thing youve ever done for me
was to help me take my life less seriously...
...its only life afterall'

i bought two tickets to indigo girls in chicago on 4/24. cant leave the windy city without having gone to a show.

1 Greedy Bastard | Any Takers?


daydream

:: 2004 27 March :: 3.41am

plane leaves in 4 hours...i need to be at the airport in 2...shower in 1...finish packing now...sleep in..err..scratch that...

mexico here i come..

Any Takers?


leftofcool

:: 2004 25 March :: 10.29pm
:: Music: sting. shaddup hes awesome.

march maddness is amazing
so the fuckin spring break update... i've been kicking it in the lou with my dog, eating/drinking my parents out of house and home, took my car to get fixed...

i almost went on but someone once told me that when you are writing something, if you read it to your dog and they lose interest, you should change what you are writing. i just realized that i didnt give a shit about the first two sentences i wrote so im moving on.

the indigo girls concert with lammers and hurster was awesome; i wouldnt want to drink wine and pee behind a pickup truck in the parking lot with anyone else (emily i am burning the new disc as i type.) those girls can definately rock a show (and need i say there were some good looking people there... excluding the chick i met in the mens bathroom who knows jackie).

last night i went and saw jenny t's soccer game... other than that, hanging out with friends, playing a little frisbee, dreading the return to chicago. when the hell does the weather break up there? it has been above 60 every day since ive been home... and for you assholes who arent coming back (you know who you are) i guess we can still be friends but only because im easy, or we can just duke it out tomorrow night... viva la casa de ethan...

when i started writing i had something to say... now, i forfeit. i have no idea what it was.

1 Greedy Bastard | Any Takers?


leftofcool

:: 2004 25 March :: 12.11am

i sat watching the game
halfway listening to the could haves
halfway listening to the whatifs
keeping warm next to your dad...

as i drove home with the window down, the stereo loud
it hurt so badly knowing that i will wake up from this ...
that every buzz and drunken episode
will result in consciousness.

i may miss the discovery of being real in this world
like ive missed the understanding of me and you
you may think i'll be here when you get back
but i have nothing worth coming home to.

we rambled our lives away
on dirt paths
up grafitti walls
down hills
through the wake of the boat
dragging us along

but we hung on

im not saying you mean as much to me
i wont beg the question incesstantly
we've used it up, we've got it done
if only we could just move on.

1 Greedy Bastard | Any Takers?


daydream

:: 2004 21 March :: 3.55am

closing night is always so bitter sweet.
through all the long rehersals, angry directors/choreographers, whining and complaining we all did, it all pays off in the end. seeing the audience react to something you're performing is one of the most gratifying feelings a person could have. we were all so on tonight too. a good cast of people always pulls through, and boy did we ever. curtain call tonight caused a few tears to be shed by some of the seniors. i'm terrified of the day when my last highschool curtain call comes. and i'm afraid that day will come much sooner then i'd like...

we love you conrad, oh yes we do...

Any Takers?


leftofcool

:: 2004 17 March :: 11.49am
:: Music: desaparecidos

i fell from grace right out of the gate
(you just missed my landing.)
but i perpetually pick myself up and keep moving
althought i continually make it to nowhere inparticular...

so im sorry in advance
for the past
and all the trouble i continue to cause

i never wanted to let you down
but it took too long for you to let me go.

Any Takers?


daydream

:: 2004 16 March :: 1.41am
:: Music: rapid hope loss-dashboard confessional

opening night is thursday...yipes. we're no where near ready. but i know that with most plays you have to go through that scatterednervousdisheveled and completely not prepared stage in order to put on a decent production. we'll all get scared that things will really turn out badly and, hopefully, will work all that much harder in the few precious rehersals we have left. i wish i could blame all the confusion and unprepared-ness on our director seeing as she really is completely clueless. and no, i'm not being the know-it-all drama student who thinks they know everything about the theater...the woman really doesn't have a clue. our old drama teacher was absoultely amazing, but her husband's job forced them to move away...so we have miss hatton. nice person, no doubt about that, but she's only ever done middle school productions. trying to teach and direct for the first time at a highschool is not an easy task, and people are really being horrible to her. everyone just misses mrs. schloss so much, she was truly wonderful. not much we can do about it now, tho complaints have been filed against miss hatton to the school board. needless to say she won't be returning next year. i haven't met her replacement yet, but i hear he's a nice guy. hopefully he won't be torn apart by his students like miss hatton was. hopefully he'll have worked in a highschool before. and hopefully he'll have directed a highschool production before, because this is just bad. not one of the better performances i will have been a part of, but we all have our sour notes. i know my lines, songs and dances. all i can do now is hope everyone else will pull their characters together.

some pretty amazing concerts are coming up in ol' st. lou. i've already bought tickets to three.

april 9-an evening with o.a.r
may 6-ani difranco
may 26-dashboard confessional w/thrice.

not too shabby eh? dave matthews is coming in june along with incubus and warped tour. but, rumor has it incubus and warped are on the same day. this causes some major problems. last years warped was quite dissapointing tho, and incubus has yet to dissapoint me. so far the final vote is leaning towards incubus, but i'm still hoping it's just a rumor and that the two gigs are actually on different days. i've tried checking dates for myself, but always seem to run into some technical difficulties in the process. all i can do is keep checking, i guess.

i dyed my hair today. a deep cherry red. it's gorgeous. i've had different variations of red hair for a while now, but this shade might be my favorite. it's a shame that when the actual dye is on my head it makes me want to itch my skin off. and the rinsing process took a crazy long amount of time, but this color is just too good. i think i'll just have to keep grinnin' and bearin' it.

i think sleep is calling me. a good night's rest would be perfect, lets see what happens. till' next time.

Any Takers?


leftofcool

:: 2004 16 March :: 12.21am
:: Music: addison groove project

my first bar... lincoln station
tab:
2- Jack and cokes
1- summit hefeweizen
1- blue moon
1- lemon drop shot
1- jager shot
status: not buzzed
solution: obtain lower tolerance before next bar experience

2 Greedy Bastards | Any Takers?


leftofcool

:: 2004 14 March :: 4.46pm

it was the highest pleasure
i had the furthest to fall
in those buildings, gray and stacked
like my days
collapsing into eachother
and i didnt have it in me to leave
(shit, the fire escape stairs
were in more trouble than i was)
because you were my favorite way
to self mutilate.
but i just saw your back
because you couldnt face
the truth of you.

Any Takers?


daydream

:: 2004 5 March :: 12.12am
:: Music: the great decay-cursive

i hate being wrong. especially when i know it should be right. i hate messing up and feeling vulnerable. i hate the i-told-you-so's. but the thing i hate the most is knowing that it's all my fault.

1 Greedy Bastard | Any Takers?


leftofcool

:: 2004 4 March :: 12.29pm
:: Music: saul williams

lets talk for a minute about public restroom ettiquete and compromising the integrity of the bathroom....

I walked into the bathroom at the student center the other day which is massive. there must be about 12 stalls on each side. as it happened, none of them were occupied. I proceed to make a quick right turn into the first stall. THEN some girl who walked in behind me took the next stall, on my side! out of 23 unoccupied stalls, she chose the one next to mine. who does that? she could have at least left one stall as a buffer zone. after observing this incident take place i was so baffled that i didnt even have to pee anymore. lesson one...
-space, where available, is a common courteousy. dont be an asshole.

-flush for christs sake. not only flush once, but on those really bad days, turn around and make sure the extra courteousy flush isnt neccessary.

-ensure that all used FHPs (feminine hygine products) have made it to the proper receptacle, which does not include the corner (i know you have seen this one before). so there isnt an in-stall receptacle? throw it in the damn trashcan. its not like all of the other women in the bathroom dont get periods too.

-if you are in a situation where you must hover, take aim. for the love of jah take aim. if your aim is sub-par, wipe the seat.

-if you're not going to wash your hands for some reason, dont bother to fake it. its a waste of my water and your time. we all know that the splash under the faucet is worthless. if you aren't committed to a decent wash, walk out of the stall and straight out the door like you mean it.

-the posting of political propaganda. granted, its a great place to put something you want people to read since they are stuck staring at the door for a few seconds, but nothing makes me want to avoid the bandwagon more than getting angry during what could have been a perfectly refreshing pee.

and as for the showers...

-no need to leave your hair plastered to the shower wall. yeah, you may shed a little and it may get caught in your fingers, but do the community a favor and just let it run down the drain. please, sacrifice this one for hygenic people everywhere its distressing to walk into a shower and see what looks like a bunny mapped out by someones hair.

-a razor blade, empty shampoo bottle, hair band? leave with what you brought. throwing away empties does not exclusively pertain to beer bottles.

1 Greedy Bastard | Any Takers?

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