behindmysmile
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2005 24 April :: 11.40am
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: grind on me -- Pretty Ricky
Its all nothing, it all means nothing ..without you here
So yeah its been a while. A long while i guess .. nobody write in woohu anymore. I def. miss it a lot. No actually i miss talkin about how i feel Somethign that woohu let me do. Unlike our darling livejournal, which also has its plus . But still .. =/
So today i went through and read like every entry on me and buttheads old journals. And now i sit here and cry.
But why? I couldnt tell you .
Maybe cause i miss her, or i miss us.
But no its something deeper than that. Im so disappointed in my self * notice the mood * i seriously am not the person i want to be anymore. Britts right, i have changed. And its not for the better.
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behindmysmile
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2004 11 October :: 2.11pm
:: Mood: drunk
if only u knew what you do to me..<3.
Im jus updating this for my roman so she dont have to yell at meh again lol <3. I luhv you babi !!
Life is perfect ohh soo perfect. You guys really have no idea, im sooo happy rite now. Im soo happy being wif marissa, and i jus wanna say thanks to all my friends for being soo supportive and being there for meh through all of this. I luhv you all soo much idk what i would do without you guys. <3.
Today has been good, yesterday was better. The day before that sucked, and that nightb efore that was funny as hell lol. lmfa0 meh and kimmy left a drunken msg on the answer machine at my house lol. Kim was flippin out on meh, i started cryin, and screaming mom answer the fone cuhz i needed happy. WOW FUNNY SHIT lol..
I cant wait to get home tho, but luckily this is last hour so ima get going ..ill write again another time. I love you all ..latah <33.
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behindmysmile
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2004 29 September :: 1.15pm
:: Mood: bouncy
Life is nothing worth living for..
Okay ima update this jus for mah roman [ and britt i think? ] lol im not really sure, well im sittin here in web page design and were startin a new assignment that i should prolly start rite now, but oh wells i will try n write something in here first.
Today was okay i guess, nothin really happened lol, talked to mah babi rissa this morning all morning, cuhz jelly wasnt a dick last nite. Then came to school, got bitched out by a million ppl. Urggh. Im not doing drugs anymore, wtf?! I hate this skool. Then bio sucked, had a review for next class' test. Ima fail. Josh and i had the best time in geo tho. Godd i luhv that kidd =] Third hour we took a test. And jake brought meh my stuff early as a front. Cute kidd. I told him bout meh and rissa and i thought he was bout to get off lmfa0!! Then rite now 4th hour..were not doing nothin so its good. =P
I cant wait till i get home, i miss marissa soo much!! Then meh n heidi are going bowling lol. I luhv her soo much, haha she got dress code violation today. =] What a dumb bitch tehe. But neways ima go now, I luhv you roman!! <33.
Britt..i miss you. I need you. Please take me bak.
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behindmysmile
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2004 3 July :: 10.59pm
:: Mood: rushed
Is love really never having to say your sorry?
Well lets see, lots going on, but not enough tie to write about it all..tehe. Lets jus say wed was INTERESTIN lol. Gosh im soo nervous i miss becky! And i hope shes okay!
Tommarow were going to Kentucky What the hell is that? But oh well i guess its better than sittin here doing nothin bcuz im grounded And James is comin bak while im gone. =( I miss him! Yeah we talked, and im hopin things are gonna get better. We'll see i guess. So yeah newho we'll be bak..? Uhm wed or thurs or so? Not sure yet. I'll miss you all. Malissa ex!! ex since she hates meh and since i aint talked to her in forever! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULY 4TH BABII
Well tahts it i suppose, for now, britt wanted meh to update *omg i luhv you soo fuckin mcuh babii gurrrl!! And ima miss you!* But yeah luhv you all hope u have a great July 4th =) *mwuz* latah. <3.
12 comments |
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behindmysmile
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2004 29 June :: 11.14am
:: Mood: embarrassed
I wanna be loved by you..
Okay heres mah rant for the week. Okay meh and James are going back out, as you all know. But we've always had *friendship* and we've never really been able to get a relationship going. I mean everyone knows that we love eachother and everyone *Thinks* that we'll get married sumday, but we can never keep a relationship, mayb its becuz im afraid of *saving myself for jus one guy* maybe its becuz im afraid of commiting to one guy, i dont know maybe its jus im scared of what im feeling [seeings how its usually mah fault we always break up cuhz i break up wif him] but yeah..so everytime we go back out its jus like a friendship still. And ya know what, thats NOT WAHT I WANT!! I want a boyfriend that isnt afraid to reach over n kiss meh when we are lyin downstairs all alone. Or even if were together at the movies i want a boyfriend that will at the very least hold mah hand. I want a boyfriend that i can kiss whenever i feel like it and not have to worry *..what if ur mom finds out* what the hell do you really think i care if mah mother finds out that i made out wif mah boyfriend that she adores mroe than anyone in the whole world?!
And another thing, James wont even like kiss meh well he'll kiss meh but wont make out wif meh, and every other guy ive been involved wif lately, jus wants to finger meh or *lick meh we'll say lol* or something like that, and ya nkow wat i want..i want one guy to jus kiss meh, and kiss mah neck, and jus lets have sum fuckin foreplay before we jump straight in. And hey im not complaining..but i jus want sumone to look at meh as sum1 they love and not sum1 they can use when thier horny..ya know?
Okay..there im done. I jus kind of needed to write that somewhere..dont mind meh neways bye.
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behindmysmile
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2004 21 June :: 12.58am
:: Mood: rejected
this is copied from livejournal..
Jesus how can you care about someone soo much but they could care less about you? I need *were going to call this person sunshine they will know who they are* sunshine. I need them more than anything, i really do. And she doesnt even care about meh anymore. Now that she has her!! I mean i have a new like best friend too but sunshine hates mah new best friend, it would be alot better if i could hate her new best friend too.I wish i could hate her new best friend soo much, but shes a sweetheart, and after just talkin to her, theres no way that i can hate her. I meah shes perfect for sunshine, jus like i used to be. We used to be soo close, i thought taht we would be friends forever, i thought taht we would seriously grow up together and never truely be apart. But i guess that i was wrong. But i guess theres nothin that i can do, i mean ppl grow apart rite? Things change, and so do ppl. I always thought that we would change, i jus always thought taht we would change together. I am like nothin without her, and no matter how gay that sounds its seriously true. I feel like i have nothing and i am nothing. I guess tahts wat you get for making someone your life. I guess that its time to move on..but i cant. I really cant. I have no idea wtf to do. So for now, ill jus cry, and cry, and cry some more. <--I jus dont know how im going to live without her.
--> i jus need to know wat to do, wat am i going to do withot her? I cant imagine anything without her. I jus wish things could get bak to normal, i wish that things could go bak to the way they used to be, i wish that i could have mah sunshine back!! *If you read this, tell meh what im supposed to do without you, i know you know who are you, so jus tell meh wat to do!! I dont think i can live without you*
Urgh well ima jus go to bed n cry or sumthing..and Ali jean if you read this DONT GET THE WRONG IDEA!! Dont go off thinkin that i hate you, cuz i dont!! i really dont i luhv u soo fuckin mcuh and u mean a whole hellof alot to meh, so dont think anythin diff, i do luhv you!! Its jus..i jus..urgh u know wat im tryin to say..I jus luhv u and ims orry dont get mad at meh ='(
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behindmysmile
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2004 14 June :: 1.12am
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: Foolish --ashanti *old i knw*
Cant get no better than being here wif you..
Well lets see here, nothing really going on. got mah new livejournal perrtty. Very happy with mahself lol. Thans to steph n ash. <3.
Though i still luhv woohu..soo much. Mah background and everything there, is just AWESUM!!! wheeee hehe. =) I think ima keep woohu going too tho. Depends. We'll see =)
Got mah hair done today, its lovely. Well not really, well yea, i dont know, havent decided yet, i dont know bout th brown, but the highlights are cute. =p lol. Wanna see? Course course, everyone wants to see ugly ass meh *that ryhmed omg lol*
Read more..
Well time for bed, or mayb ill stay up n talk to britt whie she doesnt hate meh lol. I <3 u britty. Well nighty night every1.
9 comments |
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behindmysmile
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2004 11 June :: 1.04pm
:: Mood: depressed
Brittany marie gamester i luhv u more than ive ever loved anyone ur the best friend that ive ever had i dont know wtf i would do without you plz dont leave meh, plz plz plz seirously you are mah life, NOBODY ELSE!! Your mah best friend, i dont knwo wtf to do i luhv u mroe than anything i cant live w/o you plz dont do this to meh i dont know wat to do, plz plz plz ='(
I need you in mah life, id ont give a fuck who i have to give up jus for you, i would give up anything and everyone and i will if you want plz jus dont fuckin leave meh, plz oh plz. Id be ntohing without you, plz. Omg ims orry im sooo soo srry plz plz plz dont fuckin leave meh!!!!! ='(
I take anything and everythign ive ever said bak jus plz dont fuckin leave meh britany marie gamester!!!!
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behindmysmile
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2004 10 June :: 10.55pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
How could i live w/o you..?
Well today was, uhm shitty. mah 2 best friends gettin into a huge fight Wif meh stuck in the middle Oh well, it aint got shit to wif meh. let em argue. i aint stickin up for nobody
Brittany Marie, im soo srry for everything. I hate wat happened, and im soo sorry for not stickin up fo ryou 2 babii gurl. I really am truely sorry and i hope u can forgive meh i luhv u.
Ali jean im sorry to u 2. Im sorry that u went through all dis shit. And yeah i still luhv u more than anythin, but, its juss ur talkin shit bout britt, and dats uhm mah best friend, (one of) and u know how much she means to meh, i jus cant believe u would do dat to meh. But i still luv u and hope u dont hate meh.
And malissa babes, im really sorry for not talkin and for being a bitch and for everythin. I know im not surposed to be sorry but i still am and yeah i luv u soo much sweetheart. your the besterest. *mwuz*
<33 Jillane <33
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behindmysmile
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2004 10 June :: 3.52pm
Fine fuck it, both of you go ahead n hate meh!! I didnt fuckin do anything, but go ahead n hate meh, ill jus fuckin leave!! ='(
I thought u were btoh mah best friends?! ='(
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behindmysmile
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2004 10 June :: 11.34am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Southside --sum1 n ashanti
Its all for yoo..all of it.
Well, Dat was an interestin b day. Didnt really do much. Hung out at home all day. Then went shoppin n dinner wif Jelly. [mah step dad] The one person that i hate more than any1. Comes home early, and takes meh out. weird.. =D
Talked to the wonderful Brittany Marie like all day 2. It was nice to talk wif her again I miss her, n' all we used to say n do. Also talked wif mah babii Ali jean!! dat was fun. And funny lol. *ur still preganet* heh I luhv them both soo much. <3. Also found out sum sad stuff that chelsie thought buot meh..=( im sorry
Well thats it. For now. I finally got mah gansta pix [by da way, we knw its not really gansta lol] on here [lmfa0 arial n tiff *fifi*] Wanna see it. I knew u did =p [dont mind josh w's finga in da pix lol.]
Read more..
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behindmysmile
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2004 10 June :: 10.35am
:: Mood: happy
Happy b day to meh!!
NwVolleyballa: happy b-day
painted mote: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Nw BizAller 20: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
BecKy DaWn 2: happy birthday jillian:-D
SHOTglassvodka: awww happy birthday!
x0 obsession: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
xXSnGirlXx: Happy Birthday!!
Chasesbay1718: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
SuN 2BaBE: happy birthday my darling!:-D
KiwiShake: wait happy b-day i love u
BlondieC x: HAPPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RachL00: Happy b day skank!!!8-)
SwEeTsUgAkIsEz:HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY JILLANE
15 YEARS OLD WOOHOO, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABES!
Lower Core: happy bday beautiful babbiii girly
gLor c H ee R: Jillian Elizabeth Dahms i hope you have/Are having the bes birthday ever! Happy big 1-3
i luhv alla mah frienz, thanx to
every1 who made mah b day special. It means
a whole lot to meh, thank u all soo much!!
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behindmysmile
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2004 9 June :: 12.33am
:: Mood: pleased
YaYaYaY!!
Its mah b day everyone!! =)
--Tho im only 15 its one big step to 16 lol
Guess wat everyone? i got a better b day present den you!!
..I get to see mah babii Brittany *mwuz* hehe.
<33 Jillane <33
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behindmysmile
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2004 8 June :: 6.10pm
:: Mood: happy
The two most impostant things in mah life rite here..
Thats mah best friend Brittany Marie *damn gansta* Gamester!! lol
And thats mah other best friend Ali Jean Maloney!!
I luhv y0o both more than anything in the world!! Dont ever forget dat!! *mwuz*
When I was running out of faith...
You still believed in me and never let me fall
And the times I lost my way...
You're the one who held me up and brought me through it all
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behindmysmile
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2004 7 June :: 12.57pm
:: Mood: optimistic
Goodbyes are never easy..and that sucks..
Well lets see here..these last two days were really boring. Everyone had to work all day. So i decided to just stay home n do nuffin both days. =)
I started a new workout routine and so far ive stuck to it. But its only been 2 DaYz lol but still. Im hopin i can loss sum of mah fat ass. but who knows. I need to diet too. I hate how big ive gotten over the past 2 or so years i jus wish i could be skinny again.. ='( oh wells. Life goes on right..?
Workout Routine
20 min endurance run on treadmill
[thats 1.15 miles, 4.*sumpthin* laps]
20 crunches
water break [ lol =) ]
20 more cruches
20 mountian climbers
12 squat thrusts
its just a start, but should
help me fat ass a bit rite? lol
But neways. Urgh i aint got nothing planned for this whole week.. If anyone wants to do something then let me know, cuhz im already bored lol. So brittany Malissa Gloria Chad Becky Mike James or tiffany GET AT MEH!! lol. =)
Whew, not to be selfish but im glad Malissa didnt go to tennesse Cuz then i couldnt see mah lil babii forever!! Ick that would be HORRIBLE!! lol. But babes, i luhv you tons!! Thanks for being there for meh.
Well tahts it for today. I'll write more another time. Latah every1. =)
Read more..
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