Hold on.
I figured out why I feel alone. I have none of my friends to talk to. Miranda has been too busy to talk to me and Jessica is always working. And rachel and I .. well. we have nothing to talk about anymore, besides... she has tara. I was just laying on my floor and thinking about all of this. I used to have friends. Now they are gone. Why? I don't know.. but it is probably from something I did. I hate all the things that people have to go through in life. All the stupid childish mistakes that have been made by myself and others. Younger people have been bothering me lately. THey don't realize that there is life beyond high school. I realize that.. but I havn't brought myself to deal with it yet. At least I don't think I have. I don't know. I'm just talking out of my behind. I think I'm thinking about life outside of high school too much. I just want to block college and money and living arrangements out of my mind.

Ozes
Alright, A lot has been going on. My mamere died Sunday and it feels like I died long ago. I have nothing it feels like. I don't have friends anymore either. I rarely see bryan and I talk to him maybe once a day for an hour at most. I have one year of school left then I am out on my own. I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I wish things were easier. Not that my life is horrible. I just.. don't like the way it's turning out. *sigh*

Tonight, I fell asleep at the wheel
Alright, first off. I feel like.. no one cares. I ask rachel to hang out and she never seems to want to. Whatever, she can hang out with her other friends rather then me. I guess I shouldn't care or something. Next is that whenever I call Bryan. it feels like.. I shouldn't like, he doesn't want to talk to me. Yet when he calls me it feels like he is totally in love with me. What the hell.

Tonight, I fell asleep at the wheel
Alright, first off. I feel like.. no one cares. I ask rachel to hang out and she never seems to want to. Whatever, she can hang out with her other friends rather then me. I guess I shouldn't care or something. Next is that whenever I call Bryan. it feels like.. I shouldn't like, he doesn't want to talk to me. Yet when he calls me it feels like he is totally in love with me. What the hell.

what you want. You can not have.
Sitting here, feeling down. I was thinking that I shouldn't be sad just because I don't see bryan and then it hit me. I'm not sad because of him, I feel like this because I'm not happy with my life right now.

All I've been thinking is school. I hate it. I need to find a career. One that I will love and won't want to shoot myself evertime I get up in the morning because this really sucks.

It actually got kinda fun today. Not having to work and listen to lectures. Just have fun conversations with some teachers. Only a few weeks left and I'm done for over 3 months. Then it's my last year. I'll be 18 and be able to make my own rules.

I learned yesturday that my brother went behind my back and made a deal with my grandma to buy her house. So now I am fucked. I'm going to move away from here. Leave everything behind (except my blue blanky) and say fuck it.

Eternal Letter Left Unsent
I was just thinking about memories. I hate looking back on them. Even if they are happy memories they still make me sad.

I am done with my calc exam. Hopefully I passed, hopefully I didn't. Either way I don't mind.

I have history MEAP tomorrow. Yippy Fucking doo. I want to shoot myself this week.

I'm so emotional. I have been since Friday. One minute I'll be so happy and the next I want to slit my throat. WTF is up with that?

It might be because, someone I care about doesn't seem to care about me. I just need to get things figured out with him. Today we were suppose to see each other and mike made him stay at the track meet. I understand that... but I was sitting at home waiting until IIIII called him. I was upset, so I left. I went to the baseball game. I had to think. It was a nice relaxtion time. I am going to try to talk to him about it this weekend.

'Allison'

It's all that I have to give.
*sigh* I have been feeling like shit.

He wants to have sex with me, But that's all it will be is sex. At least that is the feeling I have.

It will mean nothing, and I can't do that.

I feel so lost. I need help.

*tears*