Where to begin

:: 2008 31 October :: 1.17am

FYI: my turds are tapered.

also, i bowled a 163, 149, and 169 tonight.

my average is 147

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:: 2008 30 October :: 4.18pm

You have confirmed your interview schedule on 11/6/2008 at 4:00 PM. Please report to the HR office at Sears Auto Center. For more information, please call 6162857721.

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spud

:: 2008 29 October :: 1.26am
:: Mood: contemplative

recollections
::

i feel like i've lost a lot of my pizzazz. (or maybe you spell it pissass. depending on how many laxatives i took that day.) you know? i feel like i used to have more vitality, more everything. not that i was a driven, self-motivated type of person. not that i was spastic or rambunctious. i just feel like i had an undercurrent of motion that just isn't there anymore.

nowadays i let the simplest things prevent me from getting anything done, and i really don't feel the need to try and innovate, or make new things happen. i'm content to attempt, and fail, to merely recreate those which have come before. nothing outstanding. nothing superb. i just settle for okay.

but that really doesn't seem right. i don't want just an okay life. i don't want just okay friends. okay coworkers. okay family. that's not how it works for me. i feel like everything about my life up to this point has been outrageous. and now it's just mellowing out. i guess it's my job to keep it outrageous. but i have a lot of fucking jobs right now, which i guess is what's bogging me down. so, adding the job of unbogging myself to the pile doesn't really work. it'll just exacerbate the problem.

so, i just need to get a few things out of the way, one at a time, so that i have a bit more freedom to have some of that guilt-free, sporadic, funtime. where my energy is put to its most effectively pragmatic use. because clearly i don't get shit done when it comes to actual work. but give me something fun to do, and i'll forget to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom, i'm so diligent.

and faking myself out to think that the "work" stuff is actually "fun" stuff doesn't cut it. believe me, i've tried. although, i have discovered that some of the "fun" stuff is actually "work". but since it falls under "fun" in my classifications, i can still do that, at least.

i guess we'll make it happen eventually. and until then, i'll just have to tough it out. but i want to be fun and exciting again. none of this boring, grumpy, old man nonsense. that suits me at times. but i don't think this should be one of those times.

i'll get there, and i'll enjoy it. but i'm not there yet. and there's no sense in rushing it.

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:: 2008 27 October :: 11.37am

the sun came out today.

:: 2008 27 October :: 5.46am

All my eggs are now in one basket.

Chapter 2: the beginning.

:: 2008 26 October :: 9.54pm

Its hard to forgive what happened.

Its also hard to lose a friend that close.

what to do?

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:: 2008 26 October :: 3.52pm
:: Music: blink 182 - always

for once, i'm enjoying the rain

phil-himself

:: 2008 26 October :: 1.22pm

Not going into work today till 6:00pm because I have the flu. Such a shitty week this has been.

:: 2008 26 October :: 1.19pm

it really sucks losing sombody i was that close with, Its not worth my pain for that though.

also, with all the depressing entry's lately, i bring you ken, the lawn jockey

:: 2008 25 October :: 4.11am
:: Mood: numb

"regret nothing, Live every day as if it we're your last"
Since red flannel I've learned alot about myself, alot more than I care to know.

I know now that I try and change myself to fit in with someone else.
I know what its like to say "I love you" and truly mean it
I have cried, I don't do that ever.
I have driven to points where I feel nothing at all, then I cut myself just to see if pain even exists, it doesn't.
I have compleatly handed my heart to someone
who had no idea what to do with it, and later crushed it.

I knew what I was getting into, she warned me, told me not to do it.
I've also learned to listen.
I've learned lies hurt more than the truth.

In the past month, I've felt the best I ever have in life, I feel the worst I ever have right now.

This girl has driven me to do things I've never considered ever before, I wish I could put into words the way I'm feeling now.

flexeril can't even take these feelings away.

When the time comes, just remember.
"Regret nothing and live every day as if its your last."

Erin Marie Crisp,

Again, I've never been as sorry as I am now about how much i hurt you.
again I'm sorry.

Justin McW,
You we're right, my knife is definatally not sharp enough.

:: 2008 22 October :: 11.28pm

Sons of Anarchy
so far on SoA i've recognized 2 songs

clutch - can't stop progress
Dropkick murphys - johnny i hardly knew ya

jax is a badass, plain and simple, throwing a guy through a glass door last week, then this week shooting him in the head.

also gemma's friend had a good one liner "six years of taking two in the ass while a teenager cums on
my face!"

rayray

:: 2008 22 October :: 6.16pm

So after a lot of discussing, we have highly considered moving to Wyoming..
The final decision isn't going to be up to me, because I am not the one that has a child.
Also, we are looking at getting an english bulldog puppy.
Im still waiting for my civil service date.
And at this rate, I don't think I am going to get in to take it until december.

:: 2008 19 October :: 11.11pm
:: Music: weigh on my mind - the transplants

I've made the decision to stop drinking so much, also i need to get some shit straightened out in my life.

and i bring some lyrics,

Read more..

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:: 2008 18 October :: 3.28am
:: Mood: high

i see it, i wonder if they do too.

:: 2008 16 October :: 10.29pm

bowled a 102, 180, and 152. i'm feeling good.