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2004 21 December :: 1.29pm
I always adored my sister, I still do, and I always will. It's tough to see her going through this. It really is. She had all sorts of nightmares last night, too. At least she's home, right? yea. That's one thing that's going right. One out of so many I can't even count. And, as usual, she thinks I'm being annoying. But that's because I am, so whatever. I don't mean to be. Oh well. Yah? I love her anyway. That's why I'm so annoying, you see. I'm just being overzealous. Anywho, Love you guys.
-Caro-
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2004 17 December :: 8.46pm
I was just at Kat's hanging with her, Sparky and Mike. We watched Sprited Away and then went and fought with foam swords in the dark. And then we took pictures of us in spiffilicous poses with the foam swords XD It was great. It was definitely a good way to start off break. *nods violently* I'm feeling about ten million times better than I was. I've gotten support from all of my friends and teachers (special thanks to Nee). What do all y'all think of my new layout? I want input, damnitt! XD I'm a bit hyper. High off life, yah? I can't beleive how good I feel. I know it won't last for long, but Hell. I'm gonna enjoy it while I can. Aimee's back on MONDAY! (or is it Tuesday...The point is it's SOON.) WAAHAA! ^__________^ *Dances around* <( ' . ' )> (>' . ')> <( ' .'<) <( ' . ' )^
Merry Haunakwanzamass!
~Caro
2 disappointments |
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2004 13 December :: 6.22pm
...I want my dog back...
........I miss her.....a lot....and I want her back..........I want my dog...I miss Meg...
2 disappointments |
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2004 13 December :: 10.46am
I walked into my mom's room and half expected to see Megabyte sleeping there like always, snoring away happily in a beam of sun...I'll never see that again. I hoped and prayed that she would live till I graduated from highschool...but that didn't hapen. I...I want to wake up from this nightmare. I want mom to be shaking me, saying that it's time to wake up and I'm gonna be late for the bus. And then she'll tell me that she took Meg to the vet clinic and that she's peferctly okay and it was just a lousy night for her. But she's going to be okay now, she'll say...She'll tell me that the doctor said she was in perfect health...Not that we had to put her to sleep...
I had just woken up when the phone rang and Mom told us (me and dad) that she was really sick...and that they were going to put her to sleep. She wanted to know if we wanted t be there and I said yes. So I got dressed as fast as I could. When we got there, I went into the room, and Meg was kind of limp in her blanket, and mom was holding her. So I sat down next to them and took her and held her. I talked about how much I'd miss her and about the good times that we had. And then I had to give her back to Mom...Then I took her again one last time, and said goodbye about a million. I didn't want to be there when they put her to sleep, so Dad and I went out. Then when Dad and I came back in, Mom was holding her and it really did look like she was just sleeping, with her eyes open as she often did. I'll miss how sometimes when she slept her toung poked out just a little. Man...I just can't stop crying, guys. I miss that little dog already. My own little fifteen year-old Jack Russle terrier...We took her in from the breeder. It took me forever to convince Mom and Dad. But if we hadn't taken her in, she would have been dead a while ago. So I'm glad we did. Our lives would be very different if we hadn't had Meg for these past couple of years...My poor little Yoda...I loved that dog. I really loved that dog. She was my own dog. Sadie is the family dog, but Meg...Meg was my dog. Even though she followed Mom everywhere, no matter what, she never forgot that road trip back from Iowa, where she sat on my lap the whole trip, and I took care of her, and loved her, and petted her. She never forgot.
And neither will I.
~Caro
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2004 13 December :: 9.58am
I WANT MY DOG BACK!!
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2004 13 December :: 9.08am
We had to put my dog, Megabyte, to sleep. I've been crying since then. She was fifteen, but still. I wanted her to live longer. She got sick as hell and we had to take her in. I'm not going to school today. I can't deal. Her birthday would have been on New Year's Day. She would have been sixteen. I wanted her to make it that far...Just a few more weeks...but she couldn't even stand up. So, yea. Life sucks...But death is worse. I miss that little dog already and it's only been two hours. I'll have no dog waiting for me to get home on the comforter on my floor...She couldn't get up on the bed for a long time now.
No dog to:
Snore when she's awake
Give reluctant kisses that show just how much you're loved
make weird snorting noises that show she really does understand what you're saying
Call "Yoda", "Hobble along Cassidy", or "Runs Like a Pony".
Snore when she's asleep (eyes open or closed)
Run up to the glass door and jump up and down till you let her in
Give you nasty looks when you annoy her
And so many other things...
But I still have Sadie. What would I do if I didn't have Sadie? I'd probly die. Mom's crying. Meg followed mom EVERYWHERE. We called her Mom's Sidekick. She's taking it harder even than me, and she was MY dog...my dog...and now sh's gone. My dog is gone...I love her so much...Even though she's gone, I still love her. Dad thinks her spirit will be around the house, making things better. I don't think it's really hit me yet that she wont be here tomorrow. You know what I'm saying? Like, I won't hear the little *tadump tadump tadump* of her running ever again...Why couldn't the Gods wait!? WHY!?
....why?.....
And Aimee. How are we going to tell Aimee? Mom's crying. i gotta go.
~Caro
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2004 10 December :: 5.54pm
Seeing Old Friends
*Deep breath.* Okay. I'm okay now. As Alex informed me, I was being a dumb fuck last night...but I think I needed a good cry. And I certainly got one. Like I said, it was dumb, so I don't even think it requires telling.
I saw Sean Edwards today, one of my best friends from Mountain Shadows (My school before Halcyon, which I loved to death). It was totaly awesome. Like, TOTALY awesome. I bumped into him in the store. ^_^ It made my day.
I drew two completely awesome pictutures today, too. but they were gifts, so I don't have them now. Oh well. Will Type more at some point, may be XP
Much love
~Caro
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2004 9 December :: 6.46pm
Twnty one bottles of bear on the wall, wishing I could drink them and die.
Read below entry
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2004 9 December :: 6.40pm
fuck.
I HATE MY MOM.
She's being FUCKING STUPID and I HATE IT. GAH! GAH!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I FUCKING HATE MY FUCKING MOM RIGHT NOW. GODS DAMNITT. DO YOU HEAR ME!? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME!? DO YOU!?
I HATE HER. HATE. FUCK THE FUCKING WORLD AND LET ME GO FUCKING DIE SOMEWHERE.
FUCKERS. THE WHOLE WORLD IS MADE UP OF FUCKERS.
FUCK! DAMNITT! FUCKING HELL! DO YOU HEAR ME!? DO YOU!?????!!!?!?!?!
1 disappointment |
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2004 7 December :: 8.13pm
I wish my boobs bounced when I walked instead of my stomach and I whish I had enough self confidence and self esteme to not have to wish that.
2 disappointments |
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2004 4 December :: 5.30pm
:: Mood: HACKED AS FUCK.
I've made plans with Mandi for today, and my whole family has made plans on it, and now her dad doesn't want her to come. That's totaly FUCKED. Okay!? He is being an asshole. He had better let her come. Mom's going to fucking kill all of us if it doesn't work out.
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2004 3 December :: 7.57pm
1.) Copy and paste this into your journal:
<*font color="yourusername"> <*b>yourusername<*/b> <*/font>
2.) (Eliminate the asterisks)
3.) See what color you are
H2OforDuo
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2004 1 December :: 9.18pm
Please read this whole thing...I haven't been here in a while
Well. Aimee left. She was here for thanksgiving, but she went back yesterday. I cried all of last night. Whenever I think about it, I want to cry. Just when she got things figured out...But the worst of it is this: Now I don't have either of them. Aimee, and Beedo (aka Peter) are gone. I no longer have my brother or my sister. What the fuck? Why is this happening? If karma exists, I should be doing great. I should be able to meet Nee, I should have been able to buy Sierra, I should have my brother and my sister! I should! I'm kind, empathetic, a good-girl. I don't do drugs, I don't smoke. I often put others before myself, I always try to make people feel happy! WHAT THE FUCK!?
On top of that, I feel like Mandi is abandoning me. She spends all her time with Will (her boyfriend) and hisfriends. She's always down by the creek where all the people are smoking (and sometimes smoking herself), and hanging out with them (cause that's where Will hangs out). She knows I'm having a hard time, and when I went to see her today at lunch down by the creek to show her the picture I drew of Sierra she said it was nice and then said that she, Sean and Will were going to take off. I don't get it. She's great over the phone...She's nice and sympathetic and I know she cares...but I don't get to see her...or be with her...or anything. I miss her. When I found out she was going to Boulder High I was so excited! I thought we were going to hang out every day at lunch, and have classes together and it would be great. Neither of those things happened. Gah. What the fuck. I hate this! I hate it! HATEHATEHATE! Nee...I wish you were online right now...
I saw Ian today. It went smoothly. So why did it leave a horrible feeling in my gut?
I wish I could spend all my time with the horses. I'm always happy when I'm there...But then when I leave, sometimes, I feel just the same.
Kat's in love too. So I feel like I'm being ignored by her as well. It feels great, doesn't it? When you feel so alone that you just want to fucking drop dead, because they won't fucking notice? Yep. Feels great.
But, the sub for Nadyne (One of my teachers) told me that I should see a publisher about my fantasy fiction. So that made my day a little brighter.
~Caro
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2004 1 December :: 9.16pm
Caroline
Your name of Caroline has made you versatile and creative. There is hardly anything you cannot do if you put your mind to it, but a driving urge leads you to one experience after another, seldom finishing what you start. You cannot find peace of mind or lasting contentment in anything you do. As soon as a challenge is met, boredom sets in, and you yearn for another experience. This restlessness makes it difficult for you to assume responsibility and to establish stable, progressive conditions in your life. You could do well in sales work or in meeting the public where quickness of mind and _expression are all important. You have many friends, but lose interest in people very quickly. Your intense mental activity spoils system and concentration, and plays havoc with relaxation and sleep. Out of your quick thinking has been borne hasty speech. Acting on impulse instead of with forethought has led to many disappointments and bitter experiences. Your whole nervous system could be affected by the intense emotional influence of this name.
Hmn.
Interesting that is has "Alternate personality in there, no?
1 disappointment |
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2004 26 November :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: listless
:: Music: Lord of the Rings Soundtrack
I feel like Shit with a capital "S"
Gah. I feel horrible. I'm having moodswings by the second. This sucks. My AIM is being a motherfucker, I feel shitty, I can't talk to Mandi, I'm distracted...I hate me at the moment. I hate everything about me. I wanna die. I was pulling straight A's, but I dropped to a B in my best class; English. I know that sounds stupid, because it's a good grade, but still. It matters to me. I just feel lame. Like Shit with a capital "S". Oh well. But I did see Finding Neverland. It was really good. Yea. Love you all. Bye.
~Caro, the sucky
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