oh dear gods. So much has happened sisnce I last posted....But this happened last night

Idiot.
That’s what he is.
How could he do this to me?
To us?
For Goddess sake,
He’s got a child!
He has sisters!
He has a wife,
A mom,
Friends!
I’m the younger sister.
I can’t believe he did this.
It was just an argument for Christ sake!
And what does he do?
I’ll tell you later on.
He doesn’t tell anyone.
He says he’s gonna get his cell phone from his car.
He drives away.
No one knows where he is.
Then the phone rings.
I answer.
“Hello?”
A woman’s voice:
“Yes, is this Tiffany Bruer?”
I thought it was a solicitor.
“Uh, I don’t think so…”
But I knew she was downstairs putting Luci to bed.
“Is there any other way I can reach her?”
“I don’t know…maybe I can leave a message…?”
“No, I’d rather speak with her directly.”
“May I ask who’s calling?”
“Yes, this is the emergency room at Boulder community hospital.”
I almost dropped the phone.
“Hold on just one second.”
I rushed down the stairs to the basement.
“Tiff!”
“Yea, C?” she said
I handed her the phone.
“It’s the emergency room at Boulder community hospital.”
She took the phone not seeming concerned.
Peter was there, but they couldn’t tell her why, he wouldn’t let them, just that he wanted her to come there.
She asked if he was hurt.
They said “No. Not yet.”
So, Tiff decided that he probly went down there and said he was going to hurt himself.
She said he does that a lot when they get in big arguments,
Said he just wanted attention.
But since we didn’t know if he was really hurt Tiff decided to go down.
Later the phone rang.
It was Tiff.
She wanted to talk to Mom.
I sat near her and what I heard was not good.
Apparently He took all of his lithium and he was toxic
Way beyond reason.
She was in tears.
I seemed calm,
But inside I was being ripped apart.
I needed to talk to someone.
Mom said she be there after the child fell asleep
I went upstairs to try to contact Nee.
She wasn’t on.
Suddenly, the phone rings.
It’s Hana.
I answer and start crying.
She calms me down.
Mom walks in.
She hadn’t wanted me to tell anyone.
But she hadn’t told me that.
At some point Hana has to go
After we have some good conversations about meds and how fucked up they are.
I go back down stairs,
Watch some TV…
I go to sleep..
Troubled sleep.
And now it is yesterday’s tomorrow.
My brother is on dialysis
To get the lithium out of his blood.
He’ll be there for at least three days.
This is what I know:
My brother is an idiot.

2 disappointments | If you must