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angel_bob

:: 2008 23 February :: 3.42pm

I got Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour: an Introduction. Good old J.D. Salinger.

I am quite excited to read it but I might leave it for last and read the other two books first.

We are going to a hockey game tonight. Nick and I went to one last week and I had a lot of fun so I'm pretty excited for this one.

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spud

:: 2008 22 February :: 12.45am
:: Music: temple of the dog

i shot ten minutes of b-roll, and twenty minutes of interview today. so, nobody can say i'm slacking off. i have a com midterm tomorrow at two. filming some more b-roll from 3 to 5. not sure what's happening after that. possibly another interview.

saturday morning i have the studio from 8 to 10, so stewart can come in and lay down some phat bass grooves. midday might do some more interview action. and in the evening, kevin requested my company doing god-knows-what.

sunday i planned on doing church, lifting, maybe a movie, and then making up a bunch of shit for that scriptwriting assignment i wrote about last time. i also have an article due monday by two, so that might happen sunday night as well.

it looks pretty when i say it like that. very neat and orderly. everything fits.

however, reality is very very different. reality includes all the stuff i know about but didn't add to the schedule. it also includes all of the unfortunate (and sometimes fortunate) random shit that i'll never see coming, no matter how hard i try.

i don't know which i'd prefer, the reality as it is now, or the reality as it would be if it followed the paper exactly. the paper would be boring, but i feel like i'd be much more productive and much less stressed out. and i wouldn't feel as guilty about forgetting people (since it wouldn't happen) and i would never have to deal with the trauma of "picking favorites" (regardless of whether they're actually favorites, or just necessary damage control).

meh. life treats me well though. far better than i deserve. i just hope to god there's a light at the end of the tunnel. because, it feels like there is, but that it's never going to come. as we all know, light moves faster than i do, so i have zero chance to ever catch up with that shit. none whatsoever.

but i guess i'm supposed to be okay with that.

thanks once again, mr. j. for letting me bitch into you, and for having you not judge me. or even notice me at all, really. i appreciate that sometimes.

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angel_bob

:: 2008 21 February :: 9.06pm

The books I bought
Marian Keyes' Walsh Family Books (Anybody Out There?, Watermelon, Rachel's Holiday and Angels)

Ready or Not (the second All-American girl book) by Meg Cabot

It Happened One Autumn (some trashy romance novel: "Four young ladies enter London society with one necessary goal: they must use their wit and feminine wiles to find a husband. So they band together, and a daring husband-hunting scheme is born." It was five dollars and got good reviews. I'm a sucker for historical romance.)

Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour: an Introduction (This will make my J.D. Salinger collect complete. I am a sucker for the Glass family. Also: two dalla.)

Pontoon: A Novel of Lake Wobegon (I read an except and my life was forever changed. It's an ex-library copy apparently so it's cheap.)



I got a package but I have yet to open it so I don't know which books are in it. I'll let you know.

Oh I've read Anybody Out There? and it was SO GOOD. Seriously. SO. GOOD. All of her books are like that apparently. With the goodness.

[edit] I received the two books that I cared the least about: trashy romance and the second All-American Girl novel. I am pretty pumped for the rest of my books.

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angel_bob

:: 2008 19 February :: 9.20pm

This message brought to you by 2004!
The Valentine's Day bunny (my dad) gave to me a gift card for Barnes and Noble. I used it yesterday on four books and then two hours later remembered the four books that I actually wanted and ordered four more. Half will arrive on Thursday and half will be sent out on Thursday. I am excited. I love getting packages and I love books.

I think that tonight I am going to gather up all the books Katti let me borrow and sort them into "have read" and "have not read" piles so I can start sending those back to her.

I also need to do laundry. I just keep rewearing shirts and it's not that great of an idea anymore. Also, I need a shower.

The week after next is my spring break. I am pumped. I need to figure out tomorrow what I'm going to work over break.

I have a lot to do.

To Do:
Finish FAFSA
Finish Meijer scholarship
Do French scholarship
Ask Emily for a ride next Tuesday
Figure out work schedule for spring break
Schedule fall semester classes
Start researching my final papers before the end of April
Think of two profs for recommendation letters
Finish resume
Apply to FBI job
Find more money for next semester (scholarship search!)
Do laundry
Vacuum
Clean up the bathrooms
Pay bills
Find a job for after graduation
Get Hannah a present?
Find and gather all of Katti's books

I have a lot to do. I'm going to have to actually get on this at some point instead of just talking about it.


The Westboro Baptist Church Counter-protest has changed into boring stuff I don't want to do. I wanted blood and arguments and spitting and fights. They want support and a party. Lame posers.

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angel_bob

:: 2008 18 February :: 11.39pm

Upon graduation next year, I will be over $20,000 in debt. Awesome. I just wish I would win the lottery or some rich person would bequeath tons of money to me.


My sister turns 17 on Thursday. That makes me feel old.

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spud

:: 2008 18 February :: 8.41pm
:: Mood: whelmed

scriptwriting, and so on.

i'm completely overwhelmed by this assignment. i think it's really cruel to make us go right into writing a full-on script. i have NO ideas. none! i like documentaries, because you can just find something to observe, and then manipulate what you see into something artistic. i like working with small groups of people, where you collaborate and build on each other's ideas. not like this. i'm so small and alone and insignificant and inexperienced. i suck at writing scripts, because - while i am good at writing, at least in certain ways - all of those qualities are things that don't make a damn bit of difference in scriptwriting. i have NEVER done theater, whether writing or performance. my short stories have all been bad - with some good parts in there - but as a whole, bad. and i understand that the point of the class is to get better at it. but i don't see how you're going to get better when you're bogged down and stressed out and completely nonplussed. i mean, i can look at a script, once it's written, and probably pick out some of the things that are good and some of the things that are bad. but in the process of writing it, i'm so lost in the formatting and the coming up with any ideas - anything at all - that i have no attention span left for critical analysis.

i'm just pissed.

calm down chris. you're okay. you're going to the studio tomorrow night, and it will be beautiful. you're done for the day, you only have one class tomorrow. it'll all be just fine. quit being a fucktard, and just enjoy it.

okay?

okay.

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spud

:: 2008 17 February :: 8.37pm

the one time i forget to copy my text before i submit, is always the time the whole entry gets deleted.

anyway, kevin:

dad's getting a band together. i want you to come try out. i will get you more information as soon as it's available. even if it's only for the summer, it'd still be fun.

also, i'm going to try applying for my passport this week. wish me luck.

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spud

:: 2008 16 February :: 7.09am

i should probably go to bed soon. it's been a busy day.

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angel_bob

:: 2008 14 February :: 8.03pm

Happy VD!




Unending Love by Rabindranath Tagore

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times...
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age old pain,
It's ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness of time.
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers,
Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting,
the distressful tears of farewell,
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

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angel_bob

:: 2008 13 February :: 11.19pm

My icon journal is pretty dead since I don't remember my password and greatestjournal doesn't host pics anymore. I guess it's fine since I can put them on flickr or whatever but I have to get them off greatestjournal and right now I just don't have time. And I can't remember my password so I can't edit the entries.

Sorry, peeps.

If my password ever comes back to me, I'm going to make it my photoblog. I've tried every password I've ever used so it must be one I just used for that journal. Aidez-moi, y'all!

I am watching the last episode of Project Runway before Fashion Week. I shamelessly love this show.

I love you all.

P.S. "Image Hosting: This feature was disabled over a year ago; images that had previously been uploaded have been purged."

So all my icons are gone. Awesome. I don't even know if they're still on my parents' computer. If you have any of the icons I made, it'd be cool if you could email me a copy (onceloviikyu@gmail.com). That'd be great.

This kind of upsets me. I'm just going to remember my password, move on and make it a photoblog.

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spud

:: 2008 13 February :: 12.33am
:: Music: the little river band

reminiscing

you know... not much has changed, in me anyway. i like to think that i've grown or improved in some way. but i haven't, really.

gangles was on american idol tonight, doing the same thing he's always done. granted, he was essentially booed off the stage. and i knew when i saw him drumming in the intro stuff that it wouldn't end well. i think he would have been much more successful with guitar. and honestly, i wished he would have gone on. which is probably sad.

but it got me wondering... why isn't some podunk town somewhere in an uproar because I'M on national television, making an ass of myself? why isn't it me out there, doing what i love to do? and i came to the conclusion that it's the very same reason that mike chose gangles instead of me. the same reason i was always overshadowed by him in the talent show.

because i'm not a dickweed. i wish i were, but the fact remains that i am not, and i haven't been in a long long time. there was a time when i was. and i enjoyed the privileges it afforded me - just as he enjoys the privileges it affords him. but ultimately, i made a choice growing up that i wouldn't be a dickweed; that i actually wanted a few close friends who liked me, instead of many distant acquaintances who liked me and close friends i pushed away.

but lately, i've been becoming more of a dickweed again. i've begun pushing away many of those close friends, and attracting a handful of distant acquaintances. however, this time the switch wasn't really a conscious choice. sure, i've always been jealous of the dickweeds in my life, since they got to do more and be more, and i just sat there and let them. but i don't think it's worth it to me to give up my close friends, just so i can do more and be more. i'd rather have them and live in squalor, than become big and have nobody there.

even still, i find myself continuing down the path to dickweed-dom. how do i stop it? can i stop it? do i want to stop it? i don't know. maybe. yes.

but i still have no idea where that puts me, or what the next thing i have to do to change it might be.

but hey, i did dishes tonight, worked on my fafsa, did some networking business for my school projects, and watched some T.V. so what am i complaining about? i can pretend to be a big rock star later. for now i'll just be the poor college student i'm supposed to be, and find some way to assimilate and be a happy part of the machine.

"shyah, right, and monkeys might fly out of my butt!"

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angel_bob

:: 2008 12 February :: 12.12am

BLOGGING!
Every time I do my laundry at midnight I think "hmm maybe I shouldn't be running the abnormally loud washing machine at midnight" but then I remember that ABG has come running up here and complained to us about everything we do so if he has a problem, I'm sure he'll let us know.

Since Nick doesn't get home until nine, I usually don't end up doing much housework until after ten. This includes vacuuming. I always feel very conscious of any noise I make after nine, the unofficial "quiet time," especially since our apartment building is usually extremely quiet.

I am writing a page for Humanities tomorrow but I think I'll go take a shower and call it good until tomorrow.

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spud

:: 2008 11 February :: 5.33pm

well, i got my script done. it's shitty. the dialogue is bad. i'm pretty sure it's formatted incorrectly. which is honestly no fault of mine, since he gave us a bunch of different examples, each of which was ambiguous, and different from the next. but at least it's done.

i'm pretty sure he's a terrible professor. good guy, knows a lot about film, but terrible at teaching. which is unfortunate.

here you go:

FADE IN:

INT – OFFICE – DAY

The office is brightly lit, but dark furnishings and wall coverings are ominous still. PHIL – the boss - sits, lost in thought examining paperwork, in a very imposing chair behind a large oak desk, with a large window behind showing the side of a neighboring skyscraper.

There is a KNOCK at the door.

PHIL
Come in.

JOHN enters, not timidly, but cautiously.

JOHN
You wanted to see me, sir?

PHIL
Yes, please sit down. I'll be with you in a moment.

JOHN obeys and sits in front of the desk, looking around the room, absently fidgeting with his clothes. PHIL continues to be absorbed in paperwork

PHIL (CONT'D)
Sorry to keep you waiting, but I really needed to finish that.

JOHN
Oh, it's no problem. So, you wanted to see me?

PHIL
Yes, John. I've been hearing some very disconcerting rumors regarding your conscientiousness and devotion to your work.

JOHN
(pause)... Is that so?

PHIL
Yes. I understand that you habitually leave early for and return late from your lunch breaks, but fix the numbers on the computer. You have also been known to use a hostile tone when speaking to customers. And you don't always file your reports on time. We're considering putting you on monitored probation.

JOHN
Probation!? I've been with this company for over ten years! And now you're threatening me? After all I've done for you....

PHIL
I'm sorry John, but we have standards to adhere to. And we have to ensure that all of our employees, even those who have been with us for a long time, are adhering to those standards.

JOHN
(increasingly upset) Standards, eh? The way I see it, the standards of this company went out the door the moment they let you start running the show! You're more concerned about keeping up appearances, and a healthy bottom line for the stockholders, than you are about taking care of the very people who take care of you! What would you do without people like me, Phil? We work hard every single day, doing all of the menial, mundane, thankless tasks, which – if gone undone – would bring this operation to the ground. And you don't even give us a long enough lunch to go across the street for a bagel!

PHIL
We have a cafeteria he...

JOHN
(cuts him off, yelling) I don't care if there's some shitty cafeteria in this fucking building! I want options! I want freedom: I want to be able to choose to go to Joe's café for a coffee and a bagel on my lunch break, and not get fired for it. I want to be able to stop what I'm doing for five minutes, so I can take a piss, without having it docked from my pay.

JOHN stands up and BANGS his fist on the desk, angrily.

JOHN (CONT'D)
I'm sick and goddamn tired of spending every day dreading coming into work, because I know I'll spend it looking over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop. We would honestly get more work done, in a shorter amount of time, if we were provided a more relaxed work environment. But instead we're all just quaking in our little cubicles, waiting for your minions to waltz up to our desk and tell us to box up our stuff because we used a No. 2 pencil instead of blue or black ink on our latest efficiency progress report!

PHIL
(Very long pause) Well....

JOHN sits, somewhat awkwardly; anticlimactic.

PHIL (CONT'D)
... It's clear you're upset with the way things are run around here, and that you're intimately familiar with the needs and desires of our employees. It's also evident that you're not afraid to share your feelings and opinions on important matters with me. I'm creating a new position on my staff, "Employee Liaison/Advisor," and these capacities make you the perfect candidate. What do you say? Would you like to join my cabinet?

JOHN
(pause) May I have some time to decide?

PHIL
Absolutely

INT – CAFÉ – NIGHT

JOHN sits alone at a table next to a window, with a bagel and coffee, and his laptop open beside them. He is composing an email, addressed to PHIL, stating simply "I'm in".

JOHN
(to self) What are you doing? Can you even trust this guy? Well, I suppose he trusts you well enough.

He exhales deeply, just before CLICKING "Send". He closes the laptop, packing it in his bag, finishes eating the bagel, grabs the coffee, and walks out of the shop.

FADE OUT

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spud

:: 2008 11 February :: 1.37pm

they say that sleeping over-abundantly is a sign of depression. but i disagree. i say it's just a sign that you're fucking tired and want to sleep.

then again, it could simply be that you just can't summon up the strength to rise and face the world in yet another pointless day, in which you scurry around doing pointless things until you're tired enough to fall asleep again.

...

naaaaa, you're just fucking tired, that's all there is to it.

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angel_bob

:: 2008 10 February :: 7.16pm

I love when people who don't have kids but only watch (babysit/daycare) or teach them talk about how kids act or how they should behave. Like those 3-8 hours are representative of how the child is. Or how the parent raises them.

It disgusts me. Especially when they are basing their judgments on a TV show that has been edited to only show certain parts. So when one kid hits the other one, the kids beat on each other all the time. And when the parents are crabby during one episode, they're overbearing tyrants.

Seriously, people? This is all you have to do? You just sit in front of the TV watching this one show and then go online and complain about the half hour of parenting you see these people, the people you don't even KNOW or have even ever MET, do on ONE DAY?

The world is kind of disgusting me today. Also, Mitt Romney says if the democrats win, the terrorists win. I'm kind of tiring of hearing about the terrorists winning because of the opposite political party. This fear mongering shit is getting old, people. The sad thing is that it works on some people. Those same people are probably really excited for Larry the Cable Guy in Witness Protection.

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