Trash/Basura

:: 2004 10 May :: 9.34pm

*Crys*
Yesterday I found out that me friend (Best friend for a looong ass time) doesn't like to be around me cause I'm "Goth" and people "like that make me uncomfortable. I mean, it's okay talking to you on the phone, I just don't like to be around you."

FUCK

~Caro

:: 2004 9 May :: 6.01pm

I know how to get over Hunter!!!!!!!!!

I put it into play today! Focus all my love for him into admariation for his creatative genious and just loving being around him!!!

~Caro

W00T

:: 2004 8 May :: 8.33pm

I've decided Hunter feels a bit uncomfortable around me, just like I feel around Alan. Actualy, Alan meakes me very uncomfortable. VERY uncomfortable. I hope I dun show it as much as alan does. That would be bad.

If you must

:: 2004 4 May :: 9.12pm

Yesterday was a bitch
Yesterday I got to Halcyon after I was at boulder hig for a few hours, just as usual. I got to math class and suddenly knew I was going to cry. "Greg, can I go see Stacy?" Stacy wasn't there, so I asked to go see Sherri (My homeroom teacher. She's really nice.) So he said no. I was starting to cry (Greg is so fuggin blind, I swear. (He's not really, but it sure seems like it some times)) I said it was important. "Well can it wait five mutes?" "No." "wll you should go talk to the principle then." THe principle happened to be standing outside the door. "Can I go talk to Sherri?" I asked, in tears. "Well, sure Caroline." I walked into Sherri's room and was having trouble talking because I had to take in such sharp breaths. I told her I didn't feel well, mentaly. I went into the small room attached to the class and cried for an hour before I could call my mom. I called and couldn't stop crying still. Then my voice got so loud I was yelling, and couldn't stop yelling. Mary-Alice took everybody out of the classroom. "OH MY GOD MOM, WHY CAN'T I STOP YELLING!" I even yelld to the class that I was sorry. I cryed for atleast four hours yesterday without stopping. And thaere you have it. Mum is screaming at me to get of the computer. Bye.

~Caro

:: 2004 2 May :: 7.28pm
:: Music: Dangerous, by Yes

Once again:

DAMN

Saw Hunter today. W00T. But man, it's hard as all Hell to see him. I couldn't help but wish he was mine. I'll get over him, I swear!

...Eventually...

Oh well. I just wish it wern't so fucking hard. I mean, how is this fair to me? I know there isn't anything I can do about it, but I'm really hating it. I didn't cry today but there is no telling if I will.

I'm burning the FFX soundtrack fo him. That's random, I know. You dun have to tell me that. X.x

Gods curse it. I dun know if I'll ever really get over him. I might be able when he goes to Japan for the summer.

I still feel like a fuckin SICKO for liking his brother. SICK O.
It's just gross.

But they're so different. DJ is really sweet, cute and funny in a different way from Hunter, And Hunter is more deep, hot and creative, as well as funny in a different way from DJ. I dun really know that much about DJ, but he is really sweet. He's a bit more immature than Hunter, but Hunter is not always mature ^_^;; but they are both really nice guys.

I still feel like I'm a sicko, though.

Anyway. Nee isn't supposed to call me for like, another week and a half. I'm burning her some CDs now though.I'm gonna send them to her. ^______^ Yes, finaly my friend. I shall send back your Cds, and some of my art that I want you to have. I'm gonna work on a pic of Liana for you, and if you send me a pic of Hikari, I'll draw one of him. Sorry the Cds have taken so long. It's hard to get my dad to burn CDs, even though I tell him EVERY weekend. Oh well. I stopped replying to Ana's stupid comments. It wasn't worth my effort.

So yea. There you have it.

Much love.

~Caro

3 disappointments | If you must

:: 2004 29 April :: 6.49pm

DAMN

~Caro

:: 2004 28 April :: 6.37pm

Pardon all spelling errors. I'm having a hard day.
Not the best day ever. I cried. A lot.
I went to BHS and they were testing so the evil dude who was quite rude took me to the cafateria (sp?) and was like, "You have to stay here. You can't go anywhere else." So I said "Well, I'll just call my mom and get her to take me home." So I call my mom and we end up yelling at eachother for the whole conversation (In my mom's defence a lot of shit was happening). She didn't want to come pick me up and I said "You have to! I can't stay here!" So she ended up saying she come and hanging up angrily. So since I have so much on my mind I left the office crying. I waited for her for a long time, crying off and on for that whole chunk of time. I'm sitting on this little rock, in the wind, waiting, thinking This is such bull shit. and wanting her to get there for crying out loud. So eventualy she gets there and I get in the car and I say "You know what? Whe we got off the phone I left the office crying and I cryed off and on for the whole time I waited for you." My mom apologised and was genuinely sorry about it. Then we went to starbucks after I cried, AGAIN. And when we left starbucks I craied AGAIN. And when we got to school I cried AGAIN. And when I went in the school I cried AGAIN. Rrrgh! I'm so frustrated with myself! I'm letting all the shit that's been going on get to me.

Of course...It would probably get to you too.

~Caro

:: 2004 27 April :: 9.02pm

well. It would be nice if you read this whole thing.
Kelly came over on Saturday.
It was fun. We had a great time falling off the hammock XD
She stayed the night so she could meet Hunter and the guys.
So we go to RPG on Sunday. I'm fine about Hunter.

Untill the end.

Everybody left but me, Kelly and Hunter. He was standing in the hall looking depressed and staring into space. This shall be written in a play-like format.
Caro: What's wrong?
Hunter: Hmn? *Looks up*
Caro: You seem down...
Hunter: Oh. It's just I have this loan I cant pay off.
Caro: Oh... How bad is it?
Hunter: It's about half way paid.
Caro: Hmn...
*Silence*
Hunter: I'm going down stairs to play vidiogames. You guys can hang up here if you want. *Walks down stairs*
Caro: *Calls mother to see if she can pick up Caro and Kelly, then walks to Kelly, who is standing by the front door.* I'm such a loser.
Kelly: Huh?
Caro *Goes on to explain the it should be easyer to get over hunter and that she is lame* I'm going to go down stairs and talk to him. *Walks to stairs. Tries to go down, but can't. Walks back to Kelly* I cant go down... *Eventually manages to force herself down the stairs.* Hey.
Hunter: Hey.
Caro: What's up?
*Chat's about video games untill mom arives.* Bye..
Hunter: Bye.

I got home and after Kelly left I was sitting with my sister and I cried.

I hate this. It's far too hard. It's not like anything actually HAPPENED between us, right?

And I'm a sickko. I can see myself with his brother too.
The one who I dreamed raped me.

-__-

Anywho, last night I started hallucinating again. Rawar.

And Ana is pissing me off.
Cause I'm not fucking reading her journal, and she is saying she is. I'm not even going to respond to her stupid comments any more. She can just burn in hell. And it's MY JOURNAL I can talk about whatever I damn well please!

So, I'm a bit depressed.

~Caro

:: 2004 23 April :: 10.31pm

PLEASE NOTE:
Before this happend, I had already decided to give up on Hunter.

Heh. So I was hanging out with Hunter's mom (Allison. She ish mah buddy. I knew her before I knew Hunter. She rocks) and we were talking about guys, and I said I was getting over someone and when she asked who I said "Noe one important." and she says "I alkways thought you had a thing for Hunter." And I said "Hah! You were right."
Alison: Dont worry about him. He's a pain in the ass. (They don't have a very good relationship, by the way.)
me: Heh. I can see how that could be.
Alison: He won't open up to anybody.
Alison goes on to say that in the past when people have said that they wanted to know about him, and wanted him to open up to them, they really wanted him to listen to them, not the other way around.
Alison: He's also just not interested in girls or women at all.
*Conversation continues.*

That's all I really needed to put in here. So, I'm rally giving up on Hunter. For real this time. I swear. *Heaves a sigh* I dun know if I'll be able to say that once I see him again....

Damn my weakness! I wish I wern't so weak!

But I'll do my best. I'm giving up on him.

I just have to say it a few times. I'll really do it. Just write my poetry, post in here...It'll all be good.

Ana, if you're reading this, GO AWAY, GOD DAMNITT.

Anyway.

So, Amanda (Friend from medicin horse) Is coming over tomorow night, and then coming to RPG on sunday. Should be fun. x.x;; I'm excited about it. ^_^

So, talk to ya'll later.

Much love to you all. I apreciate all your support. You guys rock.

~Caro

:: 2004 23 April :: 10.29am

*Bakes potato*

Yay! Only three more minute's till mah breakfast ish done!

Nee, you need to call me today, or tommorow before one thirty....

*Waits hungrily for timer to go off to signal that breakfast ish ready*
*Two minutes*
*One minute*
*RING!*
*Dashes off to get breakfast*

Baii!

~Caro

1 disappointment | If you must

:: 2004 22 April :: 7.17pm

Heh. (The funnyest part is in bold)
Re:
@ 04-21-04 1:31am
[ delete ]
Will you just leave me ALONE!

I don't even know you!

I don't appreciate you posting this.

I seriously don't ever want you talking about me!

I don't have any argument with you, you started it!

This conversation was what you started so stop, now!

[ reply to comment ]

cloudyfanx

Re: Re:
@ 04-21-04 9:47pm
[ delete ]
I only did it cause you hurt Nee.

~Caro

[ reply to comment ]

H2OforDuo

Re:
@ 04-21-04 9:57pm
[ delete ]
*Hugs*
Thanks.
I apreciate the support. I hate it when people hurt my friends. *Glares*
I'm glad I'm loved.

~Caro

[ reply to comment ]

H2OforDuo

Re: Re:
@ 04-21-04 10:02pm
[ delete ]
AND STOP READING MY FUCKING JOURNAL.

~Caro

[ reply to comment ]

H2OforDuo

yo bitch
@ 04-21-04 1:40am
[ delete ]
caro caro yo whats
up you sound like you are in 7th grade trying to be someone you dont even know how to pretend to be i'll slice you and dice you till you cry

[ reply to comment ]
anonymous

Re: yo bitch
@ 04-21-04 9:51pm
[ delete ]
Heh.
You make me laugh.
You are the one sounding like you are pretending to be someone you don't know how to be, with the gangsta talk and such.

~Caro

[ reply to comment ]

H2OforDuo

4 disappointments | If you must

:: 2004 21 April :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: To tired to even cry anymore

*Points to mood*

Heh.
Kinda depressed.

Okay, really depressed.

But that's okay, right?

Just tell me that that's okay...

Please....

15 disappointments | If you must

:: 2004 20 April :: 7.28pm

Oh look at the nice happy conversation I've been having.

(Reply to a post in Nee's journal)

yay for warm nice fuzzy lovely good feelings. Take it nice and easy and just enjoy what you get *smiles* don't be TOO serious mah Nee.
BTW I like this new layout too. It IS perky. As for that Ana chick... girls are real pains in the ass when it comes to being your 'friend' when you get a guy that's interested in ya... just... kick her ass or something... *laughs*

*uber cyber huggles*

The Great and Powerful Meggers

LovelyGothicDreamer

Re:
@ 04-06-04 12:31am

Well you stole my freakin shit!And then lied seriously!I wasn't bad mouthing you either he was being an asshole and flirting with Crystal even if I wasn't mad at you I would have kicked his ass he was being such a totally jerk then he called me a little cunt when it was him who was being a jerk ass in the first place so whatever he said about me bad mouthing you was untrue.And is this lovelygothicwhatever the shit saying I'm jealous? Bullcrap! I saw his pick and plus he was being such a poser like if I wanted to get yelled at I would talk to my mom because since I'm a "goth" she rags on me. While in actual events his mom is probably like honey do you want some cookies?While he's on the computer saying she's a bitch...yep.

cloudyfanx

Re: Re:
@ 04-09-04 11:49pm

Shut the fuck up. And die, while your at it.

*Sews your mouth shut with coarse wire and a blunt needle*

~Caro

H2OforDuo

Re:
@ 04-09-04 11:51pm

Yes. Please kick her ass.

~Caro

H2OforDuo

Re: Re: Re:
@ 04-17-04 1:49am

who the fuck are you to talk I wasn't talking to you you retarded bitch I barely know who the hell you are so don't fucking judge me....god damn!

cloudyfanx

Re: Re: Re:
@ 04-17-04 1:49am

who the fuck are you to talk I wasn't talking to you you retarded bitch I barely know who the hell you are so don't fucking judge me....god damn!

cloudyfanx

Re: Re: Re: Re:
@ 04-17-04 9:23pm

Use some punctuation please.
You know, like periods and commas.

~Caro

H2OforDuo

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
@ 04-18-04 11:36pm

Well atleast I'm not like you, with the

Hi.
My name is,

and your friggin lines are so short!
Do you ever write anything? Also, shut the hell up about punctuation I'm not in school, I if I was I would use punctuation in my advanced english class.

cloudyfanx

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
@ 04-20-04 7:27pm

Advanced English, eh? I'm in eighth grade and taking tenth grade LA, so don't try to intimidate me.

This conversation is over. It's rude to have a conversation in other peoples journals.

And I don't particularly care if my lines are short.

Have a nice day.

~Caro