My Journal

:: 2008 25 December :: 2.33am

Why do I even bother, honestly?

2 Comments | Leave Comment

aerii

:: 2008 12 December :: 11.09pm

Seattle in 12 days.

2 Comments | Leave Comment

:: 2008 12 December :: 11.08am

I found my computer, I aced my History final, all my grades are being submitted today, I'm going to eat pho in two hours.

But I still don't know if I'm accepted to Whitworth for (potentially) six more hours. I might shit myself.

1 Comment | Leave Comment

:: 2008 10 December :: 2.12am

Current Plan
Disappear somewhere around June, set up a new life somewhere out east or in california, let everyone know where I went about six months after that.

:: 2008 26 November :: 2.23pm

So excited for thanksgiving.

Food and people, people who will compliment my excellent cooking...yaay.

loserxdork

:: 2008 26 November :: 12.42am
:: Mood: nostalgic

Whoaa.
I can't believe I always forget about my Woohu. It's sad. This was my first journal site, and I love it. I just wish others here were still active. No one that I used to talk to is really on here and it makes me sad. If anyone is interested you can find me a few different ways.

FACEBOOK: Search for me (Marissa Fein) just tell me who you are, and that you're from WOOHU.
MySpace: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=609403 - There is my link, send me a message and let me know who you are and that you are from WOOHU :)

AIM: Defectivexbeauty
YAHOO: lovesalosinggame

Livejournal (that I barely use): riss___
Melodramatic.com: dorktothemax

So, that aside things are going ok. So much has been going on in my life it would take me ages to update everyone. If you'd like to talk, just find me and I would be glad to indulge in some intelligent conversation, witty banter, or just shooting the shit :)

1 Comment | Leave Comment

aerii

:: 2008 5 November :: 9.03am

some of myspace's reaction to our president
"Crystal Anne thinks she's gonna be sick. How did HE win... America is screwed"

"Well... for those of you who don't pray, now would be the time to start
Welcome to (Osama) O'Bama's America. This country... is screwed..."

"black president? really?? this guys gonna get JFK'd for sure hahah
for fuck sake his middle name is OSAMA!!! didnt that guy bomb us?"

Seriously?
I cannot believe that some people can think like this.
Even if you don't like Obama, at least know what the fuck you're talking about when you try to make a point against him.
It makes me sick to see people this bigoted, and I'm really surprised Obama won in a country where a lot of people still have problems with someone because of the color of their skin or even stupid details like a middle name.

So, I guess if you really think "America is screwed", then why don't you get out or do something about it instead of sitting on your punk ass, complaining about it on myspace.

We should believe in our leaders, not matter what. Even if we didn't vote for them, even if we don't agree with everything they say, even if we don't like the color of their skin or their sexual preference. Leaders are here for a reason and without them I'm pretty sure you'd be far worse off right now. This man is leading your country, have a little faith.

2 Comments | Leave Comment

:: 2008 31 October :: 12.18am

And so she limps back into port.

Why the hell am I not doing my homework?

5 Comments | Leave Comment

alastar

:: 2008 26 October :: 4.49pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Manchester Orchestra

I will indulge in every whim and woman that I meet.

:: 2008 26 October :: 1.35am

I feel so alive! woooo

alastar

:: 2008 21 October :: 1.03am
:: Music: Saul Williams

Time
All of mankind grows and falls while seconds pass to centuries
And none of the ones left behind can find the answer to what's meant of these
Temples built in ancient times, lines written in the bible
Ignorance breeds confusion, birthing chaos, war, and squabble
While every turn and twitch of hands marks a moments stark abscission
One man thinks inside his mind with blurry, clouded vision
How many days can possibly reside within this hour?
And all he wants is someone who will praise him for his power
Not to bow or even beg, just simply nod in their agreement
That all his work was not in vain, to bring him closer to the cement
That every picture taken doesn't fade to nonexistence
The lens, the frame, the cameras flash; they serve as his resistance
To forgotten times, dead languages, and man's own great collapse
And so he strives to capture time itself within his photographs
He reflects upon the devastation and thinks that man can now do no worse
But the ticking clocks with twirling hands, their swinging pendulum it lowers
With a razors edge, moving back and forth, it slices time into its portions
While everyone lines up to find their months are now divided
The calendar hangs gutted, pages flip full of distortions
But dates erased can't be replaced no matter where they hide it

1 Comment | Leave Comment

alastar

:: 2008 13 October :: 11.56pm

Be calm. Become.
Now be patient and embrace this.
Be gravity or weightless.
Let off, let up,
And learn to let it all go.
Let yourself be vulnerable
To fear, to failure.
Then to collapse and reconstruct
And to enhance with any luck.

:: 2008 13 October :: 5.41pm

Yay, getting drunk tomorrow, I love alcohol.

:: 2008 12 October :: 9.48pm

The cynicism that wants to say I'm just chasing memories is dying away. I'm not, and what would it even matter if I was?

I can't be too concerned with this. I just need the emotional detox from time to time. It's a way out of myself and into something else.

I'm exhausted.

Every time I launch down one of these intellectual tangents I find myself back in this place. Answerless.

I'm not an academic, God forbid I should ever be. What a worthless, pitiful, miserable waste of life. Do I want to spend the rest of my days comforting myself with the illusion that by faking omniscience and judging others I'm some how pushing the progress of humanity? Fifty thousand years of human experience and all we've managed to "progress" to is some fancy gadgets and the undermining of moral uniformity. What do we award people Nobel prizes for again?

We have not changed. We will not change. Unless we evolve into something else (which we won't, thankfully, because the general public doesn't look favorably on social Darwinism) we will never move past our shadow.

I refuse (and please, please hold me to this) to devote my life to figuring anything out. I'm not God, I don't want to be. I just want to love people. That's all. Love God, love people, and that's it. That's all I've got left in me.

I've exhausted my ability to understand. I'm done with the books and the debates. I'm done with academia. I don't care. I don't care because I don't understand, and I don't care because I don't think anyone else understands either.

Lewis got to a point where he said, "I have no answers anymore; only the life I have lived."

I have been so blindingly afraid of coming to that point because it seems illegitimate, even scandalous for and eighteen year old of a mediocre intellect to make the same claims as one of the twentieth century's philosophical giants made, much less at the end of his life.

Nonetheless, here I stand. I haven't any answers. I don't want answers, I want life. I want love. I'm done with this philosophical wall-flowering. I don't want an outside perspective, an objective view. I want to be in the thick of it, and know it first hand. I don't think there is any teacher more legitimate than experience, and experience is not objective.

8 Comments | Leave Comment

:: 2008 28 September :: 10.50pm

And maybe, on that note, it's better not to make a big deal out of all this. This isn't a revelation, it's a return to normalcy. It's not an addition, it's just putting it all back together. And nothing's different, it's just complete.

So I'm just me.

And what I feel at this moment is overwhelming love for almost everyone I can think of. Which feels a lot like me.